Toby made some more coffee and turned on the television. He was afraid to
fall asleep; he didn't want any more dreams about his father.
".And in other news, we are very sadden to have to report the death of White House Deputy Communications Director Samuel Norman Seaborn. He was 33 years of age."
Toby quickly shut the TV off as soon as the picture of his deputy came up on the screen.
"What, I look that bad?" Sam smiled fully. Toby sat in his chair, not moving. He didn't want to have to turn around. "Toby?"
Toby turned around slowly and looked up into the face of Sam. Toby jumped, but winded up on the floor, baking away as fast as he could.
"What." Toby said quietly. "Sam, your alive," Toby got on his feet, still backing away from Sam.
"No," Sam looked down ashamed. "I'm sorry Toby, I didn't mean for this to happen."
"How am I looking at you right now?" Toby asked confused.
"I was given the chance to say goodbye to my friends. Which believe it or now, includes you." Sam joked.
"Sam, I'm." Toby started to say, but was stopped by the amount of tears falling down his face. "I'm so sorry I did this to you," Toby cried.
"Do what to me? Toby, you didn't start that fire. You didn't do anything but help me. I needed to go home and sleep. I needed that. Don't blame yourself," Sam walked up to Toby. "I promise Toby, you did nothing wrong," Sam could tell how much Toby had been crying that day.
"I'm still sorry Sam," Toby grabbed his friend and hugged him. Sam couldn't remember the last time Toby hugged him, or anyone else for that matter.
"It's okay. It was just time for me to go. I didn't want to, but I think someone needed me a little more," Sam smiled while pointing up.
"Yeah," Toby never stopped looking at Sam. "I miss you Sam." Toby said as a tear fell down his face.
"I miss you too, I always will," Sam smiled. "I'll save a place up there for you, I promise. Besides. I'm sure God needs some writers." Sam joked.
"Thank you for being a great friend Sam?" Toby said.
"Thank you for being my mentor Toby. I learned more from you then anyone," Sam smiled and turned around and started to walk. Toby looked down for a moment, and when he looked back up, Sam was gone. Toby fell back down in his chair crying. He forgot how much losing someone could hurt him so much.
Toby closed his eyes tightly. He wanted this pain to go away. Not only did he lose a good friend, but also all the memories of his father came back in full force. Toby jumped up and ran to the kitchen. He looked everywhere for whiskey, vodka, even a beer would help. There was nothing. He went to go grab his keys and started to head out the door. He was out of breath and was sweating. He leaned his back against the wall to catch his breath.
"I can do this," He told himself. Then he imagined CJ the night she came to his house. He was screaming at her to get out, but she stayed, pouring all his booze out. Not leaving him with one drop. She told him that if he keeps drinking, he would kill himself. Toby didn't really understand what she meant by that, until now. Toby knew that if he went right now to get any kind of booze, he would buy a lot of it and probably do something he might regret. Toby fell to the floor crying. He felt every inch of his body ache.
Toby looked over to the broken glass that was under where his window used to be. He walked over and picked up a piece of the glass and he brought it up to his face. He stared at it for a moment. He could feel the tears fall down his face, he could feel the pain in his body, he kept seeing images of his father, and now Sam. Everything that ever went wrong in his life was staring him in the face right now.
"I want out!" Toby screamed as he brought the piece of glass down and pointed the pointed side towards his heart. Toby squeezed his eyes tight again, trying to get all the people he was seeing out of his head. His dad, Sam, the boys from elementary school who beat the crap out of his everyday, his mom screaming at him for killing his father, everyone was screaming in his head. Toby dropped to the ground, knees first and landed in the glass. He didn't even notice all the glass going into his knees and legs. He looked up and opened his eyes. Seeing every face of the people he had lost. Including his baby girl that he lost eight years ago because of leukemia. He looked up at her and smiled.
"Sweetheart," Toby whispered.
"Hi daddy," The girl said as she smiled. "I miss you."
"I miss you too," Toby smiled and reached out for her, but she disappeared. "No!" Toby reached further out until he dropped to the floor. He slowly got back up to his knees and closed his eyes again. "I'm coming home," Toby took the piece of glass again and moved it closer to his heart.
"Toby!" CJ ran into his house and saw him on his knees. "No!" CJ ran over to him quickly and went to grab the glass, but he looked up at her.
"No," Toby said, keeping the glass away from her. "I need to do this."
"Why?" CJ screamed as she cried. "You don't need to do this Toby."
"Why? I don't have anything."
"You have friends who care about you. We all need each other right now Toby." CJ screamed. "I need you."
"No you don't!" Toby screamed.
"Yes I do. You're my best friend. It's taking all I have to handle Sam dying. It hurts so much to know that I will never see him again. You think I can make it if you leave me?"
"CJ."
"This is not a way out. We can get you help, I'll even go with you," CJ bent down. "We can get you better." She moved her hand down grabbed his hand gently. "Trust me Toby."
Toby looked up at her and saw the tears falling down her face. He also saw the pain in her eyes. She was scared for him. And he could see that. He let go of the glass and let it fall to the ground. CJ helped him up and saw all the blood around his knees and bottom leg.
"We have to get you to the hospital." CJ screamed.
"I'm okay," Toby said limping over to the couch. But CJ grabbed his arm and made him turn around.
"No, we're going to the hospital," CJ said softly.
"Okay," Toby looked down. "I will for you."
"Thank you." CJ said as she helped him out of the house and into her car.
TBC
".And in other news, we are very sadden to have to report the death of White House Deputy Communications Director Samuel Norman Seaborn. He was 33 years of age."
Toby quickly shut the TV off as soon as the picture of his deputy came up on the screen.
"What, I look that bad?" Sam smiled fully. Toby sat in his chair, not moving. He didn't want to have to turn around. "Toby?"
Toby turned around slowly and looked up into the face of Sam. Toby jumped, but winded up on the floor, baking away as fast as he could.
"What." Toby said quietly. "Sam, your alive," Toby got on his feet, still backing away from Sam.
"No," Sam looked down ashamed. "I'm sorry Toby, I didn't mean for this to happen."
"How am I looking at you right now?" Toby asked confused.
"I was given the chance to say goodbye to my friends. Which believe it or now, includes you." Sam joked.
"Sam, I'm." Toby started to say, but was stopped by the amount of tears falling down his face. "I'm so sorry I did this to you," Toby cried.
"Do what to me? Toby, you didn't start that fire. You didn't do anything but help me. I needed to go home and sleep. I needed that. Don't blame yourself," Sam walked up to Toby. "I promise Toby, you did nothing wrong," Sam could tell how much Toby had been crying that day.
"I'm still sorry Sam," Toby grabbed his friend and hugged him. Sam couldn't remember the last time Toby hugged him, or anyone else for that matter.
"It's okay. It was just time for me to go. I didn't want to, but I think someone needed me a little more," Sam smiled while pointing up.
"Yeah," Toby never stopped looking at Sam. "I miss you Sam." Toby said as a tear fell down his face.
"I miss you too, I always will," Sam smiled. "I'll save a place up there for you, I promise. Besides. I'm sure God needs some writers." Sam joked.
"Thank you for being a great friend Sam?" Toby said.
"Thank you for being my mentor Toby. I learned more from you then anyone," Sam smiled and turned around and started to walk. Toby looked down for a moment, and when he looked back up, Sam was gone. Toby fell back down in his chair crying. He forgot how much losing someone could hurt him so much.
Toby closed his eyes tightly. He wanted this pain to go away. Not only did he lose a good friend, but also all the memories of his father came back in full force. Toby jumped up and ran to the kitchen. He looked everywhere for whiskey, vodka, even a beer would help. There was nothing. He went to go grab his keys and started to head out the door. He was out of breath and was sweating. He leaned his back against the wall to catch his breath.
"I can do this," He told himself. Then he imagined CJ the night she came to his house. He was screaming at her to get out, but she stayed, pouring all his booze out. Not leaving him with one drop. She told him that if he keeps drinking, he would kill himself. Toby didn't really understand what she meant by that, until now. Toby knew that if he went right now to get any kind of booze, he would buy a lot of it and probably do something he might regret. Toby fell to the floor crying. He felt every inch of his body ache.
Toby looked over to the broken glass that was under where his window used to be. He walked over and picked up a piece of the glass and he brought it up to his face. He stared at it for a moment. He could feel the tears fall down his face, he could feel the pain in his body, he kept seeing images of his father, and now Sam. Everything that ever went wrong in his life was staring him in the face right now.
"I want out!" Toby screamed as he brought the piece of glass down and pointed the pointed side towards his heart. Toby squeezed his eyes tight again, trying to get all the people he was seeing out of his head. His dad, Sam, the boys from elementary school who beat the crap out of his everyday, his mom screaming at him for killing his father, everyone was screaming in his head. Toby dropped to the ground, knees first and landed in the glass. He didn't even notice all the glass going into his knees and legs. He looked up and opened his eyes. Seeing every face of the people he had lost. Including his baby girl that he lost eight years ago because of leukemia. He looked up at her and smiled.
"Sweetheart," Toby whispered.
"Hi daddy," The girl said as she smiled. "I miss you."
"I miss you too," Toby smiled and reached out for her, but she disappeared. "No!" Toby reached further out until he dropped to the floor. He slowly got back up to his knees and closed his eyes again. "I'm coming home," Toby took the piece of glass again and moved it closer to his heart.
"Toby!" CJ ran into his house and saw him on his knees. "No!" CJ ran over to him quickly and went to grab the glass, but he looked up at her.
"No," Toby said, keeping the glass away from her. "I need to do this."
"Why?" CJ screamed as she cried. "You don't need to do this Toby."
"Why? I don't have anything."
"You have friends who care about you. We all need each other right now Toby." CJ screamed. "I need you."
"No you don't!" Toby screamed.
"Yes I do. You're my best friend. It's taking all I have to handle Sam dying. It hurts so much to know that I will never see him again. You think I can make it if you leave me?"
"CJ."
"This is not a way out. We can get you help, I'll even go with you," CJ bent down. "We can get you better." She moved her hand down grabbed his hand gently. "Trust me Toby."
Toby looked up at her and saw the tears falling down her face. He also saw the pain in her eyes. She was scared for him. And he could see that. He let go of the glass and let it fall to the ground. CJ helped him up and saw all the blood around his knees and bottom leg.
"We have to get you to the hospital." CJ screamed.
"I'm okay," Toby said limping over to the couch. But CJ grabbed his arm and made him turn around.
"No, we're going to the hospital," CJ said softly.
"Okay," Toby looked down. "I will for you."
"Thank you." CJ said as she helped him out of the house and into her car.
TBC