Behind The Scenes at Rurouni Kenshin

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Rurouni Kenshin, but unfortunately I don't.

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Authoress sits cross-legged on the hood of Kenshin's silver ViperTM wearing a short black skirt, purple tank top and a pair of knee high leather boots. Her dark-brown eyes twinkle with mischief as she flips a lock of spiky purple hair out of her eyes.

Selene:

            Hello again. Welcome back to my sick (but fun) little project. Last time we saw that the director, (who should really have a name, but unfortunately I can't read the Japanese credits to find that out), grew tired of our actors incessant tomfoolery,  (I love having a Thesaurus ^_^.) and to teach them a lesson that neither we nor them would likely soon forget, he put Suzume in charge of the taping of the Kyoto Arc.  Will our loveable pranksters be able to survive such a terrible blow?

Let's find out shall we?

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MEGUMI: (scratches at her neck uncomfortably) This is horrible! And this fucking polyester suit is driving me nuts!!!

KAORU: (also itching away) At least you got the yellow one, she stuck me with this awful pink thing!

KENSHIN: This is so embarrassing!

MEGUMI: (slowly losing her grip on her patience and sanity) This is all your fault! If you guys hadn't super-glued the boss' butt to his chair he wouldn't have done this to us!

KENSHIN: Hey! At least I wasn't the one who put that fart-bomb in his car and those laxatives in his coffee!!!

KAORU: (stops scratching) That was you Meg? Good one!!!

KENSHIN: (goes chibi and flays arms about) Stop encouraging her!!!!!!!!!!

SHISHIO: (from somewhere beyond their line of sight) Are you CRAZY?!!!! I am NOT wearing that…that THING!!!

YUMI: (holds a bunny paw up to her mouth) Shhh…she'll hear you!

SHISHIO: (going schizophrenic) I don't care! If that little demon thinks she can make me make a fool of myself she's dead wrong!

SUZUME: (appears out of nowhere) Care to bet money on that Shi-shi-chan?

SHISHIO: (trembling slightly) You can't do this to us Suzume, were paid professionals, not toys!

YUMI: (in small singsong voice) You're gonna be sorry…

SUZUME: (spooky-ass smile) If you don't like the bunny suit, we could always cast you as Charmander.

SHISHIO: That's it. Hirumoudama Flame Technique!!!

 SUZUME: (unfazed) Oh Damien darling?

Suddenly a small boy with dark hair appears next to Suzume and points his finger at Shishio's oncoming flame, driving it right back to the source.

SHISHIO: What the…? NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! (Bursts into flames and dies)

YUMI: (quietly) Idiot.

MEGUMI: (out loud) Who the hell is that?

SUZUME: Oh, this is my half-brother Damien. We're going to be married someday! (Gives Damien a loving kiss on the cheek.)

MISAO: (from the corner where she'd been hiding with the rest of the cast) Is it just me, or did everyone wet their pants just now?

HIKO: (as white as a sheet) I want my Mommy.

SAITOU: (starts sucking on his thumb.)

SUZUME: (reluctantly looks away from her brother's loving gaze) Ok then, I trust that you've all memorized your scripts, shall we begin?

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TELETUBBY KENSHIN: Thanks for tending my wounds Megumi-tubby.

TELETUBBY MEGUMI: Your welcome Ken-tubby, I'm (winces) so glad I could help you fix your boo-boos!

TELETUBBY KAORU: Oh thank you Megumi-tubby, I hate it when Kwenshin Tubby geds huwt on the pwayground. I wuv him so very much!!! 

TELETUBBY KENSHIN: (thinking to himself) Okay, the baby voice is kinda turning me on.

TELETUBBY KAORU: Kwenshin-tubby no hentwai!!! (Kick!)

TELETUBBY KENSHIN: Oroooo….did I say that out loud de gozaru ka?

SUZUME: Your line, Saitou.

SAITOU: But it doesn't make any sense!

SUZUME: (hugs her brother lovingly)

SAITOU CHU-  Pi pika pi!

HIKO: Hey, wasn't I supposed to meet baka-deshi in the graveyard?

SUZUME: I changed it. Damien hates crucifixes.

YAHIKO: (whistling through his teeth) I wonder why….?

SUZUME: What was that?!

YAHIKO: Squritle! Squirtle!

SUZUME: (smiles) Better.

MEGUMI: (in English accent) We're all going to die down here.

KENSHIN- (whispers) Don't you worry, I already sent for some help.

Just then, a cute little readhead wearing blue short-shorts and a yellow tank top with suspenders bursts in and unceremoniously throws some clear liquid on both Damien and Suzume.

DAMIEN: HISSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUZUME: Oh it's burning me!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!

MISTY: Copyright infringement does not pay.

DAMIEN & SUZUME: (melting) You bitch!!! You'll pay for this!!!

MISTY: Whatever. The next time one of you tries this I'll make Gabriel kick your ass.

DAMIEN & SUZUME: (Die with much swearing)

KENSHIN- Good work Misty!

MISTY- (flashes the peace sign) No sweat uncle Ken! It's a good thing we had this stuff for the Ghastly episode we're taping today!

KAORU: What was that stuff? Acid?

MISTY: (smiles) Holy water!

YAHIKO: I should have known.

MEGUMI: Anybody else want to go slash the director's tires with me?

KAORU: I'm game!

KENSHIN- Me too!

SAITOU: (sharpens sword)

YAHIKO: Count us in!

MEGUMI: Great! Hey Kenshin? Got any more of that superglue?

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Life in Stalkerville.

(Otherwise known as authors notes)

Thank you so very much to the people who expressed their sympathy over my current situation, namely Le Bleu Phoenix,  Battousai-angel, Takato Taikashi and Sage. I'm just sorry I bummed you guys out with my problem. The police as expected have done nothing but scratch themselves and turn over a few times as to avoid getting bedsores. I plan to send them a box of "chocolate" donuts as a thank you gift for all their hard work ^_^. Actually I would get arrested once they got out of the john if I did that, but hey! It's fun to think about ne?

Instead I've given myself a few crash courses in self defense and I try to go out alone as little as possible. It's sad, but it's survival. I don't think about as much as I did at first. As for Sage's suggestion, I wish there were a taxi company to complain to, but on the ass end of the Caribbean there aren't any. Each driver is self-employed and a union member which leaves me to defend myself. The popping in the mouth thing is right up me alley though -_^. Don't worry about me guys, I'm tough!

And the comedy mustn't ever stop! So leave a review suggesting what you think of this chapter and what should happen next!

Ja!

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