Behind The Scenes at Rurouni Kenshin

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Rurouni Kenshin, but unfortunately I don't.

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Authoress playfully tugs at a brownish-blonde curl of her hair, twisting it this way and that with a most unholy grin on her honey-brown face as her attention is clearly focused on something close by other than her audience.

Selene: Oh yeah…work it baby!

A half-naked Aoshi starts and looks around his dressing room briefly before shrugging it off and proceeding to strip down to his butt-hugging navy blue boxers.

Selene: (makes the sign of the cross in the air over Aoshi's butt) Mm Hm! Bless him….Oh! Um….wow. How'd you guys get here so damn fast?! (Coughs lightly into her fist)

Well, just when you thought the madness was over, I come right back again. Just like Chucky, only funnier and with better hair! (Dramatic pose a la Hiko)

On to the blasphemy!

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The taping of the Kyoto arc is finally over, right down to the last post arc filler, and our vict…ah, I mean heroes are now back in studio once more for the taping of the Shimabara Arc. For once in creation everyone is early, everyone except a certain prima-donna that is.

Director: Has anyone seen that new chick Sayo anywhere? We're all set to go except for her.

KAORU: Who? Princess Attitude? I wouldn't be sorry if she didn't show up at all!

MEGUMI: Kao's right. Why did we have to cast her anyway? She'll just start bitching as soon as she gets here and we'll lose a half-day's film because of it!

SANO: Whoa, girls. What's so wrong with the new chick? She can't be all that bad, she's all, you know…hot!

KAORU: (Glare of DeathTM) Sano, you let your trouser-snake do anymore talking and he's going to have some serious pain issues.

SANO: (Cringe)

KENSHIN: This once, I'll have to go with the girls. I knew that woman in college and she was a Grade-A Biatch.

Everyone stares at Kenshin in silence.

KENSHIN: Well, it's true!

AOSHI: Given, but coming from you it's just…vulgar dude.

SHOUGOU: Wow Shinomori, you been sleeping on the dictionary again?

AOSHI: (Bristles slightly) Watch it college-boy.

SLAM!!! Click! Click! Click! Click!

MEGUMI: (muttering under her breath) The skank approacheth….

DIRECTOR: Good morning Sa…

SAYO: (pushes open palm in the director's face as she passes) Save it.

SLAM!!!

MISAO: (sage-like calmness) What anger, what…pain…

KAORU: Yeah, in the ass.

From inside Sayo's dressing-room: WTF?!!!

SLAM!!!

AOSHI: That is getting like, so old…

SAYO: (Moves her neck around like a contortionist as she yells) Who. (swerve) Drank. (swing) My. (shimmy) Evian?!!

MEGUMI: Oh boy! Here we go….

SAYO: (focuses on the object of her ridicule) What did you say?!!

MEGUMI: (Gives Sayo the finger)

DIRECTOR: (Seeing the potential for nuclear meltdown, tries to make peace.) Now, now Sayo-chan, maybe it just evaporated.

SAYO: It. Did not. Evaporate. And I ain't your fsking chan!!!

MISAO: (places hand gently on Sayo's shoulder) Ah-ah, violence begets nothing but more sorrow.

SAYO: (violent shrug) Don't fsking touch me! I don't want your funky-ass advice, you Gandhi wannabe!

MISAO: (Benign smile tightens) I…forgive you for that.

KAORU: God, you are such a potty mouth Sayo! Stop cussing!!!

SHOUGOU: You guys are so ignorant! The word is "cursing" Kamiya, you can use more than one consonant per word you know!

KAORU: (Whips around so fast she breaks the sound barrier) Look you stuck-up asshole, just because we didn't all go to English Colleges that does not make you any better than us!

MEGUMI: That's right!

SAYO: Like you ever passed anything without your extra credits.

MEGUMI: (Pause. Sloooow turn) Heifer say what?!!

SAYO: (Inviting death) You. Heard. Me.

MISAO: (Smile gets so tight she's starting to look like a facelift commercial)  Sayo-san that was really cruel, I think you should apologize.

SAYO: (Narrows eyes) Butt out, you diet-pill refugee!

There's a an audible pop, before an enraged Misao jumps on Sayo and proceeds rip out her hair extensions and then strangle her with them.

MISAO: DIE BITCH!!!

DIRECTOR: (Looks like he's having a heart-attack)

MEGUMI: Yeah! Kick that stick ALL the way up her ass!!!

SHOUGOU: Yeah, look at that! You guys sure have a lot to be proud of!

AOSHI: Shougou?

SHOUGOU: Yeah, Brain-Surgeon?

POW!!!

SHOUGOU: My nose! My fsking nose!!!

AOSHI: You know, this project just might be a lot of fun.

KENSHIN: (Grin) I know what you mean.

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Author's Note:

Barbershop ownz joo.

I remember practicing that neck-thing when I was in primary school, we used to call it "The Peacock"  ^_^.  Fortunately it never stuck, but I still admire the sisters who have perfected the art of the well placed neck-swing.

Please note this was only written in pure fun, for people who don't raise foliage in their rectum. So, if you were offended….um, too damn bad?

Review Please!

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