Okay, people... I know this isn't my usual style, but I was in the mood. I personally think it's a piece of trash, but I posted it anyway. For no reason I can see.
Oh yeah...For those who want to know why the 5th book didn't come out when it was supposed to, and still don't know, JKR was finished Book 5, but the publisher didn't like it and told her to rewrite it.
Warning: Characters WILL act OOC.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own this (thank gods!). It (happily) belongs to J.K Rowling, and various publishing companies. That's why this THING is posted on a site called "Fanfiction.net." The various songs belong to whoever they belong to, and if the lyrics are wrong, I really don't care. I hate most of the songs, and got them off some site. And I never really HEARD Too Sexy, so yeah...
*Lyrics*
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Ron, Harry and Hermione walked into the Three Broomsticks, laughing carelessly. Ron and Harry had bags of merchandise from Zonkos, and Hermione was scolding them lightly for wasting money when they needed parchment and more ink.
The Three Broomsticks was already filled with Hogwarts students, but Hermione managed the worm her way to their usual table, which had thankfully not been taken. Ron and Harry bought butterbeer, and made their way to the table.
"Hermione, what's that?" Ron asked curiously, pointing at a curious contraption set up by a stage.
Hermione glanced over. "Oh," she said. "Karaoke."
"What?"
"Karaoke," she repeated. "It plays the music to a song, and you sing to it."
"Oh."
Harry was glancing around casually. "There's Malfoy," he said offhandedly. His eyes flicked to another table. "And isn't that Ginny?"
Ron looked, and an expression of confusion crossed his face. "Yeah. What's she doing sitting with Ravenclaws and Slytherins?" And indeed, Ginny was sitting with Terry Boot, Blaise Zabini, Cho's little sister Meilin, a Ravenclaw, and Reid Carist, a Slytherin.
Hermione raised her eyebrows. "Well, Ginny hasn't been able to make friends in Gryffindor, not after her first year, so it was quite obvious she would make friends in other houses. Did you really expect her to follow us all the time?"
"Yes, Weasel, what did you expect? Little Weasel's not going to follow YOU around forever," a cold voice drawled. "Oh, I had forgotten. To expect something, you would need a little something called a 'brain' which you so obviously do not have."
"Stuff it, Malfoy." Harry snapped, his quiet green eyes showing clear hatred of the blonde-haired boy.
He smirked. "I would recommend you keep your fat mouth shut, Potter. You're not exactly LIKED after last year. Particularly not by a certain Cho Chang..."
Harry winced. Over the summer, he had finally worked up the courage to write a letter explaining his feelings to Cho, who had sent a flaming rejection back. To make it worse, she had passed around his letter on the first day of school, and he had been laughed at, insulted, and teased since the start of school, two months ago.
"Low move, Malfoy," a quiet voice said. It was Ginny, who had managed to make her way over without anyone's notice. A small smile danced on her face.
"Little Weasel. Come to save your precious Potter's feelings?"
"No. Let him suffer for all I care. I've got the looks, the smarts, to get another guy." Ginny said, still smiling. And indeed, her clothes were none too modest. "I merely had a challenge for you lot."
"A challenge?" Hermione asked curiously.
Ginny nodded to the karaoke machine. "I challenge you all to sing," she said, grinning evilly. "The catch is, we choose the songs for one another. By draw."
Malfoy snorted. "How stupid. Muggle songs? You ARE pathetic!"
Ginny smiled at him. "You're a wuss," she said. Her tone was in no way insulting, but for some reason, that only made the insult sting more.
"I am not!" he retorted.
"Then prove it."
"Fine. I'll do it. How hard can it be?"
Ginny smiled cutely at him, but the cuteness had an edge to it. She waved her wand through the air, and five pieces of parchment, each with someone's name on it, appeared. Another wave, and the parchment moved through the air like a miniature whirlwind, before drifting and landing before another person.
"Choose a song." Ginny said, smiling evilly. She knew who had her name, all right. Being the one who cast the spell, how could she NOT know?
"Psst, Ron!" She whispered as the others hurried scribbled the name of a song on the pieces of parchment. She reached over to piece of paper with her name on it and scribbled a name."I want to sing THIS song."
"But, Ginny, I'm supposed to choose the song! And you can't sing THAT!!!"
"Oh, lets say, you let me sing this song and I won't tell everyone about that dress you like to prance around in when you're all alone..."
Ron's eyes widened. "Done deal!" he said. Ginny grinned wider on and wrote the name of a song on the piece of paper with 'Harry Potter' on it.
"Everyone done?" she asked, smirking.
The others nodded.
"Who first?"
Silence reigned.
Finally, Ron sighed. "Fine, I'll go," he said.
Malfoy handed him the slip of paper with Ron's name on it. Really, he only knew one muggle song. The one his father had made him listen to to prove the idiocy of muggles. Stop, by the Spice Girls.
Ron stared in semi-horror at it, before seeming to remember this was a dare. He forced himself on stage.
*You just walk in, I make you smile,
It's cool but you don't even know me,
You take an inch, I run a mile,
Can't win you're always right behind me.
And we know that you could go and find some other,
Take or leave it or just don't even bother.
Caught in a craze, it's just a phase,
or will this be around forever.
Don't you know it's going to fast,
Racing so hard you know it won't last.
Don't you know, what can't you see,
Slow it sown, read the sign so you know just where you're going.
Stop right now, thank you very much,
I need somebody with the human touch,
Hey you always on the run,
Gotta slow if down baby, gotta have some fun,
Do do ... always be together,
Ba da ... stay that way forever.*
He was really getting into it, and doing some bad dance moves. Hermione promptly screwed her eyes shut, and stuck in the pair of earplugs she kept in her pocket, mostly used when the Slytherins made fun of her.
Everyone gave a sigh of relief when he got off stage.
"Teehee! Harry, you go next!" Ron giggled in a high-pitched voice.
"NOOOOOO!!! They've BRAINWASHED him!!!" Harry stared at him in horror.
"It should wear off in a few minutes," Hermione assured him, removing her earplugs. "Mind, I said 'should.'"
"Teeheehee! Like, Harry, you, like, go next!"
"Okay..." Harry said. ANYTHING had to be better than listen to his best friend acting like an airhead, in his mind. Ginny handed him a slip of paper, looking smug.
Harry stared at the song. "NO WAY IN HELL am I doing that."
"Wuss."
"I am not!"
"Then prove it." [A/n. Have we heard this before??? Yes we have...]
Harry sighed. "Fine!" he said, looking resigned.
*I know I may be young, but I've got feelings too.
And I need to do what I feel like doing.
So let me go and just listen.
All you people look at me like I'm a little girl.
Well did you ever think it be okay for me to step into this world.
Always saying little girl don't step into the club.
Well I'm just tryin' to find out why cause dancing's what I love.
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOA)
Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOOOA)(Do you like it)
Get it get it, get it get it (OOOHHHH)(This feels good)
I know I may come off quiet, I may come off shy.
But I feel like talking, feel like dancing when I see this guy.
What's practical is logical. What the hell, who cares?
All I know is I'm so happy when you're dancing there.
I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.
I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it.*
Yes. Ginny had chosen to make him sing "I'm a Slave 4 U," by Britney Spears. She was laughing insanely.
"Go on Harry!" She yelled. "Do the moves!"
Harry reluctantly began to dance. Badly.
As soon as the song finished, he dashed off stage as quick as humanly possible, and tripped. He got up and seated himself at the table, his face bright red.
"Hermione, you go next," he said, as though in an attempt to get the attention off himself.
Hermione shrugged. Britney Spears, Spice Girls, what could be worse? Harry passed her a slip of paper.
Hermione blinked. "All right..." she said slowly, and got on stage.
*So powerful was the telephonic pillow talk It seemed safe fantasy with dangerous reality
I don't know whether our telephone
relationship was more intellectual or sexual
Supersexworld
Supersexworld
going up and down
Stop*
She was singing in a monotone, not putting any real effort into it. When she finished, she paused.
"If anyone really wants a f*ck, call 1-800-668-6868." She said calmly, and seated herself at the table. [A/n for those who don't know, that's the number for the Kids Help Phone]
Ron leapt up. "Where's the nearest phone?" he asked, rather loudly. Apparently, the effect from the song had worn off.
Harry stared at him (as did half the Three Broomsticks). "Sit down, Ron," he said. "Just- sit down."
"Er...All right..."
"I'll go next. I don't want to go last." Malfoy said clearly. Hermione passed him a slip of paper, an unutterably evil look in her eyes. He stared, clueless, at the song.
"I don't know this song." he said.
"Oh, I prepared for that too." Hermione said, smirking evilly. "Here are the lyrics..."
He stared. "F*ck!" he swore loudly. "I'll pay you back for this one, mudblood, you just wait!" He strode up on stage, as Hermione snickered.
*I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, that is your creation
Come on barbie, let's go party!
I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, that is your creation
I'm a blond little girl, in a fantasy world,
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your girlie
You are my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamouring thing,
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"*
"Oh. My. God." Ron said, shocked, forgetting completely about the phone. "This is PRICELESS!"
"Fits him too." Ginny remarked. "If he grew out his hair, put on some makeup, a dress...Hello, Barbie."
Harry and Hermione were laughing too hard to reply.
*I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, that is your creation
Come on barbie, let's go party!
Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please,
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again,
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"
Come on barbie, let's go party!
I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, that is your creation
I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, that is your creation...*
By the time Malfoy finished, the entire of the Three Broomsticks was laughing, some even crying. Ginny was the first to recover.
"My turn..." she said, hopping on stage.
*I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
And I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing
I'm a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk*
She was almost stripping on stage. No, wait, not almost. Literally. Hermione and Harry had screwed their eyes shut. Ron had fainted. Malfoy, as well as most of the other guys in the Three Broomsticks, was avidly staring.
"Imagine what she must be like in BED..." he breathed to Seamus Finnigan. Seamus promptly knocked him out with a good whack to the back of his head.
"She's not going to sleep with YOU..."
*I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat, what d'you think about that
I'm a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my
'Cause I'm a model, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat
Poor pussy, poor pussy cat
I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
And I'm too sexy for this song...*
The door to the Three Broomsticks opened, and Professors McGonagall, Flitwick and Snape walked in.
"MISS WEASLEY!!!"
*****
Okay, I am NEVER writing another humourfic in my life (unless I get a LOT of good reviews...~_^). I expect to be flamed aplenty for this little piece of trash. Oh well. I had fun. ^_^
Please. Opinions, good are bad, are welcomed.
GoldenRed Phoenixia....