Junior high is strange. It's a lot like sixth grade, except the kids are meaner. Instead of trying to make themselves sound cooler by bragging the way they used to do in elementary school, they usually just try to put other people down by gossiping about them. I guess it's a lot easier to make people believe gossip than it is to impress them with bragging. I didn't really understand these things at first.
It sucked because there were so many new kids in my classes whom I didn't know, and I also didn't know the proper junior-high way to answer all their questions. In geography class one day a boy asked me, with cruelty in his eyes and sarcasm in his voice, "Hey feathered-hair kid, you got a girlfriend?" I knew the answer he was looking for. He wanted it to be "No" so he could put me down and look big in front of his snickering friends.
"Sure I do," I answered, hoping they would just leave me alone. Of course, I left out the part where she was really just a pretend girlfriend.
"So you got a girl, huh? Right. How far have you gotten with her?"
Not a question I felt comfortable answering, since it really wasn't these other kids' business. But you can't dodge it because then you get laughed at and put down. "First base," I answered, because it was kind of true and not really bragging.
Seventh grade boys are like wolves; they can smell bragging a mile away. I know this now. But then, to throw them off my scent and shut them up, I started talking about Ruthie. You know, I just told them stuff I never thought they would care about in a million years, hoping to bore them into picking on someone else. Unfortunately, I said a little too much. That's when things went terribly wrong.
"Her name is Ruthie. She likes riding horses and slow-dancing. Oh, and she likes taking care of her neighbor's chimpanzee."
"Her neighbor's what?!"
Uh-oh. "Nothing," I tried to backtrack.
"No, what did you just say, kid?"
"I said she likes taking care of her neighbor's…um, see, this guy who lives across the street from her works at a zoo, and he like, keeps these chimpanzees at his house…"
"No way. You're making this up."
"No! I'm serious! He let her take care of the boy chimpanzee one day. His name was Eisenhower. I went over to her house and we all sat on the couch together."
The other boys laughed uncontrollably until the ringleader spoke up again. "Oh my gosh, that is like the funniest thing I've ever heard. Your girlfriend is…a monkey lover!" More uncontrollable laughter.
I had tried to be cool, to keep the wolves at bay, and I had failed miserably. And I had accidentally taken Ruthie down in the process. My heart sank. If she found out I had blabbed about Eisenhower, would she ever want to be my pretend girlfriend again?
***
Seventh grade girls can be just as cruel as the boys. I mean, that sixth-grade girl Kim had been pretty mean to Ruthie at the Valentine's party earlier in the year, but Kim was nothing compared to a girl who insulted Ruthie in the hall that afternoon.
"Look, there goes Monkey Lover!" she shouted to her friends. "Hey Monkey Lover! Where's your monkey?"
Great. Somehow, the story I had let slip in geography class had made it all the way around the school. I watched the ugly scene unfold from my locker down the hall, hoping Ruthie wouldn't be mad at me for telling everyone about Eisenhower.
Amazingly, she didn't get mad at all. She stayed so cool. She just turned around with this tough look in her eye and said, "Did you just call me a monkey lover?"
"If the name fits…" said the mean girl.
That's when I decided I had heard enough. I stepped over to the girls and said, "Don't pay her any attention, Ruthie!" So lame. I should have said something mean to the girl in return. Like I could have told her that she looked like a monkey. It would have embarrassed her in front of her friends and shut her up for sure. But I wasn't thinking fast enough.
So then I said the next lame thing that popped into my mind. I tried to make it clear that I was Ruthie's boyfriend, not the monkey. None of the mean girl's group looked convinced. So I added lamely, "If you don't stop making fun of her she's going to punch you."
"You going to punch me, Monkey Lover?" the mean girl taunted Ruthie.
Ruthie still kept her cool though. She simply said, "I don't think you're worth punching," and walked away.
She was like a new person. I mean, last year she had looked so scared and vulnerable when Kim was making fun of her, but the new seventh-grade Ruthie just let everyone's cruel words bounce off her like they didn't even matter. After that moment I knew I was truly in love with her. I also knew that I had blown any chance with her after my stupid attempts to defend her. After all, she was so cool. Why would she want a chump like me?