Disclaimer: Well, I own a computer if that's what you wanted to know. But I still don't own LOTR. (Or anything else for that matter, save the computer.)
Author's Notes: A: Welcome back to the next installment of Pure Insanity formerly known as [/sanity].
B: I can't believe you posted something like this!
C: I take it that means she actually read it.
A: Gee, and I though you weren't perceptive.
C: … I perceive all.
B: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU POSTED SOMETHING LIKE THIS!
Pointless Recap (for those of you who read Chapter 5): It seems that Courtney and Sam are actually in Middle-Earth, trapped in the halls of the Wood Elves, and that blonde councilor was actually Legolas. They've been thrown into a cell and are being watched by guards constantly. They formulated a brilliant plan to escape involving some rings from Joe's Hobby Shop.
(for those of you who didn't read Chapter 5): Haldir and Legolas brag to each other about their date to the next big festival, neither knowing that the other's date is actually the Jedi Sam. Courtney uses her mad Sith skills to brainwash Elrond into falling in love with her but she is unaware that both Elladan and Elrohir know of this plan and are competing for her love. Space Butler flees to Gondor and alters the Jedi Council that the PuuChuu led by the new Sith Dark Lord Celeborn are going to take over the Shire. What will happen next!?
[/ sanity]
[fic properties= "parody" chapter= "6" evil= "Powers.that.be" on mouse over= "Sony"]
[ripped/off= "unknown"]
"Two! Four! Six! Eight!" The girls had given up on singing songs, and were simply counting for the time at hand. They stood up as they were playing and their hand game got more difficult and involved more moves, much like the difference between jump rope and double Dutch. The guard continued watching, and the other guard joined him. The two guards watched for a while and decided to try playing the game, of course they were rather horrible at first but slowly they got to an acceptable 'novice' level.
"Hmm…" Legolas stood at the end of the hall and watched the two guards playing the game, he was tempted to simply walk away but he still needed to inform them of the updated shift changes. He walked up to them and clapped his hands as he watched them play. "What in interesting game you have found."
"You guys really suck at that." Sam commented and stared out the side of the small window.
"Yeah, like-try using an eight count instead of just guessing." Courtney leaned against the large door, staring at the two guards through the window.
The two guards froze. On one side they had their superior who had just seen them slacking off and playing some absurd hand game, on the other side they had the two prisoners they learned the game from critiquing them on their performance. There was a long silent pause and both the guards quickly stood at attention causing both the girls, and to a lesser extent, Legolas to burst out laughing.
"Sir, we were just…" The first guard spoke up and trailed off as he tried to think of an explanation.
"Trying to pass the time?" Sam suggested and the guard, who had been at a loss for an answer quickly agreed.
"It is rather boring down here." Courtney added in and everyone stared at them.
"Well it is a prison." Sam said and smacked Courtney's shoulder.
"Truly," Legolas glanced at the window and then back at the two guards. "I just came down to inform you of the shift changes. You will be relieved half way through the feast rather than after."
"Feast?" Courtney leaned on the door and blinked.
"You conventioneers are strange people. Halloween isn't for another five days!" Sam laughed. The elves shared a look, and gave up on understanding the two girls. Legolas turned and walked back up towards the main hall. The two guards sat back down and sighed. The two girls looked at each other and silently hoped the conventioneers at least listened to good music. But alas, the 'Powers That Be' were on duty today.
The autumn festival went on upstairs and all the sounds of people dancing, laughing, eating, and singing made their way down to the prison. The two guards looked rather impatient to be relieved, and sat watching the hall rather than the cell door. The door was in no danger of being broken down, though. Sam and Courtney were too busy trying to block out the 'twangy' music.
"Why can't they play something with a beat!?" Courtney gritted her teeth and listened.
"I don't know!" Sam was pacing back and forth, trying desperately to think of a way to drown out the music. Sam was on the verge of a breakthrough, when the music slowed.
"Oh like-Thank God!" Courtney flopped back on the ground and Sam let out a relieved sigh. The two reveled in the moments of silence, and then they heard a brief conversation, as the guards were relieved.
"I wonder how long the music is going to be stopped…" Sam said and stared up at the ceiling.
"About an hour." Legolas opened the door to their cell and stepped in with a pair of plates.
"You brought us plates of… I don't know what that is so it must be Gourmet food." Sam gave him a strange look.
"We may have you here as prisoners, but we aren't barbarians." Legolas pulled a maneuver that Sam's mom was famous for and closed the door with his foot. Courtney snickered at him, and Sam would have too if not for the rather overwhelming feeling of betrayal and anger. Legolas handed the food off to both of them and sat down. Legolas was about to say something when he was interrupted by an electronic beeping noise. He looked around for the source for the strange noise; it was unlike any he had heard before.
"Isn't that you Sammy?" Courtney said as she poked some of the food on her plate with the fork-like utensil given to her.
"Oh…yeah! I forgot I had that..." Sam reached into her pocket and pulled out a slim black rectangular box of some kind. Legolas stared at her in awe as she flipped the top of the small black box open and a rather bright light began to emanate from the top piece. There was a series of small tones and then she pressed her fingers to the lower half of the box a few times. "Which messenger was that on…"
"The received tune sounds like either 'A.I.M' or 'N.O.W.'" Courtney took a bite of her food and caught a glance of the look of astonishment on Legolas's face.
"It's 'N.O.W,'" Sam replied and pressed on the bottom a few more times. "Hey, its from Amy!" Sam laughed and hit one button rather hard. Courtney scooted over so she could get a view of the screen, and snickered as she saw Legolas do the same.
"May you rot forever in the clutches of the dark fists of doom." A video feed of Amy took up nearly the entire screen. Sam smiled, Courtney took a bite of food, and Legolas looked slightly horrified at this grim figure that had appeared somehow on the lit glass.
"What art is this?" He stared in awe at the screen, and reached out to touch it.
"See with your eyes gamer boy. This is the new Sony Messenger. Satellite feed even." Sam pulled the messenger just out of Legolas's reach and Amy took a look over at him.
"You cavort with the spirits of costumers and yet you have not sent me the notes." Amy spoke in monotone and changed her normally neutral expression by narrowing her eyes at Legolas. "I shall rain doom down upon you whence you return." Sam laughed nervously and Legolas stared in awe of the item.
"Its like the palatir." Courtney said as she took another bite of her dinner. "Except the only other people watching are hackers and…us." Legolas looked up at her and then back down at the image. "This is really good. I'll have to talk to the chef."
"Hey, Amy we need a favor." Sam put on her sweetest face, but Amy was unmoved.
"Pick your poison." Amy replied in monotone, it was her way of saying 'sure, what?'
"You have that G.P.S program right? Can you tell us where we are?" Sam laughed nervously. "We got lost." Legolas looked up at her as Amy ran the search.
"You are in the forest of Mirkwood, Lady Samantha." Legolas said, and Courtney nearly choked on her food.
"Lady! Excuse me?" Courtney coughed out and Sam waved her off.
"I told you 'Sam.'" Sam looked over at him, and he seemed astonished for the first time since they met.
"Lady makes you sound like one of the ravers at Tech Noir." Amy was back on screen in her monotone voice. "I have your results here. They are odd, like the happy exterior of the twisted and repulsed cheerleaders." Amy replied and another screen popped up, forcing hers to a small size. The second screen had a green wire-frame map of the globe and a flashing white light that displayed their location.
"Wait a minute, are you trying to tell us we're still in the park?" Courtney looked at the screen, and set down her empty plate.
"Under the stone bridge to be exact." Amy stared at her, and her window came up to its full size again. "Yet that is not where you seem to be now."
"How's that possible?" Sam stared at the screen and all of a sudden it went dark.
"What has happened?" Legolas looked down at the dark black piece of glass and stood up.
"Damn it all! We lost our satellite connection!" Sam closed the messenger and shoved it back in her pocket.
"I'm personally surprised that we even got a signal at all." Courtney sighed, and stood up as well. Legolas was about to bombard them with a series of questions concerning that piece of equipment and their origins when he heard some elves yelling up above. An elf came running down the hall and slammed his fists on the cell door.
"Prince! The spiders are attacking the village perimeter!" He yelled, and threw the door open. "Quickly, the King has ordered all to arms!" Legolas made for the door but stopped half way and glanced back at the two girls hastily.
"Stay here!" He yelled, and ran out the door with the other elf. They were in such a hurry they didn't even bother to close the door. Sam and Courtney looked at each other quickly and there was a moment of silence.
"Tch' Right, like we're going to 'Stay here.'" Courtney scoffed and walked out the door with Sam.
"Seriously, what does he take us for?" Sam rolled her eyes and followed Courtney.
"Hey, its our stuff!" Courtney spotted their bags lying next to the door and laughed. She quickly picked up her backpack and slung it on.
"Wow… These guys are either really paranoid, or really stupid to have left these here." Sam smirked as she picked up her bags. She unzipped her flag bag, and surely enough her sword was safe inside. She drew out her sword and tossed the bag to Courtney, she then opened up her gym bag and pulled out the chain mail, placing it on to complete her look. "If they insist on stopping us…use it like a baseball bat… or something."
"Alright, lets scare us some cos-players!" Courtney opened up the bag and took out the pageantry flag. She held the long metal pole and slung the now half-emptied bag over her shoulder.
"I think its time to blow this scene." Sam quoted the opening song to her favorite show as she let her hair down to its full length.
"If I didn't know you, I'd think you were that guy from the movie." Courtney snickered and referred to the Cowboy Bebop Movie that they had seen just last week. Sam shot her a look that screamed 'who-has-the-sharpened-sword-here?' and walked down the hall to the door.
Courtney and Sam looked at each other, and then back at the door. Courtney held up three fingers and counted down. When the last of her fingers went down to form a fist they both lifted up one of their legs and kicked the door open. Just as they had expected, the door had been locked and the lock had snapped off when they broke the door down. The two girls stepped through the alcove and out into the stairwell together, Sam moved her wrist in a circle and held her sword in an upright position, and Courtney held the flagpole with both hands as they ran up the stairs.
"What do you like-think is going on out there?" Courtney whispered to Sam as they approached the door that led into the Main Hall. Sam shrugged, and they stopped in front of the door. There was much yelling, and sounds of fighting not too far off. Sam backed up against one side of the wall and Courtney did the same on the other. They threw the door opened and leapt out like they expected to be jumped by a group of ninjas or something equally absurd. (Because we all know that Ninjas only attack one at a time. All the Kung Fu movies EVER have shown us that.)
"What the?" Sam looked around, and there was not an elf to be seen. Courtney and Sam jogged out into the main hall, backs together, and looked around suspiciously. A maid ran past behind them and the two girls nearly leapt out of their skins. The two looked at each other and then nodded.
"Lets blow." Courtney said and they both ran towards the opened stone doors.
Neither of the girls knew why the stone doors were opened, nor did they care, but it was supremely convenient. They ran down the halls, and the sounds of fighting got much closer. Sam and Courtney came to the end of the hall, where the cave entrance and the gates were. They both froze and ducked behind a corner as they saw a group of rather militant elves just outside the gates, nearly on the bridge that crossed into the village, shouting to the people. They couldn't quite make out what they were speaking, but there seemed to be one word that they repeated over and over. 'Spiders.'
The two looked at each other and tried to create a plan without having to speak out loud. Their thoughts were cut short as the militant elves grabbed their bows and ran towards the forest. The two shared a mental high five as they praised their amazing luck. They quickly ran out of the gates and made their way back towards the path.
[/fic]
[author properties= "neurotic" rehab= "imminent" straight jacket properties= "fixed" size= "7"]
Misc: If you read this fic, hoping it would be anything like the summary, please forgive out deception. You can even review your outrage- we just like to know we made a difference. Isn't the secondary recap fun?
Information: If you would like to contact the Authors for any reason at all, please feel free to send an e-mail to gambit_gurl_isis@hotmail.com . After all, we don't bite…normally…unless you smell like Barbeque Sauce.
A: See what you did? You didn't donate enough reviews and now B has actually read the fic.
C: For shame.
B: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU POSTED SOMETHING LIKE THIS!
A: Now you've made Gandulf sad.
Gandulf: Groooowl *pouts*
[review= "?"]