Disclaimer: Hello. I'm Johnny Knoxville and welcome to Jackass. … Are we filming?
Author's Notes:
A: Gasp. We have reviews.
C: Why did you just say 'gasp'?
A: Why, do you have a problem with it?
C: Maybe I do, and maybe I don't.
A: You don't.
C: Touché.
B: You realize that now you'll need another disclaimer stating that you aren't Johnny Knoxville, right?
All: …
Pointless Recap (for those of you who read Chapter 8): Sam and Courtney figured out they were in Middle-Earth, and where they were in Middle-Earth just not when they were in Middle-Earth. Archers. Storyline. Arrows.
(for those of you who didn't read Chapter 8): Silveria was 'accidentally' knocked off a high terrace in Rivendell by a pair of Orcs. Totally normal, not suspicious at all, orcs - With playing cards. Legolas goes on a quest to save some other piece of magical jewelry from some other dark evil only to stumble across Galadriel's summer castle and find Sam in a death like sleep. After much battling Elladan and Elrohir pause their duel in order to save Courtney from the Dark Lord Sauron. Who coincidentally is also Darth Sidius.
[/sanity]
[fic properties= "parody" chapter= "9" evil= "Still.Powers.That.Be" default= "Lord.Of.The.Rings" "?"]
[Inspiration= "Anyone.s.Guess"]
"We will have to try harder next time." Legolas smiled, and finally caught the joke. Courtney broke into audible giggles and then quickly restricted herself to a wide smile. "This seems to be the perfect time for me to ask a few questions, seeing as 'Sam' is rather restricted." Both the girls blinked, and Legolas leaned back on the wall. "First of all, where might you two hail from?"
"Winchesterton," They both answered in unison, and Legolas cocked an eyebrow.
"Ah yes, the town that apparently has a 'Park' that resembles the wood around us," Legolas began, and recalled all the previous accusations of Sam. "But where might this place be, I have never heard of it." Both the girls looked at each other and attempted to reach a silent consensus.
"America." They both turned back to Legolas and answered in unison. Legolas gave them a confused look and was beginning to get uncomfortable with the creepy way they answered at the same time.
"Where might this land of America be?" Legolas asked and Sam thought about it, unfortunately Courtney didn't.
"Oh, just across the Ocean in the West." Courtney answered nonchalantly. She had remembered that it said, somewhere that Middle-Earth was like Europe.
"What? At the Havens!" Legolas gasped and stared at them in surprise. Courtney blinked at him and mouthed 'what?' Sam looked down and sidelong at Courtney while muttering something along the lines of 'Flippin' Idiot.'
"…No," Sam began, and was about to explain when a realization struck her. 'Wait, what if we disrupt the storyline!?'
[Attention!]
[The following conversation has been written in the ever-fabled language of 'Male' in which nearly none of the 'words' have absolute definition. Therefore, it will be subtitled for the reader's sanity.]
Sam looked over at Courtney and nodded upward once in the word most commonly used for 'what's up.'
[HEY!]
Courtney looked back at her with a perplexed expression and raised both her eyebrows.
[Yeah… What's up?]
Sam made a head motion towards Legolas and then lifted both of her shoulders up a tad.
[What are we going to tell him?]
Courtney put her hands on her hips and shot Sam a look.
[The truth, duh!]
Sam sent her a sardonic look and narrowed her eyes.
[What if we mess up the story?]
Courtney blinked, and suddenly looked very nervous.
[Oh right, we don't know when this is… What are we going to do!?]
Legolas coughed and they both looked at him. He lowered his chin a tad and sent them a slightly amused look that resembled a smirk.
[I am fluent in this language you know.]
Both Courtney and Sam rolled their eyes.
[Damn! Right, he would speak Male.]
[Attention!]
[If you are suffering from a headache, delusions, nausea, light-headed-ness, fainting, lack of vocabulary, foot-in-mouth disorder, or the urge to go out and give a 'Shout-out-to-all-your-peeps' please take this opportunity to get up, go to the restroom, get a snack, and possibly call the paramedics or at the very least notify a psychiatrist.]
"You hesitate to tell me, why?" Legolas stared at them, and they both looked at each other.
"Well… err… You wouldn't believe us?" Courtney tried, and Sam caught on.
"Uh yeah! You'd probably think we were insane or something!" Sam and Courtney both started laughing nervously.
"Alas, I'm afraid I already think you are not quite right." Legolas sighed, and stepped forwards towards them.
"Oh fair Prince! Be still my beating heart." Sam said in a flat tone and rolled her eyes. Legolas understood the point she was trying to make, and struck a rather 'valiant' looking pose.
"Misquoting Shakespeare then, how low will you like sink?" Courtney snickered and glanced over at Sam. Sam shot her a look and Legolas rolled his eyes in a gesture he most definitely picked up from Sam.
Sam twitched a bit and smirked at Courtney. "I'll misquote what I want to misquote, it's not as if anyone here knows the correct line." Courtney stuck her tongue out at Sammy then turned to Legolas who looked at the girls rather inquisitively. He silently wondered where 'America' was, and why in the name of the great Elbereth he never heard of such a country. He turned to the girls and opened his mouth as if to ask a question but was quickly cut off and shut it once more.
Sam looked at him and wondered just what he wanted to ask, but she didn't have a chance to ask as Courtney immediately began to whine.
"Isn't there anything interesting to do here? I'm so bored! I can't injure Sam, I can't watch TV, and there's no radio." Courtney whined. Legolas blinked twice, the look in his eyes was that of a lost little boy wandering through a forest.
"What is this t.v? Radio? What are you talking about?" He asked and stared at them questioningly. Sam smacked Courtney in the ribs with a grumble. She glared at the girl and hissed.
"How in the name of 'monkey' is he supposed to know that?!" Sam yelled, confusing Legolas further on the matter of Monkeys. Courtney looked down feeling kind of guilty then looked up with a grin.
"Well any person would know what those are right? After all he is visited by Mary-Sues every other week!" She chimed; looking at Sam's hopeless expression Courtney hung her head and let out a little sigh. "I guess not..."
Legolas looked at them and crossed his arms across his chest. "I demand to know what you speak of. Now, tell me about your 'A-M-E-R-I-C-A.'" With that the elf sat down comfortably in a wooden chair and waited for the explanation to begin.
Courtney and Sam shared a long look, and then both turned to Legolas. Courtney opened her mouth then quickly shut it. She turned to Sam and smiled like only a frienemy could.
"Well, go on Sammy, explain it." Courtney smirked and noticed the homicidal glint in Sam's eyes. Sam sighed and cleared her through loudly.
"Okay. It's a big piece of land, called a 'continent,' with small country-things called 'states' where people drive cars and stuff..." Sam paused and got a wonderful idea confuse him! "Oh! There are big buildings and monuments all over..." Sam smiled lamely at her pathetic attempt at dazzling him beyond his wit and crossed her arms. What a perfect explanation to give! She personally 'congratulated' herself on her fine work. The inner workings of her mind tended to be rather sarcastic.
Legolas on the other hand shook his head blankly. "Cars? If there are monuments all around this country where is your home? Do you live in one of these monuments?" Courtney smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand and shot a glare at Sam.
"Cars are like metal horses. No there are not that many monuments and buildings around our country. We live in actual homes." With a huff of exasperation Courtney looked at Sammy proudly. Sam just smacked her forehead and turned back to Legolas.
"Metal horses…?" He stared at them while picturing a rather grotesque image in his head. He was about to ask another question when a female elf walked through the door and addressed them all.
"Prince." She bowed. "…Random Intruders…" She paused and took on a rather nervous expression as she failed to remember their names.
"Sam." Sam said and raised her hand.
"Courtney." Courtney nodded and did the same; after all it wasn't as if they hadn't met with people who forgot their names before.
"Ah, yes. Ladies Sam… and Courtney. Your presence has been requested at the party tonight." The elf said and backed out of the room slowly as Sam and Courtney shot her strange looks.
"But, you just had a party… before we left…" Courtney looked horribly confused.
"Don't you people ever sleep?" Sam asked rather loudly. Both Legolas and the elven lady looked at each other with mildly amused expressions. "I guess you don't…" Sam grumbled.
"Sammy, does this mean more twangy music?" Courtney sounded like she was asking if she was being served for dinner.
"Indeed it does Courtney, indeed it does." Sam sighed.
[/fic]
[author properties= "neurotic" rehab= "imminent" straight jacket properties= "fixed" size= "7" lawsuits= "Adding"]
Misc: If you read this fic, hoping it would be anything like the summary, please forgive our deception. You can even review your outrage- we just like to know we made a difference. Isn't the secondary recap fun? If anyone would actually be willing to write and donate pieces of sappily written, horribly mis-timed, and all around Soap-Opera-ish pieces of the secondary recap we would be ecstatic to post them under this story when we need a break. Not to mention the bonus/curse of becoming a temporary Psycho Sue/Sam.
Information: If you would like to contact the Authors for any reason at all, please feel free to send an e-mail to gambit_gurl_isis@hotmail.com . After all, we don't bite… well C does, and I do if you look yummy enough.
A: Oh must I?
C: You heard his lawyer.
A: But they know I surely wasn't serious.
B: AHEM.
Jackass Fannatic: Wow! Mr. Knoxville I didn't know you wrote fanfiction under a female guise!
A: Fine… *sigh*
Secondary Disclaimer: I, A, being of sound body and mind… errr, well… Reasonably sturdy body and lacking of mind for the most, am not nor have I ever been Johnny Knoxville.
[review= "?"]