An: ok well I can't really write right now on my other fic A Gangsta's a
Gangsta. So I'm gonna write this and see if it helps me at all. Ok well
this starts like on the 26th session and the song is Julia by Our Lady
Peace and I thought it was perfect so I'm writing this fic. PS: I hate S/J
fic (not that they are bad I just don't like the pairing) so it might seem
like it kinda in the beginning but wait and see. POV is Spike's. / / are
song lyrics I DON'T OWN ANYTHING NOT THE SONG OR CHARACTERS!
*Julia*
"Do you know a story that goes like this? There once was a tiger- striped cat. This cat died a million deaths and was reborn a million times and was owned by various people who he didn't care for. The cat wasn't afraid to die... One day, the cat was a free cat, a stray cat. He met a white female cat, and the two cats spent their days happily together. Years passed, and the white cat died of old age. The tiger-striped cat cried a million times, and then died. It never came back to life..." I hung my head as images flashed through my left eye.
I saw Julia standing in the rain holding a red umbrella. She's crying, she's in a cemetery. She's holding a single rose and looking towards me. I reach out to her but then the dream ends and I look up to be met by the cold harsh reality that she really is gone forever and the only way I can join her now is through the one thing that one I don't fear, that one thing that is inevitable, and one thing I never thought would come for me, death. No rebirth just death.
/Can you see her standing there trying to find anywhere there are flowers in her hand but she doesn't know why/
I stand up from the sofa where I had been telling Jet my story. "That's a good story.." I looked at him my face cold and expressionless the face of a dead man. "I hate that story. I hate cats." "That's what I thought." I turned to look at him not helping but smile. I turned back and started to walk off determined to die this time. "Is it for the woman?" Jet's calm voice breaks the icy silence as I stop. I look ahead not wanting to ever look back on my dream world. "There is nothing I can do for a dead woman." (but meet her on the other side)
/offered is advice to you but all you do is fake it/
I see that image again of her standing in the cemetery holding the rose. This time she's not crying she's standing strong, but this, this is only a façade, a pretty face that hides all her fears and worries and hurt away from the world.
/mother, she's only yours tonight and she never cries mother, I know there is hurt inside Julia/
I walk past Faye she stops me for a moment. I don't hear her I just speak. "Look at these eyes. One of them is a fake, because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I have been seeing the past in one eye, and the present in the other. I had believed that what I saw was not all of reality..." She yells at me about telling her something personal now before I go off to die. She pulls out a gun and aims it at me but what do I care I'm a dead man anyway. She's seemed to stop the visions of Julia that had been controlling my head. "I got my memory back." I stop walking, but just like I did to Jet I don't look back on one of the dream people. "But... nothing good came out of it. There was no place for me to return to... This was the only place I could go back to! But now...Where are you going?! Why do you have to go?! Are you telling me you're going to just throw your life away?!" The vision of Julia plays again.
/drowning in her own visions,/
She's begging me to stay.she's begging me to stay with her, but I hear another voice also begging me to stay, Faye's voice. Which do I listen to.
/she's begging the past to stay behind/
Faye's voice echoes in my head "Where are you going? Why are you going? You told me once... that the past didn't matter..." I can't see her anymore, all I can hear is Faye's demanding voice asking me where I am going. I can't go back to the dream, I must find out if I am truly living or if this all really is a bad dream that I'll wake up from once I die.
/there's a black cat in the night, there's a black cat in that sky offered is advice to you, you left but I don't blame you/
"I'm not going there to die. I'm going there to see if I really am alive." I'm diggin up my past to bury it once and for all.
/we're digging up the past to bury it one last time/
"You're the one who's tied to their past!" She tells me. I close my eyes sharply knowing she is right. I stay like that for a moment but then I lift my chin and look up determined as ever.
/I know there's pain inside that truth but you just have to face it/
I start walking again as I hear Faye fire off round after round, yet I know in the back of my mind two things, one I have just let down (though I don't like to admit it but I'm gonna die anyway) a close friend, two she would never shoot me. She fires at the ceiling. If this had been any other time I probably would have made some snide comment about her aim but this is not just any other time.
It's like a dream the whole time I'm running through the Red Dragon building. Bodies falling, Shin dieing, but all I can see is that vision of Julia waiting for me, begging me to stay with her. I can hear a music box playing somewhere. Finally I've made it to the top floor. I look at the door before me as I clutch the knob. I go through it open setting off a bomb. The next thing I see that is reality or is it dream is the beautiful night sky and a long staircase leading up to Vicious. (Vicious.) He stepped down a stair as I aimed my gun at him, his taunting voice filling my ears.
"So you are finally awake. I told you before, Spike... that I am the only one who can kill you." In one eye I see him the other is the vision of Julia. She never leaves me, she's always there.
"I'll return those words back to you, Vicious." I said. "Either way, we were destined to end up like this." I pulled the trigger, blood pouring over my left eye, and sprinted up the steps. The only thing that I could hear was the clash of metal on metal as Vicious cut my skin several times. All I could see was blood and the dream of Julia reaching out to me crying my name. Blood spurted from my cheek as I shot his Katana out of his hands but not before he cut my hand causing me to release my grip on if as it went flying over to him. He stopped it with his foot as I bent down and stopped his Katana. "Julia passed away... Let's end it all." I told him as he bent to place his hand on my gun.
"If that's your wish." He told me as he shoved the gun my way and I shoved his Katana to him. I moved so fast I don't know how I did it, but next thing I knew Vicious was lying face down on the cold stone and I was still standing. My shirt's torn across my gut and bleeding. (I'll be seeing you soon my sweet Julia.)
/Sweet Sweet Julia./
I looked around me clutching my wound and turning to the stairs. It was getting to be morning and I saw syndicate members waiting at the bottom of the stairs for an explanation. One I couldn't give them because I could feel my life slipping or at least all my strength. The vision was becoming clearer and I could hear her like she was next to me whispering in my ear, "Don't leave me." How could I leave her when I'm coming for her? With my last ounce of strength I smiled as I pulled my hand in front of me pointing my index finger like the barrel of a gun my left eye flashing from Julia to the past that was only moments ago as I grinned one last time.
"Bang." With that I fell.
/Sweet Sweet Julia./
As I shut my eyes I heard a panicked voice call my name. (Faye.)
"Spike, Spike you can't die no!" She cried as a tear hit my face as she turned me over placing my head in her lap.
"This is what I want, I don't want to live. I have no reason to live. Faye just let me die." I mumbled to her. "Spike.you do have a reason." She told me as another tear hit my face falling from her tilted cheek.
'Why is she crying, I though she'd be glad to get rid of me.' I thought as she started to cry harder. I could feel myself slipping away as she started to speak.
"Did you find out Spike if you're alive?" Her voice became softer and further away as everything turned white, last I saw was a shimmering tear fall from the shrew woman's eye. But that was not the last I felt. I couldn't hear or see anything but I felt a pair of soft feminine lips press against mine as the world started to change from white to gray and blue. It was the vision again.
"Don't live in the past Spike. Never live in the past. Live in reality and never in a dream." "Julia." I whispered as she blew me a kiss and then disappeared and the vision stopped. The dream stopped. Is this reality? Is this the true world? Is this what a true kiss is?
*******************************************************
AN: AHAHAHAHAHHAAH! How was that??? Hmmm kinda strange at the end but I had to end it somewhere and the last question makes ya wonder! Hehe is he kissin Faye faye??? HMMMM! Well I'll try and write more of A Gangsta's A Gangsta soon! Teehee.
*Julia*
"Do you know a story that goes like this? There once was a tiger- striped cat. This cat died a million deaths and was reborn a million times and was owned by various people who he didn't care for. The cat wasn't afraid to die... One day, the cat was a free cat, a stray cat. He met a white female cat, and the two cats spent their days happily together. Years passed, and the white cat died of old age. The tiger-striped cat cried a million times, and then died. It never came back to life..." I hung my head as images flashed through my left eye.
I saw Julia standing in the rain holding a red umbrella. She's crying, she's in a cemetery. She's holding a single rose and looking towards me. I reach out to her but then the dream ends and I look up to be met by the cold harsh reality that she really is gone forever and the only way I can join her now is through the one thing that one I don't fear, that one thing that is inevitable, and one thing I never thought would come for me, death. No rebirth just death.
/Can you see her standing there trying to find anywhere there are flowers in her hand but she doesn't know why/
I stand up from the sofa where I had been telling Jet my story. "That's a good story.." I looked at him my face cold and expressionless the face of a dead man. "I hate that story. I hate cats." "That's what I thought." I turned to look at him not helping but smile. I turned back and started to walk off determined to die this time. "Is it for the woman?" Jet's calm voice breaks the icy silence as I stop. I look ahead not wanting to ever look back on my dream world. "There is nothing I can do for a dead woman." (but meet her on the other side)
/offered is advice to you but all you do is fake it/
I see that image again of her standing in the cemetery holding the rose. This time she's not crying she's standing strong, but this, this is only a façade, a pretty face that hides all her fears and worries and hurt away from the world.
/mother, she's only yours tonight and she never cries mother, I know there is hurt inside Julia/
I walk past Faye she stops me for a moment. I don't hear her I just speak. "Look at these eyes. One of them is a fake, because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I have been seeing the past in one eye, and the present in the other. I had believed that what I saw was not all of reality..." She yells at me about telling her something personal now before I go off to die. She pulls out a gun and aims it at me but what do I care I'm a dead man anyway. She's seemed to stop the visions of Julia that had been controlling my head. "I got my memory back." I stop walking, but just like I did to Jet I don't look back on one of the dream people. "But... nothing good came out of it. There was no place for me to return to... This was the only place I could go back to! But now...Where are you going?! Why do you have to go?! Are you telling me you're going to just throw your life away?!" The vision of Julia plays again.
/drowning in her own visions,/
She's begging me to stay.she's begging me to stay with her, but I hear another voice also begging me to stay, Faye's voice. Which do I listen to.
/she's begging the past to stay behind/
Faye's voice echoes in my head "Where are you going? Why are you going? You told me once... that the past didn't matter..." I can't see her anymore, all I can hear is Faye's demanding voice asking me where I am going. I can't go back to the dream, I must find out if I am truly living or if this all really is a bad dream that I'll wake up from once I die.
/there's a black cat in the night, there's a black cat in that sky offered is advice to you, you left but I don't blame you/
"I'm not going there to die. I'm going there to see if I really am alive." I'm diggin up my past to bury it once and for all.
/we're digging up the past to bury it one last time/
"You're the one who's tied to their past!" She tells me. I close my eyes sharply knowing she is right. I stay like that for a moment but then I lift my chin and look up determined as ever.
/I know there's pain inside that truth but you just have to face it/
I start walking again as I hear Faye fire off round after round, yet I know in the back of my mind two things, one I have just let down (though I don't like to admit it but I'm gonna die anyway) a close friend, two she would never shoot me. She fires at the ceiling. If this had been any other time I probably would have made some snide comment about her aim but this is not just any other time.
It's like a dream the whole time I'm running through the Red Dragon building. Bodies falling, Shin dieing, but all I can see is that vision of Julia waiting for me, begging me to stay with her. I can hear a music box playing somewhere. Finally I've made it to the top floor. I look at the door before me as I clutch the knob. I go through it open setting off a bomb. The next thing I see that is reality or is it dream is the beautiful night sky and a long staircase leading up to Vicious. (Vicious.) He stepped down a stair as I aimed my gun at him, his taunting voice filling my ears.
"So you are finally awake. I told you before, Spike... that I am the only one who can kill you." In one eye I see him the other is the vision of Julia. She never leaves me, she's always there.
"I'll return those words back to you, Vicious." I said. "Either way, we were destined to end up like this." I pulled the trigger, blood pouring over my left eye, and sprinted up the steps. The only thing that I could hear was the clash of metal on metal as Vicious cut my skin several times. All I could see was blood and the dream of Julia reaching out to me crying my name. Blood spurted from my cheek as I shot his Katana out of his hands but not before he cut my hand causing me to release my grip on if as it went flying over to him. He stopped it with his foot as I bent down and stopped his Katana. "Julia passed away... Let's end it all." I told him as he bent to place his hand on my gun.
"If that's your wish." He told me as he shoved the gun my way and I shoved his Katana to him. I moved so fast I don't know how I did it, but next thing I knew Vicious was lying face down on the cold stone and I was still standing. My shirt's torn across my gut and bleeding. (I'll be seeing you soon my sweet Julia.)
/Sweet Sweet Julia./
I looked around me clutching my wound and turning to the stairs. It was getting to be morning and I saw syndicate members waiting at the bottom of the stairs for an explanation. One I couldn't give them because I could feel my life slipping or at least all my strength. The vision was becoming clearer and I could hear her like she was next to me whispering in my ear, "Don't leave me." How could I leave her when I'm coming for her? With my last ounce of strength I smiled as I pulled my hand in front of me pointing my index finger like the barrel of a gun my left eye flashing from Julia to the past that was only moments ago as I grinned one last time.
"Bang." With that I fell.
/Sweet Sweet Julia./
As I shut my eyes I heard a panicked voice call my name. (Faye.)
"Spike, Spike you can't die no!" She cried as a tear hit my face as she turned me over placing my head in her lap.
"This is what I want, I don't want to live. I have no reason to live. Faye just let me die." I mumbled to her. "Spike.you do have a reason." She told me as another tear hit my face falling from her tilted cheek.
'Why is she crying, I though she'd be glad to get rid of me.' I thought as she started to cry harder. I could feel myself slipping away as she started to speak.
"Did you find out Spike if you're alive?" Her voice became softer and further away as everything turned white, last I saw was a shimmering tear fall from the shrew woman's eye. But that was not the last I felt. I couldn't hear or see anything but I felt a pair of soft feminine lips press against mine as the world started to change from white to gray and blue. It was the vision again.
"Don't live in the past Spike. Never live in the past. Live in reality and never in a dream." "Julia." I whispered as she blew me a kiss and then disappeared and the vision stopped. The dream stopped. Is this reality? Is this the true world? Is this what a true kiss is?
*******************************************************
AN: AHAHAHAHAHHAAH! How was that??? Hmmm kinda strange at the end but I had to end it somewhere and the last question makes ya wonder! Hehe is he kissin Faye faye??? HMMMM! Well I'll try and write more of A Gangsta's A Gangsta soon! Teehee.