disclaimer: I own nothing but my Grima plushie.
"I'll KILL you!", Faramir screamed at Legolas, throwing a pewter bowl at his head.
"I didn't know, I swear!", Legolas cried, dodging the bowl with Elven agility and smacking himself in the head against a stone outcropping in the process.
"Shit! That hurt!"
"Not as much as it's going to hurt!"
Just then Merry strolled in, looking very pleased indeed, a fact that nobody else noticed at another bowl came whizzing past Merry's head, this time smacking with a satisfying crunch into a stone mantle.
"I have some news fellows", Merry started.
"In a moment Merry," said Faramir, "I have to kill Leggy first."
"Oh, okay then."
"MERRY HE"S GONNA KILL ME!!" Shouted Legolas.
"Huh?" Merry seemed dazed. "Oh yeah." Merry ran over and kicked Faramir in the back of the knees and sat on top of him when he fell. "Now WHAT'S going on here??" he said, irritated over the big folk's antics.
Faramir scowled menacingly at Legolas. "This two timing ,pointy eared, bleach blonde elf ho stole my woman!"
Merry was aghast "You a ho?"
"No, I did nothing wrong, Eowyn loves me not Faramir," Legolas said happily."She called me her little Keebler snack."
"I've got your snack tree hugger!"yelled Faramir.
"Sit on it and spin Monkey boy!" yelled Legy, brandishing an arrow.
Suddenly from above came a menacing laughter. Down from the rafters jumped Grima Wormtongue, who had eavesdropped on the entire convorsation.
"So, she strikes again,"he grinned evily."May I welcome you to the club."
"Stuff it Grima," Faramir laughed,"like Eowyn would go for you."
"Oh, she did, frequently, when she thought I might gain some power." they all laughed at him, unbelieving.
"Who do YOU think gave me the nickname "wormtongue"?"
Moments later Merry strode toward the door purposefully, dragging Faramir, who was vomiting and Legolas, who was in a fetal ball chanting "worm".
Grima followed.
Eowyn awoke to someone's pounding on her door. She was greeted with the baleful looks of two men, and elf ,and a hobbit.
"Um, I'm guessing I have some explaining to do?" she said.
"Damn straight!" Faramir spat. "Do you know how hard it is to get vomit out of chain mail?"
"what?"
"Never mind."
"What I want to know is why?" Merry asked Eowyn angrily.
"Well, Faramir is cute, Leggy is, well,…..Leggy, Grima has that whole sexy Marilyn Mansonish Goth thing workin'…."
"What about me?" Merry asked, much to the shock of everyone else.
"I wanted to see if you were a halfling everywhere,"Eowyn blushed.
Grima sat bug eyed and Faramir stood unmoving."You just used us for sex?" Legolas stuttered."And you did it with GRIMA? You'll sleep with anything that's got three legs and a heartbeat!"
"Watch it blondie,"Grima spat"I'll have you know I'm MORE than capab…."
"Can it short, dark, and ugly."Legolas ordered.
"Well, not necessarily only three legs, there WAS that one time in Gondor…."she smiled to herself until she realized that everyone was staring at her in horror."Either way, I'm, um, sorry for hurting all of you, I should be punished for what I've done, I'm Bad BAD a Bad girl…
all of the males stare at her longingly…
I mean that I won't come in between you……
more looks….
I mean I'll bend over backwards to make it better…..
stares and drool
"Ewww, you guys are dirty minded freaks! I'm out of here!" and with that, she left.
"Good going everyone,"Said a dispondent Grima."Now nobody's getting any…"
"Speak for yourself,"said Faramir, taking Merry's hand and lovingly kissing it.
Leggy and Grima stood staring in disbelef and hurt at Merry, who was in turn trying to find quick egress.
"Um,"babbled Merry,"I'm guessing I have some explaining to do….."
epilogue:
Eowyn lay in her lover's arms, relishing the delight of their spent passion. Never had a male warmed her body and soul the way he did. She never believed in fairy tales until she met him, but she knew now that life could never be better than this moment, this one fraction of eternity that was her life with the love of her soul. She turned her delicate neck upward to his face and whispered "I love you, with all of my heart." Glancing down, his blue eyes aflame, he whispered back…………
"I love you too ,my preciousssssssssssssss".