-Before Time by Shinma Inuyasha-
A review upon the final thoughts of Jen, the bittersweet aristocrat girlDisclaimer:
I don't own the film, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. All thoughts about the expressed topic are strictly opinion based and have no factual brings about the film. Thank you.
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My name is Jen. I stand before you as both woman and monster, for the deeds committed in my life I am neither proud nor ashamed. I am a young aristocrat and raised as a daughter to Jade Fox, a fighter whose skills I am by far superior too. I am the one who stole the Green Destiny from the two master warriors, Li Mu Bai and Shu Lien. I caused the death of Li Mu Bai and the sorrow of his lover's bitter heart. As I said before, I am neither proud nor ashamed… I am a monster. I am the dragon hidden within the crouching tiger.
Here I stand at the temple's edge, watching the bellowing mists arise around me. The blue skies at plentiful and the underbellies of white clouds roll on in their depths. I stare at the willow treetops as they blow into the warm midday's breeze. I am humiliated and in awe of such beauties. I do not serve them. These treasures are meant for those of pure hearts, like Shu Lien, who dream of the enduring powers of love. I am envious of her, because I don't believe in such things, only my bitterness.
I loved Shu Lien once. She was my friend, but now after I completed my evils… she views me as an adversary. I suppose witnessing your love die before you as that effect upon you. I shall never know this; my love stands next to me. My fair love the reason for my upheavals… my Lo.
He is beautiful to me and is the only beautiful thing that I have known during my life as a governor's daughter, an aristocrat. I watch him now. His dark hair of ebony falls into his liquid ink eyes of mystery. He stares at me with love in his eyes. He always has, ever since the first moment we met. I am glad for him. He is the only thing I don't regret in my life of bittersweet tragedy. I can relate to his sorrows, just as he can to mine. I love him.
I think of many things as I stand here, awe be gone. I think of Jade, my teacher.
She taught me the ways of fighting and how she was my only friend in this world. To think, I thought her to be right, but she only sought to control me, like the rest of the world. She could not understand that I wished to be free and learn on my own. I regret nothing I have placed onto her shoulders. The Jade Fox plays the wheels of her own burdens, not I. I wish her well… I try not to hate.
The white mists grow nearer to me. Soon they will block me from my Lo, like they blocked Shu Lien from Li Mu Bai. I sweep for Li Mu Bai's soul as I sweep for my own. He should not have died, but lived. I should have taken his place upon that caverns floor; I am the one to blame. The gods torture me with the kindness of Li Mu Bai's soul. He wished to teach me the ways of a true warrior, but I found myself too superior to his teachings, like I had with Jade. I should have listened to the wise man, for he maybe alive if I had. Who truly knows, but I feel this fact is true.
I sigh, in hopes of washing my tears away. They stain me with their reminders of my selfish deeds. My Lo touches me on the arm and I gently smile. He believes us to be as one now and I do not wish to kill his dreams. Lo is truly a companionate soul underneath his rough desert hide. He is a lot like me, but he shall never be like me. My pains and wrongs are far too great than his.
I remove my lover's hand and back away from his tender embrace. I can feel my tears burning in my eyes. I hate my weakness in this world that is why I must do what I am about to do, break away and sent time backwards, make a wish. I have no confidence in the future. I want happier times.
I stand on the edge and I think about the fairytale, a boy jumping through the mists with a wish. I long to jump away like him, from the mountains of my inconveniences. Do you think it is possible? I ask questions, but I have no doubts. I accept the truth behind Lo's tales of happiness and I live on his kind words.
I stare into the blinding fog. I have to detach myself now. I blink away the pain and turn from my only love; I hate farewells. As I lift myself from the ground. The mist beckons me and I am eager to join it. I look toward Lo and he is suffering. I spin away, not yearning for a scene, and I jump into the mists.
They fell cool upon my skin, the mist does. It washes away my pains, sorrow, wrongs and rights. For at last I am free like the birds soaring the blue skies. I bid ado to my friends and foes. I pray to see you again… when the times are right and pure. This is my wish. I wish for renew.
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Author's Note:
I believe she jumped because Jen could no longer live with the pain she caused in the hearts of the ones she loved. She wished for the righteous death of a warrior and by throwing herself away, Jen received her death of suicide. Upon jumping through the mists of her doom, Jen freed her soul, which was trapped by her lack of confidence in her future. I think she also wished to be together with Lo in the desert, a place where she had confidence and believed in herself, only because the enduring freedoms of love did also.
Thank you for reading and please leave a review on your feelings. I find other people opinion on this very interesting. Thank you again.
The dark vampyre of shamanic powers… Shinma Inuyasha