A/N: Thanks all fer yer reviews! After two requests for a 'jingle bells', I plucked up a version from a writing folder I hadn't touched in a good year or so..Old fans will recall (with many inserted groans) N.K. Stouffer, and her low attempts to sue Rowling for 'copying her ideas'? Well....she gets a moment of 'tribute' here. But first...a moment with Dobby.

Disclaimer: Um...Rudolph belongs to Santa. Dobby and Winky and Malfoy and Herm belong to J.K. Rowling. The other house elf names were made up on the spot.
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Lee Jordan: And now, to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer", please welcome the House elf choral society, funded by Spew!

Hermione: (hissing from offstage) That's S. P. E. W.!!!!

Lee Jordan: Yes...uh...S. P. E. W. folks, sorry. Well...

(he sings)

You know Bonny and Lolly and Mopsy and Blinky,
Buttons and Corky and dear tipsy Winky,
But do you recall....
The most liberal house elf of all!

(The curtains part to reveal a hundred or so House elves, gripped in fear as they clutch their sheetmusic and stand in their old pillowcases Hermion stands off to the side, armed with S.P.E.W. badges, with a reluctant Harry and Ron behind her, holding a banner for the house elf liberation front)

The Elves:
Dobby the Hogwarts House Elf
Had a very rotten life
Working for Lucius Malfoy
Caused him pain and angst and strife

All of us other house elves
Thought him rather strange, its true
'Cause he enjoyed his freedom
Getting paid for work like you

Then one chilly Hogwarts eve
'Mione came to say:

Hermione:
"Dobby with your eyes so bright
All house elves should have their rights!"

The Elves:
We shuddered when we heard this
Backed away with such a shock
Thinking it shameful to own
Sweaters, knickers or a sock!

Then one chilly Hogwarts eve
Winky got so drunk
Dobby tried to help her out
All the us cried "Who'da thunk?"

Hermione:
Then how the house elves loved him
You'll have to take it from me
'Cause this tale never appears
In 'Hogwarts a History'!

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Lee Jordan: That was....lively! Vey nice...thank you Spew. Next up, we have a little ditty for our multitude of fans, sung to the tune of 'Jingle Bells'

Potter-Manics:
Dashing to laywers
With a list inside her hand
Filled with silly gripes
That we don't understand

Says Rowling stole ideas
And characters ripped off
And raises plaugerism cries
So we can sneer and scoff

Oh, Stouffer smells, Stouffer smells
Laid a rotten egg
Sued our favoured author for
What cost an arm and le-eg!

Stouffer smells, Stouffer smells
Made a sticky claim
Potter fans will spit upon
Her whiny slimy name

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a look
Into a page or so
Of Stouffer's lousy book

Dear Stouffer, you are scum
Stop this retarded plot
You're just jealous of J.K.R.
She's famous and you're not!

Oh Stouffer smells, Stouffer smells
Her case speaks so plain
Any hopes of our respect
Have been washed down the dra-ain!

Stouffer smells, Stouffer smells
Set her books on fire
She calls herself an author
But we're calling her a liar