Title: Bad Faith
Chapter: 12/?
Author name: badfaith
Author email: anna@tomfelton.zzn.com
Author website: http://www.undisguised.net and http://nightfall.undisguised.net
Category: Angst
Sub Category: Drama
Rating: R
Summary: Draco Malfoy learned a few things he didn't want to know, and as a result he is plunged into a war. Will Harry Potter be able to save him before it's too late? Or will Harry learn things that might condemn Draco to death?
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The plot and title are mine, though!
Warning: This story contains slash, which are two boys who are in a sexual relationship together. If that's not your cup o' tea, I suggested you find some that is, or you'll miss your teatime. ^_^
A/N: Heeeeeeeheeeeee! I love this chapter! It's so cute! Snogs ahead, and muchy much discussion between Malfoy and Harry, which leads to the snogs. ^_^
Thank You's to Reviewers: BlancheMalfoy: Thanks! I really enjoy your reviews. I don't have the Internet right now. Arg. But I do want to say I like your new fic! Very good! Dan: I'll email you. My computer went back to being a meanie, and decided free Internet service was not on the list of Christmas presents for me. Arg.
Thank You's to Others: Muse! Oh muse! *cuddles muse who squirms and tries to get away* I love you!
Chapter Twelve
Disillusionments
"The tangled weave in which we find ourselves
Is but an illusion of disillusionments."
-- Aidan Donovan
The flames rippled in a dazzling display of light; red, orange, yellow, and at the very heart blue – the cool numbness of release. When he reached it, he could no longer feel the searing pain, could no longer hear the crackling or the screams of agony. He just sat there, staring into the fire, mesmerized by it's ever changing shape flickering around his hand.
Suddenly he was wrenched away from the flames; he let out a pitiful moan of loss. From somewhere came soft whisperings, and the cool touch of gentle hands lifting him up before he rushed head-fist into blackness.
He came to to the lulling sound of far-away whisperings; the touch of concern in the voices wafting to his ears. The fog cleared away and Draco could hear the voices clearly.
"—too bad. I don't know if he'll be all right or not."
Low murmurings he could not catch.
"—no. He's been sitting there ever since he brought Mr. Malfoy in. Poor boy won't even leave his side for a minute. I don't know why, S--"
The voices moved from that room to the next, fading out of his hearing range.
A soft moan sounded next to him, and Draco slowly opened his eyes. Harry Potter was sitting next to the hospital bed he was lying in, asleep. His black hair was strewn across the white sheets and on Draco's thigh. Harry's lips were slightly parted, his low breathing even. Draco lifted his hand, then, belatedly, noticed that it was wrapped in white gauze, all the way up to his shoulder. He stared at it, transfixed.
He felt a slight movement next to him and looked at Harry, who was waking up. A large red mark covered the side of his face.
"Potter." Draco stated, in way of a greeting.
"Malfoy." Harry replied back, albeit somewhat groggily. "How do you feel?"
"How do I feel? Good god, Potter." Draco snorted in disgust. "Didn't you know?"
Harry shook his head, black strands flying. "Know what, Malfoy?" His eyebrows furrowed in consternation.
"I wanted to burn. I wanted to die, Potter. What part of the word 'suicide' do you not understand?" Draco sneered.
"But--"
"But it's always your job to save people, isn't it, Potter? Harry Potter, the Savior of the Wizarding World. Did you ever think someone could actually want to die, Potter? No, I don't think so. Potter and his perfect ideals, good and evil. Things aren't so stark in reality. Wake up, Potter. There is no white and black, only gray. And as long as you disillusion yourself, the more you'll get hurt. You-Know-Who isn't evil, Potter. He's only some man trapped in the illusion you yourself are trapped in. Give up, Potter. Save yourself."
An empty awkward silence filled the room. Harry sat there, looking at his hands. After a while he spoke up.
"I can't, Malfoy. If I give in, even for a second, I'm allowing someone else to win. As long as I keep my disillusionment, Malfoy, so can others. And I can't take that away from them. Not now, Malfoy. They need it. It's the only hope they have." Sadness and grief flowed through his words.
"So what, Potter. Isn't it enough that people are relying on you every second? That you have to a certain way – perfect, innocent, kind, undefiled; yet knowledgeable, untouchable, undefeatable, inhuman? I think, Potter, that you almost gave in to the temptation when you kissed me yesterday. You wanted to do something that you weren't supposed to do. Something naughty, something that no one would ever imagine that façade of yours doing. You wanted something, Potter. Something that was forbidden. Haven't you ever heard that Muggle saying? Oh, what was it? Oh, yes. 'The perpetrator always returns to the scene of the crime.'. That's what you were doing, wasn't it Potter? Returning to the scene of the crime. And you just happened to see me trying to kill myself. That's when your hero reflex kicked in. So you've stayed here to make sure I'm fine and I don't tell anyone about your little, or perhaps not so little, slip."
The silence was deafening. Small sounds like the distant squeak of a chair and rustle of clothing sounded like a gunshot in the quiet.
"Who are you Malfoy?" Harry spoke up, startling Draco. He wasn't looking at Draco, but at the wall, as if trying to discern the history of it.
"Who am I? Why, that's an absurd question, Potter. I'm Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy."
"No. Not the name everyone knows you by. Your true name. What are your true values, Malfoy? What do you feel deep down in your soul?"
"I feel…alone, Potter. Much as I imagine you yourself feel like. I want many things. But just because I may wish that things be another way does not make them true. My true name is one that I would wish on no one to hear. It is full of suffering, pain, fear, and ultimate loneliness. I wonder, though. If we were to sound our names out at the exact moment, would they be synonymous? Would our names be one in the same, a single being of despair?"
"I think Malfoy, that they might. Both of us, mortal enemies, two different sides, have more in common with each other than we do with the people on the sides we fight for."
"Perhaps, Potter, it was destiny that made you kiss me. That one second when you saw yourself looking out through my eyes."
"Perhaps."
"Do you see yourself now?"
Harry didn't have the chance to reply. Soft lips challenged his own chapped ones, tugging and pulling. He gave in, battling with a passion he had never felt before. He put his rage, his anger, his fear, all into that kiss, biting and licking. He could feel blood – he didn't know whose it was, his or Malfoy's, and he didn't care, as long as he could be closer to the outlet of his self-pity. He felt a hand on his waist, pulling him closer, up onto the hospital bed. He straddled the body beneath him, and felt the him underneath him arch up to meet him. A hot dagger of moistness invaded his mouth and he and Malfoy were battling ferociously to get deeper inside each other. Harry threaded his hands through Malfoy's silken cool hair, suddenly yanking Malfoy closer. He felt Malfoy moan, a rumble that reached every part of his body. He could feel Malfoy's one usable hand reach underneath his shirt and caress his spine, making him arch against Malfoy in pleasure. They broke apart, each gasping wildly for breath, their faces flushed.
"Good god, Potter. Nearly ripped my hair out." Draco said once he caught his breath. Harry was still straddling Draco's body, looking down at Draco. He collapsed on top of Draco, causing him to let out a loud 'unmph'. Draco could feel Harry's body shaking as he buried his head deep into Draco's neck.
"What the hell, Potter? What's wrong?" Draco asked, a note of concern threading it's way through his voice. Harry looked up, laughter coloring his features, his face broken out in the widest and most care-free grin Draco had ever seen. Harry giggled softy, his body shaking with laughter.
"What?!" Draco nearly yelled, furious at being left out of the loop, small as it was.
"Imagine…if—if Madame Pomphrey had walked in on us!" Harry burst out in another round of almost-silent giggles, shaking the bed.
"Potter, please. You're creating a lot of undue friction at the moment." That just caused Harry to laugh even harder. "All right, all right. It would have been sort of funny in Madame Pomphrey had walked in on us." He looked down at Harry, who was looked up at him, laughter and mirth dancing merrily in his eyes, his mouth stretched out in a broad grin.
"She would have run screaming to the nearest Professor to help her lift the curse off. Which would be Professor Snape."
A pause and Draco and Harry burst out laughing and the image of Professor Snape seeing them in such a 'compromising' position. After a while the laughter died down, leaving in it's wake a companionable and warm silence. Harry was resting his head on Draco's chest, Draco leaning his head on Harry's.
"I think I should get off you soon, Malfoy. I have to get back to Common Room and get some sleep. Classes tomorrow and all."
"Of course. I will see you again though, right Potter? I did enjoy our 'discussion'." Draco winked at Harry.
"Right." Harry grinned. He hopped off the bed, kissed Malfoy quickly on the lips, and headed off towards the door. When he reached it, he swung around and blew Malfoy a kiss. "See you later, Malfoy." And he was gone.
Draco stared at the door for a while, the image of Harry Potter blowing him a farewell kiss still imprinted vividly in his mind. After a while, he sighed and smiled slightly, falling asleep with a faint happy smile imprinted on his face.