Buffy sat, very safe on her hotel bed, some nameless, boring hotel, just
like the last three. Her door was locked against the temptation that
lurked in her mind, and in the body of a bleached blonde vampire. The
friend thing was... not bad. It was a LOT better than feeling like a VERY
cheap whore after every encounter, albeit a very SATISFIED one. Still...
the way he had treated her still made her skin crawl, and her lips curl in
hurt, anger, and disgust.
Thinking back on the last week or so, Spike had been... nice. Friendly. Total polar opposite of everything he had been with Choice One. But... she would see him, watching her. Her body. Her eyes. His eyes were constantly drifting down to her mouth. He would touch her. In the most innocent of ways. Passing salt. Handing her something. Passing her in a hallway, or just in the Ohana. They made her shake, which was ridiculous. A TOUCH shouldn't make her shake. Especially since he had already touched her so much before. But sometimes he would look at her. And just smile. And... She didn't know what. Did not know. Which, of course, was why she was sitting, locked in her own room, with Ben and Jerry for company.
Spike had found something that was rather rare in most of the hotels they'd been in. A weight room. Now, he was alone in there, working out, wearing nothing but a pair of dark blue jeans as he bench pressed a weight that would've squashed a human. Weightlifting was relaxing, and a very good way to work off the excess energy that he'd found himself with ever since Phase 2 had begun.
At about two AM, Buffy tossed the remote aside, and looked at her empty carton of icecream. Felt fat. Felt bored. Felt VERY fat, and VERY bored. Giles had mentioned this hotel having a weight room. Her lips curled and she changed into her baby blue boxers, rolling the waist to make it fit, and yanked on a white beater, some flipflops, and left the room.
Up, chin over bar, down, nearly hit forehead on bar. Up again, down again. Chin ups on a high bar. That's what Spike was doing when Buffy came in. His back to her, so he didn't see her enter.
Mother of- The curse broke off distractedly in her mind. Hello, temptation. How are you today? Why I'm just fine, thanks so much... Spike. Why? Why her? Why was he here making his muscles do those... things... the same things that his muscles did when she ran her hands over them while they were- BAD!!! BAD BAD BUFFY! YOU SUCK TEMPTATION!!!! No ice cream for you, she scolded herself. Went for casual as she sat at the weight bench he had vacated less than fifteen minutes earlier. Adjusted the weights to suit her. "Hey."
He jerked in surprise, and bonked his chin on the bar. "Bloody hell.." Let go and dropped to the ground, giving her that lopsided grin of his while rubbing his jaw. "Hey, luv."
Took a deep breath, focused on breathing properly while she lifted and lowered the bar. "What're you doing in here?" Stupid question, much? Gee... it's only a WEIGHT ROOM, BUFFY!!!
He shrugged, and moved to another of the machines, setting the weights carefully. "Got bored. Nothing to do 'round here. Figured I'd come work out."
Nodded. Lift. Bring to chest. Lift. Breathe. Crap. Forgot that part.
Spike got bored with his machine, and went back to the bars, swinging up and hanging by his knees, doing hanging curls. "You?", said on an exhale as he hung upside down.
She let out a tiny groan as he uncurled, his abs working. "Bored. Fat feeling."
Hung there, cocking his head. "You? Fat? Bout as much as I am, Slayer." Considered, then chuckled. "You've been eating ice cream, haven't you?"
Shamed sigh. "Don't tell Giles." Moved to a mat, started doing her own sit ups.
"Might want to wipe the chocolate off your nose before you see him, then." Chuckled as he did a couple more curls, then hung there, looking at her again. "You look like you're doing sit ups on the ceiling, cause I'm upside down."
She wiped hurriedly at her nose, did a few sit ups rapidly, then smiled at him. "You're on crack."
"No. I'm on a bar. And I had about half a pound of Reese's Bites earlier."
Laughed, started stretching. "Wonder who got you hooked on those?"
Continued hanging upside down. "You know, I seem to remember this short, blonde girl..."
Rolled her eyes. "There's only about three million of those in southern California..."
"I'll give you a hint. She's in this room." Did a couple more curls, then just hung there again, looking slightly confused, muttered, "Bloody hell. Not again."
Tilted her head to the side. "What?"
Gave her a sheepish look. "I always get up here, and then wind up just letting go and falling to get down. Never figured out how to do it." Shook his head and chuckled. "And it hurts, when there isn't a mat."
She laughed at him. "Grab the bar with your hands."
He flipped up, did as she said. "Oof. Now I know how a folded towel feels."
Shook her head. "Now unhook your legs. Voila. Off the chin up bar."
He moved slowly, doing his best. Got one leg down, then wound up tangled, and plopped onto the mat. Sat up, and growled up at the bar. "Damn, stupid bloody thing.."
Grinned. "Wanna spar?"
He thought about it. Good opportunity to put Phase 2 to the test. "Sure." Climbed up. "Lemme stretch, first, though. I've been folded in half."
She nodded, joined him in stretching, lamenting her choice to not buy tape for her knuckles at the last stop.
He yawned, showing fangs and letting himself growl a little. Shook his head. Looked around. "Too many machines." Began shoving the weight machines out of the way and up against a wall. Each one weighed in the hundreds of pounds, and he moved them easily, muscles rippling as he did so.
Bit her lip. Looked at the wall. As an afterthought, of course... but still.... its' the thought that counts, right??
He let out a growl, as he moved the last one of the larger, five hundred pound machines.
Stood, faced the opposite wall. Stop. Bad. Stop. Die. Die. Die.
Finally. Now there was room. He turned, and noticed the Slayer contemplating the wall. "Busy? Or ready?"
Turned to face him. "Ready."
Good moods breed quick attacks. He didn't even wait for her to take a stance before he snarled loudly and charged, hoping to catch her off guard. The only thing he caught was her foot in his stomach in a side kick. Off balance, but recovered quickly, snarling, and shooting a punch that connected with her side.
Hissed out a breath, her left fist connecting with his cheek.
The punch threw his head back, and he had to back off slightly to shake off the stars in his vision. The punch had connected high on his cheek, too near the eye. Growled, confusedly.
She pulled back, let him recover.
Looked up. "I expected you to 'stake' me, Slayer. Losin' your edge?"
Cocked a grin. "Just like a good fight."
Snarled, then charged again. "Me too."
She fell as he charged, swiping his legs out from under him as he passed over her.
Spike hit the mat with a 'oof' and a snarl, but rolled to his feet before she could get on him. Cautiously, he circled her, growling low. Looking like a circling shark.
Her firsts raised, she circled too, waited. Knew he was too impatient to do the same.
And she was right. He jumped at her, snarling. A move that he'd used in their very first fight, trying to get her to jump back.
Roundhouse kick. Element of surprise wasn't with him on that one anymore.
But it was now. He knew that a kick would be her next action. The jump had been a feint. A trick. And she'd fallen for it. He grabbed her leg in mid kick, and yanked, throwing her to the ground and pinning her in one swift movement. Fangs hovered near her throat. He whispered, "I win."
Quick breath, eyes wide, bit her bottom lip. "Don't you always?" she said, mostly to herself.
He sat back, giving a half grin. "Lately. You are losing your edge, Slayer. I remember the time when you'd win, or we'd both be too tired to continue."
Sat up, slid backwards. "Ya know... it's... late... and the ice cream, and all." "Excuses." He turned his back to her and stretched. "Just a matter of time, Slayer. Glad that *I'm* the one what gets the best of you." He was practically purring with triumph. "Might as well just go ahead and add a third Slayer to my list. Obviously, I can beat you and- OOF!"
She had one arm hooked under his neck in a choke hold, plastered against his back, hauling him up. "What??"
He fishmouthed, the unnecessary oxygen cut off. Struggled a little.
Pulled back a little harder. Whispered harshly in his ear, "Third Slayer my ass."
Choked out, "If I wasn't so... bloody attached... to you... you would be the thi- ack." She'd tightened again.
"I will NEVER be your third." Shoved him to his feet, a fire in her eyes. "Again."
He growled happily. "Now, there's the girl I love." Chuckled. "Can't you tell when I'm just trying to get a rise out of you, Slayer? Well, doesn't matter. It worked." Roared and attacked.
Exceptionally hard backhanded punch.
Growled, and moved into a smooth kick, connecting with her stomach.
She fell, sweeping his legs out from under him. Was on him in an instant.
Growled and struggled, arching in an attempt to push her off.
Ignored the pleasure, slammed his wrists above his head.
He growled again, still shoving. Ooh. This was a perfect opportunity. Struggled, without making it obvious that he was most definitely *not* trying to get away.
"I win, Spike."
He lost the vamp face, and grinned up at her. Most definitely not a sore loser. "Good. That's more like it."
Her body reacted to that smile, and her face lost it's fierce determination. Softened.
He just lay there, and chuckled softly. "I had to make you pissed at me, before you'd really put your all into it. Should've done it first, but... When opportunity knocks, open the door and hit it in the nose."
Bit her lip. Tried to concentrate on the words coming out of his mouth, rather than just the mouth itself.
He glanced around, then noticed the door. "Luv. Audience." Moved a little to wave at Dawn, who was standing in the doorway, giggling.
She moved off him quickly, smiling. "Hey, Dawnie."
"Hey, guys. I wanna try."
Spike sat up. "Try what, Bit?"
"To beat you."
Spike gave a snort, and climbed to his feet. "Please, Platelet. I might hurt you accidentally." Started to head for one of the machines. "You probably couldn't-" *THUNK* "Oof!"
She stared down at him. "What was that?"
Buffy laughed from the corner
He growled, tried, unsuccessfully, to shake her off. "That wasn't fair. I wasn't expecting that." Growled in the Slayer's direction. "And it's *not* funny."
Dawn looked down at Spike. "That's it? You're kidding me? Too easy, much?" Stood, tossed her hair. "I might as well just go to sleep. It'd be less boring."
The vampire sat up as Dawn left, fishmouthing. Then, "Damn it. Caught me off guard." Called after Dawn, "I could've killed your sister earlier, you know!"
A disinterested sound came from the hallway.
Buffy laughed at him. "My sister totally could have killed you."
Spike just sat there. Snorted. "Not on your life, luv. She just... surprised me. That's all. Won't happen again, I assure you." He climbed to his feet.
Spoke slowly. "I'm... gonna... attack... now... Are... you... ready?... I don't want you to be surprised..."
He tried to growl, but it came out as a chuckle. "Ready."
Lunged at him with a right hook.
He caught her fist, but the momentum threw him off balance. Went for a recovery leg sweep.
She landed on her butt.
Quick, excited growl, and he was on her.
Hitched her hips up, tried to toss him off.
Spike growled, but did his best to hang on. Slowly, the Slayer's hands were wrestled to be pinned above her head. "Gotcha."
Squirmed her hips again in a desperate, last-ditch effort.
He pressed down onto her, holding her down. "Nuh-uh, Slayer."
Her body slowly lost its resistance. Her lips parted gently.
He moved as if to get off her, was surprised (but not too surprised) when she wouldn't let him.
She slid one hand from where he had been holding them, slipped one to stroke at his neck. Lifted her head off the mat a fraction of an inch, her mouth rising to meet his.
He pulled back a little, almost apologetically. Said quietly, sadly. "No, luv.."
Her head dropped back, turned away from his. Eyes closed. Took a deep breath.
"Sorry...", he said quietly, keeping the apologetic tone. Moved off her to sit on the mat next to her.
Sat slowly, kept her head turned from his, her eyes now open. "No," she said overly brightly. "You're right. My bad."
He'd been right. Phase 2 *was* fun. Kept the quiet tone. "Not your fault, luv. And don't think that I don't want to. Cause I do. Just... An agreement is an agreement, right?"
Spoke a lot of ugly, bitter things in her mind. "Right!" she agreed, again brightly. "I mean... of course."
He nodded, letting his shoulders droop with what appeared to be a hint of regret. God, he was getting good at this.
She slammed her fingers through her hair, her head turned against his direction after she saw the slump. She needed to... do something. Something violent. Maybe not even violent. She honestly didn't know. "I... I'm gonna go... go patrol." She stood hastily to her feet.
Looked up. "Want me to come?"
Wanted to slap her forehead. Settled for a ground out, "No."
He got up slowly, set about moving the machines back into place. "Alright. Fine. Go on then." A slightly hurt tone.
Blew out a breath, started to move equipment, too. "I just... I need to walk."
He shoved the last one back into place, and gave her a grin. "It's okay, luv. I'm gonna go... Dunno. Challenge Niblet to a rematch."
Gave him a reprimanding look. "It's three-thirty in the morning. You're going to let her sleep. Geez. People need to sleep." Completely forgetting what she hadn't been doing for a week and a half.
He just looked at her. "Uh-huh. I know. Right." Headed for the door. "Wonder what time it is in South Dakota..."
Walked out behind him, her hackles rising inherently just at the mention. "I have no idea, but I'm sure she'd be happy to hear from you anytime." Walked out the door, wearing nothing but her boxers, beater, and flip flops.
He watched her go, finally letting out the chuckle he'd been holding. This was going better than he'd hoped.
============================================================================ ==========
She gave a satisfied huff as she settled back into her cot again. It was late, they were at YET ANOTHER park, and Spike was just... sleeping there. Like it was no big deal. Like he didn't want her. Like she didn't want him. Everyone was asleep, and she should be, too. Sleep, Bad Buffy.
He had touched her all day. Anyway he could. A hand on her shoulder. Fingers brushing her neck. Brushing her leg. Brushed her butt once, but she wasn't too sure that was anything. Groaned.
Spike was asleep. Totally asleep. And purring. And moving and... arm around her. He was cuddling again. His nose was buried in her neck again. Doing that... burying thing. That she hated. Because she loved it. And the purring. Who could miss the purring? She turned, ever so slowly in his arms, until she was facing him. He sighed, sniffing a little at her neck as she turned, a small, contented smile on his face.
It warmed her, and on reflex, nuzzled her mouth against his.
That woke him up. His eyes opened slowly, and he pulled back slightly. "Buffy.. uh.."
Made a barely audible hushing noise, kissed him again tenderly.
Ohh. He wanted so badly to just let this happen. But something told him that he was almost to the end of Phase 2. He whimpered quietly, and pulled back. Whispered, "Buffy, luv... No. You know.. no."
Her eyes closed against the sudden stinging sensation in them, swallowed hard, slammed her fist down on the cushioned pallet on the cot.
He lay there, then moved away from her, just an inch or so, then pulled the blanket up around him, as if he'd suddenly gotten very cold.
She sat up suddenly, one hand grabbing his arm, sliding off the bed, making the short way to the bathroom, closed the door behind them.
He glanced around the cramped bathroom. "Luv... what are you doing? We can't..."
She looked at him, the frustrated tears still hurting her eyes. "I can't *do* this anymore."
He looked at her sadly. "Sorry, luv. But this is all there is. You don't love me. There is no third choice."
She dropped her eyes. ""I... I know..." She glanced up at him imploringly. "But can't I try? I can't... can't take this. It hurts."
He said quietly, almost to himself, "Now you know how *I've* been feeling."
She bit back the welling in her eyes. "I'm- I just... I... I'm sorry. But... can't we try?"
A little louder than before, but not much. "Why don't you tell me *what* exactly that you're willing to try, Buffy."
She looked at him, nearly in tears, confusion rolling off her. ""I don't *know*. Something more than this. I don't- I don't know. May-maybe friends who can SEE what's there? If it's there? Because... I can't do this... I ne-" She choked on the word. Twice. "Need. All of you."
He moved to sit on the closed toilet, pulling her into his lap and holding her there. "I just need to know something. Before I agree to anything."
She looked around, feeling a little foolish, and wiping violently at her eyes. Small sniffle. "What?"
He almost didn't want to know the answer, but asked anyway. "Is it even possible? That you could ever, and I mean *ever*, feel the same way about me that I feel about you?" He deliberately avoided the word 'love', knowing that it would make her shy away.
As it was, she squirmed on his lap. Twisted her hands together. "I'm not- I don't- I can't.. Guarantee you anything, be-because I don't want to lie. I don't know. But.. there's something more there than heat. More than the sex. But it's more than simple friendship, too. I don't... I don't know what it is... but I want to find out. I think."
Well. This was a definite improvement from 'you're beneath me'. He cupped her chin gently, and raised her eyes to meet his. "Me too." God, he wanted to kiss her.
Her eyes dropped from his, one hand resting by his side, her thumb gently stroking the skin there.
He purred softly, the deeper purr than the friendship purr. But, this would have to be different. "But we do this my way."
She bit her lip, cringed internally. Maybe a little externally, too. Waited for his rules.
"For one thing.." Paused, considered his phrasing. "When we're... together.. Only when, and if, *I* want to, too."
She looked at him, truly confused. There was a time he DIDN'T want to??
He sighed. "You.. dictated, last time. You made the rules. I want this to be different. And, then there's the Scoobies."
Unmitigated terror flooded her eyes, and she looked down quickly again.
He continued. "I want to be able to touch you. To kiss you, and... hold hands or whatever, in front of them. No hiding. If you're going to be ashamed of me, I don't even want to try this."
Quietly, "I'm not ashamed."
Looked at her. "Locked every door. Even when we were just cuddling. Wouldn't let anyone see my hand when I was touching you. Jerked away from me the moment one of 'em looked at us. Didn't even tell your own sister. What does that sound like to you, Slayer?" He wasn't hiding anything. The hurt, the anger that had caused were all written on his face and audible in his voice.
She shrunk more in his lap.
He waited. Wanted an answer to this. "Well?" It was softer, this time.
"I'm scared." It was barely an exhale.
He looked down at her, his face softening. "I understand that, Slayer. There's nothing scarier than giving a part of your heart to someone. Cause there's always the chance that you'll be rejected, or that the other person'll hurt you in some other way. So, know that it isn't just you." Thought for a moment. "I want this to be even. What do *you* want in this?"
Looked up at him, surprised.
Cocked his head. "Your move, Slayer."
Thought a moment. "Don't... sleep with Madison."
He looked at her. "Buffy, luv... I've never-"
She interrupted. "I don't- I don't care. I just don't want you to."
"Why?" He truly didn't understand. "You sleep with Rupert."
Sputtered a minute. "That is SO different!"
Raised an eyebrow. "How?"
"Because! It's like... Giles."
"And Madison's just... Madison." Shrugged. "All she does is help me sleep. Treats me nice. Scritches me. Makes me feel good. What's wrong with that? She's my friend."
Eyes filled with something close to pain. One hand rose to almost touch his cheek before she dropped it back to her lap. "And I don't."
Ooh. She took it the wrong way. "No! Luv.. You do.. You make me feel wonderful.. almost.. alive. It's not the same thing, though. You feel differently for Harris than you do for me. And I feel differently for Madison than I do for you."
"I don't sleep with Xander."
Just looked at her. Gee. Memories are a funny thing.
Flushed. "Well... Giles... that was different."
"How?"
"B-because! He's... I mean, I know he's hot for an older guy, but... me and Giles? Ew, much?"
Spike chuckled a little. "I see your point. But, luv... I know Madison's attractive. I'm not blind. But I love *you*. No one but you. And I honestly don't see anything wrong with my having fun with one of my only two friends, other than you."
Her mouth screwed up in frustration. "I'm not saying don't have fun with her. Just... come back to me."
He gently pulled her closer, and rested his chin on top of her head. "To you, Buffy, I will always return. I was coming back to you even before I knew that was what I was doing. Why the hell do you think that I kept coming back to Sunnyhell? It certainly wasn't for the amazing scenery."
Small smile. He was all hers. Then, "I still don't like you sleeping in the same bed with her."
"We're back to that again." Gave her his best puppy face. "Can I still let her scritch me?" Pouted out his bottom lip a little.
It took a lot for her to nod grudgingly.
He started chuckling. Couldn't help it. She was so cute when she was jealous.
She leveled him a sharp look. "Don't make fun of me."
Bit his lip. "I'm not.." Chuckled again. "But.. you just.. you're so.. cute when you're all jealous and protective.."
Huffed. "Well, excuse me, if i got to see a Hispanic Lolita all grown up."
He snorted, and chuckled again. "Come on, luv. You, of all people, should see the humor in this."
Small smile. "Ok."
He sighed, then rested his chin on her head again. "So.. anything else?"
She dropped her head on his chest, worrying her bottom lip. "I have no idea how I'm going to tell them..." Almost to herself.
"Simple. *You* are not going to tell them." Gently took her chin in his hand and raised her eyes to his. "*We're* going to tell them. Tomorrow. And I've got a good way to start off, too."
Shook her head in his hands. "Spike, I don't think that's the best id-"
He growled slightly. "Damnit, Slayer. The whole point of this is that *we* work together. That *we* are in a relationship, and that *we* tell them. Together. This is how it's going to be, luv. Get used to it. We're in this together, or not at all."
It really pissed her off when he was right. "Fine. Let's go with the totally awful idea. And how did you plan to start if off, with the perfect idea?"
Gave her a grin. "Simple. We go back out there, lie down, and go to sleep. Then, in the morning, we can explain to the Scoobies why I've been holding you all night. Cause, we both know, that it's so late now, we're going to sleep long after the others wake up."
That consuming panic took her eyes again.
He sighed. "How would you go about it, Slayer? Cause I guarantee you that once I'm asleep, I'm gonna cuddle up against you again."
"I... I don't know, but that gives them a lot of time to-to think, and of questions to ask, and looks to give..."
"And time to make you think twice. And be embarrassed about being with me. And go back to thinking that I'm benea-"
She was shaking her head. "No. That's not fair. Why is it so hard for you to understand why what they think is important to me?"
He said simply. "Because I've never had friends like that. Not until very recently."
"And... And you felt bad, when Madison was upset you beat that kid. Didn't you? Because you somehow disappointed her."
He nodded. Sighed. "They hate me that much?"
Shrugged. "Not all of them. Just... just Xander, I think."
"Then what's the big deal? Demon-girl'll keep the Whelp in line."
"I love him. I have a... responsibility to him."
"Yeah.. I know." He sighed again. "And, I guess, I do too. Now. Got to do my part for the *us* thing."
She lifted one hand, her fingers barely grazing his lips, then dropped it down again. "Can- I mean, am I, can I-"
Cocked his head. "Can you what, luv?"
"Can I kiss you, now? I mean-"
He gently pulled her to him, and pressed his lips to hers in answer.
She kept the kiss slow, but eased his lips apart. Too long.
He knew what she was doing, and let her. Welcoming it. It had been too long for him, too. Finally. No more acting.
She pulled back, her eyes fierce and glittering with tears she hadn't known pricked her eyes. "Don't ever..."
Quietly, his sapphire blue eyes shining at her, "Don't what, luv?"
Her eyes matched his, searched them, finding the depths of emotions, finding comfort in them. "Don't ever look at me like you did before..."
He glanced away. "Yeah.. I'm sorry 'bout that, luv. But you know why I had to do it. Sex without friendship. Remember?" Quietly. "If it helps at all, it was killing me to do it."
Her eyes glinted with hurt. "You're a damn good actor."
Didn't look at her. "Sorry to say, I've had a lot of practice."
Touched his chin, tilted it towards her. "No more?"
Spike locked eyes with her. Knew she could see the sincerity shining in his. "Never again. I promise. I swear with every fiber of my being that I will never, ever, act around you again."
Nodded, accepting. Pressed a kiss to his lips gently, lingeringly. "Any other rules?"
"Just one." Looked her in the eyes again, one hand cupping her chin. "Let me in. Before whatever you're dealing with breaks you. Before it becomes too much. Don't shut me out of your life when things get difficult. Let me help you. I want to help you. I love you. All you have to do... All you've ever had to do, is to just let me in." His voice was quiet, sincere, and full of all his emotions, laid out there in front of her like cards on a poker table. Full house.
She dropped her eyes, fidgeted slightly on his lap. "I'm... not good at that."
Pulled her chin up again. "I know. All I'm asking is that you give me a chance, Slayer. There's no reason that anyone should deal with things alone. Slayer or not. Just.. let me help you. Let me be there for you. Take care of you. Let me love you, Buffy."
Her misted eyes were focused intently on a spot on his collarbone that her thumb was stroking softly. "I want to." So hard for her, to give that much, which was really so little. So hard for her to open to him. To let him touch her. But... "I'll try."
He almost hadn't been expecting her to agree to that. Said quietly, "Thank you."
She leaned against him.
He sighed, and let a purr begin to rumble from his chest. Her purr. The one he used only for her. Rested his chin on her head again, nuzzling softly.
It should have made her feel better. And it did. But still... "This is so hard."
"I know," he whispered into her hair. "It takes a lot to trust again, when you've been hurt. I know how you feel, luv. Both of us kind of suck at this sort of thing, don't we?"
Small, slightly bitter laugh. "You could say that..."
He made a sound similar to hers, then a real chuckle. "Know what's funny, though?"
"What?"
He pulled back, giving her a 'hello? look around' look. "Buffy, we're discussing our relationship, while sitting on a toilet, in an RV, in the middle of God knows where, at three am. Tell me you don't find that funny."
Small chuckle, that turned into a full laugh. Rested her head on his chest. "Oh my God... We are so strange..."
He chuckled. "Tell me about it, luv. Let's take a look back, shall we? Three years ago, we're mortal enemies. Two years ago, not much had changed. Last year, I'm chained in your Watcher's bathtub, and you're doing your best to make my life an unliving hell. Care to continue?"
Small laugh. "I don't think 'no' is a strong enough word..."
"How about 'hell no'?"
Licked her lips. "Can we- let's... let's tell them your way."
He grinned. "So you're tired, then? Or just in the mood to have a vampire cuddle up against you?"
"Both. And I figure... Being with you isn't triggering an apocalypse, so... that's gotta be a good, right?"
"Oh, always." Stood up, letting her slide from his lap, but keeping his hands clasped around her from behind, his head still resting on hers, still purring happily.
She walked out the room, settled back on her cot. He lay down next to her, and immediately pulled her to him, nuzzling his nose against the back of her neck.
She laid still a moment, squirmed. Turned a little bit. "Spike?"
"Yeah?"
Slight blush in her voice. "Um... I gotta pee."
He couldn't entirely hide his chuckle. "You should've thought of that before we left." He let her go, though.
She came back a few minutes later, slid back in bed. He was almost asleep, but had forced himself to stay awake, waiting for her. Purred softly as he pulled her to him.
She smiled, turned to face him, keeping his arms around her. Sprawled comfortably against him. Smiled against his lips. "Just so there aren't any misunderstandings in the morning."
He squeezed her gently in a quick hug. "One more time, luv. Thank you."
For the first time in weeks, Buffy slept with a smile on her face, content with her decisions.
Spike slept quite well, too. Knowing that, finally, Phase 2 had been completed. Now, at least she knew. And at least he had a chance. Maybe more than a chance. But first, they'd have to make it through the Scoobies in the morning....
End, chapter 20.
Hey guys! Tequila here. HOLY SHIT!!! I PASSED GOVERNMENT!!!!!!! *grabs a half-naked James, kisses exhuberantly* mmm.... get back to you in a minute... *returns fifteen minutes later, clearing throat, straightening clothes, and shoving a COMPLETELY naked James back in the bedroom* A-HEM! WHAT? It was celebratory sex. *innocent smile* lol sorry, guys. It is virtually impossible to get an A in that class with our teacher (go ahead, ask my fellow classmates) and I GOT AN A!!! And to think, I was on my knees begging and bargaining with God for a C. Whew! lol Um...more this Saturday, because I feel I've neglected you this week, with my college visits and study sessions. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!!!!!!!! *blows kisses* REVIEW!
Always. Tequila Sunrise
Thinking back on the last week or so, Spike had been... nice. Friendly. Total polar opposite of everything he had been with Choice One. But... she would see him, watching her. Her body. Her eyes. His eyes were constantly drifting down to her mouth. He would touch her. In the most innocent of ways. Passing salt. Handing her something. Passing her in a hallway, or just in the Ohana. They made her shake, which was ridiculous. A TOUCH shouldn't make her shake. Especially since he had already touched her so much before. But sometimes he would look at her. And just smile. And... She didn't know what. Did not know. Which, of course, was why she was sitting, locked in her own room, with Ben and Jerry for company.
Spike had found something that was rather rare in most of the hotels they'd been in. A weight room. Now, he was alone in there, working out, wearing nothing but a pair of dark blue jeans as he bench pressed a weight that would've squashed a human. Weightlifting was relaxing, and a very good way to work off the excess energy that he'd found himself with ever since Phase 2 had begun.
At about two AM, Buffy tossed the remote aside, and looked at her empty carton of icecream. Felt fat. Felt bored. Felt VERY fat, and VERY bored. Giles had mentioned this hotel having a weight room. Her lips curled and she changed into her baby blue boxers, rolling the waist to make it fit, and yanked on a white beater, some flipflops, and left the room.
Up, chin over bar, down, nearly hit forehead on bar. Up again, down again. Chin ups on a high bar. That's what Spike was doing when Buffy came in. His back to her, so he didn't see her enter.
Mother of- The curse broke off distractedly in her mind. Hello, temptation. How are you today? Why I'm just fine, thanks so much... Spike. Why? Why her? Why was he here making his muscles do those... things... the same things that his muscles did when she ran her hands over them while they were- BAD!!! BAD BAD BUFFY! YOU SUCK TEMPTATION!!!! No ice cream for you, she scolded herself. Went for casual as she sat at the weight bench he had vacated less than fifteen minutes earlier. Adjusted the weights to suit her. "Hey."
He jerked in surprise, and bonked his chin on the bar. "Bloody hell.." Let go and dropped to the ground, giving her that lopsided grin of his while rubbing his jaw. "Hey, luv."
Took a deep breath, focused on breathing properly while she lifted and lowered the bar. "What're you doing in here?" Stupid question, much? Gee... it's only a WEIGHT ROOM, BUFFY!!!
He shrugged, and moved to another of the machines, setting the weights carefully. "Got bored. Nothing to do 'round here. Figured I'd come work out."
Nodded. Lift. Bring to chest. Lift. Breathe. Crap. Forgot that part.
Spike got bored with his machine, and went back to the bars, swinging up and hanging by his knees, doing hanging curls. "You?", said on an exhale as he hung upside down.
She let out a tiny groan as he uncurled, his abs working. "Bored. Fat feeling."
Hung there, cocking his head. "You? Fat? Bout as much as I am, Slayer." Considered, then chuckled. "You've been eating ice cream, haven't you?"
Shamed sigh. "Don't tell Giles." Moved to a mat, started doing her own sit ups.
"Might want to wipe the chocolate off your nose before you see him, then." Chuckled as he did a couple more curls, then hung there, looking at her again. "You look like you're doing sit ups on the ceiling, cause I'm upside down."
She wiped hurriedly at her nose, did a few sit ups rapidly, then smiled at him. "You're on crack."
"No. I'm on a bar. And I had about half a pound of Reese's Bites earlier."
Laughed, started stretching. "Wonder who got you hooked on those?"
Continued hanging upside down. "You know, I seem to remember this short, blonde girl..."
Rolled her eyes. "There's only about three million of those in southern California..."
"I'll give you a hint. She's in this room." Did a couple more curls, then just hung there again, looking slightly confused, muttered, "Bloody hell. Not again."
Tilted her head to the side. "What?"
Gave her a sheepish look. "I always get up here, and then wind up just letting go and falling to get down. Never figured out how to do it." Shook his head and chuckled. "And it hurts, when there isn't a mat."
She laughed at him. "Grab the bar with your hands."
He flipped up, did as she said. "Oof. Now I know how a folded towel feels."
Shook her head. "Now unhook your legs. Voila. Off the chin up bar."
He moved slowly, doing his best. Got one leg down, then wound up tangled, and plopped onto the mat. Sat up, and growled up at the bar. "Damn, stupid bloody thing.."
Grinned. "Wanna spar?"
He thought about it. Good opportunity to put Phase 2 to the test. "Sure." Climbed up. "Lemme stretch, first, though. I've been folded in half."
She nodded, joined him in stretching, lamenting her choice to not buy tape for her knuckles at the last stop.
He yawned, showing fangs and letting himself growl a little. Shook his head. Looked around. "Too many machines." Began shoving the weight machines out of the way and up against a wall. Each one weighed in the hundreds of pounds, and he moved them easily, muscles rippling as he did so.
Bit her lip. Looked at the wall. As an afterthought, of course... but still.... its' the thought that counts, right??
He let out a growl, as he moved the last one of the larger, five hundred pound machines.
Stood, faced the opposite wall. Stop. Bad. Stop. Die. Die. Die.
Finally. Now there was room. He turned, and noticed the Slayer contemplating the wall. "Busy? Or ready?"
Turned to face him. "Ready."
Good moods breed quick attacks. He didn't even wait for her to take a stance before he snarled loudly and charged, hoping to catch her off guard. The only thing he caught was her foot in his stomach in a side kick. Off balance, but recovered quickly, snarling, and shooting a punch that connected with her side.
Hissed out a breath, her left fist connecting with his cheek.
The punch threw his head back, and he had to back off slightly to shake off the stars in his vision. The punch had connected high on his cheek, too near the eye. Growled, confusedly.
She pulled back, let him recover.
Looked up. "I expected you to 'stake' me, Slayer. Losin' your edge?"
Cocked a grin. "Just like a good fight."
Snarled, then charged again. "Me too."
She fell as he charged, swiping his legs out from under him as he passed over her.
Spike hit the mat with a 'oof' and a snarl, but rolled to his feet before she could get on him. Cautiously, he circled her, growling low. Looking like a circling shark.
Her firsts raised, she circled too, waited. Knew he was too impatient to do the same.
And she was right. He jumped at her, snarling. A move that he'd used in their very first fight, trying to get her to jump back.
Roundhouse kick. Element of surprise wasn't with him on that one anymore.
But it was now. He knew that a kick would be her next action. The jump had been a feint. A trick. And she'd fallen for it. He grabbed her leg in mid kick, and yanked, throwing her to the ground and pinning her in one swift movement. Fangs hovered near her throat. He whispered, "I win."
Quick breath, eyes wide, bit her bottom lip. "Don't you always?" she said, mostly to herself.
He sat back, giving a half grin. "Lately. You are losing your edge, Slayer. I remember the time when you'd win, or we'd both be too tired to continue."
Sat up, slid backwards. "Ya know... it's... late... and the ice cream, and all." "Excuses." He turned his back to her and stretched. "Just a matter of time, Slayer. Glad that *I'm* the one what gets the best of you." He was practically purring with triumph. "Might as well just go ahead and add a third Slayer to my list. Obviously, I can beat you and- OOF!"
She had one arm hooked under his neck in a choke hold, plastered against his back, hauling him up. "What??"
He fishmouthed, the unnecessary oxygen cut off. Struggled a little.
Pulled back a little harder. Whispered harshly in his ear, "Third Slayer my ass."
Choked out, "If I wasn't so... bloody attached... to you... you would be the thi- ack." She'd tightened again.
"I will NEVER be your third." Shoved him to his feet, a fire in her eyes. "Again."
He growled happily. "Now, there's the girl I love." Chuckled. "Can't you tell when I'm just trying to get a rise out of you, Slayer? Well, doesn't matter. It worked." Roared and attacked.
Exceptionally hard backhanded punch.
Growled, and moved into a smooth kick, connecting with her stomach.
She fell, sweeping his legs out from under him. Was on him in an instant.
Growled and struggled, arching in an attempt to push her off.
Ignored the pleasure, slammed his wrists above his head.
He growled again, still shoving. Ooh. This was a perfect opportunity. Struggled, without making it obvious that he was most definitely *not* trying to get away.
"I win, Spike."
He lost the vamp face, and grinned up at her. Most definitely not a sore loser. "Good. That's more like it."
Her body reacted to that smile, and her face lost it's fierce determination. Softened.
He just lay there, and chuckled softly. "I had to make you pissed at me, before you'd really put your all into it. Should've done it first, but... When opportunity knocks, open the door and hit it in the nose."
Bit her lip. Tried to concentrate on the words coming out of his mouth, rather than just the mouth itself.
He glanced around, then noticed the door. "Luv. Audience." Moved a little to wave at Dawn, who was standing in the doorway, giggling.
She moved off him quickly, smiling. "Hey, Dawnie."
"Hey, guys. I wanna try."
Spike sat up. "Try what, Bit?"
"To beat you."
Spike gave a snort, and climbed to his feet. "Please, Platelet. I might hurt you accidentally." Started to head for one of the machines. "You probably couldn't-" *THUNK* "Oof!"
She stared down at him. "What was that?"
Buffy laughed from the corner
He growled, tried, unsuccessfully, to shake her off. "That wasn't fair. I wasn't expecting that." Growled in the Slayer's direction. "And it's *not* funny."
Dawn looked down at Spike. "That's it? You're kidding me? Too easy, much?" Stood, tossed her hair. "I might as well just go to sleep. It'd be less boring."
The vampire sat up as Dawn left, fishmouthing. Then, "Damn it. Caught me off guard." Called after Dawn, "I could've killed your sister earlier, you know!"
A disinterested sound came from the hallway.
Buffy laughed at him. "My sister totally could have killed you."
Spike just sat there. Snorted. "Not on your life, luv. She just... surprised me. That's all. Won't happen again, I assure you." He climbed to his feet.
Spoke slowly. "I'm... gonna... attack... now... Are... you... ready?... I don't want you to be surprised..."
He tried to growl, but it came out as a chuckle. "Ready."
Lunged at him with a right hook.
He caught her fist, but the momentum threw him off balance. Went for a recovery leg sweep.
She landed on her butt.
Quick, excited growl, and he was on her.
Hitched her hips up, tried to toss him off.
Spike growled, but did his best to hang on. Slowly, the Slayer's hands were wrestled to be pinned above her head. "Gotcha."
Squirmed her hips again in a desperate, last-ditch effort.
He pressed down onto her, holding her down. "Nuh-uh, Slayer."
Her body slowly lost its resistance. Her lips parted gently.
He moved as if to get off her, was surprised (but not too surprised) when she wouldn't let him.
She slid one hand from where he had been holding them, slipped one to stroke at his neck. Lifted her head off the mat a fraction of an inch, her mouth rising to meet his.
He pulled back a little, almost apologetically. Said quietly, sadly. "No, luv.."
Her head dropped back, turned away from his. Eyes closed. Took a deep breath.
"Sorry...", he said quietly, keeping the apologetic tone. Moved off her to sit on the mat next to her.
Sat slowly, kept her head turned from his, her eyes now open. "No," she said overly brightly. "You're right. My bad."
He'd been right. Phase 2 *was* fun. Kept the quiet tone. "Not your fault, luv. And don't think that I don't want to. Cause I do. Just... An agreement is an agreement, right?"
Spoke a lot of ugly, bitter things in her mind. "Right!" she agreed, again brightly. "I mean... of course."
He nodded, letting his shoulders droop with what appeared to be a hint of regret. God, he was getting good at this.
She slammed her fingers through her hair, her head turned against his direction after she saw the slump. She needed to... do something. Something violent. Maybe not even violent. She honestly didn't know. "I... I'm gonna go... go patrol." She stood hastily to her feet.
Looked up. "Want me to come?"
Wanted to slap her forehead. Settled for a ground out, "No."
He got up slowly, set about moving the machines back into place. "Alright. Fine. Go on then." A slightly hurt tone.
Blew out a breath, started to move equipment, too. "I just... I need to walk."
He shoved the last one back into place, and gave her a grin. "It's okay, luv. I'm gonna go... Dunno. Challenge Niblet to a rematch."
Gave him a reprimanding look. "It's three-thirty in the morning. You're going to let her sleep. Geez. People need to sleep." Completely forgetting what she hadn't been doing for a week and a half.
He just looked at her. "Uh-huh. I know. Right." Headed for the door. "Wonder what time it is in South Dakota..."
Walked out behind him, her hackles rising inherently just at the mention. "I have no idea, but I'm sure she'd be happy to hear from you anytime." Walked out the door, wearing nothing but her boxers, beater, and flip flops.
He watched her go, finally letting out the chuckle he'd been holding. This was going better than he'd hoped.
============================================================================ ==========
She gave a satisfied huff as she settled back into her cot again. It was late, they were at YET ANOTHER park, and Spike was just... sleeping there. Like it was no big deal. Like he didn't want her. Like she didn't want him. Everyone was asleep, and she should be, too. Sleep, Bad Buffy.
He had touched her all day. Anyway he could. A hand on her shoulder. Fingers brushing her neck. Brushing her leg. Brushed her butt once, but she wasn't too sure that was anything. Groaned.
Spike was asleep. Totally asleep. And purring. And moving and... arm around her. He was cuddling again. His nose was buried in her neck again. Doing that... burying thing. That she hated. Because she loved it. And the purring. Who could miss the purring? She turned, ever so slowly in his arms, until she was facing him. He sighed, sniffing a little at her neck as she turned, a small, contented smile on his face.
It warmed her, and on reflex, nuzzled her mouth against his.
That woke him up. His eyes opened slowly, and he pulled back slightly. "Buffy.. uh.."
Made a barely audible hushing noise, kissed him again tenderly.
Ohh. He wanted so badly to just let this happen. But something told him that he was almost to the end of Phase 2. He whimpered quietly, and pulled back. Whispered, "Buffy, luv... No. You know.. no."
Her eyes closed against the sudden stinging sensation in them, swallowed hard, slammed her fist down on the cushioned pallet on the cot.
He lay there, then moved away from her, just an inch or so, then pulled the blanket up around him, as if he'd suddenly gotten very cold.
She sat up suddenly, one hand grabbing his arm, sliding off the bed, making the short way to the bathroom, closed the door behind them.
He glanced around the cramped bathroom. "Luv... what are you doing? We can't..."
She looked at him, the frustrated tears still hurting her eyes. "I can't *do* this anymore."
He looked at her sadly. "Sorry, luv. But this is all there is. You don't love me. There is no third choice."
She dropped her eyes. ""I... I know..." She glanced up at him imploringly. "But can't I try? I can't... can't take this. It hurts."
He said quietly, almost to himself, "Now you know how *I've* been feeling."
She bit back the welling in her eyes. "I'm- I just... I... I'm sorry. But... can't we try?"
A little louder than before, but not much. "Why don't you tell me *what* exactly that you're willing to try, Buffy."
She looked at him, nearly in tears, confusion rolling off her. ""I don't *know*. Something more than this. I don't- I don't know. May-maybe friends who can SEE what's there? If it's there? Because... I can't do this... I ne-" She choked on the word. Twice. "Need. All of you."
He moved to sit on the closed toilet, pulling her into his lap and holding her there. "I just need to know something. Before I agree to anything."
She looked around, feeling a little foolish, and wiping violently at her eyes. Small sniffle. "What?"
He almost didn't want to know the answer, but asked anyway. "Is it even possible? That you could ever, and I mean *ever*, feel the same way about me that I feel about you?" He deliberately avoided the word 'love', knowing that it would make her shy away.
As it was, she squirmed on his lap. Twisted her hands together. "I'm not- I don't- I can't.. Guarantee you anything, be-because I don't want to lie. I don't know. But.. there's something more there than heat. More than the sex. But it's more than simple friendship, too. I don't... I don't know what it is... but I want to find out. I think."
Well. This was a definite improvement from 'you're beneath me'. He cupped her chin gently, and raised her eyes to meet his. "Me too." God, he wanted to kiss her.
Her eyes dropped from his, one hand resting by his side, her thumb gently stroking the skin there.
He purred softly, the deeper purr than the friendship purr. But, this would have to be different. "But we do this my way."
She bit her lip, cringed internally. Maybe a little externally, too. Waited for his rules.
"For one thing.." Paused, considered his phrasing. "When we're... together.. Only when, and if, *I* want to, too."
She looked at him, truly confused. There was a time he DIDN'T want to??
He sighed. "You.. dictated, last time. You made the rules. I want this to be different. And, then there's the Scoobies."
Unmitigated terror flooded her eyes, and she looked down quickly again.
He continued. "I want to be able to touch you. To kiss you, and... hold hands or whatever, in front of them. No hiding. If you're going to be ashamed of me, I don't even want to try this."
Quietly, "I'm not ashamed."
Looked at her. "Locked every door. Even when we were just cuddling. Wouldn't let anyone see my hand when I was touching you. Jerked away from me the moment one of 'em looked at us. Didn't even tell your own sister. What does that sound like to you, Slayer?" He wasn't hiding anything. The hurt, the anger that had caused were all written on his face and audible in his voice.
She shrunk more in his lap.
He waited. Wanted an answer to this. "Well?" It was softer, this time.
"I'm scared." It was barely an exhale.
He looked down at her, his face softening. "I understand that, Slayer. There's nothing scarier than giving a part of your heart to someone. Cause there's always the chance that you'll be rejected, or that the other person'll hurt you in some other way. So, know that it isn't just you." Thought for a moment. "I want this to be even. What do *you* want in this?"
Looked up at him, surprised.
Cocked his head. "Your move, Slayer."
Thought a moment. "Don't... sleep with Madison."
He looked at her. "Buffy, luv... I've never-"
She interrupted. "I don't- I don't care. I just don't want you to."
"Why?" He truly didn't understand. "You sleep with Rupert."
Sputtered a minute. "That is SO different!"
Raised an eyebrow. "How?"
"Because! It's like... Giles."
"And Madison's just... Madison." Shrugged. "All she does is help me sleep. Treats me nice. Scritches me. Makes me feel good. What's wrong with that? She's my friend."
Eyes filled with something close to pain. One hand rose to almost touch his cheek before she dropped it back to her lap. "And I don't."
Ooh. She took it the wrong way. "No! Luv.. You do.. You make me feel wonderful.. almost.. alive. It's not the same thing, though. You feel differently for Harris than you do for me. And I feel differently for Madison than I do for you."
"I don't sleep with Xander."
Just looked at her. Gee. Memories are a funny thing.
Flushed. "Well... Giles... that was different."
"How?"
"B-because! He's... I mean, I know he's hot for an older guy, but... me and Giles? Ew, much?"
Spike chuckled a little. "I see your point. But, luv... I know Madison's attractive. I'm not blind. But I love *you*. No one but you. And I honestly don't see anything wrong with my having fun with one of my only two friends, other than you."
Her mouth screwed up in frustration. "I'm not saying don't have fun with her. Just... come back to me."
He gently pulled her closer, and rested his chin on top of her head. "To you, Buffy, I will always return. I was coming back to you even before I knew that was what I was doing. Why the hell do you think that I kept coming back to Sunnyhell? It certainly wasn't for the amazing scenery."
Small smile. He was all hers. Then, "I still don't like you sleeping in the same bed with her."
"We're back to that again." Gave her his best puppy face. "Can I still let her scritch me?" Pouted out his bottom lip a little.
It took a lot for her to nod grudgingly.
He started chuckling. Couldn't help it. She was so cute when she was jealous.
She leveled him a sharp look. "Don't make fun of me."
Bit his lip. "I'm not.." Chuckled again. "But.. you just.. you're so.. cute when you're all jealous and protective.."
Huffed. "Well, excuse me, if i got to see a Hispanic Lolita all grown up."
He snorted, and chuckled again. "Come on, luv. You, of all people, should see the humor in this."
Small smile. "Ok."
He sighed, then rested his chin on her head again. "So.. anything else?"
She dropped her head on his chest, worrying her bottom lip. "I have no idea how I'm going to tell them..." Almost to herself.
"Simple. *You* are not going to tell them." Gently took her chin in his hand and raised her eyes to his. "*We're* going to tell them. Tomorrow. And I've got a good way to start off, too."
Shook her head in his hands. "Spike, I don't think that's the best id-"
He growled slightly. "Damnit, Slayer. The whole point of this is that *we* work together. That *we* are in a relationship, and that *we* tell them. Together. This is how it's going to be, luv. Get used to it. We're in this together, or not at all."
It really pissed her off when he was right. "Fine. Let's go with the totally awful idea. And how did you plan to start if off, with the perfect idea?"
Gave her a grin. "Simple. We go back out there, lie down, and go to sleep. Then, in the morning, we can explain to the Scoobies why I've been holding you all night. Cause, we both know, that it's so late now, we're going to sleep long after the others wake up."
That consuming panic took her eyes again.
He sighed. "How would you go about it, Slayer? Cause I guarantee you that once I'm asleep, I'm gonna cuddle up against you again."
"I... I don't know, but that gives them a lot of time to-to think, and of questions to ask, and looks to give..."
"And time to make you think twice. And be embarrassed about being with me. And go back to thinking that I'm benea-"
She was shaking her head. "No. That's not fair. Why is it so hard for you to understand why what they think is important to me?"
He said simply. "Because I've never had friends like that. Not until very recently."
"And... And you felt bad, when Madison was upset you beat that kid. Didn't you? Because you somehow disappointed her."
He nodded. Sighed. "They hate me that much?"
Shrugged. "Not all of them. Just... just Xander, I think."
"Then what's the big deal? Demon-girl'll keep the Whelp in line."
"I love him. I have a... responsibility to him."
"Yeah.. I know." He sighed again. "And, I guess, I do too. Now. Got to do my part for the *us* thing."
She lifted one hand, her fingers barely grazing his lips, then dropped it down again. "Can- I mean, am I, can I-"
Cocked his head. "Can you what, luv?"
"Can I kiss you, now? I mean-"
He gently pulled her to him, and pressed his lips to hers in answer.
She kept the kiss slow, but eased his lips apart. Too long.
He knew what she was doing, and let her. Welcoming it. It had been too long for him, too. Finally. No more acting.
She pulled back, her eyes fierce and glittering with tears she hadn't known pricked her eyes. "Don't ever..."
Quietly, his sapphire blue eyes shining at her, "Don't what, luv?"
Her eyes matched his, searched them, finding the depths of emotions, finding comfort in them. "Don't ever look at me like you did before..."
He glanced away. "Yeah.. I'm sorry 'bout that, luv. But you know why I had to do it. Sex without friendship. Remember?" Quietly. "If it helps at all, it was killing me to do it."
Her eyes glinted with hurt. "You're a damn good actor."
Didn't look at her. "Sorry to say, I've had a lot of practice."
Touched his chin, tilted it towards her. "No more?"
Spike locked eyes with her. Knew she could see the sincerity shining in his. "Never again. I promise. I swear with every fiber of my being that I will never, ever, act around you again."
Nodded, accepting. Pressed a kiss to his lips gently, lingeringly. "Any other rules?"
"Just one." Looked her in the eyes again, one hand cupping her chin. "Let me in. Before whatever you're dealing with breaks you. Before it becomes too much. Don't shut me out of your life when things get difficult. Let me help you. I want to help you. I love you. All you have to do... All you've ever had to do, is to just let me in." His voice was quiet, sincere, and full of all his emotions, laid out there in front of her like cards on a poker table. Full house.
She dropped her eyes, fidgeted slightly on his lap. "I'm... not good at that."
Pulled her chin up again. "I know. All I'm asking is that you give me a chance, Slayer. There's no reason that anyone should deal with things alone. Slayer or not. Just.. let me help you. Let me be there for you. Take care of you. Let me love you, Buffy."
Her misted eyes were focused intently on a spot on his collarbone that her thumb was stroking softly. "I want to." So hard for her, to give that much, which was really so little. So hard for her to open to him. To let him touch her. But... "I'll try."
He almost hadn't been expecting her to agree to that. Said quietly, "Thank you."
She leaned against him.
He sighed, and let a purr begin to rumble from his chest. Her purr. The one he used only for her. Rested his chin on her head again, nuzzling softly.
It should have made her feel better. And it did. But still... "This is so hard."
"I know," he whispered into her hair. "It takes a lot to trust again, when you've been hurt. I know how you feel, luv. Both of us kind of suck at this sort of thing, don't we?"
Small, slightly bitter laugh. "You could say that..."
He made a sound similar to hers, then a real chuckle. "Know what's funny, though?"
"What?"
He pulled back, giving her a 'hello? look around' look. "Buffy, we're discussing our relationship, while sitting on a toilet, in an RV, in the middle of God knows where, at three am. Tell me you don't find that funny."
Small chuckle, that turned into a full laugh. Rested her head on his chest. "Oh my God... We are so strange..."
He chuckled. "Tell me about it, luv. Let's take a look back, shall we? Three years ago, we're mortal enemies. Two years ago, not much had changed. Last year, I'm chained in your Watcher's bathtub, and you're doing your best to make my life an unliving hell. Care to continue?"
Small laugh. "I don't think 'no' is a strong enough word..."
"How about 'hell no'?"
Licked her lips. "Can we- let's... let's tell them your way."
He grinned. "So you're tired, then? Or just in the mood to have a vampire cuddle up against you?"
"Both. And I figure... Being with you isn't triggering an apocalypse, so... that's gotta be a good, right?"
"Oh, always." Stood up, letting her slide from his lap, but keeping his hands clasped around her from behind, his head still resting on hers, still purring happily.
She walked out the room, settled back on her cot. He lay down next to her, and immediately pulled her to him, nuzzling his nose against the back of her neck.
She laid still a moment, squirmed. Turned a little bit. "Spike?"
"Yeah?"
Slight blush in her voice. "Um... I gotta pee."
He couldn't entirely hide his chuckle. "You should've thought of that before we left." He let her go, though.
She came back a few minutes later, slid back in bed. He was almost asleep, but had forced himself to stay awake, waiting for her. Purred softly as he pulled her to him.
She smiled, turned to face him, keeping his arms around her. Sprawled comfortably against him. Smiled against his lips. "Just so there aren't any misunderstandings in the morning."
He squeezed her gently in a quick hug. "One more time, luv. Thank you."
For the first time in weeks, Buffy slept with a smile on her face, content with her decisions.
Spike slept quite well, too. Knowing that, finally, Phase 2 had been completed. Now, at least she knew. And at least he had a chance. Maybe more than a chance. But first, they'd have to make it through the Scoobies in the morning....
End, chapter 20.
Hey guys! Tequila here. HOLY SHIT!!! I PASSED GOVERNMENT!!!!!!! *grabs a half-naked James, kisses exhuberantly* mmm.... get back to you in a minute... *returns fifteen minutes later, clearing throat, straightening clothes, and shoving a COMPLETELY naked James back in the bedroom* A-HEM! WHAT? It was celebratory sex. *innocent smile* lol sorry, guys. It is virtually impossible to get an A in that class with our teacher (go ahead, ask my fellow classmates) and I GOT AN A!!! And to think, I was on my knees begging and bargaining with God for a C. Whew! lol Um...more this Saturday, because I feel I've neglected you this week, with my college visits and study sessions. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!!!!!!!! *blows kisses* REVIEW!
Always. Tequila Sunrise