Spike woke up slowly, stretching, feeling Buffy's warm body stretched out against him. And slightly on top of him. He opened one eye enough to focus on the mass of blonde hair on his chest. Smiled a little. Buffy had a thing lately for using him as a pillow. He'd woken up earlier, and she'd been almost totally on top of him. He sleepily brought one hand up and stroked the Slayer's hair out of her face, watching her sleep. "So beautiful..", he whispered. "I love you." Even quieter.

Even asleep she reacted to his voice. Slowly cuddled down deeper beside him, a smile spreading across her lips.

Spike sighed, a wave of contentment washing over him. It was too bad that soon they'd have to get up and pack, for the Ohana was leaving that afternoon. The covered parking assured Spike that he wouldn't spontaneously combust. But, that was still a good three hours of relaxing away. Sighed, and let one hand trail over her back, stroking softly.

Tiny grunt.

He chuckled quietly. She was just sooo articulate at times.

He was jostling her body with his laughing. Her eyelids fluttered to open fuzzily. "Mmm...?"

Oops. He quieted, and closed his eyes.

Another smile appeared on her sleepy face. "Faker," she said in a slightly rough morning voice.

One eye opened. "Sorry I woke you, luv."

Shrugged. "No big. Morning. I hear it's a happening thing to wake up then."

He yawned a little. "Not for every species." Gave her a smile. "Not plannin' on running back to your room to pack anytime soon, are you, luv?"

Sat up and stretched, letting the blanket fall away. Leaned back on an elbow. "Depends."

He cocked his head a little, admiring her. "On what, pray tell?"

Tilted her head back, letting her hair fall over her back. "Mmm... on what I'm gonna do if I DON'T go pack."

He grinned at her. "Hmm. I have no idea. Who- I mean, what do you plan on doing, luv?"

Lost the seductive pout to laugh, hitting his arm lightly.

He chuckled. "Subtlety is not one of my strong points. In case you haven't noticed." Batted her hand away gently.

Shocked voice. "No."

He just chuckled, then, a conspiratorial tone. "Don't let on, though. I want the others thinking that I'm all deep and stuff."

Snort. "No worries."

Cocked his head. "What was *that* supposed to mean, Slayer?" Half play growl.

Wide eyes. "Oh nothing. The others find you to be the absolute PINNACLE, check the three syllable word, please, of deep thought and intellectuality. And that last word was seven."

He chuckled. "Beauty *and* brains. I knew there was a reason I love you."

Bit her lip and smiled.

He yawned, and leaned back on the pillows. "So. Two and a half hours till time to pack. What to do?" Raised an eyebrow. "Want food?"

Smiled, patted her stomach. "Mmm... Yes."

He chuckled. "There's the phone." Braced himself, *knowing* she was gonna hit him. And she did. Resounding thump on his chest.

He chuckled. "And I was kidding." Got up, and walked into the little kitchenette that came with the room, pulling on a pair of boxers as he went.

Buffy's eyes roved over him as he went, a slow smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

He opened the little fridge. Hmm. Eggs. Bacon. What the hell... Oh. Orange juice. "Uh.. luv? I'm not exactly up on human food. Why don't you come tell me what you want."

She came to the kitchenette with him, pulling a sheet around her as she walked. Peeked into the fridge. "Ooooh.... bacon." The voice of one who was witnessing the Holy Grail with their own eyes.

He chuckled, and pulled out the package of bacon, setting it on the counter. "Anything else?"

Tutted at him, shoving the bacon back. "No. So bad for me." Sighed. "Eggs." The firm resolve of one who has ALSO learned to refuse chocolate.

He cocked his head at her, and pulled out the eggs. "Suit yourself, luv. Eggs it is." Less than fifteen minutes later, they were sitting on the end of the bed, eating scrambled eggs off some oh-so-fashionable paper plates. "Not big on stocking the kitchen's are they?"

Shook her head. "Nope." SO wished she'd chosen bacon. Mmm... bacon. "Good eggs. Thank you."

Shrugged, tossing his plate and plastic fork in a nearby trash can and laying back on the bed. "No problem, luv." Yawned a little, settling back into his previous position against the pillows. Relaxed. Completely relaxed.

She grabbed the remote, flipped on the TV, laid back on the bed, her sheet still wrapped around her. She hadn't quite gotten around to clothes.

He sighed as she turned on an episode of Moonlighting. Pulled her to him gently, wanting to hold her.

She let him cuddle her in her cocoon, smiling.

Purred softly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head, then leaning his cheek against it and closing his eyes. Perfect morning.

She moved her head, her own version of a nuzzle. "I love this episode."

Didn't open his eyes. "Glad it's the one that's on, then."

Smiled. He felt so good.

He didn't want to doze off, but sleep was slowly claiming him. Exhaled slowly, going slightly limp.

Turned her head just a little to kiss his cheek.

A happy sigh from the mostly asleep vampire. Nuzzled closer.

She let him fall asleep, and about a half hour before they had to leave, she escaped silently, scrawling a small note, leaving it on the opposite pillow.

============================================================================ =================

Buffy passed Spike shyly hauling her things into the Ohana again. The note had only read, "Wish I was here." but she felt a little exposed.

He gave her one of those relaxed smiles of his. Something that he'd only recently started doing... Or that she'd only recently started noticing. Took her bag from her and moved to put it with the others.

She smiled in thanks, then bumped square into someone. Xander.

The boy looked at Buffy, then glanced at Spike, then back at Buffy. Try for normal. Cause he didn't want Anya to hit him. And she had that 'I'm gonna smack you if you say the wrong thing' look. Grinned, a little forcedly. "Hey, Buff. How're you doin'?"

"Good. You?"

Shrugged. "I'm great, I guess. Glad that we're gettin' close to home." Slipped into the booth as Giles started the Ohana and pulled out of the hotel's parking lot.

Small hurt look as he passed her. Never, NEVER in all their years together had small-talk been so meaningless.

Spike watched the two interact. Seeing the stiffness in Xander's posture, and the nervous/hurt look that Buffy gave him. Growled quietly. That wanker needed to grow up. Snorted, almost inaudibly, and went into the back room. For no reason other than hoping that his absence would help the strained relations.

Xander slid over a little more, and patted the booth next to him. "Wanna sit? Or lie down, roll over, play dead? I'm running out of dog commands."

Buffy gave him an almost hopeful look and sat.

He grinned at her. Effort. Make an effort. Spike makes her happy, even if you can't for the life of you figure out why. "So. How're... things?"

"Good. Um... Good." Cast around in her head. "What'd you and Dawn do..." Shit. Bring up the date, Buffy. Why not just ram it down his throat??

Chose to ignore it. "We went for icecream. And we were gonna see a movie, but Anya came to Dawn's room and got me half way through."

"Oh. Sounds fun. Did you have fun?"

He laughed. "Are we talking with Dawn, or Anya?"

Small laugh. "Um... both. But... separate, of course."

"Icecream is fun. Movies are fun-"

Anya interrupted. "Sex is funner."

Xander balked at her. Then shook his head and chuckled. "Well, that's the rest of the answer, I guess."

Laughed. "I guess so. Glad you had a good time. Pun intended."

He smiled. Effort, damn you. "And you?"

Anya chimed in. "Did Spike give you many orgasms?"

Xander started to say something, but just closed his eyes, trying not to laugh. That sort of thing shouldn't have surprised him anymore, but it still did. Gotta love Anya, bunnyphobia and all.

Sent a terrified glance Xander's way. "Didn't exactly count," she mumbled.

She had nothing to worry about, really. Xander was too busy trying not to laugh. Then stopped abruptly at Anya's next comment.

"You really should keep count. Then we can compare the living and unliving. I sometimes get into the high teens."

Her color was officially high. "Right. I'll... try to remember next time. I... need to talk to Giles." Beat a hasty retreat to the front passenger seat.

Giles was driving, and chuckling quietly. Damn that thin separater wall.

Slouched in the seat. "Shut up."

The Watcher stopped himself. "I'm sorry, Buffy. Really. It's just... I thought that, after all this time, Anya might have learned the meaning of the word 'tact'."

Stared out the window. "Yes. And please, for the record, how many orgasms did you have when the Gentlemen came to town?"

He nearly slammed on the brakes out of shock. "Buffy!"

Giggled pointedly. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was it only supposed to be funny with me?"

He gave her a look, then chuckled. "You've made your point."

Smiled. "I kinda figured I did."

Made a pointed motion to her seatbelt. "Before you make anymore *points*, I'd suggest that you clasp that. If I had hit the brakes a moment ago, you would've been introduced to the windsheild."

She rolled her eyes and hooked the seatbelt.

Giles smiled. "Thank you." Looked at her. "How *are* things going with.. Spike."

"Umm... Going."

"Is that good, or bad?"

"I think... sometimes it's really good. And sometimes, it just... it hurts and it's hard."

Giles turned to her. "Did he hurt you, Buffy?" Danger was evident in the tone.

"No." Honesty. "I mean... Well." Sighed. "No."

"Is there something else, then? Has he threatened you? Been mean, or rough?"

Shook her head. "He wants so much." Fidgeted. "And there's only so much I have to give."

Giles looked at her, slightly confused. "I'm not sure I understand."

"He... loves me. And... I like him. I do. But... I don't love him. I don't know if I CAN love him."

"Ah." The Watcher nodded. "Now I understand. Do you think, given time, that might change?"

She sat quietly. Thought long and hard. Could it change? Everything swirled in her mind, confusing, bright, dark. "I... I don't know. It might."

Giles gave a nod. Accepting. "Then what are you worried about?"

"That it will. That it won't. That he'll hurt me. That he won't."

"That you'll hurt him?", Giles added quietly.

Snort. "Little late for that one. That's a Buffy Special, Giles. Didn't you know?"

Her Watcher swivelled the chair a little, happy for red lights. "No. I can't say I did. You believe that you've hurt him? He seems normal. Or, rather, as normal as Spike ever is."

"He's ok now. I'm just... I'm good at that, Giles. Death, pain. My gift. I can't let him in."

Giles sighed as the light turned green, turned back and began driving again. "I'll admit that you don't seem to have the best luck in relationships. Neither do I, for that matter. But, Buffy, I don't believe that is *quite* what your guide meant. Although I am still trying to figure out exactly what that *did* mean. I know it bothered you." Looked at her. "You let us in. Xander, Willow and me. So you know that you are not impossible in that department."

Shook her head. "I know. I know all that. But I try to let him in, and... it hurts me. It's easier to... hurt alone, for me, than to let someone in and help."

Giles nodded. This was something he understood. Intimately. "I know. I've felt the same way many times over the years. You are not the type of person to ask for, or even want, help from others. Hypothetical situation. Dawn falls and scrapes her knee. She's crying. What do you do?"

Immediate response. "Hold her, help her up, and kill what made her fall."

He chuckled slightly. "Now. Different version. You've fallen and scraped your knee. Dawn is nearby, and will help if you ask. What do you do?"

"Stand up, brush myself off, and go on with my day."

"Exactly. But isn't there a part of you that wanted Dawn to come, take care of you? Just a small part."

"Yeah... but I didn't need it, and we didn't have to make a big deal of nothing."

Giles nodded. "But now you know that there is that part. And you need to let it lead from time to time, Buffy." Glanced at her. "I'm not speaking as your Watcher. Lord knows that I'd be fired all over again for telling you this in that capacity. Buffy, you need to nurture that part of you. The part that *isn't* part of the Slayer. That part that needs others for company, companionship. The young woman inside of the Slayer." Shook his head. "We.. Watchers are supposed to teach their Slayer's to ignore, to kill that part of themselves, but honestly, that's why I think you've lived so long. And will continue to live. Because that part of you, the part that makes you more than just the Slayer, that part that makes you *human*, isn't dead and buried as it was in all the Slayer's that came before you." Looked at her again. "Tell me that I'm making sense."

Her head hung a little. "Making sense."

Giles nodded, reached over to rest a hand on her shoulder. "I'm glad. And I didn't mean to make you feel bad about anything, Buffy. I just thought I should tell you."

I know... but... It's hard. To be trained to ignore that, and then, try to keep it, and then apply it to your ex-mortal enemy. Tell me I'm making sense."

Giles chuckled. "You are."

"Good. What... what do you think about us?"

"'Us'? You and Spike, you mean?"

"Yeah. Me and Spike."

Giles thought for a moment. "Well, I'll admit that it was a *bit* of a shock, the other morning. And I did have some slight reservations. But I was talking to Tara and Dawn, earlier. And they told me some things that allayed my fears a bit. Also, you seem... happier, when you aren't nervous around Xander. And that makes me glad. So, I guess I'm trying to say that I'm perfectly fine with it. Believe it or not, he's beginning to grow on me as well."

"I'm opting for not, and sticking to my world of make-believe." Licked her lips. "We've been... together, I guess, since the Ritz."

Giles looked at her. "You mean... Three months ago?"

Shifted uncomfortably. "Only like... two and a week or something like that. Not three."

Giles was officially confused. "I was under the impression that this was a new thing. May I ask what happened?"

"Lots of confusing, hurtful things on both our parts."

"What changed?"

Her mind and tongue tripped over the word still. "I... needed him."

There was that urge to clean his glasses. Unfortunately, that wouldn't exactly prove conducive to driving. "I.. see."

"I just... I wanted to fight with him, and, talk with him, and still be able to-" Edited version for Giles. "Hold his hand."

"Ah." He was not stupid. "But I'm guessing that Spike wanted something different?"

"No. Spike wanted that the whole time. He was just waiting for me to come around."

"Ah. Yes. And you two have reached some sort of mutually benefiting agreement, I'm guessing?"

"Um... Yeah. Part of the deal was to tell the Scoobies."

"Oh. And that's why you were sleeping on top of him that night."

Eyes focused intently on her hands. "That was kind of his idea. And not the brightest one he's ever had."

"It worked, though."

"Yeah. It was the great, civilized, controlled, talk I was looking for."

Giles chuckled. "I'll admit that we did... blow up, a bit. For want of a better term. And I apologize. I also apologize for threatening to tie Spike to the shower."

Shrug. "No big. Reflex."

"Yes. But I think I went a bit too far saying that I'd tie him to the shower then turn on the hot water."

Small glare. "I must have missed that part."

Cleared his throat. "Well then, forget I said that."

"Right on that."

============================================================================ =================

Willow knocked on the door to the backroom.

"Come in," Spike called from inside. He was sitting on the end of the bed, looking out the back window through the blinds. Cloudy day.

The Wiccas walked in, smiling, hands linked, to sit on the small couch. "Hey, Spike."

Well. This was a surprise. "Uh, hey girls. Did you two need something?"

Tara shook her head. "No... Just wanted to see how you were doing."

Confusion, slight suspicion, and finally a bit of happiness passed over the vampire's features. "I'm fine." Cocked his head. "And the two of you?"

Shrugged. "Good." Chirped in unison.

He was beginning to feel as if he were at high tea with his mum's old society pals. Fidgeted a little. "Anythin' else?"

Tara smiled that warm smile, and shrugged. "Well, you didn't look happy for a while, and then you did. So, we're just wondering."

He gave a grin. "Well, the Slayer and I were goin' over a bit of a rough patch, you could say. But it seems to be mostly straightened out, now." Gave a little sigh. Just the thought of Buffy was enough to calm him, lately. Funny. It used to have the exact opposite effect.

Willow grinned at the look on his face. Calm. Happy. Kind of like Buffy's. "So, things are on the happy road now, huh?"

He nodded. "I think so. I mean... There's still a few things that I'd like to work on. But I don't wanna push her, you know?"

"Like what?" This, from Tara.

Half shrug. "Well, for one thing, I know she doesn't love me. Maybe she never will. But.." Hands made a gesture of futility. "I can dream." Smiled. "I know she cares, though. And that's good enough for now. Especially since I never thought this would happen in the first place." Half chuckle. "I don't hold a lot of stock in relationships that begin with trying to kill each other." Snorted. "Hell. I don't have a lot of faith in any relationship that involves me. Never worked before."

"Well, neither have Buffy's, so you're on level playing ground!" It was meant to be positive. But as Willow reviewed her words, she gave a small wince.

Spike chuckled. "Thanks. I think." Raised eyebrow to show he was playing.

She gave a rueful chuckle. "What else is less than par?"

Shrugged. "Nothing, really. Well, the Slayer's a bit.. possessive? If not outright jealous, at times. And there's the whole 'leave me alone, I'm the Slayer who can handle anything' attitude she's got going. All I want to do is help. But half the time, when she really needs me, she just.. pushes me away. Doesn't let me in."

"She means well," Willow said hopefully.

Tara just shrugged, and said with casual insight, "Letting people in while she's hurting gives them a better chance to hurt her."

Spike looked at Tara. "I know. I do.. Used to do the same thing. It's hard, when you've been hurt. But she has to know that there's no part of me that wants to hurt her. I love her!"

The Wiccas looked at eachother quickly, then glanced away. "Love has nothing to do with it, Spike. Sometimes that's when someone can hurt you the most."

Quietly. "You think I don't know that?"

Tara looked down, again withdrawn and shy. "I j-just thought that someone needed to say it out-t loud."

He gave her a reassuring smile. "It's okay, pet. Really. And thank you."

Willow's fingers had tightened on the hand of her lover's, and she looked at Spike with new insight. He was... different, a little bit. Not, 'Big Bad all gone', but... 'Man beneath Big Bad unearthed. Tonight at eleven!' That sort of thing. And it was odd for her to watch. But good. Buffy was lucky.

Their thoughts were interrupted by a squeal from the main room, and Dawn came through the door. Practically bouncing with excitement. "We're here! California! We just passed the state line!" Grinned. "We're almost home!"