Author's Notes: Just a short one guys but I think it needed to be said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 14
"Dammit Janet, this doesn't make any sense!" Sam said angrily wiping her eyes. "I
was doing fine. I had a damn nice day and a really good talk with Cassie that I
actually think HELPED!" She stood up and began pacing around the small bathroom.
"Contrary to what you just heard, I love my job and really and truly understand that
occasionally I am going to get knocked around. Goa'ulds, ribbon devices, impossible
situations that we manage to walk away from—this is my life Janet and I wouldn't
have it any other way."
"So why the hell did I just throw up. AGAIN!" Sam hit the side of the wall angrily
with her open palm.
"Sam, beating the hell out of a wall isn't going to help matters."
"Well then what is Janet?" Sam said turning to face her friend. "What is going to
help? I am so sick and tired of feeling this way! It just isn't… " Sam paused
carefully considering her words. It just isn't me."
"Time." Janet said simply. Sam let her feelings known on the matter by snorting.
"Sam, whether YOU want to be believe it or not, what happened on '415 was damn
traumatic. Pretending you can make it all better in the span of 5 days isn't going to
happen." Janet took a deep breath and looked her friend straight in the eye.
"From what I can see, you seem to make yourself sick when you think about the
khans right?"
Sam's stomach gave a disquieting lurch at the words. "Right."
"Why?"
"Why?!" Janet, isn't that what you are supposed to tell me!"
"So I'm asking you. Why Sam?"
"Why do I get nauseous every time I think about that damn planet?"
"Yes."
"Because it was horrible ok?! Because I had by far the WORST 'gate experience
EVER and there isn't a way to make it go away. And I just can't fix it and make it go
away."
"Fix it?" Janet asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yes." Sam said softly.
"How would you fix it Sam?"
"Besides building a time machine and changing the past?" Sam said running a hand
through her hair and sitting back down on the toilet.
"I would go back to that place and kick their collective asses."
"How?" Janet asked.
Sam laughed without humor. "If you had asked me that yesterday I would have told
you that if I ever saw Temur again I would calmly walk up to him, slit his throat and
then sit down a few feet away and watch him bleed to death. And I would have
enjoyed it Janet." Sam said shuddering at the thought.
"But now?"
Sam let out a shaky breath. "Now I think that's something HE would do. Murder
isn't really my thing."
"So what would you do Sam?"
"I don't know Janet." Sam said suddenly incredibly tired. "But I sure as hell would
like to find out."
"Sam, I'm a medical doctor and don't pretend to know much about psychology. But
I have a funny feeling this last mission of yours was the first that went awry that you
just couldn't fix." Janet held up a hand as Sam started to protest.
"Sure you've had missions that have fallen apart and gone horribly wrong but always
there were mitigating circumstances. Others were ultimately responsible or there
were mitigating circumstances. And these circumstances never revolved around you
in such a manner. This is what you can't fix Sam. And this is what you need to
accept." Janet gave her friend one last slap on the knee as she stood up.
"The boys are definitely cooking something wonderful downstairs don't you think?"
Sam sniffed the air uncertainly and had to agree- something smelled delicious.
"Let's go eat Sam. And afterwards, I'd like you to take a light sedative and get some
sleep, ok?"
"Will it keep the nightmares away?" Sam asked plainly standing up beside her
friend. Enough with this weak woman shit. Sam wanted to move on.
"No, but I think you have what it takes to keep them away Sam." And with that
Janet opened the door and headed down the stairs. Sam stared at her retreating
figure for several long seconds before following her down. Maybe she was right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
tbc. And yeah- I think we HAVE had enough Sam angst. I'm moving on- promise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 14
"Dammit Janet, this doesn't make any sense!" Sam said angrily wiping her eyes. "I
was doing fine. I had a damn nice day and a really good talk with Cassie that I
actually think HELPED!" She stood up and began pacing around the small bathroom.
"Contrary to what you just heard, I love my job and really and truly understand that
occasionally I am going to get knocked around. Goa'ulds, ribbon devices, impossible
situations that we manage to walk away from—this is my life Janet and I wouldn't
have it any other way."
"So why the hell did I just throw up. AGAIN!" Sam hit the side of the wall angrily
with her open palm.
"Sam, beating the hell out of a wall isn't going to help matters."
"Well then what is Janet?" Sam said turning to face her friend. "What is going to
help? I am so sick and tired of feeling this way! It just isn't… " Sam paused
carefully considering her words. It just isn't me."
"Time." Janet said simply. Sam let her feelings known on the matter by snorting.
"Sam, whether YOU want to be believe it or not, what happened on '415 was damn
traumatic. Pretending you can make it all better in the span of 5 days isn't going to
happen." Janet took a deep breath and looked her friend straight in the eye.
"From what I can see, you seem to make yourself sick when you think about the
khans right?"
Sam's stomach gave a disquieting lurch at the words. "Right."
"Why?"
"Why?!" Janet, isn't that what you are supposed to tell me!"
"So I'm asking you. Why Sam?"
"Why do I get nauseous every time I think about that damn planet?"
"Yes."
"Because it was horrible ok?! Because I had by far the WORST 'gate experience
EVER and there isn't a way to make it go away. And I just can't fix it and make it go
away."
"Fix it?" Janet asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yes." Sam said softly.
"How would you fix it Sam?"
"Besides building a time machine and changing the past?" Sam said running a hand
through her hair and sitting back down on the toilet.
"I would go back to that place and kick their collective asses."
"How?" Janet asked.
Sam laughed without humor. "If you had asked me that yesterday I would have told
you that if I ever saw Temur again I would calmly walk up to him, slit his throat and
then sit down a few feet away and watch him bleed to death. And I would have
enjoyed it Janet." Sam said shuddering at the thought.
"But now?"
Sam let out a shaky breath. "Now I think that's something HE would do. Murder
isn't really my thing."
"So what would you do Sam?"
"I don't know Janet." Sam said suddenly incredibly tired. "But I sure as hell would
like to find out."
"Sam, I'm a medical doctor and don't pretend to know much about psychology. But
I have a funny feeling this last mission of yours was the first that went awry that you
just couldn't fix." Janet held up a hand as Sam started to protest.
"Sure you've had missions that have fallen apart and gone horribly wrong but always
there were mitigating circumstances. Others were ultimately responsible or there
were mitigating circumstances. And these circumstances never revolved around you
in such a manner. This is what you can't fix Sam. And this is what you need to
accept." Janet gave her friend one last slap on the knee as she stood up.
"The boys are definitely cooking something wonderful downstairs don't you think?"
Sam sniffed the air uncertainly and had to agree- something smelled delicious.
"Let's go eat Sam. And afterwards, I'd like you to take a light sedative and get some
sleep, ok?"
"Will it keep the nightmares away?" Sam asked plainly standing up beside her
friend. Enough with this weak woman shit. Sam wanted to move on.
"No, but I think you have what it takes to keep them away Sam." And with that
Janet opened the door and headed down the stairs. Sam stared at her retreating
figure for several long seconds before following her down. Maybe she was right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
tbc. And yeah- I think we HAVE had enough Sam angst. I'm moving on- promise.