(I haven't posted for a while and would recommend re-reading chapter 18 to get
back into the groove of this particular storyline.)
Chapter 19
Sam had been sitting in her office for the last 15 minutes staring blankly at her
computer screen. She had already packed her gear and had received her pre-
mission physical. Considering how closely Janet had been monitoring her these last
few weeks, there was little left for the doctor to do except draw some blood and
check her blood pressure and weight. Jan loved getting Sam on that damned scale.
Thankfully, Sam was now only two pounds away (last night's steak dinner probably
helped) from her pre-Khan weight and Janet had no lectures to give her. All that
remained to do was to check out her weapons and meet the guys at the gate. Idly
Sam checked her watch again. Yep, still over an hour remaining.
Something was up with Jack, and Sam seriously didn't know if she could go off -
world without knowing what it was. Well, yes- technically of course she COULD, but
she really didn't want to until this was resolved. Sam glanced at her watch once
again (gee, is it really only 30-seconds later?) and with a firm nod pushed her chair
away from the computer and stood up. There was time and she really wanted to
know. But first there was a little something she needed to do.
Five minutes later she found herself in front of Jack's door and wondered if maybe
this wasn't such a hot idea. *Quit being a wuss and knock!* Imitating Daniel, Sam
knocked softly once and stepped inside. Jack was sitting at his desk still fidgeting
with his pencil. Well, at least she wasn't interrupting anything important.
"Sir?"
"Oh, hey Carter- didn't hear you come in." Sam frowned. Definitely not a good sign.
"What's up?"
Sam closed the door and took a step forward. She glanced at her watch and took a
deep breath.
"Jack, I don't know what is going on with you, but I really would like to know.
Maybe you were going to tell me and Daniel interrupted or maybe you're too self-
conscious because we're on base." Sam took another deep breath as she glanced
once again at her watch and then fixed Jack with a resolved look.
"I really want to know Jack, and for the next six minutes the security camera in your
office is going to be feeding anyone who happens to be looking a looped image- No
excuses remaining Jack- Spill it."
Jack stared at her dumbly. Sam- breaking rules? This was SO not her usual style.
The look she was giving him nearly took his breath away; clear blue eyes tinged with
apprehension and worry stared intensely at him.
"Six minutes eh?" Jack said finally. "Doesn't leave us a whole lotta time does it?"
He waggled his eyebrows up and down in a suggestive manner.
"Jack." Sam admonished.
"Sorry." He said contritely.
"Talk to me Jack. What's going on in that head of yours?"
Jack picked up his tried and true pencil and once again began twirling it around
haphazardly. It was several long seconds before he spoke.
"I hate it when Doc's right."
"You mean Janet?" Jack nodded, still playing with the pencil and not meeting Sam's
eyes.
"What did Janet say Jack?" Sometimes getting this man to talk was like pulling
teeth!
Jack put down his pencil and looked at Sam. "Do you remember the night at the
cabin after everyone left?"
Sam smiled; that was a good night. They had talked and laughed and behaved
almost as if the events on P2X-415 hadn't happened. But what did that have to do
with anything?
"That night you..uh…had a dream." Judging from their earlier conversation "dream"
must mean fantasy.
"I don't remember." Sam said simply sitting down in the chair across from him.
"You were pretty deep in REM sleep and I became, um, aware of the matter only
when you rolled over and efficiently placed one of your legs between my own." Sam
couldn't help but smile- she saw where this was going.
"I'm sure I have done that before Jack. Actually, you have too if I remember
correctly." Jack reddened ever so slightly.
"You were also, um, a bit vocal." Jack continued remembering how Sam had
sounded as she moaned wantonly into his collarbone as she pressed herself against
his leg. The sound had instantly caused Jack's heart rate (and other organs) to
increase. Instinctively he had rolled over on top of her only to suddenly remember
the events of P2X-415. With a shuddering gasp he had quickly rolled himself off of
her and closed his eyes tightly to dispel the image of their making love on that
damned planet.
Sam smiled larger this time. "So I was having a fantasy. I seldom have half-assed
dreams Jack, I bet it was a good one."
Jack licked his lips. "Pretty good one." He agreed.
"So what's the problem?"
"I…" Jack swallowed and tried again.
"I couldn't Sam." Jack said softly looking deeply into her eyes.
"Couldn't?" Sam said not quite understanding. Jack didn't exactly blush but he
shook his head ever so slightly and looked down at the scuffmarks on his desk.
Suddenly Sam understood what he was trying so elegantly to say- he couldn't make
love with her.
"Oh." Total silence resonated throughout the small room for several moments.
"Jack," Sam finally said softly. "You know there is medication you can take…"
Jack guffawed loudly. "God, Sam- I may be old, but I am not THAT old. It wasn't
that. Hell, after many, many years of near abstinence, I doubt THAT will ever be a
problem for us." Sam knitted her eyebrows together in confusion.
"So what IS the problem Jack.." Suddenly everything became crystal clear to Sam
as her hand flew to her mouth as she struggled not to cry.
"Oh, God- it's me isn't it?" Sam said biting her lip to keep the tears at bay. "I repel
you."
Jack flew out of his chair and ignoring his knees, squatted in front of Sam and gently
took her hands in his own.
"No, Sam- it isn't you." He said softly tenderly wiping a lone tear from her right eye.
"I swear to you, this has nothing to do with how I feel about you. I am as attracted
to you now as I have ever been. Hell, probably more so. I love you Samantha
Carter." Seeing her weak smile, Jack continued.
"And I find you VERY desirable. I always have Sam and I always will."
"Then what is it Jack?" Sam said softly looking into his troubled brown eyes.
"Sam, every time I think about making love to you I remember that damned planet."
Jack paused searching her eyes for understanding. "I'm afraid Sam." He whispered.
"I'm afraid of hurting you again."
"You never hurt me Jack." Sam said tenderly reaching up and stroking his clean-
shaved face.
"But I did Sam." Jack said shaking his head. "It was my actions that gave you
nightmares and caused you to lose weight. I did that Sam."
"You did NOT do that Jack." Sam said firmly. "We were both put into an untenable
situation and did the best we could. Yeah, I had some nightmares, and I might
again- but Jack, none of this is your fault. You know as well as I how much worse
this could have been. What if we weren't already intimate before? Or what if they
had forced me to have sex with Teal'c or Daniel? Or what if they themselves had
been able to have sex with me? I could have been raped Jack, and instead I played
the exhibitionist and made love to you."
"You were forced to do that Sam."
"WE were forced to that Jack. We were put into a situation where we did what
needed to be done. Everyone came home and we're all going to be ok." Sam
cupped Jack's face and lightly kissed his lips. "We are going to be ok Jack."
"But what if…"
"Jack, I might have another nightmare. And I might even have a khan flashback one
of these days- but they do not reflect how I feel about you, ok? I love you Jack
O'Neill and I still very much want to make love to you in the very near future." Jack
smiled, he liked how 'very near future' sounded.
Helping Sam to her feet he pulled her tightly against his chest.
"Sam?" He whispered throatily against her ear. "How much time before the
cameras come back on?"
Sam glanced down at her watch. "About a minute, wh..?"
Before Sam could even finish the sentence, Jack's mouth was upon hers kissing her
with an abandonment she hadn't experienced in weeks. Sam moaned into his mouth
as the kiss deepened and his arms snaked around her waist pulling her even closer
to him. Sam's arms wrapped around his neck as she reveled in the sensation that
was Jack O'Neill. The kiss was an affirmation of everything they had gone through
and a promise for so much more in the future. Nearly 30 seconds passed before the
need for oxygen overcame the need they had for one another and they parted with a
sudden lurch. For several long moments they stood facing each other, arms still
entwined, breathing erratic. A soft beep from Sam's watch caused Jack to quietly
smile as he hugged her once more briefly and released his hold on her. He took a
step backwards.
"Thank you for stopping by and bringing the matter to my attention Major." Jack
said with a twinkle in his eye.
"It needed to be said." Sam said unconsciously licking her still tingling lips. "Sir."
"I look forward to more of this conversation later." Jack said barely able to contain
his emotions. He was SO looking forward to this mission being over.
Once again there came a discernible knock on the door. Both Jack and Sam rolled
their eyes as they said in unison,
"Come in Daniel."
"Uh, hello." Daniel said stepping into the room and quickly assessing the situation.
This time he had most definitely interrupted something. Jack looked downright
chipper and Sam had that dazed just-been-kissed looked. Their clothes did not look
at all rumpled and for that Daniel was eternally grateful.
"See you guys at the Gate." Sam said smiling as she walked around Daniel and out
the door.
"Jack?"
"Yes, Daniel?"
"Did you.. I mean, is Sam.." Jack grinned and shook his head.
"The Major and I had a very relevant conversation pertaining to this mission Daniel."
He held up a hand as Daniel opened his mouth hoping for more details.
Jack thought a moment before continuing. Just in case anyone else was listening he
thought he should explain. "We often have conversations before missions, but this
one was unique to P2X-415. I sincerely doubt we'll ever have this sort of
conversation again. Definitely not on base."
Now it was Daniel's turn to nod. As glad as he was that Sam and Jack were
together, even a civilian such as himself recognized how wrong it was for the both of
them to get…mushy while working. He grinned back at Jack.
"Good! Glad to hear you and Sam had a good…conversation." Jack restrained
himself from rolling his eyes. Enough with the euphemisms Danny!
"So, what brings you BACK to my neck of the woods Daniel?"
"Janet sent me to come and get you. Pre-mission physical."
"Well, let's not keep the good Doctor waiting shall we?" Together they exited Jack's
office and headed down the hall towards Fraiser's infirmary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author's notes: I hope I didn't lose anyone there. I know I should have gotten SG-1
back to the planet, but I really needed to write this first. We always think of assault
cases as having to do with women and I wanted to show that even though Jack
O'Neill is the manliest-man out there; he (and men in general) can also be
traumatized by the events.
But have no fear gentle readers, for the FINAL (I think) chapter is coming soon. I
haven't a clue how long it will be but I am determined to have this story end at 20.
As always, please drop me a line if you are still enjoying this.
back into the groove of this particular storyline.)
Chapter 19
Sam had been sitting in her office for the last 15 minutes staring blankly at her
computer screen. She had already packed her gear and had received her pre-
mission physical. Considering how closely Janet had been monitoring her these last
few weeks, there was little left for the doctor to do except draw some blood and
check her blood pressure and weight. Jan loved getting Sam on that damned scale.
Thankfully, Sam was now only two pounds away (last night's steak dinner probably
helped) from her pre-Khan weight and Janet had no lectures to give her. All that
remained to do was to check out her weapons and meet the guys at the gate. Idly
Sam checked her watch again. Yep, still over an hour remaining.
Something was up with Jack, and Sam seriously didn't know if she could go off -
world without knowing what it was. Well, yes- technically of course she COULD, but
she really didn't want to until this was resolved. Sam glanced at her watch once
again (gee, is it really only 30-seconds later?) and with a firm nod pushed her chair
away from the computer and stood up. There was time and she really wanted to
know. But first there was a little something she needed to do.
Five minutes later she found herself in front of Jack's door and wondered if maybe
this wasn't such a hot idea. *Quit being a wuss and knock!* Imitating Daniel, Sam
knocked softly once and stepped inside. Jack was sitting at his desk still fidgeting
with his pencil. Well, at least she wasn't interrupting anything important.
"Sir?"
"Oh, hey Carter- didn't hear you come in." Sam frowned. Definitely not a good sign.
"What's up?"
Sam closed the door and took a step forward. She glanced at her watch and took a
deep breath.
"Jack, I don't know what is going on with you, but I really would like to know.
Maybe you were going to tell me and Daniel interrupted or maybe you're too self-
conscious because we're on base." Sam took another deep breath as she glanced
once again at her watch and then fixed Jack with a resolved look.
"I really want to know Jack, and for the next six minutes the security camera in your
office is going to be feeding anyone who happens to be looking a looped image- No
excuses remaining Jack- Spill it."
Jack stared at her dumbly. Sam- breaking rules? This was SO not her usual style.
The look she was giving him nearly took his breath away; clear blue eyes tinged with
apprehension and worry stared intensely at him.
"Six minutes eh?" Jack said finally. "Doesn't leave us a whole lotta time does it?"
He waggled his eyebrows up and down in a suggestive manner.
"Jack." Sam admonished.
"Sorry." He said contritely.
"Talk to me Jack. What's going on in that head of yours?"
Jack picked up his tried and true pencil and once again began twirling it around
haphazardly. It was several long seconds before he spoke.
"I hate it when Doc's right."
"You mean Janet?" Jack nodded, still playing with the pencil and not meeting Sam's
eyes.
"What did Janet say Jack?" Sometimes getting this man to talk was like pulling
teeth!
Jack put down his pencil and looked at Sam. "Do you remember the night at the
cabin after everyone left?"
Sam smiled; that was a good night. They had talked and laughed and behaved
almost as if the events on P2X-415 hadn't happened. But what did that have to do
with anything?
"That night you..uh…had a dream." Judging from their earlier conversation "dream"
must mean fantasy.
"I don't remember." Sam said simply sitting down in the chair across from him.
"You were pretty deep in REM sleep and I became, um, aware of the matter only
when you rolled over and efficiently placed one of your legs between my own." Sam
couldn't help but smile- she saw where this was going.
"I'm sure I have done that before Jack. Actually, you have too if I remember
correctly." Jack reddened ever so slightly.
"You were also, um, a bit vocal." Jack continued remembering how Sam had
sounded as she moaned wantonly into his collarbone as she pressed herself against
his leg. The sound had instantly caused Jack's heart rate (and other organs) to
increase. Instinctively he had rolled over on top of her only to suddenly remember
the events of P2X-415. With a shuddering gasp he had quickly rolled himself off of
her and closed his eyes tightly to dispel the image of their making love on that
damned planet.
Sam smiled larger this time. "So I was having a fantasy. I seldom have half-assed
dreams Jack, I bet it was a good one."
Jack licked his lips. "Pretty good one." He agreed.
"So what's the problem?"
"I…" Jack swallowed and tried again.
"I couldn't Sam." Jack said softly looking deeply into her eyes.
"Couldn't?" Sam said not quite understanding. Jack didn't exactly blush but he
shook his head ever so slightly and looked down at the scuffmarks on his desk.
Suddenly Sam understood what he was trying so elegantly to say- he couldn't make
love with her.
"Oh." Total silence resonated throughout the small room for several moments.
"Jack," Sam finally said softly. "You know there is medication you can take…"
Jack guffawed loudly. "God, Sam- I may be old, but I am not THAT old. It wasn't
that. Hell, after many, many years of near abstinence, I doubt THAT will ever be a
problem for us." Sam knitted her eyebrows together in confusion.
"So what IS the problem Jack.." Suddenly everything became crystal clear to Sam
as her hand flew to her mouth as she struggled not to cry.
"Oh, God- it's me isn't it?" Sam said biting her lip to keep the tears at bay. "I repel
you."
Jack flew out of his chair and ignoring his knees, squatted in front of Sam and gently
took her hands in his own.
"No, Sam- it isn't you." He said softly tenderly wiping a lone tear from her right eye.
"I swear to you, this has nothing to do with how I feel about you. I am as attracted
to you now as I have ever been. Hell, probably more so. I love you Samantha
Carter." Seeing her weak smile, Jack continued.
"And I find you VERY desirable. I always have Sam and I always will."
"Then what is it Jack?" Sam said softly looking into his troubled brown eyes.
"Sam, every time I think about making love to you I remember that damned planet."
Jack paused searching her eyes for understanding. "I'm afraid Sam." He whispered.
"I'm afraid of hurting you again."
"You never hurt me Jack." Sam said tenderly reaching up and stroking his clean-
shaved face.
"But I did Sam." Jack said shaking his head. "It was my actions that gave you
nightmares and caused you to lose weight. I did that Sam."
"You did NOT do that Jack." Sam said firmly. "We were both put into an untenable
situation and did the best we could. Yeah, I had some nightmares, and I might
again- but Jack, none of this is your fault. You know as well as I how much worse
this could have been. What if we weren't already intimate before? Or what if they
had forced me to have sex with Teal'c or Daniel? Or what if they themselves had
been able to have sex with me? I could have been raped Jack, and instead I played
the exhibitionist and made love to you."
"You were forced to do that Sam."
"WE were forced to that Jack. We were put into a situation where we did what
needed to be done. Everyone came home and we're all going to be ok." Sam
cupped Jack's face and lightly kissed his lips. "We are going to be ok Jack."
"But what if…"
"Jack, I might have another nightmare. And I might even have a khan flashback one
of these days- but they do not reflect how I feel about you, ok? I love you Jack
O'Neill and I still very much want to make love to you in the very near future." Jack
smiled, he liked how 'very near future' sounded.
Helping Sam to her feet he pulled her tightly against his chest.
"Sam?" He whispered throatily against her ear. "How much time before the
cameras come back on?"
Sam glanced down at her watch. "About a minute, wh..?"
Before Sam could even finish the sentence, Jack's mouth was upon hers kissing her
with an abandonment she hadn't experienced in weeks. Sam moaned into his mouth
as the kiss deepened and his arms snaked around her waist pulling her even closer
to him. Sam's arms wrapped around his neck as she reveled in the sensation that
was Jack O'Neill. The kiss was an affirmation of everything they had gone through
and a promise for so much more in the future. Nearly 30 seconds passed before the
need for oxygen overcame the need they had for one another and they parted with a
sudden lurch. For several long moments they stood facing each other, arms still
entwined, breathing erratic. A soft beep from Sam's watch caused Jack to quietly
smile as he hugged her once more briefly and released his hold on her. He took a
step backwards.
"Thank you for stopping by and bringing the matter to my attention Major." Jack
said with a twinkle in his eye.
"It needed to be said." Sam said unconsciously licking her still tingling lips. "Sir."
"I look forward to more of this conversation later." Jack said barely able to contain
his emotions. He was SO looking forward to this mission being over.
Once again there came a discernible knock on the door. Both Jack and Sam rolled
their eyes as they said in unison,
"Come in Daniel."
"Uh, hello." Daniel said stepping into the room and quickly assessing the situation.
This time he had most definitely interrupted something. Jack looked downright
chipper and Sam had that dazed just-been-kissed looked. Their clothes did not look
at all rumpled and for that Daniel was eternally grateful.
"See you guys at the Gate." Sam said smiling as she walked around Daniel and out
the door.
"Jack?"
"Yes, Daniel?"
"Did you.. I mean, is Sam.." Jack grinned and shook his head.
"The Major and I had a very relevant conversation pertaining to this mission Daniel."
He held up a hand as Daniel opened his mouth hoping for more details.
Jack thought a moment before continuing. Just in case anyone else was listening he
thought he should explain. "We often have conversations before missions, but this
one was unique to P2X-415. I sincerely doubt we'll ever have this sort of
conversation again. Definitely not on base."
Now it was Daniel's turn to nod. As glad as he was that Sam and Jack were
together, even a civilian such as himself recognized how wrong it was for the both of
them to get…mushy while working. He grinned back at Jack.
"Good! Glad to hear you and Sam had a good…conversation." Jack restrained
himself from rolling his eyes. Enough with the euphemisms Danny!
"So, what brings you BACK to my neck of the woods Daniel?"
"Janet sent me to come and get you. Pre-mission physical."
"Well, let's not keep the good Doctor waiting shall we?" Together they exited Jack's
office and headed down the hall towards Fraiser's infirmary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author's notes: I hope I didn't lose anyone there. I know I should have gotten SG-1
back to the planet, but I really needed to write this first. We always think of assault
cases as having to do with women and I wanted to show that even though Jack
O'Neill is the manliest-man out there; he (and men in general) can also be
traumatized by the events.
But have no fear gentle readers, for the FINAL (I think) chapter is coming soon. I
haven't a clue how long it will be but I am determined to have this story end at 20.
As always, please drop me a line if you are still enjoying this.