First of all I would like to thank Raven Eyes, if it weren't for her it
would have taken me at least a month or more to post this. I would also
like to thank . MamaLaz, rhi, LadyJewel, siw-wa , Nemsy, Oni-chi,
LadyRoseBlood. This is for you.
***** PART 2 *****
Ron winced when he begun to put new clothes on completely ignoring his wounds. "Oh man, my Sire destroyed my new shirt," he thought grimly. By the time he got completely dressed he had never once even thought about how he had called his professor Remus. Minutes later when he got back to his dorm, he walked out again and begun to walk down the hall of the dorms. He didn't know why, but now he couldn't stand being in the same room with people. When he had finally walked out of the Gryffindors boy's dorms he began to walk slowly. Even thought he didn't know where he was going he just kept walking until his vision got blurry. His eyes rolled back to his skull and he collapsed in the cold hallway.
Unfortunately, Ron didn't think about how seriously injured he was and he was losing a lot of blood as he layed there in the middle of the empty hall. It was like it was meant to happen, and that could have been the reason that the red head didn't fear.
*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~
He had just come from the forest. It was around 4:20 in the morning, and he only had about an hour to get to his room before anybody saw him. When he had gotten to his room it surprised him to see that he was unhurt and that he wasn't actually feeling weak. After taking a shower and getting dressed, he had decided to walk down the Gryffindor halls to think, even though he had un-wolfed early that day he had a queasy feeling that something was wrong and that someone desperately needed him.
As he walked a sweet scent filled the air, the smell that had plagued him, and the guilt that it brought him. "Mine," the wolf inside him whispered. Remus fought the wolf in his head, and won. "What is mine?" he thought. As he kept walking the smell became stronger. He looked and saw a body in the middle of the hall, and undoubtedly guessed that this was where the smell was coming from. The young student was not dead yet, he did not sense death's horrifying aura. He ran to the student. He had to help the student in every way he could. He just hoped he could control himself. As he got nearer and nearer he panicked more and more. "It couldn't be! It just couldn't be! The body couldn't be . Ron." But with each step he took the more it set in, and his suspicion was confirmed. The body in the middle of the hall way, was, in fact, Harry's beloved and closest best friend in the world . Ronald J. Weasley. "OH MY GOD!" Remus softly said when he recognized what the wolf had whispered.
Remus studied the body carefully. Ron's eyes were open, but it was clear that he was unconscious. Most of the blood was coming from the gash in Ron's chest. The puddle of blood was large enough to safely say that he had been there a while. Remus quickly went into action. He took off his shirt and tore it in two.
He wrapped it lovingly around Ron's chest, to hopefully stop his bleeding. He then picked Ron up trying to hold him so that he wasn't putting any pressure on his chest. Remus walked slowly to his room. His task was way beyond easy. If Ron weren't in the condition that he was in he could have gotten there much faster. Something told him not to take the red head to the infirmary.
He was lucky that anybody hadn't caught him when he was carrying a wounded student. When he got to his room's door Ron began to moan. He struggled to get the door open, and nearly dropped the red head in the process. As soon as he was inside, he rushed to lay him on his bed, leaving the door open behind him. He tried as carefully as he could to put him down gently, but this was nearly impossible.
He ignored his thoughts as best he could, and went to his linen closet to find anything that could serve as a bandage. His shirt was soaked in Ron's blood, by now. If he were going to save him he had to stop the bleeding, or he wasn't sure it would work. He headed back to his bed with several towels and pillowcases, hoping that it would work. He gently removed his shirt from Ron's chest, and observed that it had done a good job in helping to stop his bleeding. He then grabbed a pillowcase and pressed it up against his wound until he knew for sure that the bleeding had stopped. He had to work fast in order for this to work. Remus knew it was time for the inevitable, that time was being wasted as Ron had suddenly began to convulse due to his abundant loss of blood. Ron whimpered softly, his slashed body couldn't take the sudden movement.
He had to pull himself together; after all, he wasn't losing his life. Tears nearly spilled down Remus cheeks when he cradled Ron's head in his hands, he tore at the skin on his wrist. There was nothing he could do to prepare himself as he fed the red head some of his blood he couldn't find it in himself. "I have to do this," Remus scolded himself. He didn't watch as the blood pooled, but tilted his arm at the appropriate angle for it drip into Ron's mouth. It took all the strength he could muster to control himself. "Control yourself Lupin," Remus told himself sharply. For him to calmly feed his own blood to Ron took a great deal of effort. Remus fingers fumbled to part Ron's pale lips, as he angled. He replaced some of the blood that Ron lost. Remus knew that werewolf's blood was powerful enough to heal but it also finally made you into one. The wild thrashing of Ron's body slowed, and Remus knew that he'd given him enough.
*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~
Remus sighed as he watched his comatose patient, and saw to tending to his self-inflicted wound. He let out a horrible wail, and realized that he had been crying the whole time because as he had tended to Ron's injuries he had realized what he had felt . Ron was now a part of his pack . Ron was now his mate. He took himself over to the couch, and he sobbed uncontrollably until he fell into a restless sleep. He had terrifying dreams that he could not wake himself from. Memories of what he had done to the red head were impregnated in his mind in a whirlwind of agony.
The sound of Ron's whimpering was everywhere. Remus violently awoke to find himself wailing once again. All who were in the room heard his hysterical cries; fortunately before his nap he placed a spell so no one would hear him outside the room. He was crying so hard that tears trickled down his face. He hugged his knees, and gently rocked himself putting his head down on them. He uncontrollably sobbed for hours, but he had to calm himself down so he could check on his mat. Ron.
After making sure that Ron looked all right, he decided that he needed to get some sterilized bandages. So he went to the infirmary and got gauze, ointment, stuff to clean wounds with, bandages, and tranquilizers that he thought he would need. He returned to his room, and got to work. First, Remus gave Ron a couple of tranquilizers, so the red head wouldn't have to feel any more pain. He knew exactly what he had gone through. His dream gave him insight. He examined him more thoroughly, and found various cuts, and bruises. He cleaned and bandaged the ones in the worst condition. He noticed that his right arm had a bite, so he heavily bandaged it.
Remus places a large bandage on Ron's chest with two whole rolls of gauze keeping it in place. His chest was not as flat as it had been the night before, which suggested that the healing power had already begun. He patched up a few cuts, and moved to his leg. It was in bad shape. He had to set it, or it would be crippling the poor red head. He just hoped that he didn't feel it. With a quick jerk it was back in place, and Ron unconsciously cried out in pain. He then put it in a makeshift cast, and braced it.
Lastly, Remus gave them more tranquilizers, and decided to let the red head rest. He spent most of the morning looking after him. Looking at Ron made him cry, but he had to. He sobbed softly the whole day. The hysterical outbursts returned, and once again he cried himself to sleep only to be tortured by his endless nightmare once again.
*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~
Remus checked on Ron every hour and changed the red head's bandages often. He knew that it was going to be a while before he woke up. He still couldn't look at Ron without breaking down. He hated himself for what he did. He just felt so guilty. The wolf inside him loved every second of it, and part of him had to admit that naturally the wolf would have already wanted a mate. He felt like shooting himself with a silver bullet through his heart then and there. He wished that Harry would come and see and blame him. Then Harry could kill him, and he wouldn't have to live with what he'd done. He guessed that that would never happen, but how could he tell Harry it was the wolf that hurt Ron? It was unbearable, and every time he thought about it he went into uncontrollable crying fits. Now he actually convulsed along with the crying, and wailing and was pretty sure he cried, as he was asleep.
After thinking about Ron's reaction he kind of felt some peace when he realized that he had seen Ron's look of peace in his eyes right after the bite, and knew the red head hadn't feared his fate, or hated him for turning him. Remus knew then at that moment that those eyes would torment him for the rest of his life. He continued to cry silently as a kind of memorial to Ron, even though it was odd for his Sire to do something of that sorts. He knew that some were completely controlled by the wolf and so they changed and became a wild savage animal. Still crying he then pulled himself together, and up off of the couch so he could check on Ron. He just hoped that Ron's spirit was strong enough to fight the wolf.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ron's eyes opened, and he found himself surrounded by different scents and empty darkness. He tried to get up, but his legs failed him completely. In fact he couldn't move anything else either, and that was a scary feeling, but he didn't let it consume him.
A moment later he calmed back down when he realized something. This darkness that he was surrounded by was a whole new world to him. He could see through this darkness as if it were his very own daylight, but it was definitely and undoubtedly darkness. Ron was aware of everything around him, although there really wasn't much to see or sense. This newfound awareness of the dark opened new doors for Ronald, and it was then that he noticed something else. He had this terrible rage building up inside of him. An anger that he had never felt before. He had never wanted to be mean before, except to Malfoy, but this rage made him feel the need to attack someone, anyone. To beat as he had been beaten. To push down, and slash them with words was what this rage needed, but it wasn't ready to submerge. He could suppress it for now. Also, he had this incredibly fierce craving for something. He couldn't figure out what it was, but it was like he had never eaten a thing in his entire sixteen years, and that only this could satisfy his indescribable hunger. Why? Why would I have this craving?
Ronald forgot his hunger when it was interrupted by a faint crying sound. Who? Everything went black as the final effects of being drawn in took place. Ronald was then yanked out of this blackness, and his eyes opened quickly.
Ronald shot up to a sitting position. He had no idea where he was. Nothing he saw was familiar. "Where am I?" he thought to himself. Just then the terrible hunger he had came back to him. It hit him in one big sweep. He doubled over from emptiness, and it took him a minute to adjust, but he did, and he shot back up to his sitting position like he had before. He was surprised at how well he could ignore his cravings, and surveyed the area around him. He was in a bed, with the covers placed upon him. It was bare, and empty from his point of view. The effects of sitting up so quickly those times interrupted his thoughts, and started to take their toll. He grimaced as he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He took the time to feel around for the cause of his pain. He found it quickly due to the large bandage that had been put on it, and hastily removed the shirt. He ripped the large bandage and proceeded to eradicate all his other bandages. He didn't notice the leg brace at first, he tried to bend it, but failed, so he didn't remove the leg brace quite as quickly as his bandages. He slipped the shirt on, was about to get up when he sensed someone. He turned his head violently in the direction of the person, and let out an animalistic growl.
"Ron . Ron calm down!" Remus' words help soothe Ronald's nervous surprise. Ronald's reflexes, and senses were pretty remarkable for just waking up. "That's it, calm down." After Remus felt that his words had eased the red head enough he asked, "How are you feeling?"
"Strong," Ron had growled.
"I'm glad you're awake," Remus told Ron relieved. Ronald got out of bed, and stood in front of him. He could see that the red head's leg was a little uneasy, and he felt some pain, but not enough to react to it. Remus could see that Ron was in pain. Remus could see it in his eyes. The eyes were the only things that told the truth all the time. He looked over at where Ron had been sitting, and saw the bandages. "Are you hungry?"
Ron just nodded. "You shouldn't have done that," Remus said motioning to the pile of bandages. Ron just stared with a blank look on his face. It pained Remus to see Ron the way he was, and he was about to cry once again, but he held back. Remus stared after Ron for a few seconds more, and Ron sat back on the bed.
Remus made his way to the kitchen, and opened his refrigerator door. There were blood bags inside. He had hoped that Ron would be strong enough to handle the wolf, but he was sadly wrong. So, he grabbed a bag, and removed it from its place. It was the best he had, and as long as he was taking care of Ron, he would have the best, even if he had to suffer. It's good for me to suffer after what I've done, he thought to himself.
Ronald watched Remus move in the kitchen. He'd seen the elder wolf rummage around in his refrigerator for a while, and then finally selected something. He was surprised to find that he could smell that it was blood. Even more surprising was that he knew it was human's blood. He didn't even give Remus enough time to heat it up. Ronald was out of bed before Remus could say blood.
The bag was taken from Remus hands. Ronald had sucked it dry before Remus even turned around. Ron tossed the bag into the garbage can, and without a word retreated back to bed. Remus couldn't even begin to explain how utterly messed up he was. He felt sorry for himself, he felt sorry for what he'd done to Ron. All he did was cry now. It was like an insufferable routine. Now, when he had heard Ron eagerly drink the blood, he knew that Ron wasn't going to be the same.
*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~
Ronald knew Remus was crying. He could hear the soft murmur of his gasps. It wasn't just mindless crying, it was painful, mournful, and guilt filled crying. Those cries were ones you never want to hear because they are the most heart wrenching, and sad. Ronald almost laughed to himself as he realized that he didn't care. The old Ron wouldn't have hesitated to comfort Remus or anyone else because he'd felt obligated. That thought disgusted Ronald.
"You should probably go back to sleep. You need the rest." Remus told Ron. It took all he had in him not to break down. After pausing for a long few seconds, "Tomorrow will be a whole new world."
"Sure," Ronald informed Remus. Ron was unsure of what else to say to Remus, so he just crawled back in bed. Ron lay down very carefully so he wouldn't hurt. Ron slowly pulled the covers over his body, and turned in Remus direction. "Good night, Sire," Ron whispered to Remus as he drifted off in a deep sleep.
Remus watched until Ron had stopped moving, and he could sense sleep taking over the red head's being. He walked to the couch; his breathing was dry and trembling. He just sat, waiting, preparing, and staring off into nothingness. He waited as long as he could control himself, which was not long at all. He just hoped that Ron was asleep, truly asleep, by now. The bawling started off quietly, to his relief. It had taken a lot of fighting for him to get it that way. It steadily grew louder, until his routine howling went under way. His cries were so full of pain, and guilt that you would have thought he threw it all out of himself with just one cry, but that wasn't even close to his burden. The tears were streaming down his face, and he fell to his knees in grief. He lay hunched over, and the tears began to flow. Remus didn't prepare himself for the convulsions that would take over his body, as he normally did. He did not care as the dry heaving took him. He did not care as he shook uncontrollably. He knew that the tremors were just the beginning. He hated himself, and wished that he would just die. He wished that no one cared, and that he didn't exist. As his cries grew louder, and louder, the more he shook. He didn't deserve to look at anything, but he didn't deserve to die either. That was too good for him. He let out wail after agonizing wail.
*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~
After hours of horrible cries, and convulsing he finally found the world of sleep. Of course the nightmares came, and released every pain and sorrow he caused. The more he had the dreams the more detailed they became. They were slowly starting to become Ron's whole life. Every time he closed his eyes he saw a vision of himself attacking Ron. This endless torture never ceased to pursue him, not even for a moment.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Remus awoke startled, trembling breath. The dream that tormented him now, Ron. He closed his eyes slowly, as if it caused him great pain, which in reality it did. His vision of hunting Ron, slicing him with his claws his clothes and then . Remus wanted so badly to prepare Ron to live with the curse, but he knew in his mind's eye that nothing could prepare the red head. Nothing would ever prepare Ron for the pain, and the sacrifice. Remus wanted to take the pain away before it took Ron over. He never wanted to hear Ron's cries of despair. The cries that would mimic his own, that mirrored the pain, and suffering of the heart. The cries that rip into you like claws, and tear your heart to shreds. He had promised himself that he would never hear those cries at the cause of his hand again, and he knew now that it had been a hopeless lie. He had caused more pain than the heart can bear.
"It's my fault. I'm the cause of Ron's pain," Remus thought. He delayed his thoughts momentarily as he admitted to himself, "I curse Ron. I made Ron what he is." Remus paused another moment before his conscience screamed; "I made Ron into a were-wolf."
The tears formed rapidly, coming together quickly, and balling up in his eyelashes. They stayed entangled there until they could be filled no longer, and slowly rolled off their secure place. They started to slide down his cheeks ever so slowly, but the more tears formed the faster they fell. He drew in another quivering breath, and opened his eyes. "Ron has no idea what he's about to endure. I, myself had no one to comfort me when I first felt my pain."
Remus had some friends that stood by him, but didn't understand him, or his burden, and his pain. No one ever would, and he would have to live knowing this. He vowed then that Ron wouldn't go through what he did. Ron wouldn't go through it alone. Ron wouldn't be banished to live on the streets, and to look at people with the eyes of a human, and know that he was not one. Ron wouldn't have to see the way people talk, and laugh, and find happiness, and love, and know that he couldn't ever have that. Ron wouldn't look at people, and think how he got cursed, and how he now had a life of suffering. Ron wouldn't look at people, and die inside because he couldn't be around them. That Ron couldn't ever have any true friends. Ron wouldn't go through life knowing that he could never truly know, and relate to even one person besides his own kind. Remus wouldn't let Ron go through the suffering the way he had suffered, and still suffers. He would not let Ron suffer the way he had. Never again.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ronald listened in disgust. It hadn't been a terribly long time since he'd fallen into a deep sleep just to be awakened by the sound of his sire's pathetic screaming. In all his wailing, Remus failed to sense his cub's rousing. Ronald smirked as he looked up at the ceiling, marveling at his display of humanity when he'd never been human. Remus uncharacteristic behavior was annoying, and Ronald read right through him.
On the surface it, was clear Remus was guilt-ridden and sorry, which was what he wanted everyone to see and believe. Ronald looked past the context, finding the subtext to be more revealing, almost fruitful. In reality, as Ronald saw it, Remus was just looking for pity . pity for what he was. Someone to attempt to understand what no one ever could, his dark side. Ronald had to give him credit, he was putting on a wonderful show, but he could have at least been conscious enough in his grand nobility to spare him some earplugs. Ronald's thoughts quickly turned malicious.
Ronald smiled an evil smile, and sighed. It was a silent sigh. Ronald settled in the covers once more, preparing to fall back into the sleep that he readily wished to overtake him. Restlessness shrouded Ronald's mind and shook his conscience. There was no way he could ever get to sleep while Remus was crying himself dry.
Ronald's feelings were of indifference, he couldn't tell if they were venomous or good hearted, as he pulled himself out of bed, walking with a stealth that could only belong to the wolf. Ronald's mind was hazy and unsure, as if stuck in the middle of good and evil. It was tempted to visit the dark place it had dwelled in before he'd been shoved out of the coma he'd been in for so long, but that option was overlooked. There was confusion, but it went unrecognized and he just walked toward the noise that would not allow him to visit his dreams. Ronald wasn't functioning on his own will, but on that of something else. What it was he didn't know. Ronald's footsteps were careful and planned, continuing with precision and foggy perception. When he reached Remus, he circled him, much like predators do with their prey, choosing to stop where his head was.
"Shhh," Ronald said calmly, in effort to soothe the trembling elder were- wolf that lay before him. "Good things do not come to those who cry about the past."
Ronald offered his hand to help his Sire up. Remus took it after a second or two, helping little as Ronald pulled him to his feet. Remus head remained down, so as to avoid any eye contact, but Ronald wouldn't have that. With his index finger, he raised Remus chin in attempt to force eye contact. Remus was too drained from his complex fit to fight the red head. Ronald tilted his head to one side, studying his Sire's face thoughtfully with his own expressionless features.
The sight of Remus was classic, really. Remus face was whiter than normal, streaked with tears; his eyes more pained than usual. His face border lining between the face the dog knew and loved, and his true face.
Ronald's lips curled into a tiny smile. "What's past is past. Don't go crying over spilt blood," Ronald purred, his smile growing slightly at his misuse of the age-old phrase.
"Be a man," Ronald added with a smirk, reaching out to caress his Sire's tear stained cheek. Ronald's words had hit a very sensitive nerve and he could tell Remus was squirming underneath his calm exterior. Ronald wiped at the tears that were still flowing and had made a cut on Remus cheek, enough to draw some blood. Ronald wiped the blood with his finger and then waved his red finger under Remus nose, closing the short distance between it and his mouth. Remus looked as if he was about to throw up, but his desire was not hidden.
"You know you want it," Ronald continued, letting the blood on his finger drip onto his shirtless chest. Remus tensed, his straight face unchanging. Ronald moved his hand to Remus shoulder, using it as a type of pivot as he maneuvered to his other side. Ronald remained, his hands folded on the opposite shoulder. Ronald stared at the side of his face for a long moment before doing something Remus had never expected even the were Ronald to ever do. Ronald leaned in close and licked at the drop of blood from his chest. Leisurely, Ronald moved his tongue up the side of his Sire's face in one solid movement. "I know you want it," Ronald rested his chin on Remus shoulder . Remus stopped crying.
"That's a good boy, Sire. All those tears aren't good for anyone. They wake the sensitive of hearing ... keep them awake. It's a shame," Ronald said, in a babyish voice, almost taunting him; teasing him. Ronald left his perch on his shoulder to face Remus, looking him once in the eye. Ronald's head drooped to the spot where he'd let the blood drip on Remus's chest. Ronald's fingernail traced a path between the wet stains. A quick gesture brought his hair-covered eyes to meet with his Sire's once again, and he smiled before his finger found it's final destination. Ronald drew tiny circles with the tip where Remus's heart would be if it were in the open. Ronald's smile became menacing, "Hearts are overrated."
Ronald pushed him slightly before walking towards Remus bed, to return to sleep. Remus watched as Ronald left him, settling back in the bed. "Oh my god," the words escaped Remus's mouth in a horrified whisper, "what have I done?"
Should I continue?
***** PART 2 *****
Ron winced when he begun to put new clothes on completely ignoring his wounds. "Oh man, my Sire destroyed my new shirt," he thought grimly. By the time he got completely dressed he had never once even thought about how he had called his professor Remus. Minutes later when he got back to his dorm, he walked out again and begun to walk down the hall of the dorms. He didn't know why, but now he couldn't stand being in the same room with people. When he had finally walked out of the Gryffindors boy's dorms he began to walk slowly. Even thought he didn't know where he was going he just kept walking until his vision got blurry. His eyes rolled back to his skull and he collapsed in the cold hallway.
Unfortunately, Ron didn't think about how seriously injured he was and he was losing a lot of blood as he layed there in the middle of the empty hall. It was like it was meant to happen, and that could have been the reason that the red head didn't fear.
*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~
He had just come from the forest. It was around 4:20 in the morning, and he only had about an hour to get to his room before anybody saw him. When he had gotten to his room it surprised him to see that he was unhurt and that he wasn't actually feeling weak. After taking a shower and getting dressed, he had decided to walk down the Gryffindor halls to think, even though he had un-wolfed early that day he had a queasy feeling that something was wrong and that someone desperately needed him.
As he walked a sweet scent filled the air, the smell that had plagued him, and the guilt that it brought him. "Mine," the wolf inside him whispered. Remus fought the wolf in his head, and won. "What is mine?" he thought. As he kept walking the smell became stronger. He looked and saw a body in the middle of the hall, and undoubtedly guessed that this was where the smell was coming from. The young student was not dead yet, he did not sense death's horrifying aura. He ran to the student. He had to help the student in every way he could. He just hoped he could control himself. As he got nearer and nearer he panicked more and more. "It couldn't be! It just couldn't be! The body couldn't be . Ron." But with each step he took the more it set in, and his suspicion was confirmed. The body in the middle of the hall way, was, in fact, Harry's beloved and closest best friend in the world . Ronald J. Weasley. "OH MY GOD!" Remus softly said when he recognized what the wolf had whispered.
Remus studied the body carefully. Ron's eyes were open, but it was clear that he was unconscious. Most of the blood was coming from the gash in Ron's chest. The puddle of blood was large enough to safely say that he had been there a while. Remus quickly went into action. He took off his shirt and tore it in two.
He wrapped it lovingly around Ron's chest, to hopefully stop his bleeding. He then picked Ron up trying to hold him so that he wasn't putting any pressure on his chest. Remus walked slowly to his room. His task was way beyond easy. If Ron weren't in the condition that he was in he could have gotten there much faster. Something told him not to take the red head to the infirmary.
He was lucky that anybody hadn't caught him when he was carrying a wounded student. When he got to his room's door Ron began to moan. He struggled to get the door open, and nearly dropped the red head in the process. As soon as he was inside, he rushed to lay him on his bed, leaving the door open behind him. He tried as carefully as he could to put him down gently, but this was nearly impossible.
He ignored his thoughts as best he could, and went to his linen closet to find anything that could serve as a bandage. His shirt was soaked in Ron's blood, by now. If he were going to save him he had to stop the bleeding, or he wasn't sure it would work. He headed back to his bed with several towels and pillowcases, hoping that it would work. He gently removed his shirt from Ron's chest, and observed that it had done a good job in helping to stop his bleeding. He then grabbed a pillowcase and pressed it up against his wound until he knew for sure that the bleeding had stopped. He had to work fast in order for this to work. Remus knew it was time for the inevitable, that time was being wasted as Ron had suddenly began to convulse due to his abundant loss of blood. Ron whimpered softly, his slashed body couldn't take the sudden movement.
He had to pull himself together; after all, he wasn't losing his life. Tears nearly spilled down Remus cheeks when he cradled Ron's head in his hands, he tore at the skin on his wrist. There was nothing he could do to prepare himself as he fed the red head some of his blood he couldn't find it in himself. "I have to do this," Remus scolded himself. He didn't watch as the blood pooled, but tilted his arm at the appropriate angle for it drip into Ron's mouth. It took all the strength he could muster to control himself. "Control yourself Lupin," Remus told himself sharply. For him to calmly feed his own blood to Ron took a great deal of effort. Remus fingers fumbled to part Ron's pale lips, as he angled. He replaced some of the blood that Ron lost. Remus knew that werewolf's blood was powerful enough to heal but it also finally made you into one. The wild thrashing of Ron's body slowed, and Remus knew that he'd given him enough.
*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~
Remus sighed as he watched his comatose patient, and saw to tending to his self-inflicted wound. He let out a horrible wail, and realized that he had been crying the whole time because as he had tended to Ron's injuries he had realized what he had felt . Ron was now a part of his pack . Ron was now his mate. He took himself over to the couch, and he sobbed uncontrollably until he fell into a restless sleep. He had terrifying dreams that he could not wake himself from. Memories of what he had done to the red head were impregnated in his mind in a whirlwind of agony.
The sound of Ron's whimpering was everywhere. Remus violently awoke to find himself wailing once again. All who were in the room heard his hysterical cries; fortunately before his nap he placed a spell so no one would hear him outside the room. He was crying so hard that tears trickled down his face. He hugged his knees, and gently rocked himself putting his head down on them. He uncontrollably sobbed for hours, but he had to calm himself down so he could check on his mat. Ron.
After making sure that Ron looked all right, he decided that he needed to get some sterilized bandages. So he went to the infirmary and got gauze, ointment, stuff to clean wounds with, bandages, and tranquilizers that he thought he would need. He returned to his room, and got to work. First, Remus gave Ron a couple of tranquilizers, so the red head wouldn't have to feel any more pain. He knew exactly what he had gone through. His dream gave him insight. He examined him more thoroughly, and found various cuts, and bruises. He cleaned and bandaged the ones in the worst condition. He noticed that his right arm had a bite, so he heavily bandaged it.
Remus places a large bandage on Ron's chest with two whole rolls of gauze keeping it in place. His chest was not as flat as it had been the night before, which suggested that the healing power had already begun. He patched up a few cuts, and moved to his leg. It was in bad shape. He had to set it, or it would be crippling the poor red head. He just hoped that he didn't feel it. With a quick jerk it was back in place, and Ron unconsciously cried out in pain. He then put it in a makeshift cast, and braced it.
Lastly, Remus gave them more tranquilizers, and decided to let the red head rest. He spent most of the morning looking after him. Looking at Ron made him cry, but he had to. He sobbed softly the whole day. The hysterical outbursts returned, and once again he cried himself to sleep only to be tortured by his endless nightmare once again.
*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~
Remus checked on Ron every hour and changed the red head's bandages often. He knew that it was going to be a while before he woke up. He still couldn't look at Ron without breaking down. He hated himself for what he did. He just felt so guilty. The wolf inside him loved every second of it, and part of him had to admit that naturally the wolf would have already wanted a mate. He felt like shooting himself with a silver bullet through his heart then and there. He wished that Harry would come and see and blame him. Then Harry could kill him, and he wouldn't have to live with what he'd done. He guessed that that would never happen, but how could he tell Harry it was the wolf that hurt Ron? It was unbearable, and every time he thought about it he went into uncontrollable crying fits. Now he actually convulsed along with the crying, and wailing and was pretty sure he cried, as he was asleep.
After thinking about Ron's reaction he kind of felt some peace when he realized that he had seen Ron's look of peace in his eyes right after the bite, and knew the red head hadn't feared his fate, or hated him for turning him. Remus knew then at that moment that those eyes would torment him for the rest of his life. He continued to cry silently as a kind of memorial to Ron, even though it was odd for his Sire to do something of that sorts. He knew that some were completely controlled by the wolf and so they changed and became a wild savage animal. Still crying he then pulled himself together, and up off of the couch so he could check on Ron. He just hoped that Ron's spirit was strong enough to fight the wolf.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ron's eyes opened, and he found himself surrounded by different scents and empty darkness. He tried to get up, but his legs failed him completely. In fact he couldn't move anything else either, and that was a scary feeling, but he didn't let it consume him.
A moment later he calmed back down when he realized something. This darkness that he was surrounded by was a whole new world to him. He could see through this darkness as if it were his very own daylight, but it was definitely and undoubtedly darkness. Ron was aware of everything around him, although there really wasn't much to see or sense. This newfound awareness of the dark opened new doors for Ronald, and it was then that he noticed something else. He had this terrible rage building up inside of him. An anger that he had never felt before. He had never wanted to be mean before, except to Malfoy, but this rage made him feel the need to attack someone, anyone. To beat as he had been beaten. To push down, and slash them with words was what this rage needed, but it wasn't ready to submerge. He could suppress it for now. Also, he had this incredibly fierce craving for something. He couldn't figure out what it was, but it was like he had never eaten a thing in his entire sixteen years, and that only this could satisfy his indescribable hunger. Why? Why would I have this craving?
Ronald forgot his hunger when it was interrupted by a faint crying sound. Who? Everything went black as the final effects of being drawn in took place. Ronald was then yanked out of this blackness, and his eyes opened quickly.
Ronald shot up to a sitting position. He had no idea where he was. Nothing he saw was familiar. "Where am I?" he thought to himself. Just then the terrible hunger he had came back to him. It hit him in one big sweep. He doubled over from emptiness, and it took him a minute to adjust, but he did, and he shot back up to his sitting position like he had before. He was surprised at how well he could ignore his cravings, and surveyed the area around him. He was in a bed, with the covers placed upon him. It was bare, and empty from his point of view. The effects of sitting up so quickly those times interrupted his thoughts, and started to take their toll. He grimaced as he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He took the time to feel around for the cause of his pain. He found it quickly due to the large bandage that had been put on it, and hastily removed the shirt. He ripped the large bandage and proceeded to eradicate all his other bandages. He didn't notice the leg brace at first, he tried to bend it, but failed, so he didn't remove the leg brace quite as quickly as his bandages. He slipped the shirt on, was about to get up when he sensed someone. He turned his head violently in the direction of the person, and let out an animalistic growl.
"Ron . Ron calm down!" Remus' words help soothe Ronald's nervous surprise. Ronald's reflexes, and senses were pretty remarkable for just waking up. "That's it, calm down." After Remus felt that his words had eased the red head enough he asked, "How are you feeling?"
"Strong," Ron had growled.
"I'm glad you're awake," Remus told Ron relieved. Ronald got out of bed, and stood in front of him. He could see that the red head's leg was a little uneasy, and he felt some pain, but not enough to react to it. Remus could see that Ron was in pain. Remus could see it in his eyes. The eyes were the only things that told the truth all the time. He looked over at where Ron had been sitting, and saw the bandages. "Are you hungry?"
Ron just nodded. "You shouldn't have done that," Remus said motioning to the pile of bandages. Ron just stared with a blank look on his face. It pained Remus to see Ron the way he was, and he was about to cry once again, but he held back. Remus stared after Ron for a few seconds more, and Ron sat back on the bed.
Remus made his way to the kitchen, and opened his refrigerator door. There were blood bags inside. He had hoped that Ron would be strong enough to handle the wolf, but he was sadly wrong. So, he grabbed a bag, and removed it from its place. It was the best he had, and as long as he was taking care of Ron, he would have the best, even if he had to suffer. It's good for me to suffer after what I've done, he thought to himself.
Ronald watched Remus move in the kitchen. He'd seen the elder wolf rummage around in his refrigerator for a while, and then finally selected something. He was surprised to find that he could smell that it was blood. Even more surprising was that he knew it was human's blood. He didn't even give Remus enough time to heat it up. Ronald was out of bed before Remus could say blood.
The bag was taken from Remus hands. Ronald had sucked it dry before Remus even turned around. Ron tossed the bag into the garbage can, and without a word retreated back to bed. Remus couldn't even begin to explain how utterly messed up he was. He felt sorry for himself, he felt sorry for what he'd done to Ron. All he did was cry now. It was like an insufferable routine. Now, when he had heard Ron eagerly drink the blood, he knew that Ron wasn't going to be the same.
*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~
Ronald knew Remus was crying. He could hear the soft murmur of his gasps. It wasn't just mindless crying, it was painful, mournful, and guilt filled crying. Those cries were ones you never want to hear because they are the most heart wrenching, and sad. Ronald almost laughed to himself as he realized that he didn't care. The old Ron wouldn't have hesitated to comfort Remus or anyone else because he'd felt obligated. That thought disgusted Ronald.
"You should probably go back to sleep. You need the rest." Remus told Ron. It took all he had in him not to break down. After pausing for a long few seconds, "Tomorrow will be a whole new world."
"Sure," Ronald informed Remus. Ron was unsure of what else to say to Remus, so he just crawled back in bed. Ron lay down very carefully so he wouldn't hurt. Ron slowly pulled the covers over his body, and turned in Remus direction. "Good night, Sire," Ron whispered to Remus as he drifted off in a deep sleep.
Remus watched until Ron had stopped moving, and he could sense sleep taking over the red head's being. He walked to the couch; his breathing was dry and trembling. He just sat, waiting, preparing, and staring off into nothingness. He waited as long as he could control himself, which was not long at all. He just hoped that Ron was asleep, truly asleep, by now. The bawling started off quietly, to his relief. It had taken a lot of fighting for him to get it that way. It steadily grew louder, until his routine howling went under way. His cries were so full of pain, and guilt that you would have thought he threw it all out of himself with just one cry, but that wasn't even close to his burden. The tears were streaming down his face, and he fell to his knees in grief. He lay hunched over, and the tears began to flow. Remus didn't prepare himself for the convulsions that would take over his body, as he normally did. He did not care as the dry heaving took him. He did not care as he shook uncontrollably. He knew that the tremors were just the beginning. He hated himself, and wished that he would just die. He wished that no one cared, and that he didn't exist. As his cries grew louder, and louder, the more he shook. He didn't deserve to look at anything, but he didn't deserve to die either. That was too good for him. He let out wail after agonizing wail.
*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~
After hours of horrible cries, and convulsing he finally found the world of sleep. Of course the nightmares came, and released every pain and sorrow he caused. The more he had the dreams the more detailed they became. They were slowly starting to become Ron's whole life. Every time he closed his eyes he saw a vision of himself attacking Ron. This endless torture never ceased to pursue him, not even for a moment.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Remus awoke startled, trembling breath. The dream that tormented him now, Ron. He closed his eyes slowly, as if it caused him great pain, which in reality it did. His vision of hunting Ron, slicing him with his claws his clothes and then . Remus wanted so badly to prepare Ron to live with the curse, but he knew in his mind's eye that nothing could prepare the red head. Nothing would ever prepare Ron for the pain, and the sacrifice. Remus wanted to take the pain away before it took Ron over. He never wanted to hear Ron's cries of despair. The cries that would mimic his own, that mirrored the pain, and suffering of the heart. The cries that rip into you like claws, and tear your heart to shreds. He had promised himself that he would never hear those cries at the cause of his hand again, and he knew now that it had been a hopeless lie. He had caused more pain than the heart can bear.
"It's my fault. I'm the cause of Ron's pain," Remus thought. He delayed his thoughts momentarily as he admitted to himself, "I curse Ron. I made Ron what he is." Remus paused another moment before his conscience screamed; "I made Ron into a were-wolf."
The tears formed rapidly, coming together quickly, and balling up in his eyelashes. They stayed entangled there until they could be filled no longer, and slowly rolled off their secure place. They started to slide down his cheeks ever so slowly, but the more tears formed the faster they fell. He drew in another quivering breath, and opened his eyes. "Ron has no idea what he's about to endure. I, myself had no one to comfort me when I first felt my pain."
Remus had some friends that stood by him, but didn't understand him, or his burden, and his pain. No one ever would, and he would have to live knowing this. He vowed then that Ron wouldn't go through what he did. Ron wouldn't go through it alone. Ron wouldn't be banished to live on the streets, and to look at people with the eyes of a human, and know that he was not one. Ron wouldn't have to see the way people talk, and laugh, and find happiness, and love, and know that he couldn't ever have that. Ron wouldn't look at people, and think how he got cursed, and how he now had a life of suffering. Ron wouldn't look at people, and die inside because he couldn't be around them. That Ron couldn't ever have any true friends. Ron wouldn't go through life knowing that he could never truly know, and relate to even one person besides his own kind. Remus wouldn't let Ron go through the suffering the way he had suffered, and still suffers. He would not let Ron suffer the way he had. Never again.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ronald listened in disgust. It hadn't been a terribly long time since he'd fallen into a deep sleep just to be awakened by the sound of his sire's pathetic screaming. In all his wailing, Remus failed to sense his cub's rousing. Ronald smirked as he looked up at the ceiling, marveling at his display of humanity when he'd never been human. Remus uncharacteristic behavior was annoying, and Ronald read right through him.
On the surface it, was clear Remus was guilt-ridden and sorry, which was what he wanted everyone to see and believe. Ronald looked past the context, finding the subtext to be more revealing, almost fruitful. In reality, as Ronald saw it, Remus was just looking for pity . pity for what he was. Someone to attempt to understand what no one ever could, his dark side. Ronald had to give him credit, he was putting on a wonderful show, but he could have at least been conscious enough in his grand nobility to spare him some earplugs. Ronald's thoughts quickly turned malicious.
Ronald smiled an evil smile, and sighed. It was a silent sigh. Ronald settled in the covers once more, preparing to fall back into the sleep that he readily wished to overtake him. Restlessness shrouded Ronald's mind and shook his conscience. There was no way he could ever get to sleep while Remus was crying himself dry.
Ronald's feelings were of indifference, he couldn't tell if they were venomous or good hearted, as he pulled himself out of bed, walking with a stealth that could only belong to the wolf. Ronald's mind was hazy and unsure, as if stuck in the middle of good and evil. It was tempted to visit the dark place it had dwelled in before he'd been shoved out of the coma he'd been in for so long, but that option was overlooked. There was confusion, but it went unrecognized and he just walked toward the noise that would not allow him to visit his dreams. Ronald wasn't functioning on his own will, but on that of something else. What it was he didn't know. Ronald's footsteps were careful and planned, continuing with precision and foggy perception. When he reached Remus, he circled him, much like predators do with their prey, choosing to stop where his head was.
"Shhh," Ronald said calmly, in effort to soothe the trembling elder were- wolf that lay before him. "Good things do not come to those who cry about the past."
Ronald offered his hand to help his Sire up. Remus took it after a second or two, helping little as Ronald pulled him to his feet. Remus head remained down, so as to avoid any eye contact, but Ronald wouldn't have that. With his index finger, he raised Remus chin in attempt to force eye contact. Remus was too drained from his complex fit to fight the red head. Ronald tilted his head to one side, studying his Sire's face thoughtfully with his own expressionless features.
The sight of Remus was classic, really. Remus face was whiter than normal, streaked with tears; his eyes more pained than usual. His face border lining between the face the dog knew and loved, and his true face.
Ronald's lips curled into a tiny smile. "What's past is past. Don't go crying over spilt blood," Ronald purred, his smile growing slightly at his misuse of the age-old phrase.
"Be a man," Ronald added with a smirk, reaching out to caress his Sire's tear stained cheek. Ronald's words had hit a very sensitive nerve and he could tell Remus was squirming underneath his calm exterior. Ronald wiped at the tears that were still flowing and had made a cut on Remus cheek, enough to draw some blood. Ronald wiped the blood with his finger and then waved his red finger under Remus nose, closing the short distance between it and his mouth. Remus looked as if he was about to throw up, but his desire was not hidden.
"You know you want it," Ronald continued, letting the blood on his finger drip onto his shirtless chest. Remus tensed, his straight face unchanging. Ronald moved his hand to Remus shoulder, using it as a type of pivot as he maneuvered to his other side. Ronald remained, his hands folded on the opposite shoulder. Ronald stared at the side of his face for a long moment before doing something Remus had never expected even the were Ronald to ever do. Ronald leaned in close and licked at the drop of blood from his chest. Leisurely, Ronald moved his tongue up the side of his Sire's face in one solid movement. "I know you want it," Ronald rested his chin on Remus shoulder . Remus stopped crying.
"That's a good boy, Sire. All those tears aren't good for anyone. They wake the sensitive of hearing ... keep them awake. It's a shame," Ronald said, in a babyish voice, almost taunting him; teasing him. Ronald left his perch on his shoulder to face Remus, looking him once in the eye. Ronald's head drooped to the spot where he'd let the blood drip on Remus's chest. Ronald's fingernail traced a path between the wet stains. A quick gesture brought his hair-covered eyes to meet with his Sire's once again, and he smiled before his finger found it's final destination. Ronald drew tiny circles with the tip where Remus's heart would be if it were in the open. Ronald's smile became menacing, "Hearts are overrated."
Ronald pushed him slightly before walking towards Remus bed, to return to sleep. Remus watched as Ronald left him, settling back in the bed. "Oh my god," the words escaped Remus's mouth in a horrified whisper, "what have I done?"
Should I continue?