I do not own the song, "Butterflies," taken from the Michael Jackson Invincible CD.
Here's hoping if he see this that I will not be royally sued.
ButterfliesBy Morning
2002
His fist came crashing down on the steel worktable situated in the corner of the scoreboard. Not surprisingly it crumbled like paper. Picking it up he flung it across the room to finish its destruction letting it slam against the furthest wall. He looked at the pieces that had scattered around the room, then dropped his head and sullenly fell on his bunk.
How could have said those things to Charley, things he didn't mean, things that would hurt her and make her cry. Things that he couldn't take back, not that she would care if he did. His mind played the scene over and over like a bad soap opera.
He'd never been an overly jealous person. He knew Jack could be trusted and even if he couldn't, Charley's love and loyalty should have been with out question. Then why did he act like such a royal jerk when he walked in on them embracing? Before they could explain, what does he do? Grab Jack up by the collar and punch him. As if that wasn't bad enough he attacked Charley with words you just don't use when dealing with somebody you are suppose to love.
"I knew you never really loved me!" He could hear his voice condemning her. "All I am is the freak who gives you a few laughs. I should have known I was only asking for a heart ache, you were bound to kick me to the curb sooner or later!" The poison words spilled out as Modo and Vinnie held his arms keeping him restrained.
The look on Charley's face would be burned in his memory for all time. Fear, shock, embarrassment, disappointment, hurt, and then the tears, but those tear didn't stop her from calling his a deranged, insecure, macho maniac as she ran to helped Jack.
"You'll never trust any one," she spoke in a tear filled almost hysterical voice. "Maybe the war and all the pain has done too much damage, damage that I can't fix. I told you I loved you. I begged you to trust me, but no matter what I do, I'll never really convince you!!!
"I told you what my loving you meant. I thought I proved myself." She started angry, but her last words were soft, sad and regret filled. "It's never going to be enough will it, Throttle? You aren't going to let go of the mistrust?" She turned to look at him while holding Jacks head in her lap. "We just aren't going to work, are we? Please just get out of here." Modo and Vinnie released him and he turned to leave, but stopped briefly to apologize to Jack. Whether that apology was accepted, he never heard.
*****
Modo rode into the scoreboard alone. He parked his bike and immediate went over to his friend, "You okay, Throttle?" He got no answer but continued speaking, "Jack left, he wasn't really hurt. I told Vin to stay with Charley girl." Still Throttle wouldn't say anything. He got off the bunk and walked to the window and stared out.
"This isn't the time to play, "it's my problem and I'll deal with it, bro. I wanna help." Modo walked up next to Throttle and put a hand on his shoulder.
" What is there to say? I acted like a crazy man. I hit a friend and hurt the woman I love.
The first woman that actually understood me, accepted how I thought and what I felt and now I've lost her."
" I don't know if you have or haven't. But don't you think Charley is worth giving it another try."
"Charley is, but I'm not. I'm too messed up to be any good for her. I'm a truckload of emotional baggage. It's over and probably the best thing for her, maybe she and Jack will hook up."
"Well that's gonna be kind of hard. You see that's why they were huggin'. Jack met a lady computer tech, they got married and he was going to live with her in some place called Japan.
Throttle could only chuckle sadly shaking his head and giving Modo a lost defeated look.
****
Back at the Last Chance Vinnie was sitting with Charley up in the living room. She'd kept up a good front until Jack left, but now she sitting in the corner of the couch with her head down on her knees crying. Vinnie wasn't ever good at consoling anyone. He always seemed to say all the wrong things.
"I can't believe he'd do something like that. I thought I knew him. I thought he trusted me," she sniffled.
"He does Charley, I know he does. It's just you gotta understand, Throttle has been through a lot and trust doesn't come easy for him. With all his good looks, the guy still doesn't think a woman would want him, not seriously. Hey look what happen between him and Carbine."
"But that wasn't his fault, it wasn't anyone's fault. She just moved on, they had been separated for a lot of years and people change. You can't blame her for finding love some where else, that's not fair." Charley glared over at Vinnie defending Carbine's ability to move on with her life.
"That's why he didn't do this kind of thing, some where along the way, some body gets mad at him," Vinnie thought while trying to explain what he meant. "I'm not saying it is, I'm just saying, Throttle thinks that it is. He thought it was his fault when the fishheads killed his mother and he was only ten when that happened. It doesn't makes sense, but that's how the guy thinks."
"When you guys hooked up I thought, finally he's got somebody that will make him happy. You're a pretty tough babe, Charley girl, I thought that maybe you could handle it. But I guess that was hoping too much."
Charley wiped her eyes and took in a breath, "Being tough has nothing to do with accepting how he acted. If I wanted to date a wild man I would have…."she stopped looking at him a little guilty about what she'd almost said.
"What? Take me up on my generous offer to be the one woman to tried and tame all this dynamitic charm," he laughed, but Charley knew what she'd almost said hurt him.
"Yeah, but it will take a lot more woman, than I am, to do that," she smiled making him feel better.
"Look Sweetheart, I'm not saying what he did was right. Heck, I've never seen him lose it like that before. But the fact that he did, shows that you are really important to him."
"Do you think that he'll come back?"
"To be honest, nah. He's probably at the hide out thinking he did you a favor, giving you a reason to dump him. But I'm sure there is some kind of chick thing you can do that will fix all this. That is, if you still think he's worth it."
Charley stopped and looked at the small picture of Throttle she kept on her end table. She picked it up and rubbed the smooth silver metal of the frame against her chin, "Of course he is and I think I know how to show him, but you have to help."
"Awww, Charley girl, don't make me do any of that mushy lovey dovey junk. It will totally destroy my machismo rating." Vinnie slumped slightly in his chair.
"Oh get a grip, all I want you to do is take something to Throttle, that's not going to kill you, will it?" She rolled her eyes at him.
"Nah, I guess not. What is it?"
****
Modo had stop trying to comfort his depressed bro. Sometimes the more you say the worst you make a person feel. He hugged Throttle around the shoulders and went to do some tweaking on his bike's engine. After about an hour they could hear Vinnie's bike pulling up. The white whirlwind didn't stop until he'd pulled up right next to Throttle.
"Here," he took something out of the compartment in his seat and shoved it into Throttle hand. "Don't ask me what's on it, Charley just told me to give it to you."
Throttle looked at what Vinnie handed him. The square white envelope had the picture of a small blue butterfly drawn on it. He lifted the flap and there was a CD inside.
"What's this?" Throttle's heart beat so hard and fast he could hardly breath, but he tried not to let it show.
" I wasn't given any details. She said, "give it to him and make sure he listens to it. So put the thing in the machine so I can get outta hear."
Throttle walked slowly over to the CD player on his bike. He examined the sliver disk debating if he wanted to hear what was on it.
"You won't know until you put it in, bro," Modo encouraged. "Come on Vin, this is a decision Throttle has to make on his own and us hangin' around ain't makin' it any easier.
"But Charley said…., Vinnie was cut off by Modo's, "I don't care what she said we're goin," frown.
"Okay, okay, I'm comin." He and Modo gun their engines but before they left, Vinnie reached his tail up and turn of the lights. "I'm just doin' what she told me to. Boy, do I hate this kinda junk," he fussed before racing Modo out of the door.
Modo had to smile, but look back over toward Throttle who was standing by the window in the darken room, "Hope it works out, Bro," he throw a hand up and followed Vinnie.
The way his hand was shaking it was surprising that he could even put the disk into the small slot, but he managed and then stood back and waited. Charley always seem to have a special song for any occasion, but he didn't think there was one for telling some body to drop off the face of the planet. The words, "Butterflies inside," are whispered gently as if they were floating on a breeze, as music and a soft voice started weaving a serene and tender atmosphere. He frowned not excepting what he was hearing and sat back on his bed removing his specks holding them nervously against his brow.
The sweet male voice continued to sing:
All you gotta do is just walk away and pass me by
Don't acknowledge my smile when I try to say hello to you, yeah
And all you gotta do is not answer my calls when
I'm trying to get through
To keep me wondering why, when all I can do is sigh
I just wanna touch you
[Chorus]
I just wanna touch and kiss
And I wish that I could be with you tonight
You give me butterflies inside, inside and I
All I gotta say is that I must be dreaming, can't be real
You're not here with me, still I can feel you near me
I hold you, let you feel us, just so blissful listen
I would give you anything baby, just make my dreams come true
Oh baby you give me butterflies
Throttle swallowed hard trying to understand what was going on. He never expected the message the song seems to be conveying. This wasn't something you played if you were ending a relationship.
[Chorus]
I just wanna touch and kiss
And I wish that I could be with you tonight
You give me butterflies inside, inside and I
I just wanna touch and kiss
And I wish that I could be with you tonight
You give me butterflies inside, inside and I
If you would take my hand, baby I would show you
Guide you to the light babe
If you would be my love, baby I will love you, love you
'Til the end of time
Now he was sure, as impossible as it might have been she was saying what he thought he would never hear from her again. How could she, after what he'd done, after the things he'd said?
[Chorus]
I just wanna touch and kiss
And I wish that I could be with you tonight
You give me butterflies inside, inside and I
I just wanna touch and kiss
And I wish that I could be with you tonight
You give me butterflies inside, inside and I
I just wanna touch and kiss
And I wish that I could be with you tonight
You give me butterflies inside, inside and I
The music stopped and he just sat there staring out into the dark room. Suddenly something caught his attention. A tiny flicker of light flashed in through the window and landed on the wall in the shape of a butterfly. He put his shades back on and smiled watching it dance around the room. He slowly rose and walked over to the window and saw Charley standing on the street holding a small flashlight pointing it in his direction. His head lowered and leaned against the pane of the glass.
Charley saw his reaction and turned off the light and walked up into the scoreboard. When she opened the door Throttle was still standing at the window and the light coming in from the street bathed him in a soft blue gray glow. She silently walked up next to him and took his shoulder turning him to face her. His voice was so weak and shaking that if it weren't for the intense quite of the room and the moment she'd never have heard him, "Charley….I…." She reached up putting her arms around his neck and leaning up to kiss him before he could finish what he was saying. He hesitated for a second but slowly his arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her closer deepening the kiss and wetting her cheek with his tears. Once they parted she laid her head on his chest and he rested his head in her hair.
"I'm so sorry, Throttle," she whispered.
Startled he lifted her chin to look in her eyes with a puzzled expression, "What? You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm the one who acted like a complete bonehead."
She smiled back at him taking his hand and kissing the back of his fingers then holding it to her cheek, "Yep, you did, but I should have been a little more understanding as to why. With all those bulging muscles I tend to forget that you've been hurt so much and it's going to take a little time for certain things to become a reality to you. Like, I'm not going anywhere and that I really love you with all my heart." Her other hand moved to touch his chest right over his heart.
In all his life he had never met any woman like her and was overwhelmed by the things she said and did, "Heaven, knows I love you Charlene. I've needed someone like you for so long and I promise I'll try and do better. I'm sorry I ever made you cry or caused you even a second of grief," he placed his hand over the slender furless one lying on his chest.
"We have a lot of things to work through, but if we both try, I think we have a shot at a pretty good life together, in spite of interplanetary wars, alien invasions and our own imperfects." She laughed lightly and relaxed completely in his arms.
Throttle felt that same fluttery nervous glorious feeling he always did when she was close, he never had a name for it until now, "Butterflies," he thought lovingly.
The End