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Dear Diary,
Wait a minute, what's wrong with my maroon shirt? It's very slimming. And
someone please explain to me why my father sounds like the sensei off the Karate
Kid. 'Many years', what the Christ was that, Yoda speak? No wonder River's
crazy!
Dear Diary,
Just for once, I'd like to stop on a planet that still gets 'Soul Train'. I mean, we still all eat out of alluminum cans, surely somebody's still got to have a TV !!!
Oh, and today, River did something crazy. Big surprise there.
Dear Diary,
God, please let that repeated, wet smacking sound coming from the direction of Zoey and Wash's bunk be a washing machine I didn't know we had. Please Lord.
Oh, River did something crazy.
Dear Diary,
Last night, afterwards, I tried to explain to Kaylee that I didn't do anything weird. I mean, lots of people scream out the name Jayne during sex. I don't think she believed me.
Dear Diary,
My show got put on haitus because River wouldn't stop doing crazy shit.
Dear Diary,
Today, I sat the Captain down and told him, "Malcolm, if you ever want to have children, you've got to loosen the seams on those pants."
And then River did something crazy.
Dear Diary,
I asked myself again today, Why Cows? I am never ever going to get my shoes clean.
Oh, and River did something crazy.ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES
SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL
WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A
DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO
PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL
BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY
MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY.
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES
SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL
WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A DULL DULL BOY. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES SIMON A
DULL DULL BOY.
Dear Diary,
Today I found out that in space, no one can hear Jayne repeatedly flushing your head in the tiolet.
And then River did something crazy.
Dear Diary,
How come the Captain gets all the chicks? I mean, who does he think he is, the strangely moralistic outlaw leader of some ragtag crew of misfits cruising through the stars just trying to outrun the law, their pasts, and the guys with guns?......oh. Right. Nevermind.
And River did something crazy.
Dear Diary,
After intense study, the only reason I could come up with for someone to repeatedly cut in to my sister's healthy brain tissue is that she was SO DAMN ANNOYING and that was the ONLY thing they could think of that might get her to shut the hell up and STOP ACTING CRAZY!!!!
Oh, and we had corn for dinner. Good corn.
Dear Diary,
Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm still Simon from the block. Used to have a little now I have a lot. No matter what I know where I came from.
Dear Diary,
Today, my teddy bear was insolent. It was sitting on my bed, laughing at me. Always sitting so still, just looking so.....furry. And brown. Pretending to be so damn innocent. WELL FUCK YOU MR. BEAR !! YOU SPEAK LIES !! LIEEESSS!!
Dear Diary,
Today, River....blah, blah, blah, SPAZ, you know, the usual.
Dear Diary,
You know, I'm starting to think there might really be something wrong with my sister....