Love at first sight doesn't really happen, of course. The gut-level, heart-pounding attraction individuals sometimes feel upon first meeting someone they think they love is a complex reaction of pheromones, early conditioning, pre-programmed genetic imperatives, and bad media cliches. Even when the victim of the infatuation is a vampire. So, Dear Reader, when I tell you that Klaus von Helsing fell in love with Natalie Lambert at first sight, you will understand that it was not love. No. We know better than that, even if Klaus doesn't.
But is it just a vampire's attraction to a potential victim? Perhaps not. Natalie is mortal, and Klaus is a vampire, so that is undoubtedly part of the equation. But there are other forces at work here: madness, self-destruction, loneliness, ego, challenge, competition, and a mutual affinity for cartoons. None of these impulses should be underestimated.
Klaus had been teetering between a combination of curiosity and annoyance as he headed over to the Toronto Morgue. Driving Knight's car was a lot of fun, and he'd enjoyed drag-racing away from a couple lights, but he couldn't entirely forget the strange phone conversation he'd had with Dr. Lambert before he left. Would he give himself away? Would she so annoy him with her talk of pursuing mortality that he'd have to kill her? And if so, would that complicate his plans for framing Lucard? Questions, questions. Klaus hated uncertainty, and even more, he hated not having enough information. Overall, he was leaning toward breaking the medical examiner's neck as soon as they met.
"Pull up a slab," Natalie said as he walked in, not looking up from her dissection of a bludgeoning victim. "I have to finish taking care of Wile E. Coyote here."
Klaus blinked in surprise, staring at the petite brunette casually sewing up the top of a man's brain. Whatever preconceptions he'd had about someone who hung out with Nicholas Knight and played with blood- flavored shakes went out the window. "Wile E. Coyote?" He glanced at the man on the table, then grinned. "He does kind of look like someone dropped an Acme anvil on him."
"Just about. Only in his case, it was a gargoyle."
"You're kidding. Really?" Klaus was enchanted. Natalie Lambert looked like a cartoon herself, one of those anime girls with the huge eyes and little mouths, and her honey-brown hair was going every which way, and she smelled nice, kind of like orchids and cherries dipped in formaldehyde. Much better than he'd been anticipating. "How's the gargoyle?"
"Decapitated. Very sad," Natalie grinned, and closed the top of Wile E.'s head. "The notes from the O'Brian case are over on the counter. And the shake is in the fridge." At Klaus's involuntary expression of revulsion, she scolded "Don't be like that. Try it first before you make any judgments. How else are you going to become human again?"
"Yes, Mommy," Klaus teased, bouncing over to the refrigerator. Natalie stuck her tongue out at him, and the vampire got a little thrill up his spine. What was someone so yummy doing hanging out with a loser like Knight?
"How's the Jerry Tate case going?" Dr. Lambert was shedding her lab coat and heading over to her desk, watching him to make sure he drank the shake. Klaus sniffed the container warily. It did smell like blood. He looked over to where Dr. Lambert--Natalie--was sitting, thought the things I do to impress women! and took a sip. He gagged at the taste but manfully chugged it, remembering the tequila shots he'd done when he was a mortal. "And how's the shake?"
"Too salty," he rasped, making little hacking sounds.
Natalie was smiling, though. "But you managed to finish it! I don't think you've ever done that in one sitting before!"
Mentally sneering at that wimp Knight (whose previous experience with the M.E.'s concoctions made him warier than Klaus), von Helsing shrugged modestly and said, "Well, it's not bad. I think you're getting closer."
"I hope so," Natalie said with an undertone of wistfulness.
She looked tired, Klaus thought, and wondered again about Nick's relationship to Dr. Lambert. Why was she helping Knight become mortal? And how much could he get away with here? Maybe he could get more information out of her about Knight. Setting the glass down on the counter, he crossed the room to the seated coroner and tentatively trailed his hand over her shoulders. "You seem tense." Very carefully he started to knead her neck, putting juuuust enough pressure on the muscles to loosen them, but not enough to hurt. Instead of pulling away, Natalie's head dropped forward and she let out a little whimper of relief.
"Oh, God that feels good," she muttered softly. "You were... mmm... going to tell me about the... ow! right-- there, yeah... Tate case."
"Not much to tell. Lucard's guilty, we just have to prove it," Klaus said cautiously, staring down at the M.E.'s neck. It was very pretty neck.
"Funny. He didn't seem like the type to shoot a mortal," Natalie murmured. The vampire's fingers froze in shock for a second at that information, then resumed their gentle massage as she kept talking. "Bite them, yes. But shoot them? Especially Jerry Tate. Why? It's so dumb, Nick."
Klaus leaned forward to whisper in her ear, the scent of her blood so close to the surface that he had to fight the urge to bite her right then and there. "His ego can't stand having Jerry Tate for a twin. The almighty Dracula can not possibly have a double who is so undeniably crass."
"He's Dracula?" Natalie's head came up like a shot, nearly hitting Klaus in the chin, and she turned around in her chair, leaning back a bit when she saw how close von Helsing was standing. "*Count* Dracula? I was propositioned by Count Dracula?!"
"He propositioned you? That swine," Klaus snarled, ready to kill the other vampire for even thinking about it. Alexander and Natalie? What a disgusting concept. She was much too good for him. Too cute. Too-- sane, yes, that, definitely. And she had a good sense of humor. Dracula wouldn't know a Loony Toon if one whacked him with a sledgehammer.
Natalie was giggling at his expression. "Nick, get serious. I'm sure he hits on almost every mortal he meets, especially considering I looked like a drowned rat at the time." She frowned suddenly, her jaw hardening as she studied Klaus. "Besides, it's not like anyone else is offering me trips to Rio de Janeiro."
"You wouldn't!" Klaus was aghast.
"It could be fun," the coroner mused, an evil glint in her eyes. "I mean, as long as he respected some ground rules--"
Von Helsing was just about to start ranting at her about the control freak tendencies and boring conservatism of his former master, when he realized she wasn't serious. "Don't joke about stuff like that, Natalie. He might kidnap you, or hold you captive, or... or... bring you across, or something!" Klaus took a moment to catch his breath, and tried to think of a sufficiently Knight-like utterance to divert her attention with, when something else she'd said clicked in his brain. "You want to go to Rio? IÕll take you to Rio, if that's what you want!"
"Nick--" Natalie looked weary again, and slightly remorseful. "I didn't mean--"
"No," Klaus interrupted, taking both her hands in his, slowly caressing them. "You deserve it, if that's what you want." Quite against his will, he found himself being utterly sincere. "You've done so much for N- me; always looking for a cure, and helping me with cases, and...." Might as well go for broke "...I'd really like to take you there. I'd like to be -- somewhere else, outside of Toronto, with you. Alone."
"Oh," the M.E. responded weakly. She was staring up at Klaus with those big eyes, and von Helsing started leaning toward her, able to smell her blood, wondering what her lips would taste like, and he really, really, really didn't mean for it to happen, but an instant later he was kissing her. With feeling. A lot of feeling.
Natalie broke the kiss with a gasp, gulping for air. "Sorry about that," Klaus apologized, mentally kicking himself for forgetting that mortals needed to breathe.
"Don't be," Natalie responded, then pulled him into another passionate kiss.
Several blissful moments later, Klaus could hear coughing behind him, and Natalie broke away again, her cheeks violently red as she smiled weakly at the person who'd interrupted them. "Tracy! Hi!"
Von Helsing turned and glared at his so-called partner. "Don't you know anything about timing?" he asked.
"Not as much as you do, apparently," Vetter responded with raised eyebrows and a small smirk.
"Nick was just-- uh--" The ME stuttered, one hand fanning her burning cheeks.
"Making dinner arrangements for my night off," Klaus said smoothly, one hand still possessively holding Natalie's. "Right?" he asked, putting as much pleading as he was capable of in his expression.
"But what about--" Natalie made a small, futile gesture toward her neck, then relented at the continued silent entreaty from von Helsing. "Okay, how about the CN tower?" she challenged.
"Perfect. I have to work tomorrow night, but I'm free the evening after that?" Klaus crossed his fingers, hoping he wouldn't have to wait any longer than that to get Natalie alone again.
"We'll talk first," Natalie said in a determined voice. "About.. you know... things." She glared at the all-too-present Tracy Vetter, who seemed highly entertained by the conversation.
"Of course."
"And you'll eat something at the restaurant. Something on the menu," the M.E. added significantly.
"I'll eat whatever you order for me."
"And... uh..." Natalie swallowed, staring at the vampire dazedly. "I forget what else. Are you sure about this, Nick?" She couldn't seem to believe they were going out on a simple date. Knight really *was* hopeless, Klaus thought smugly.
"I'll pick you up at eight, is that enough time for you to get ready?"
"Sure." The coroner nodded, appearing happy but stunned.
Klaus took advantage of her confusion to kiss her again real fast. Then he spun around, startling Tracy into stumbling backwards, grabbed the file Natalie had prepared for him, and began singing "Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa, I adore you--" as he galloped out the exit.
Behind him he left two very disoriented women, one of whom said to the other, "Men. Just when I think I have them figured out... not that I'm complaining, you understand...."