A/N things in these thingies ** are Sydney's thoughts.
Chapter 1.4
*Was it real? Or was it a dream? Did he actually kiss me, or was a dreaming? Why does life torture me this? If only I could know for sure. Should I ask him? But what if it was a dream? What would happen then.*
After two more weeks of Sydney's coma, I'm more worried than ever. Not only has she not even batted an eyelid, she's cold now. He was lively tan complexion is pale and sickly. Her hand grows more frail each day, and all I can do is hold it and prey.
Why does life torture me like this? If only I could know for sure if she'd be okay. If only I'd know for sure how she felt. but now I can do nothing. I can sit here all the live long day and sigh over it. "Will Sydney die today? Well I don't know, we'll see."
Max says she's getting worse every second, and that there's hardly a hope in the world for her. She had my hope, and my love. If only I could tell her, if she never wakes again I swear I'll kill myself for not letting her know.
*I see him only in my thoughts now. My eyes are so heavy, and every time I try to open them, it just seems impossible. Tears slip from beneath my lids. Am I dying?*
As I watch her, I see tears slip from her eyes. How can she be dying, when she's still so much alive? I talk with her only in my thoughts, in my thoughts she's well. She's dancing with me, and she's smiling. How can she be dying?
*To see him one more time would be a gift. His sweet face, his blue eyes, his beautiful body. How I could just hold his hand forever, listen to him whispering in my ear. How I wish I could spend forever with him. It's funny how things turn out. I meet the boy I dreamed of befriending when I'm imprisoned, and then when I'm free I still can't have him. In fact, I want more than friendship. I want his love. Why is everything so fucking complicated? Why does everything in my life have to be so fucking wrong? What the hell is going on? Why do the God's or whatever the hell's up there think it's all right to torture me day in day out? If there is a God, why are his plans so fucking terrible? What was wrong with mine?*
Why is God so unfair? It make it pretty hard for me to believe he's up their on his cloud looking down at his work when it fucking terrible! There's no pretty picture about this, there's no silver lining. She lives, or she dies. What sort of plan is that? What was wrong with mine? Why can't she be happy? Why can't I be happy? If I never get to stare into her ocean blue eyes again, it'll be all God's fault. If I never see her healthy again, life would not be worth living. She's my life, the one thing that's kept me going since I met her.
*I've got to wake up. I know he's here, I can feel him. I can almost smell him, his soft gentle scent. My eyes must open, I must talk to him. I must tell him. I've been like this for three weeks now, it must stop.*
What was that? Her eye moved! Is she waking up? I've taken her hand in mine, and all I can do is wait. Wait for her to wake, wait for her to be whole once more.
"Ashton," she is awake! Thank you God! Perhaps you do have mercy, perhaps you did hear my cries.
"Sydney, I have to tell you." Her eyes are open now, and I find myself spewing my deepest thoughts, sharing with her my most inner feeling. The one thing that has kept me going these last few years. She's it, she's the one.
"Ashton, I." She had something to say too. I must let her talk, it could change what I have to say. "I've been thinking. I remember you, at Manticore. I told you that already, but I remember something else now."
She pulled me close, and I bent on my knees. She smiled weakly, and touched my face. She was so close to me, I could feel her breath on my face. It was cold.
"Ashton, I wanted to know you. Wanted to be your friend," Just a friend, I told myself. I sighed, and her grip on my hand tightened. "But I realize you're much more than that now."
She leaned in, and we kissed once more. Her lips were icy, and her eyes closed. She reached up and grabbed the sides of my head, and ran her fingers through her hair. A warm tear fell onto my cheek, and she kissed harder. I couldn't believe what was happening, it was like I was dreaming. I felt her relax under my touch, and our lips parted for a second time. She looked into my eyes, her own filled with tears. She found her voice with difficulty.
"Ashton, I love you," The surprise of these words had me in rapture. I fell into a pool of hope that had been boiling for some time, and this time Sydney was there. She was with me, and she loved me. "I think I must have since I first saw you at Manticore."
She kissed me again, and I could have melted under her icy touch. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but all I could say was one.
"I love you too, Sydney."
Chapter 1.4
*Was it real? Or was it a dream? Did he actually kiss me, or was a dreaming? Why does life torture me this? If only I could know for sure. Should I ask him? But what if it was a dream? What would happen then.*
After two more weeks of Sydney's coma, I'm more worried than ever. Not only has she not even batted an eyelid, she's cold now. He was lively tan complexion is pale and sickly. Her hand grows more frail each day, and all I can do is hold it and prey.
Why does life torture me like this? If only I could know for sure if she'd be okay. If only I'd know for sure how she felt. but now I can do nothing. I can sit here all the live long day and sigh over it. "Will Sydney die today? Well I don't know, we'll see."
Max says she's getting worse every second, and that there's hardly a hope in the world for her. She had my hope, and my love. If only I could tell her, if she never wakes again I swear I'll kill myself for not letting her know.
*I see him only in my thoughts now. My eyes are so heavy, and every time I try to open them, it just seems impossible. Tears slip from beneath my lids. Am I dying?*
As I watch her, I see tears slip from her eyes. How can she be dying, when she's still so much alive? I talk with her only in my thoughts, in my thoughts she's well. She's dancing with me, and she's smiling. How can she be dying?
*To see him one more time would be a gift. His sweet face, his blue eyes, his beautiful body. How I could just hold his hand forever, listen to him whispering in my ear. How I wish I could spend forever with him. It's funny how things turn out. I meet the boy I dreamed of befriending when I'm imprisoned, and then when I'm free I still can't have him. In fact, I want more than friendship. I want his love. Why is everything so fucking complicated? Why does everything in my life have to be so fucking wrong? What the hell is going on? Why do the God's or whatever the hell's up there think it's all right to torture me day in day out? If there is a God, why are his plans so fucking terrible? What was wrong with mine?*
Why is God so unfair? It make it pretty hard for me to believe he's up their on his cloud looking down at his work when it fucking terrible! There's no pretty picture about this, there's no silver lining. She lives, or she dies. What sort of plan is that? What was wrong with mine? Why can't she be happy? Why can't I be happy? If I never get to stare into her ocean blue eyes again, it'll be all God's fault. If I never see her healthy again, life would not be worth living. She's my life, the one thing that's kept me going since I met her.
*I've got to wake up. I know he's here, I can feel him. I can almost smell him, his soft gentle scent. My eyes must open, I must talk to him. I must tell him. I've been like this for three weeks now, it must stop.*
What was that? Her eye moved! Is she waking up? I've taken her hand in mine, and all I can do is wait. Wait for her to wake, wait for her to be whole once more.
"Ashton," she is awake! Thank you God! Perhaps you do have mercy, perhaps you did hear my cries.
"Sydney, I have to tell you." Her eyes are open now, and I find myself spewing my deepest thoughts, sharing with her my most inner feeling. The one thing that has kept me going these last few years. She's it, she's the one.
"Ashton, I." She had something to say too. I must let her talk, it could change what I have to say. "I've been thinking. I remember you, at Manticore. I told you that already, but I remember something else now."
She pulled me close, and I bent on my knees. She smiled weakly, and touched my face. She was so close to me, I could feel her breath on my face. It was cold.
"Ashton, I wanted to know you. Wanted to be your friend," Just a friend, I told myself. I sighed, and her grip on my hand tightened. "But I realize you're much more than that now."
She leaned in, and we kissed once more. Her lips were icy, and her eyes closed. She reached up and grabbed the sides of my head, and ran her fingers through her hair. A warm tear fell onto my cheek, and she kissed harder. I couldn't believe what was happening, it was like I was dreaming. I felt her relax under my touch, and our lips parted for a second time. She looked into my eyes, her own filled with tears. She found her voice with difficulty.
"Ashton, I love you," The surprise of these words had me in rapture. I fell into a pool of hope that had been boiling for some time, and this time Sydney was there. She was with me, and she loved me. "I think I must have since I first saw you at Manticore."
She kissed me again, and I could have melted under her icy touch. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but all I could say was one.
"I love you too, Sydney."