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Ok... more mush, crying, and emotional wounds. And I hope you'll be able to handle the scene at the end. It's not sad or violent, just... weird. and now I'm torturing Pyjamas... yes, I know, I am sick. Deal with it.
Hi there, Orin! It's so cool you got back to writing! and I love your new fics! You should continue them, because I know you love to write. and if anyone flames you, just give me his address, and he'll have to deal with me;)
And if we ever meet(which I know is highly improbable), I would love it if you could paint a picture of me-blemishes and all(I like the idea of 'divine-truth' as Akhenaten, Nefertiti's husband, called it, and Oliver Cromwell was very different, wanting the painter to include all his blemishes in his portrait).
and I got a new html-editor, a free one that gives me previews in a browser, and it's a good way to really get comfortable with html. it's way better than just using notepad, but harder than frontpage express, which I have been using for most of my fics. if you're interested, check out developer's pad, because it's free, and it not only has code for html, but also java, visual basic, and other programing-languages.
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"Hello?"
"Pyjamas, it's me, Ebony"
"This really isn't a good time..."
"Pyjamas, I'm worried. You haven't showed up at the Groovy Train lately, and you still haven't told me what's going on"
"I can't... please believe me... It's very important... and no, it's not one of those 'duds'. just do me a favor and stop worrying"
"It's just... I care about you, and I want to make sure you're alright..."
"I will be just fine. Please don't worry. I'll get back to the Groovy Train as soon as I can"
"Ok... if you need any help... just call me... it get's lonely here without you"
"I will... I have to go now... good bye..."
I set the reciever down, and the click seems to pound into my brain... I have to do this, because I don't want Ebony to get involved... until shadow is well enough to travel, I can't get anyone involved...
But it's such a joy to take care of him... and the night is so beautiful... No! I can't risk it!
...Or can I?
Yes... Shadow needs it... the cool air could help him feel better... he's been cooped-up in this stuffy building for who-knows-how-long...
But what if he catches cold?
No... he'll be just fine... I won't let him die...
********
We're outside... it's cold, and I hear strange, yet soothing noises... it's so peaceful at night... It feels so good, being outside for the first time in months... I wish this night would last forever...
I can feel the cool breezes gently blowing against my cheek... the air is so refreshing that I almost feel well enough to stand. I don't though, because I'm still very weak, and just rest my head against Pyjamas... She wraps the blanket a little tighter around me, and kisses my forehead...
Neither of us dwell too much on my errant hands, which had found her eyes... why she wouldn't want me to touch her eyes, I'll probably never know... I hope whatever it is, I didn't cause it...
At least we still play that little game... touching each other's faces, stroking and kissing hands... I like doing that... I can't do much because I'm still weak and blind...
Sometimes I feel depressed, and ask Pyjamas to kill me... I don't know why... I'm happy... sometimes, though, I remember Maria, and cry... But she's been dead for so many years, that I know nothing can bring her back... why am I still crying for her when I know I can't do anything about it?
Whenever that happens, Pyjamas holds me, keeps me from pulling away and hurting myself... she stayed up all night for me once, and then all day, to care for me... told me she didn't dare go to sleep until she was sure I was asleep first... and to think I could have destroyed her along with this whole world... I shudder at the thought...
She read to me, like she does every day, and I insisted that she continue, even though the girl in the story, 'Ayla', reminded me of Maria... and me, lonely... no... I'm not lonely anymore.
I wish I could read that 'Cave-Bear' story... but I can't... Pyjamas told me there is a writing that blind people can read, and said that she would teach it to me soon.
We didn't talk much tonight, except about how peaceful it was... Pyjamas also showed me the stars, flashing them in my mind so I could see... they look different than when I was on ARK... I know why, but they're much more beautiful when I don't think about what really makes them look that way...
********
Shadow's so frail and weak... but he's changed... the darkness in his heart is lifting... he's happy... that smile on his face is so beautiful...
He almost looks like a hedgehog, even though he will always have a few scars. And his fur is different... instead of black and red, it's almost pure white, with a little light grey... I think it means something...
But there's no hope for his eyes. The damage is permanent... he will live the rest of his life in darkness... at least it's of the eyes, not the heart. I think he knows that, or if he doesn't, I should tell him... he needs to know...
I know it wasn't very bright to take Shadow outside, since I've already been acting strangely enough to arouse suspicion, but it wouldn't be fair to just leave him in the house when he's still awake and in need of my care. Just don't want the military-humes to notice me... that performance a few weeks ago could have either made them write me off as another stupid hippie, or aroused more suspicion... not a pleasent thought...
Shadow's such an innocent little baby, a baby in a fully-grown body... I wish I could tell him... no... I don't want to think about that... I don't want to distress him... he's still very weak... it could kill him, seeing what... happened to me... why I always wear these things...
********
The bandages are all off... and my fur is growing longer... though I don't look anything like I used to, as Pyjamas told me... I hope I don't look ugly... but does it really matter now, since she doesn't care how I look, that she's cared for me all this time, even when I was just a living-wound?
I may start eating solid food again very soon... Pyjamas gave me some to try, and I ate a little, but I didn't like it that much... the milk and broth taste better.
I'm not totally naked anymore... now I'm wearing gloves, but they're not like my old ones... they're fingerless, so I can still feel things... and I have new shoes...
Right now, I'm on the floor, a carpet... she set me down there, and is going to get something... I lay down and wait, running my fingers across the carpet... it's like thick, short hair...
I can hear-and feel-footsteps... Pyjamas is back... she gently raises me up to a sitting-position... and sets me back down on a pillow... then wraps a flannel blanket around me... it's different, laying down on the carpet...
"There you go," she says, "Just relax, and I'll fix some tea for you. Let me know if you're feeling sick or something"
Pyjamas kisses my forehead, then walks out of the room. She's going to the kitchen... I can tell, because I can hear her footsteps... and smell the tea...
I feel around, and my hand touches the couch, the one Pyjamas would lay me down on while she was changing the sheets on my bed... I can remember how it feels... but it smells different...
With both hands, I push myself up, still very weak... my legs are shaking... I don't think I can stand up without support... but I'm standing... I don't dare let go... I'm going to fall...
More footsteps... and the scent of tea is stronger... I feel arms gently catching me... Pyjamas...
"Easy there..." she whispers, as she takes my hand, supporting me.
I take a few small steps towards her, turning with great difficulty, then my legs give out... I'm so tired it's still hard to believe...
"Whoops!" Pyjamas chuckles, as she catches me and eases me onto her soft lap...
I'm laughing... strange... why am I laughing when I just fell?
Pyjamas hands me the cup, and a spoon... I can drink without help now, though I sometimes spill a little...
I feel her handing me something else... hard... I scrape it, and it crumbles a little... and smells sweet... a biscuit... something Maria shared with me... she wasn't supposed to eat it before dinner... I break it in half, and give a piece to Pyjamas... she finally takes it, then I touch her face, and feel her smiling..."Maria used to do that," I say, remembering the moment and feeling... happy...
********
He's smiling... Shadow is remembering Maria... and smiling...
I can feel his spirit healing... he's growing stronger every day... now he's so cheerful... nothing like he was when I found him... and his fur is growing longer, white and grey, not black and red... his arms are bare... strange... they used to be black... as did his hands...
I made some new gloves for him, and other clothes... some made him uncomfortable, but he seems to like the gloves... he looks so sweet, his new white fur is fluffing-out... and there's that almost constant look of wonder on his face... those rain-clouds in his eyes seem to dance...
Shadow touches my face again... stroking it, but staying away from my eyes... why do I hide them from him? He can't see what other people can... what would frighten them the most, with the exception of Ebony... Shadow wouldn't see me as a freak... so why do I hide from him?
I'm having another flashback...
//WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE ANOTHER FREAK IN THIS FAMILY!!!//
I'm in my room... my old house... I see myself in the mirror... fourteen... I'm fourteen... no... no... please...
//SHE'S GOING TO THE CLINIC!!! AND THAT'S FINAL!!!//
//But-//
I hear a sound of a hand striking someone's face... glass breaking... then I feel a flutter...
"No..." I whisper, tears pouring from my eyes, "...no..."
I can feel him holding my hand... he knows... or at least he senses it...
"What's wrong, Pyjamas? Are you ok?" Shadow asks, with the innocence of a child.
I hesitate... why? It's just... I don't want to think about what happened...
"I... I don't... please..." I stammer, trying hard to control my tears...
********
What was that flutter in my stomach? And the clinic? It must've made Pyjamas very sad... like me... I wish she would tell me, so I could help, like she did for me...
I reach up, pulling her closer, so her face is within my reach, and kiss her cheek...
It's wet with tears... I wipe them away and kiss her again, staying away from the eyes that caused her so much heartache...
She takes my hand, then brings it to her closed eyes... nothing strange about them... nothing different except that they're wet with tears... I kiss them both... and feel her arms around me again...
"Don't cry... I can help you..." I whisper.
She's nervous... probably about that flash...
"Here, let me set the video up, then we can watch a movie" she sighs, probably trying to change the mood.
Pyjamas gets up to get the 'tape', while I sit back against the couch. I wonder what the movie will be today... she likes to surprise me... and I don't mind because the 'surprises' are always pleasent...
Sometimes we 'watch' something called 'tv', and Pyjamas describes what is happening, even using her powers a little. It's almost like being read to, and I like some of the 'comedies' and 'science fiction'... there are some things that I don't understand, and she explains them to me... I wish i could have a 'visor' so I could see again...
I drink my tea, being careful to blow on it first. I had a nasty surprise a few days ago when I didn't wait for it to cool, and had to suck on an 'ice-cube'. Being burned is agony, even if it's only in your mouth...
There are different kinds of tea... this one cools my mouth, and when I swallow, I feel strange... light... this feeling spreads through my body... 'mint-tea'... I take a small bite of my biscuit, eating slowly so I don't throw up... it tastes sweet... but it probably tastes different when i'm not drinking mint-tea... mint-tea does weird things to food...
I put the tea and biscuit down, then lay back and pull the blanket tight around me... it feels so good... warmth... and the lovely smell... something I remember from when I first arrived on Mobius, but never paid attention to because of my anger and hatred... what is it? I could swear I remember that fragrance from somewhere...
"I think you're gonna like this one,"
Pyjamas is back with the tape... I can hear her setting it up... then she sits down next to me, puts an arm around me... strange... what is this... feeling...?
I feel for her mouth, then bring her closer to me... and kiss her... right on the lips... she lets out a cry of surprise... confusion? Did I do something wrong?
"I-I'm sorry I d-didn't mean to-I" I stammer like an idiot...
My face feels hot... am I having a fever? Am I sick? Am I going to die??? And Pyjamas is feeling the same way... hot and confused... so nervous she's sweating...
I feel her embracing me again... she's chuckling softly... I reach for her mouth again... she's smiling... drawing me closer... gently kissing... my mouth...? I don't want to stop... it feels so good... what is it that I'm feeling, though?
"You're not gonna die, my little snow-angel," Pyjamas laughs, "It's perfectly normal to be in love..."
In love? Is that what it is? Love... so I'm not sick... 'snow-angel'... I'm an... angel?
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