Kuno Vs the foul sorcerors
Part 2: The madness of Tatewaki Kuno
"Yes! Twas truly a splended victory! Sasuke did I mention how I beheaded the foul demon
with one fallow stroke?"
"Only a million times master." Sasuke had the sinking feeling some poor kid out there
found their dog decapitated and was now scarred for life.
"Why yes! I just remembered those tacht makers offered me a new vessel in their gratitude
for ridding them of the foul demon. I must ask them about that soon, for I wish to take an
ocean cruise with....." Kuno had just dropped his bokken. "Saotome! I had nearly forgotten how
you had spirited away both my loves! Fear not! Your prince shall save you!" Kuno bounded out
the door. He had no idea where Ranma and Akane had moved too and hadn't thought to try and
look them up in a phone book. So usually he'd just go out and look for them in random places.
"What's he doing?" asked Andrew looking dumbstruck at the screen inside the van.
Kuno was digging through a dumpster.
"Probably garbage picking. You can find all sorts of useful things in the trash. The
other day I found some sailor moon pantys." said Warren.
"I want to see! Show me them!" said Johnathan and Andrew tugging at his arms.
"Their mine! Get your own!"
"Saotome!" on the veiw screen a little black pig with a bandanna could be seen running
away from a furious Kuno.
Kuno had often seen this pig with akane and Ranma. No doubt it was his familiar sent to
spy on him. "Hault ham of evil!" The little black pig only ran faster as he swipt at it. The
pig ran through a hole in a fence. No mere fence would stop the blue thunder of Furinken high.
With one blow of his bokken he shattered the wooden planks.
"That was awsome!" Andrew and Johnathan were looking at the screen like a couple of
idiots with their mouths hanging open.
Warren had snuck out to investigate what Kuno was chasing. Kuno was tearing around a junk
yard looking for the little black pig, hacking apart old cars and refrigerators. The old man
who owned the junk yard came out to stop him. Kuno began to explain to the dumbfounded old man
about how the familiar of his nemises was hiding in the junk yard. "Get out or I'll call the
cops!"
"But it's all in the name of love! I need to find that pig!"
"OUT!"
"Why didn't he use a jedi mind trick on the old man? Must have realised he was being watch
ed and didn't want to give himself away. He's a clever one. Can't let our guard down around
him." Warren thought to himself. He had found what he was looking for and put his sack over
the little black pig. The pig kicked and squeeled in the bag. It was so strong he felt like he
almost broke a rib when it kicked him.
The back door to the van opened "Can you guys give me a little help here? I don't think
-oof! I can hold it much long" The three nerds struggled with the pig and lowered it into a
cooler they had used earlier to hold mountain dew bottles. They quickly shut the lid
and locked it. "Johnathan sit on that box!"
"Why do I have to sit on it?"
"Your heaviest!" the pig inside was struggling with such force the cooler was bouncing
all over.
later
The box was sitting in the corner wrapped in chains. "I wonder what he wanted with that
pig?"
"We'll find out later. Right now we have to test him."
"Right!" Andrew pulled out a wooden flute and began to blow a series of notes into it.
Kuno had searched all over but there was still no sign of Saotome. He had begun to search
the park but as usual there was no Ranma there. He must have moved really far away. Well it
didn't matter,even if he had to go through all of Japan with a thine toothed comb he would
find him eventualy. Suddenly Kuno was brought out of his musings. He felt a chill run down his
spine. He was being watched by something and it wasn't human. "Show yourself fiend!" He
slashed the trunk of a large tree with his bokken. As the huge oak began to topple a dark shape
with two red eyes and horns leapt from the branches. The demon landed not to far
away and extended blades from its fore arms. If another demon had revealed itself to him it
meant he must be getting closer to his goal. "So you show yourself at last. Take me to your
master and I promise a quick death wicked spawn of the night!"
This demon was less articulate then the last one he fought and just growled in response.
Two blades came out of its fore arms and it charged him. This one was stronger and much faster
then the last one too. Kuno was having trouble blocking some of its strikes. However none of
them seemed to be getting through his defenses either. The demon seemed to notice this and
jumped back about ten feet. "So do you admit defeat?" The demon responded by hurling a large
boulder aimed at his head. Kuno brough his bokken up just in time to block it breaking the
huge rock in half. But the demon was smarter then it looked and used that distraction
to its advantage. It head butted Kuno sending him flying over a hill.
Mr. Nakasawa just happened to be out walking his dog when a slightly battered looking
kendoist landed at his feet. The dog barked "You! This is your doing!" Kuno said looking at
the dog. Mr. Nakasawa was about to say something but stopped when he saw the demon come
bounding over the hill carrying the tree trunk of the fallen oak. It began swinging the trunk
at kuno who parried each blow with his bokken. He chopped the tree in half. The demon smacked
him in the face with one half of the tree. Kuno got up with blood dripping from his nose.
With tears in his eyes he said "You may have broken my nose but one such as you shall never
break my pride! For Akane Tendo and the pig tailed girl, I smite thee!" Kunos motions went
into a blure as he struck at the demon multiple times with his bokken. It staggered back after
being hit several hundred times with a force like that of a bullet fire from a gun.
The demons face had taken the most hits and it looked like its skull had caved in from
the force. It fell over dead, the body then burst into flames and dissapeared.
"Aww man! That was one of my best demons too! I knew I should have summoned a dragon!"
"Wow! It took him seven minutes to take down that demon. It managed to do pretty good
considering he's a jedi wudan master.But it looks like I'm up next!" Warren took out a little
metal box from his back pack.
Ukyo and Nabiki were walking down the street just outside the park.
"So you say Kuno baby is going crazy? Never seemed all that sane to me to begin with."
"Yeah. He thought Ran-chan was a dog."
"Hmmmm.... That does seem a bit much even for him."
"Your one of his only friends. So I was wondering if you could try to talk some sense
into him before someone gets hurt.If he causes trouble in the wrong place he could get thrown
in a mental instutution or worse."
"All right. Normally I'd ask for a fee but considering he's one of my biggest sources of
money I won't bother doing that. I'll try to talk to him."
"Ahhh... Nabiki Tendo and Ukyo Kuonji! What brings you out here today?"
"Kuno?" they both said looking at him. He looked like he had just been hit by a truck or
possibly Akane. But considering she was living on one of the other Japanese Islands now a
truck was more likely. "What happened to your face?"
"Another demon! Yes this one was far stronger then the last. I can feel it in my bones!
I'm getting closer to the one whome I seek!"
"Kuno baby. We've got to talk. Why do you think that demons are out to get you?"
"Well of course, it's completely obvious why! I'm getting closer to Akane Tendo and the
pig tailed goddess. Saotome knows this and is sending his minions out to try to stop me
because he's to cowardly to act on his own."
Ukyo looked like she was about to pop a vain. "You idiot! Ran chan is..."
"Leave this to me. It's partially my fault he's like this. Kuno baby we need to talk
about some things."
"No time for idle chatter! My destiny awaits!" Kuno ran down a a nearby alley. Neither
Nabiki nor Ukyo noticed but a strange flying metallic cube followed him into the alley. A
moment later there was a tremendously loud bang. The two girls rushed to see what had happened.
Kuno had impacted on the brick wall of one of the buildings and was smoldering. He fell from
the crator and said "Shaotome...such tricks won't work on me...unnggghh!" he fell into
unconciouisness.
"No way! He got hit with a point blank blast as powerful as two grenades and all that
happened is he got a little scuffed up!"Warren said in awe. But the video screen didn't lie.
Kuno looked pretty battered but a regular man would have looked like an oversized
beef patty after that.
Nabiki had yet to comprehend how Kuno had managed to run into a brick wall that he wasn't
even running towards, and had impacted on it so hard to raise so much dust it seemed he was
smoking. "Kuno baby as I was saying we have to talk." Nabiki splashed him in the face. He was
in restruant where she always sold him racy photos of the pig tailed girl.
Like a fire cracker being lit the formerly comatose Kuno stood up and shouted "The fiend!
Attacking from a distance with such petty magic tricks!"
"Kuno! Sit down I want to explain something to you."
"Yes? What is it Nabiki Tendo? More photos?"
"Well actually I do have some you might be interested in but before business I'd like to
explain a few things. When you and Ranma first met I said that they had the same body and soul.
What I meant is theyre the same person. I said it ambiguously like that because I had a hunch
it could be prophetible.You see Ranma is cursed to change into a girl. He isn't using magic!
The magic is using him!"
"What proof do you have of this claim?"
"What proof do you have he's using sorcery?"
"The judgement of Kuno is far better then hard evidence!" Nabiki was begining to realise
this could be more difficult then she had suspected.
"I think your subconciously making yourself believe these wild scenerios because you can't
come terms with the fact that you lost and you can't deal with that. I'm going to be blunt
when I say you have a god complex. You don't believe you can make mistakes and you always think
your right."
"I don't think I am right. I know so!"
"I see. I have a theory. When you first met Ranma you were beaten very badly. And you
continued to be beaten very badly in all of your future encounters with him."
"Sorcery!"
"Let me finish before you start ranting."
"In addition to that you made a number of advances on the pig tailed girl. A boy
unknowingly hitting on a girl who is actually a guy is a very big mistake and an embarrssing one
at that. To continualy do so would be considered blind stupidity by most people. Could it be
that the real reason that your inventing these wild fantasys is because you can't admit to
yourself that you can make mistakes like other people?"
"Silence woman! Tatewaki Blue Thunder Kuno does not do such embarrassing things as that!"
"How do you know? Can you really trust yourself to always be honest to yourself?"
"Of course! Tatewaki Kuno is the most powerful trustworthy man alive! If he can't even
be honest to himself then it would mean my life is a hollow lie! And I tatewaki Kuno shall
never believe such a thing! Ordinary people may go about their lives in ordinary ways but
some people are destined for greater things. I have always known since I was a child that I would
grow to be one of the heros of legend like King Arthor and Robin hood. Liberating the common folk
of Tryranny. Both powerful yet wise! I Tatewaki Kuno could never lead such a life as the one you
discribed! And now I must go!"
"Kuno wait!"
"Nabiki Tendo! Psychology is nothing before me! Do not speak of this to me again!" Kuno
bolted from the restruant. Nabiki couldn't believe how dense he was. She'd have to work
harder to try to get to him.
"Miss. Here's your bill!"
"Oh crap! I was going to have him pay...."
"Well Johnathan. It looks like your the only one left. Lets see if you can do any better
then we did."
"I have just the spell for the job. It's a combination of two spells really. I got the idea
for it from an episode of Freakazoid." Johnathan got out some magic materials including a weird
bone.
Kuno arrived home to be greeted by Sasuke. "Master you look awful!What happened?"
"I was attacked by another demon and a magic exploding bird!"
"Oh master...." Sasuke said. What that translated to was "Oh no! He's finnally gone off
the deep end!"
"Sasuke! After such a hard days work I wish to take a bath. Prepare one at once!"
"Yes of course master!"
A little later Kuno sat in his elegant looking bathtub which was more like a jacuzzi. He
reached for the soap but it wasn't there. "Hmmmm... how odd." Kuno got out and looked around
for it. He found the soap in the corner on the other side of the bathroom. He picked it up
and got back into the tub. He began to rub himself with the soap but something was wrong. It
felt rough and no suds were coming off it. He looked at the soap bar and discovered it wasn't
soap but a block of wood. He tossed it over his shoalder and reached for another bar. But it
vanished and reapeared on the other side of the room. Kuno inspected it, it had turned to wood
as well! He tried grabbing every single piece of soap and shampoo. But each time he reached out
to take it, it was gone because it turned to wood! "SAOTOME!"
Sasuke shuddered as he heard his masters cry. He ran to the bathroom and saw Kuno getting
out of the tub with an angry look on his face. "Saotome show yourself! Only the lowest of the low
would dare to defile the sacred grounds of the kuno family bathroom! I Tatewaki Kuno swear to
the setting sun that you shall be punished!"
"But master it's night out! There is no setting sun!"
Kuno reached for his bokken but it was gone. A horrified look came to his face "No! Saotome!
Not even he would go as far as to defile a man weapon!" Kuno bolted to the other side of the
bathroom and let loose a howl of fury.
"W-what is it master?!?"
Kuno turned to Sasuke, tears were streaming down his face. "I shall not forgive this! Look!"
"Why it's your bokken!"
"Look what that dog Saotome did to it! He turned it to wood!"
Tears came to Sasukes eyes. "Master! You've gone mad!"
Part 2: The madness of Tatewaki Kuno
"Yes! Twas truly a splended victory! Sasuke did I mention how I beheaded the foul demon
with one fallow stroke?"
"Only a million times master." Sasuke had the sinking feeling some poor kid out there
found their dog decapitated and was now scarred for life.
"Why yes! I just remembered those tacht makers offered me a new vessel in their gratitude
for ridding them of the foul demon. I must ask them about that soon, for I wish to take an
ocean cruise with....." Kuno had just dropped his bokken. "Saotome! I had nearly forgotten how
you had spirited away both my loves! Fear not! Your prince shall save you!" Kuno bounded out
the door. He had no idea where Ranma and Akane had moved too and hadn't thought to try and
look them up in a phone book. So usually he'd just go out and look for them in random places.
"What's he doing?" asked Andrew looking dumbstruck at the screen inside the van.
Kuno was digging through a dumpster.
"Probably garbage picking. You can find all sorts of useful things in the trash. The
other day I found some sailor moon pantys." said Warren.
"I want to see! Show me them!" said Johnathan and Andrew tugging at his arms.
"Their mine! Get your own!"
"Saotome!" on the veiw screen a little black pig with a bandanna could be seen running
away from a furious Kuno.
Kuno had often seen this pig with akane and Ranma. No doubt it was his familiar sent to
spy on him. "Hault ham of evil!" The little black pig only ran faster as he swipt at it. The
pig ran through a hole in a fence. No mere fence would stop the blue thunder of Furinken high.
With one blow of his bokken he shattered the wooden planks.
"That was awsome!" Andrew and Johnathan were looking at the screen like a couple of
idiots with their mouths hanging open.
Warren had snuck out to investigate what Kuno was chasing. Kuno was tearing around a junk
yard looking for the little black pig, hacking apart old cars and refrigerators. The old man
who owned the junk yard came out to stop him. Kuno began to explain to the dumbfounded old man
about how the familiar of his nemises was hiding in the junk yard. "Get out or I'll call the
cops!"
"But it's all in the name of love! I need to find that pig!"
"OUT!"
"Why didn't he use a jedi mind trick on the old man? Must have realised he was being watch
ed and didn't want to give himself away. He's a clever one. Can't let our guard down around
him." Warren thought to himself. He had found what he was looking for and put his sack over
the little black pig. The pig kicked and squeeled in the bag. It was so strong he felt like he
almost broke a rib when it kicked him.
The back door to the van opened "Can you guys give me a little help here? I don't think
-oof! I can hold it much long" The three nerds struggled with the pig and lowered it into a
cooler they had used earlier to hold mountain dew bottles. They quickly shut the lid
and locked it. "Johnathan sit on that box!"
"Why do I have to sit on it?"
"Your heaviest!" the pig inside was struggling with such force the cooler was bouncing
all over.
later
The box was sitting in the corner wrapped in chains. "I wonder what he wanted with that
pig?"
"We'll find out later. Right now we have to test him."
"Right!" Andrew pulled out a wooden flute and began to blow a series of notes into it.
Kuno had searched all over but there was still no sign of Saotome. He had begun to search
the park but as usual there was no Ranma there. He must have moved really far away. Well it
didn't matter,even if he had to go through all of Japan with a thine toothed comb he would
find him eventualy. Suddenly Kuno was brought out of his musings. He felt a chill run down his
spine. He was being watched by something and it wasn't human. "Show yourself fiend!" He
slashed the trunk of a large tree with his bokken. As the huge oak began to topple a dark shape
with two red eyes and horns leapt from the branches. The demon landed not to far
away and extended blades from its fore arms. If another demon had revealed itself to him it
meant he must be getting closer to his goal. "So you show yourself at last. Take me to your
master and I promise a quick death wicked spawn of the night!"
This demon was less articulate then the last one he fought and just growled in response.
Two blades came out of its fore arms and it charged him. This one was stronger and much faster
then the last one too. Kuno was having trouble blocking some of its strikes. However none of
them seemed to be getting through his defenses either. The demon seemed to notice this and
jumped back about ten feet. "So do you admit defeat?" The demon responded by hurling a large
boulder aimed at his head. Kuno brough his bokken up just in time to block it breaking the
huge rock in half. But the demon was smarter then it looked and used that distraction
to its advantage. It head butted Kuno sending him flying over a hill.
Mr. Nakasawa just happened to be out walking his dog when a slightly battered looking
kendoist landed at his feet. The dog barked "You! This is your doing!" Kuno said looking at
the dog. Mr. Nakasawa was about to say something but stopped when he saw the demon come
bounding over the hill carrying the tree trunk of the fallen oak. It began swinging the trunk
at kuno who parried each blow with his bokken. He chopped the tree in half. The demon smacked
him in the face with one half of the tree. Kuno got up with blood dripping from his nose.
With tears in his eyes he said "You may have broken my nose but one such as you shall never
break my pride! For Akane Tendo and the pig tailed girl, I smite thee!" Kunos motions went
into a blure as he struck at the demon multiple times with his bokken. It staggered back after
being hit several hundred times with a force like that of a bullet fire from a gun.
The demons face had taken the most hits and it looked like its skull had caved in from
the force. It fell over dead, the body then burst into flames and dissapeared.
"Aww man! That was one of my best demons too! I knew I should have summoned a dragon!"
"Wow! It took him seven minutes to take down that demon. It managed to do pretty good
considering he's a jedi wudan master.But it looks like I'm up next!" Warren took out a little
metal box from his back pack.
Ukyo and Nabiki were walking down the street just outside the park.
"So you say Kuno baby is going crazy? Never seemed all that sane to me to begin with."
"Yeah. He thought Ran-chan was a dog."
"Hmmmm.... That does seem a bit much even for him."
"Your one of his only friends. So I was wondering if you could try to talk some sense
into him before someone gets hurt.If he causes trouble in the wrong place he could get thrown
in a mental instutution or worse."
"All right. Normally I'd ask for a fee but considering he's one of my biggest sources of
money I won't bother doing that. I'll try to talk to him."
"Ahhh... Nabiki Tendo and Ukyo Kuonji! What brings you out here today?"
"Kuno?" they both said looking at him. He looked like he had just been hit by a truck or
possibly Akane. But considering she was living on one of the other Japanese Islands now a
truck was more likely. "What happened to your face?"
"Another demon! Yes this one was far stronger then the last. I can feel it in my bones!
I'm getting closer to the one whome I seek!"
"Kuno baby. We've got to talk. Why do you think that demons are out to get you?"
"Well of course, it's completely obvious why! I'm getting closer to Akane Tendo and the
pig tailed goddess. Saotome knows this and is sending his minions out to try to stop me
because he's to cowardly to act on his own."
Ukyo looked like she was about to pop a vain. "You idiot! Ran chan is..."
"Leave this to me. It's partially my fault he's like this. Kuno baby we need to talk
about some things."
"No time for idle chatter! My destiny awaits!" Kuno ran down a a nearby alley. Neither
Nabiki nor Ukyo noticed but a strange flying metallic cube followed him into the alley. A
moment later there was a tremendously loud bang. The two girls rushed to see what had happened.
Kuno had impacted on the brick wall of one of the buildings and was smoldering. He fell from
the crator and said "Shaotome...such tricks won't work on me...unnggghh!" he fell into
unconciouisness.
"No way! He got hit with a point blank blast as powerful as two grenades and all that
happened is he got a little scuffed up!"Warren said in awe. But the video screen didn't lie.
Kuno looked pretty battered but a regular man would have looked like an oversized
beef patty after that.
Nabiki had yet to comprehend how Kuno had managed to run into a brick wall that he wasn't
even running towards, and had impacted on it so hard to raise so much dust it seemed he was
smoking. "Kuno baby as I was saying we have to talk." Nabiki splashed him in the face. He was
in restruant where she always sold him racy photos of the pig tailed girl.
Like a fire cracker being lit the formerly comatose Kuno stood up and shouted "The fiend!
Attacking from a distance with such petty magic tricks!"
"Kuno! Sit down I want to explain something to you."
"Yes? What is it Nabiki Tendo? More photos?"
"Well actually I do have some you might be interested in but before business I'd like to
explain a few things. When you and Ranma first met I said that they had the same body and soul.
What I meant is theyre the same person. I said it ambiguously like that because I had a hunch
it could be prophetible.You see Ranma is cursed to change into a girl. He isn't using magic!
The magic is using him!"
"What proof do you have of this claim?"
"What proof do you have he's using sorcery?"
"The judgement of Kuno is far better then hard evidence!" Nabiki was begining to realise
this could be more difficult then she had suspected.
"I think your subconciously making yourself believe these wild scenerios because you can't
come terms with the fact that you lost and you can't deal with that. I'm going to be blunt
when I say you have a god complex. You don't believe you can make mistakes and you always think
your right."
"I don't think I am right. I know so!"
"I see. I have a theory. When you first met Ranma you were beaten very badly. And you
continued to be beaten very badly in all of your future encounters with him."
"Sorcery!"
"Let me finish before you start ranting."
"In addition to that you made a number of advances on the pig tailed girl. A boy
unknowingly hitting on a girl who is actually a guy is a very big mistake and an embarrssing one
at that. To continualy do so would be considered blind stupidity by most people. Could it be
that the real reason that your inventing these wild fantasys is because you can't admit to
yourself that you can make mistakes like other people?"
"Silence woman! Tatewaki Blue Thunder Kuno does not do such embarrassing things as that!"
"How do you know? Can you really trust yourself to always be honest to yourself?"
"Of course! Tatewaki Kuno is the most powerful trustworthy man alive! If he can't even
be honest to himself then it would mean my life is a hollow lie! And I tatewaki Kuno shall
never believe such a thing! Ordinary people may go about their lives in ordinary ways but
some people are destined for greater things. I have always known since I was a child that I would
grow to be one of the heros of legend like King Arthor and Robin hood. Liberating the common folk
of Tryranny. Both powerful yet wise! I Tatewaki Kuno could never lead such a life as the one you
discribed! And now I must go!"
"Kuno wait!"
"Nabiki Tendo! Psychology is nothing before me! Do not speak of this to me again!" Kuno
bolted from the restruant. Nabiki couldn't believe how dense he was. She'd have to work
harder to try to get to him.
"Miss. Here's your bill!"
"Oh crap! I was going to have him pay...."
"Well Johnathan. It looks like your the only one left. Lets see if you can do any better
then we did."
"I have just the spell for the job. It's a combination of two spells really. I got the idea
for it from an episode of Freakazoid." Johnathan got out some magic materials including a weird
bone.
Kuno arrived home to be greeted by Sasuke. "Master you look awful!What happened?"
"I was attacked by another demon and a magic exploding bird!"
"Oh master...." Sasuke said. What that translated to was "Oh no! He's finnally gone off
the deep end!"
"Sasuke! After such a hard days work I wish to take a bath. Prepare one at once!"
"Yes of course master!"
A little later Kuno sat in his elegant looking bathtub which was more like a jacuzzi. He
reached for the soap but it wasn't there. "Hmmmm... how odd." Kuno got out and looked around
for it. He found the soap in the corner on the other side of the bathroom. He picked it up
and got back into the tub. He began to rub himself with the soap but something was wrong. It
felt rough and no suds were coming off it. He looked at the soap bar and discovered it wasn't
soap but a block of wood. He tossed it over his shoalder and reached for another bar. But it
vanished and reapeared on the other side of the room. Kuno inspected it, it had turned to wood
as well! He tried grabbing every single piece of soap and shampoo. But each time he reached out
to take it, it was gone because it turned to wood! "SAOTOME!"
Sasuke shuddered as he heard his masters cry. He ran to the bathroom and saw Kuno getting
out of the tub with an angry look on his face. "Saotome show yourself! Only the lowest of the low
would dare to defile the sacred grounds of the kuno family bathroom! I Tatewaki Kuno swear to
the setting sun that you shall be punished!"
"But master it's night out! There is no setting sun!"
Kuno reached for his bokken but it was gone. A horrified look came to his face "No! Saotome!
Not even he would go as far as to defile a man weapon!" Kuno bolted to the other side of the
bathroom and let loose a howl of fury.
"W-what is it master?!?"
Kuno turned to Sasuke, tears were streaming down his face. "I shall not forgive this! Look!"
"Why it's your bokken!"
"Look what that dog Saotome did to it! He turned it to wood!"
Tears came to Sasukes eyes. "Master! You've gone mad!"