Kuno Vs the foul sorcerors
Ep 3: Johnathans undercover mission
Somehow Nabiki had managed to talk Kuno into meeting with her at their usual meeting
place every weekend so she could try to give him something like psycho therapy since he absolutly
refused to see any doctors. Well actually she bribed him into doing it by offering him naughty
photos with a discount price. "Well those are some very interesting storys Kuno baby. But unless
you have some proof I'm not convinced and no one else will be either."
"Heh! I thought you might say something like that. The word of kuno is worth all the proof
in the world but in such a cynical day as this, even I must sometimes require evidence I
suppose. Now behold the vile treachery the sorceror has wrought!" Kuno placed his bokken on the
table.
"It's your bokken..."
"Nay! It was my bokken! But the fiend hath attacked where I least suspected! He turned it
to wood!"
"Kuno baby....Your bokken always was wood."
"Before the trickster struck it was oak but now it is maple! Can you not see? Oak is
infinitely better then maple for making bokkens. I Tatewaki Kuno would never purchase a bokken
made from maple!"
Nabiki sweat dropped "I see..." Nabiki thought of mentioning the Gaijin who had been
asking about him earlier but thought better of it. If she told him he might turn that into
another element of his fantasy world. All Kuno needed was to be thinking that American secret
agents were after him.
Outside the restruant the trio was spying on Kuno from a hidden camera. "I wonder what
their talking about?" asked Andrew.
"Well that's what our next mission is to find out. Isn't that right Johnathan."
Johnathan looked a bit uneasy. He knew this mission would be coming and was trying to drown his
sorrows in sailor moon reruns and Gundam model kits.
"I've got to say. I'm really not going for this. I mean we hardly know anything about her
except what we heard. He's a Jedi wudan, he'll see through my disguise for sure!"
"But if you get inside we can get his X-wing!"
"We don't know he has a life sized X-wing replica! It could be a tie fighter for all we
know. I don't like tie fighters. And how am I going to steal it? Carry it out?"
"We can worry about trying to steal his tie fighter later. Right now we need to find out
his weaknesses. In the tests we managed to find out alot of his streingths but the only
weakness we revealed was that he seems to be protective of that wooden sword of his."
"It's called a bokken. It's the weapon used by Suzuka in outlaw star." said Andrew who
just happened to be looking at an outlaw star doujinshi that featured Suzuka doing something
very strange with her bokken.
"In any case Johnathans the man or woman of the hour as the case may be. Time to get
changed Johnathan." said Warren
"Oh all right. But I've got a bad feeling about this." In the past week Warren, Johnathan
and Andrew had gone out and asked Kunos old class mates about him. They had found out that he
had fallen for two women. Ironicaly both the women he had fallen for had apparently eloped. This
had caused all three nerds to get serious nose bleeds from all the dirty thoughts of lesbian sex
running around in their heads. They even managed to buy a picture of one of his old flames off a
girl named Nabiki for a rather high price. They also heard of someone named Ranma who
had supposedly bested Kuno in combat on many occasions. That would also be something to look into
but it could wait for another time.
Johnathan came out of the bathroom in his new disguise. He was the spitting image of the
pig tailed girl. He even wore a sexy red dress with the disguise body. "So uhh...Johnathan...
what does it feel like to be a girl? Can I touch your boobs?"
"No! No! No touching! I think I should go do the mission bye!" Johnathan bolted out the
door.
"Aww... I wanted to touch Johnathans boobs!"
"Andrew that sounded so wrong!"
Johnathan had changed into different forms on many occasions. Sometimes he would secretly
experiment with changing into female forms for his own purposes but this was the first time he
did it openly. "Ok...I'm a woman. I've got to walk like one and think like one or my cover will
be blown. Let's see here what do women think about? Lacy things, perfume....oh crap! I can't
think! My mind is freezing up! Ok remain calm, find a bathroom, no bad idea. I'll be too tempted
to do weird things with myself."
Johnathans internal monologue was cut short however when a certain jedi wudan master
interupted it. "Pig tailed girl!" Kuno crushed Johnathan in an embrace like none other he had
felt in the past. He felt like he was going to die. Johnathan promptly passed
out. "Pig tailed girl! Pig tailed girl! Why are you asleep? It would seem the sorcerors charms
have taken their toll on her. But you are free now! He will never hurt you again!" Kuno bounded
off with Johnathan in his arms.
"Where am I?" Johnathan thought to himself. He was lying on something soft.
"And now she awakes with a kiss!"
Johnathan felt something welt on his mouth. He was being kissed! "ARRRRRGGGHH!".
Johnathan backed away from Kuno.
"Ahh! My pig tailed goddess awakens!"
"Pig tailed goddess? Oh god! I've been kissed by him!" Johnathan felt like he was about
to throw up.
"Ahh indeed. I do not blame you for being overwhelmed. No woman could kiss me without
feeling that way."
The communicator in Johnathans ear was full of laughter. "That's it I'm washing my mouth
and getting out of here!"
"No! No! Your doing great! Besides if you leave now were going to hide your X-men comics
in a place you won't find them!"
"You wouldn't!" johnathan said out loud not realising that Kuno had been ranting about
things that he wasn't paying attention to.
"Ahh! But I would my pigtailed goddess! After my defeat of the first demon I was offered
a new cruiser. What do you say to an ocean voyage next weekend?"
"Uhhhh...I'd love to...." Sasuke opened the door and took one look at the fake Ranma. He
was so shocked he tripped over his own foot. He got up off the floor looking angry.
"What the hell are you doing here? Do you have any idea of the masters condition? your
being here will only..." BAM! Kuno smacked him over the head.
"Sasuke! Don't be rude to the pigtailed girl!"
"B-but! Master!"
"Out of my site! My pig tailed goddess has gone through many hardships at the hands of
the sorceror Saotome!"
Sasuke reluctantly left. He went down the hall and picked up a telephone book. He looked
up Ranmas phone number and called. Akane answered the phone "Hello?"
"Akane? This is Sasuke! This is an outrage! What does your husband think he's doing
playing with my masters feelings like this? He has a condition you know!"
"Ranma left this morning to go pick something up. What's he doing with Kuno?"
Sasuke explained the situation. "I would really appreciate it if you would keep your
husband from coming back here. I shudder to think how the master will react to this!"
"I see..." Akane said with barely controlled anger. The plastic phone was crushed in her
tight grip.
"Umm hello? Hello!"
Back in the other room
"Pig tailed girl. I know it must be hard. But I want to know. What did Saotome do to you?
I must know for Akane is still in his clutches!"
Johnathan had no idea what Kuno was talking about. On the other end of the bug Warren and
Andrew were taking notes on everything he was saying. All Johnathan had to do was make a
convincing performance. He had to think quickly, apparantly this Ranma was a very powerful evil
sorceror if he could rival the power of a jedi wudan master. He had enslaved his two girl
freinds. Of course, he would just tell Kuno the summary of the hentai episodes he watched last
night! Afterall if he was a powerful woman enslaving evil sorceror that's the sort of thing he
would do. Ranma was probably the same. "Well it's still hard for me to talk about. You see he had
this beast with tentacles...."
Half an hour of lies later
"Oh pig tailed girl say no more!" Tears were streaming down Kunos face. "The fiend may
have deflowered you but I shall always accept you no matter what happens! It wasn't your fault!
Tonight we shall make love so passionate as the gods of old! And your memorys of the evils he
wrought will be no more!"
Johnathan didn't know what to do, he thought to himself "Oh man! Oh man! Game over!
I'm going to be raped by a guy! I've got to get out of here! A diversion! That's it I need a
diversion! An illusion spell!"
"Uhhh... Kuno darling...I think I should go freshen up in the bathroom before we do that."
Kuno stifled a nose bleed. "Very well my lovely goddess!"
"Why did kuno always call her that? Was there some hidden meaning?" but Johnathan had no
time to dwell on that. He had to work his diversion.
Kuno sat on the cusions of his couch waiting in anticipation.Suddenly he heard a scream
coming from outside. "Pigtailed girl! No!"
The pigtailed girl was clutched in the claws of a huge winged dragon. Riding on top of
the dragons head was darth maul and Ranma who sported the robes of a sith lord. "I'm taking
back your precious goddess Kuno! You'll never see her again!"
"You fiend!How dare you show your cowardly face here!"
"Huhahaha!" laughed the evil Ranma hallucination as it rose higher into the sky atop the
winged dragon.
"Kuno! I'll always love you! I'll never forget your kindness! If only we could have
stayed together a bit longer!" the pig tailed girl illusion fainted.
"Nooooooo! I won't let you take her!" Kuno summoned all his streingth into a single
strike. He slashed, there was a clap of thunder and a blinding light. The illusion vanished as
several trees behind it were anihalated by whatever Kuno had done. There was no mistaking it.
That was the phoenix wave attack he had been struggling to master for the past few years. But in
the end it hadn't done him any good. Ranma had stolen away his pigtailed goddess again! Kuno sat
on the lawn with tears streaming down his face looking up into the sky for the next ten minutes.
After that got up with renewed determination. He went to one of the storage rooms where he had
his remaining oak bokkens blessed with holy water. He would see Ranma pay in full for what he had
done!
Else where
"Hey Akane! I'm back!" BAM! "Hey what did I do this time?"
Back at the nerd hide out.
"Well I'm not so sure how useful this information will be. But we'll find out soon enough."
Warren said as he tinkered with a robot on his lab table . "At the very least we have a pretty
good scape goat to blame this on."
"You didn't find out about the X-wing!"
"I was afraid he was going to rape me. If you were in my situation you would have forgot
about it too. I can't believe I got my first kiss from a guy!" Johnathan got out a bottle of
mouth wash.
Nabiki was out walking in the local shopping district with Ukyo when Sasuke jumped out
of nowhere shouting "Oh Ms. Tendo! it's horrible! Come this way!"
"Where is the sorceror! Tell me or I shall smite you where you stand heathen!"
"I don't know what your talking about! I'm just selling posters for American movies!" the
poor elderly shop keeper didn't know what to do.
"What's this all about?" asked Nabiki.
"That fiend on the poster was with Saotome when he stole my pig tailed goddess a second
time!"
"You mean to tell me Ran chan was with Darth Maul?!?"
Ep 3: Johnathans undercover mission
Somehow Nabiki had managed to talk Kuno into meeting with her at their usual meeting
place every weekend so she could try to give him something like psycho therapy since he absolutly
refused to see any doctors. Well actually she bribed him into doing it by offering him naughty
photos with a discount price. "Well those are some very interesting storys Kuno baby. But unless
you have some proof I'm not convinced and no one else will be either."
"Heh! I thought you might say something like that. The word of kuno is worth all the proof
in the world but in such a cynical day as this, even I must sometimes require evidence I
suppose. Now behold the vile treachery the sorceror has wrought!" Kuno placed his bokken on the
table.
"It's your bokken..."
"Nay! It was my bokken! But the fiend hath attacked where I least suspected! He turned it
to wood!"
"Kuno baby....Your bokken always was wood."
"Before the trickster struck it was oak but now it is maple! Can you not see? Oak is
infinitely better then maple for making bokkens. I Tatewaki Kuno would never purchase a bokken
made from maple!"
Nabiki sweat dropped "I see..." Nabiki thought of mentioning the Gaijin who had been
asking about him earlier but thought better of it. If she told him he might turn that into
another element of his fantasy world. All Kuno needed was to be thinking that American secret
agents were after him.
Outside the restruant the trio was spying on Kuno from a hidden camera. "I wonder what
their talking about?" asked Andrew.
"Well that's what our next mission is to find out. Isn't that right Johnathan."
Johnathan looked a bit uneasy. He knew this mission would be coming and was trying to drown his
sorrows in sailor moon reruns and Gundam model kits.
"I've got to say. I'm really not going for this. I mean we hardly know anything about her
except what we heard. He's a Jedi wudan, he'll see through my disguise for sure!"
"But if you get inside we can get his X-wing!"
"We don't know he has a life sized X-wing replica! It could be a tie fighter for all we
know. I don't like tie fighters. And how am I going to steal it? Carry it out?"
"We can worry about trying to steal his tie fighter later. Right now we need to find out
his weaknesses. In the tests we managed to find out alot of his streingths but the only
weakness we revealed was that he seems to be protective of that wooden sword of his."
"It's called a bokken. It's the weapon used by Suzuka in outlaw star." said Andrew who
just happened to be looking at an outlaw star doujinshi that featured Suzuka doing something
very strange with her bokken.
"In any case Johnathans the man or woman of the hour as the case may be. Time to get
changed Johnathan." said Warren
"Oh all right. But I've got a bad feeling about this." In the past week Warren, Johnathan
and Andrew had gone out and asked Kunos old class mates about him. They had found out that he
had fallen for two women. Ironicaly both the women he had fallen for had apparently eloped. This
had caused all three nerds to get serious nose bleeds from all the dirty thoughts of lesbian sex
running around in their heads. They even managed to buy a picture of one of his old flames off a
girl named Nabiki for a rather high price. They also heard of someone named Ranma who
had supposedly bested Kuno in combat on many occasions. That would also be something to look into
but it could wait for another time.
Johnathan came out of the bathroom in his new disguise. He was the spitting image of the
pig tailed girl. He even wore a sexy red dress with the disguise body. "So uhh...Johnathan...
what does it feel like to be a girl? Can I touch your boobs?"
"No! No! No touching! I think I should go do the mission bye!" Johnathan bolted out the
door.
"Aww... I wanted to touch Johnathans boobs!"
"Andrew that sounded so wrong!"
Johnathan had changed into different forms on many occasions. Sometimes he would secretly
experiment with changing into female forms for his own purposes but this was the first time he
did it openly. "Ok...I'm a woman. I've got to walk like one and think like one or my cover will
be blown. Let's see here what do women think about? Lacy things, perfume....oh crap! I can't
think! My mind is freezing up! Ok remain calm, find a bathroom, no bad idea. I'll be too tempted
to do weird things with myself."
Johnathans internal monologue was cut short however when a certain jedi wudan master
interupted it. "Pig tailed girl!" Kuno crushed Johnathan in an embrace like none other he had
felt in the past. He felt like he was going to die. Johnathan promptly passed
out. "Pig tailed girl! Pig tailed girl! Why are you asleep? It would seem the sorcerors charms
have taken their toll on her. But you are free now! He will never hurt you again!" Kuno bounded
off with Johnathan in his arms.
"Where am I?" Johnathan thought to himself. He was lying on something soft.
"And now she awakes with a kiss!"
Johnathan felt something welt on his mouth. He was being kissed! "ARRRRRGGGHH!".
Johnathan backed away from Kuno.
"Ahh! My pig tailed goddess awakens!"
"Pig tailed goddess? Oh god! I've been kissed by him!" Johnathan felt like he was about
to throw up.
"Ahh indeed. I do not blame you for being overwhelmed. No woman could kiss me without
feeling that way."
The communicator in Johnathans ear was full of laughter. "That's it I'm washing my mouth
and getting out of here!"
"No! No! Your doing great! Besides if you leave now were going to hide your X-men comics
in a place you won't find them!"
"You wouldn't!" johnathan said out loud not realising that Kuno had been ranting about
things that he wasn't paying attention to.
"Ahh! But I would my pigtailed goddess! After my defeat of the first demon I was offered
a new cruiser. What do you say to an ocean voyage next weekend?"
"Uhhhh...I'd love to...." Sasuke opened the door and took one look at the fake Ranma. He
was so shocked he tripped over his own foot. He got up off the floor looking angry.
"What the hell are you doing here? Do you have any idea of the masters condition? your
being here will only..." BAM! Kuno smacked him over the head.
"Sasuke! Don't be rude to the pigtailed girl!"
"B-but! Master!"
"Out of my site! My pig tailed goddess has gone through many hardships at the hands of
the sorceror Saotome!"
Sasuke reluctantly left. He went down the hall and picked up a telephone book. He looked
up Ranmas phone number and called. Akane answered the phone "Hello?"
"Akane? This is Sasuke! This is an outrage! What does your husband think he's doing
playing with my masters feelings like this? He has a condition you know!"
"Ranma left this morning to go pick something up. What's he doing with Kuno?"
Sasuke explained the situation. "I would really appreciate it if you would keep your
husband from coming back here. I shudder to think how the master will react to this!"
"I see..." Akane said with barely controlled anger. The plastic phone was crushed in her
tight grip.
"Umm hello? Hello!"
Back in the other room
"Pig tailed girl. I know it must be hard. But I want to know. What did Saotome do to you?
I must know for Akane is still in his clutches!"
Johnathan had no idea what Kuno was talking about. On the other end of the bug Warren and
Andrew were taking notes on everything he was saying. All Johnathan had to do was make a
convincing performance. He had to think quickly, apparantly this Ranma was a very powerful evil
sorceror if he could rival the power of a jedi wudan master. He had enslaved his two girl
freinds. Of course, he would just tell Kuno the summary of the hentai episodes he watched last
night! Afterall if he was a powerful woman enslaving evil sorceror that's the sort of thing he
would do. Ranma was probably the same. "Well it's still hard for me to talk about. You see he had
this beast with tentacles...."
Half an hour of lies later
"Oh pig tailed girl say no more!" Tears were streaming down Kunos face. "The fiend may
have deflowered you but I shall always accept you no matter what happens! It wasn't your fault!
Tonight we shall make love so passionate as the gods of old! And your memorys of the evils he
wrought will be no more!"
Johnathan didn't know what to do, he thought to himself "Oh man! Oh man! Game over!
I'm going to be raped by a guy! I've got to get out of here! A diversion! That's it I need a
diversion! An illusion spell!"
"Uhhh... Kuno darling...I think I should go freshen up in the bathroom before we do that."
Kuno stifled a nose bleed. "Very well my lovely goddess!"
"Why did kuno always call her that? Was there some hidden meaning?" but Johnathan had no
time to dwell on that. He had to work his diversion.
Kuno sat on the cusions of his couch waiting in anticipation.Suddenly he heard a scream
coming from outside. "Pigtailed girl! No!"
The pigtailed girl was clutched in the claws of a huge winged dragon. Riding on top of
the dragons head was darth maul and Ranma who sported the robes of a sith lord. "I'm taking
back your precious goddess Kuno! You'll never see her again!"
"You fiend!How dare you show your cowardly face here!"
"Huhahaha!" laughed the evil Ranma hallucination as it rose higher into the sky atop the
winged dragon.
"Kuno! I'll always love you! I'll never forget your kindness! If only we could have
stayed together a bit longer!" the pig tailed girl illusion fainted.
"Nooooooo! I won't let you take her!" Kuno summoned all his streingth into a single
strike. He slashed, there was a clap of thunder and a blinding light. The illusion vanished as
several trees behind it were anihalated by whatever Kuno had done. There was no mistaking it.
That was the phoenix wave attack he had been struggling to master for the past few years. But in
the end it hadn't done him any good. Ranma had stolen away his pigtailed goddess again! Kuno sat
on the lawn with tears streaming down his face looking up into the sky for the next ten minutes.
After that got up with renewed determination. He went to one of the storage rooms where he had
his remaining oak bokkens blessed with holy water. He would see Ranma pay in full for what he had
done!
Else where
"Hey Akane! I'm back!" BAM! "Hey what did I do this time?"
Back at the nerd hide out.
"Well I'm not so sure how useful this information will be. But we'll find out soon enough."
Warren said as he tinkered with a robot on his lab table . "At the very least we have a pretty
good scape goat to blame this on."
"You didn't find out about the X-wing!"
"I was afraid he was going to rape me. If you were in my situation you would have forgot
about it too. I can't believe I got my first kiss from a guy!" Johnathan got out a bottle of
mouth wash.
Nabiki was out walking in the local shopping district with Ukyo when Sasuke jumped out
of nowhere shouting "Oh Ms. Tendo! it's horrible! Come this way!"
"Where is the sorceror! Tell me or I shall smite you where you stand heathen!"
"I don't know what your talking about! I'm just selling posters for American movies!" the
poor elderly shop keeper didn't know what to do.
"What's this all about?" asked Nabiki.
"That fiend on the poster was with Saotome when he stole my pig tailed goddess a second
time!"
"You mean to tell me Ran chan was with Darth Maul?!?"