Author: Marie a.k.a. Lovesbitch
Email: Lovesbitch84@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13/Rish (might change later)
Summary: AU, Mi/L, Liz POV
Disclaimer: I do not own Rosewell, I have no money so there's no point suing.
Distrubtion: If you want to put this on your site then just send me a email with the link
Feedback: Listening to the voices in your head and send feedback like a good reader
Authors Note: This is my first attempt at writing a Rosewell fanfic and I would adore feedback.
Am I scaring you yet?
Or maybe you just don't give a crap what happens to me.
I'm not a very likable person, I know.
I'm the original stone cold bitch Goddess.
But I wasn't always like this.
And I'm not talking about my previous life on some distant plant.
**
"Liz!" Michael's voice echoed through the apartment.
I didn't move.
"Come on, Liz! We need to talk!" his voice neared the bathroom.
I didn't blink.
"Liz, I'm sorry!" he was inches away from the door, making his way through the blackness of the unlit apartment.
I didn't breath.
"Liz," he said, looking in the bathroom at me, leaning motionless against the cold wall.
"I couldn't do it," I whispered, not sure if I was talking to him or myself. My eyes never left the bottle of pills that sat on the counter, mocking me.
"What?" he asked, his voice echoing throughout the room.
**
You ever think about hell?
**
"I was to afraid," I whispered, and Michael followed my eyes to the bottle on the counter.
"Oh my God," Michael whispered, taking a step into the bathroom.
**
The first time I death's lips brushed against mine I didn't have time to think about it.
**
"I was afraid," I repeated, finally turning my head to look at Michael in confusion.
"Liz," he whispered, and the fear seemed to overrun his voice and I saw the terror in his eyes but it didn't register.
**
But I had time to think.
Consider what comes next.
**
"I'm never afraid. I'm not supposed to be afraid," I whisper.
"Baby," he whispered, falling next to me on the ground.
**
Heaven and Hell.
My entire life I always thought Heaven was where I would end up.
**
"Nothing was stopping me. I was just to afraid," I whispered again, returning my gaze to the bottle.
"Liz, I am so sorry," he whispered, resting his arm on my leg.
**
But as I lifted that first pill to my mouth I thought about it.
Not a lot of stuff scares me.
Hell does.
**
"Don't be," I whispered, looking back at him.
"I am. God, I know you have all this shit to deal with right now and I treat you like shit," Michael said, running his other hand through my hair.
**
And for the first time I didn't think Heaven was where I would end up.
**
"It wasn't just you," I whispered, forcing myself to smile.
"What do you mean?" Michael asked, leaning against the wall next to me.
**
I'm not a good person.
But it's not just that.
**
"I know I'm a bitch," I said, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
"No, you're not," Michael urged.
**
I've done something really bad.
And as the first pill dropped onto my tongue, I was sure I didn't deserve Heaven.
**
"Don't lie to me," I whispered, pain rushing through me again.
"Ok, you don't come off as the nicest person but...," Michael started.
"Face it, I'm as cold as they come," I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder.
**
So I spit the pill out.
And cried.
**
"You do have your good points," Michael said, forcing a smile.
"I wasn't always this mean," I said, closing my eyes.
"What do you mean?" Michael asked, pulling me closer.
**
You see, I never got forgiveness for what I did.
I didn't deserve it.
**
"I used to be a better person than this," I whispered.
"You weren't a bitch?" Michael said, forcing a laugh.
**
It was my fault it happened.
And I couldn't deal with the grief.
So I shut down.
**
"I was still a bitch, just a nicer one with emotions," I answered.
"What happened?" Michael asked.
**
It's hard.
Being one hundred percent honest with someone.
You open yourself up to be hurt.
And it's even harder when you still hate yourself for it.
And if you can't accept it, how the hell is anybody else?
I have to trust him, because I have had this inside me for to long.
And I do love him and I have to believe he'll love me after what I have to say.
My first decision I made with my heart didn't turn out to well.
Pray this one goes better.