Kuno vs the foul sorcerors
Ch. 8: The accursed destiny of a hanyou!

notes: To answer peter kims question at least three other Buffy characters will make an
appearance in this fic. I won't say who they are. One of them is a villain from a previous
season and the other two were regulars on the show at one time but neither are at the moment.
Right now it's around the middle of season six. The trio left sunnydale before the point
in time when they first make their appearance in the TV show. So they never end up affecting
things there that much in this reality. Other then that things happened more or less the
same with Buffy coming back to life, etc.

Kuno had just finished telling Nabiki and Ukyo what had happened to him. Both of them
were looking at him with faces that looked sort of like this ._. "This can't be happening! I
mean its rediculous enough that Ranma would be a sorceror, but Kunos father?"

Ukyo nodded in agreement. His story was to rediculous for words yet no one could deny
what they had seen. They themselves had witnessed a demon trying to do something to Kuno in
addition to all the other evidence. Ukyo was begining to see how Neo felt in the Matrix. She
didn't know what was real and what wasn't anymore. If only she could blindly accept things
like Kuno she wouldn't have this head ache. She had even seen Ranma fight his father on
numerous occasions. But if he was a demon sorceror like in Kunos story maybe he could split
into two seperate entitys. No! it couldn't be true! Yet she still couldn't deny what she saw.
And although she hadn't mentioned anything about it she had seen Ranma the day Kuno was attacked.
Just the thought that she could have wasted her life courting Kunos father was enough to make
her sick. "I won't believe it until I see Ran chan for myself."

"It's true! No longer am I the nobelist of noble! I am an accursed hanyou! Never being
accepted by either humans or demons! What a tragic life I lead! Yet I must fight on until I
vanquish the demon who spawned me! No! Why did I not see it before!"

"What is it Kuno?"

"My sister! No doubt he's trying to corrupt her already corrupted mind! He asked me
to join him! No! Kodachi! I must save her along with my two loves!" Kuno forced his way out
of bed. Nabiki tried to block him but he was too strong and pushed her aside.

"You can't go! The doctor didn't say you could leave yet!"

"Destiny does not wait for a doctor!"

The doctor walked in and said "What are you doing out of bed?"

"I must go! The vile fiend must be vanquished!"

"N-now this is highly irregular! I must insist that oomph!" He shoved the doctor aside
and walked out of the room.

Kunos shoulder was bandaged but it still hurt like hell. But that couldn't stop him.
He had to find Ranma before it was too late for Kodachi. but first he needed to return home to
get his sword.

Sasuke was making the usual rounds about the mansion. He had put a large stack of box's
where the piano used to be and threw a sheet over them. He knew his master would throw a fit
and blame it on Ranma when he saw it. "Sasuke! Fetch me my sword!"

"Master! What are you doing here?"

"Sasuke! How long have you known?"

"Known what?"

"How long have you known that I was a hanyou? Destined to lead an accursed fate! Accepted
by neither human nor demon!"

"I don't know what your talking about!"

"Do not feign ignorance Sasuke! Has your ninja clan not served the Kunos for many
gennerations?"

"Y-yes!"

"Then you must have known that my father was the demon Saotome!"

"W-what? That's impossible!"

"You claim ignorance? Could it be that you are in league with him? Or maybe he is so
clever that he fooled even you! He is truly a cunning foe. But my clear bright eyes miss no
detail! His trickery shall never decieve me!"

"Oh master! You've gone off the deep end haven't you!" Sasuke said with tears in his eyes.

Kuno was about to go get his sword when a number of blow gun darts hit his back. He fell
to the ground. The rapid fire blow gun retracted into Ranma bots arm. Warrens orders had been
to bring him alive. "You! What did you do to Master Kuno?"

"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." He aimed the palm of his hand at Sasuke. A blue
beam shot out of his hand freezing most of Sasukes body in ice.

Sasuke couldn't believe what he was seeing! His master had been right the whole time!
It was as if he had just fallen into an episode of the twilight zone! "You... You aren't really
master Kunos father are you?" Sasuke said. His head was still unfrozen.

He didn't answer the question. Instead he turned to face Sasuke and said " I'll have
you know that I was out saving the galaxy when you were still in diapers!" He slung Kuno over
his shoulder and flew off.

"C-c-c-cold!" Sasuke shivered in the ice.

Kuno woke to hear some bickering. "You mechancal moron! Were lucky he's still alive
after you pumped him full of so many tranquilzers! That was more then enough to kill a normal
man!"

"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."

"Shut up! I didn't program you to say that! Now go do something productive like
finishing Ranma bot #2!" Ranma bot left Warren and wandered off to finish his task.

Kuno noticed his hands felt squished and he couldn't move his arm. He opened his eyes and
saw his fore arms were encased in some sort of metal arm restraints. He tried to break free
but they were too strong. "Ahhh! Finnally awake! I wouldn't try struggling! Not even Yoda
the most powerful jedi master could hope to break those! And I'm very strong minded, so don't
think your jedi mind tricks will work on me either!"

"Worthless henchman of Saotome! Release me at once or feel my wrath!"

"HUhahahahaha! You don't get it do you! Your helpless! Your jedi powers are useless in
those bonds! I can point and laugh at your pathetic excuse for a face and you can't do anything!"

"You fiend! What have you done with my sister!"

Warren had no idea what Kuno was talking about but it was the perfect oppurtunity to
quote star wars. "Ahhh... sister. If you will not turn to the dark side, perhaps she will!
Muhahaha!"

"You fiend!"

"Let me get to the point. I kept you alive for a reason. Saotome, this dark sorceror you
speak of. I heard that he beat the crap out of you on numerous occasions."

"Lies! I would never allow such a thing!"

"Really? I have a video tape of him attacking you with a toranado of some sort from a
few years back."

"That was dark magic! As such it is not a fair fight and does not count!"

"Yes, that may be the case but that's the thing. I'm an aspiring dark sorceror and mad
scientist myself. I want to conquer this world but with someone like that for competition it
could be troublesome. Which is why I want you to teach me to be a jedi wudan master!"

"Feh! One such as you could never learn the ways of a jedi wudan master!"

"Rrhhhgghh!! Ok! I can be patient! I will break you! And then you can teach me!" Warren
walked behind Kuno and moved a helmet over his head. It was like the one in clockwork
orange which had the eye pieces that forced a persons eyes open.

"What fiendish deviltry are you working now spawn of hell?"

"I love the way you talk. If I break you, you can teach me to talk like that too. By the
way this video is my own personal creation. I'm very proud of it!" The video showed a picture
of a Telitubby and Barney. Barney was dressed like a dominatrix. "I had Andrew play the part
of Barney. I think he's still scarred from the experience."

"Noooooooooooooooooooo!" Kuno wailed as Barney and the Telitubbys began to do things too
horrific to discribe.

In the background a soft voice kept on repeating the words "Warren is
always right. He can do no wrong. If you listen to him you won't have to watch this again."

"Never! I shall never submit to your fiendish devices! Pervert of hell!"

"We'll see if you still feel that way in a few days. Even a Jedi wudan master can break."
Warren left the room leaving Kuno behind.

After two hours the video looped back to the begining starting the horror all over again.
Suddenly Kuno felt a tingly sensation. He moved his hand and it seemed to melt through the metal
restraints. He got up and smashed the TV with a pipe that was on the ground. "Devils invention!
You won't ensnare me again!"

"Psst over here!" A short chubby man called over to Kuno.

"Who are you?"

"Hi. My name is Johnathan. I'm here to rescue you."

Kuno thought for a moment and remembered back to his fight with Ranma bot. The Ranma
bot had said "I know this hurts! Call out to John!"

"Ring bearer! We meet at last! But I must get you out of this place! If the foul
sorcerors were to find the one ring, the world would fall to darkness!"

Johnathan was confused. "Ring? What do you mean?" Johnathan fumbled with the pendant he
had gotten at the sci-fi convention which had a very detailed replica of the ring from the lord
of the rings movie.

"By the gods! It is the one ring! I never thought I would lay eyes on it! But you must let
none touch it! Not even I lest I succumb to it's temptation!"

Johnathan had just thought it was a replica but a Jedi wudan master couldn't be wrong.
A-all right! I'm just glad Warren didn't know I had it."

"Come young hobbit! We must leave this evil place!"

"I'm not a hobbit though!"

"What? You think that the blue thunder does not know a hobbit when he see's one! Of course
you are!"

"If you say so." Johnathan knew he was adopted. And his feet were a little hairy. This did
explain a few things.

Kuno slashed the wall with the pipe he had picked up off the floor making a big hole in it.
He ran off with Johnathan. They didn't even get ten feet from the hole when they heard sirens
blaring inside the garage. "Oh shit! The emergency alarm! We need to get out of here fast!"

"Fear not young hobbit! My prowess knows no bounds!" He put Johnathan under his arm and
jumped to the top of a nearby building.

"Auuuggghhh! I'm afraid of heights!"

"But heights are the true place of legendery heros! Fear not! Our destiny awaits!"

"I'm going to puke!" Johnathan whined as Kuno continued jumping from roof top to roof top.

"They got away! Ranma bot! Get down here now!"

As if on que not one but two Ranma bots came out of the lab area. "He got away! Go look
for him!" Warren decided to go look at the security tape of the room Kuno was in to see how he
escaped while the bots were out looking for him.

Somewhere in the mountains.

"Were wanted men!" said Ryoga pounding his fist on the ground making a small crater.

"Oh stop sulking. We've got beans afterall." said Ranma taking the can off the fire.

"But what about the next time we need beans! I can't show my face in the supermarket
when I'm a wanted man!"

"Simple. We'll just shop in our cursed forms. I'm sure this will all be cleared up in a
few weeks."

"You know Ranma. A little while before I became a wanted man I was captured while I
was in pig form. I was captured by these strange people who I think were Amaericans. It was
a horrible experience. They kept me in a cage for days and fed me dog food. But do you know
what's really weird? I heard them mention your name one time. They also mentioned Kuno a
couple of times."

"That's weird. I wonder if they were the ones who set me up. I always did wonder how
Kunos dad got all that money when he was such an idiot. Maybe he took some money from the
wrong people and they set me up to take the fall when they tried to take their revenge."

"I don't think these people were Yakuza or mafia. None of them looked that old. And....
they just seemed to goofy to be gangsters."

"But I've never even been to America. It couldn't have been because of me. It must be
something that idiot did."

"Ranma. I've been thinking. You know how I'm cursed with a bad sense of direction. I think
you might have a curse like that too. Except yours is for attracting trouble. And it's rubbing
off on me! I don't like it when curses rub off on me! I have two already!"

"Aww don't be silly Ryoga. Sure stuff seems to happen to me but there's no way I could
attract trouble!"

"Say Ranma. Is that a grizzly bear sneaking up on you? I didn't think they had those in
Japan!"

"Roooooooaaaar!"

"I told you Ranma! Your curse got us in trouble!"

"My curse? Your curse got us lost in some place that isn't even Japan!"

"Ranma this is all your fault!"

"No it's not! It's your fault!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Rooooaaarrr!"

"Gyaaahh! More bears and a pack of wolves! Ranma, turn off your curse and stop attracting
trouble!"

"I will when you get us back to Japan!"

Andrew sat in a wooden chair decorated with paper mache to look like a thrown at the top
of St Bacchus school for girls. He wore some shabby looking cosplay robes and a fake beared. He
even had a plastic sceptor. "Muhahaha! I am Sarumon the fallen wizard! Fear my power!" he said
but given his whiney pansy of a personality it came out sounding incredibly pathtic.

His pager suddenly vibrated and he pulled out his phone. "This is Warren. That weak minded
fool Johnathan has been taken over by our jedi freind. He let him escape and now their both on
the move. Alert your demons at once!"

Kuno and Johnathan both stopped to rest in the middle of the shopping district. Not as many
people were out at this time of night. "So tell me. Who is master yoda? The sorceror spoke of
him as if he was one of great power."

"What? You don't know who Yoda is? He's right there on the poster." Kuno looked over
at a star wars poster.

"I know that man!"

"Wow! You knew Yoda!"

"Indeed. But not very well. This yoda used to work at a Chinese restruant that closed
down around the same time the sorceror Saotome left. He was indeed a powerful fighter.
However I believe Yoda left for China recently with the Shampoo, another who was ensnared by
the sorcerors charms."

"Wow! I still can't believe it! The Jedi and the ring are both real!"

Kuno seemed to be thinking for a moment. "We must go!"

"Where?"

"To China so that I may seek training from master Yoda!"