Kuno vs the foul sorcerors
Ep 12: Master Yoda! I would train with you!
Nabiki sat at a table in a beefbowl stand with her five new companions. She looked about
uneasily. "So how's fem boy been doing?" asked Taro casually.
"Oh Ranma? Well he was framed for attempted murder by those guys your after but other
that he's fine I guess. He eloped with Akane."
"How romantic remarked Yomiko beaming."
"How do you do that thing with the paper?"
"It's magic." Yomiko took her napkin and it became stiff and rigid. She sliced her cup in
half with it.
"You know your going to have to pay for that." said the manager who walked by.
"Sorry! I was just showing her my power! By the way I'm Yomiko Readman. My code name is
the paper! I'm not sure if any of them of code names. I think he's called the astrologer."
"That's Admonisher you dorky chick! Call me that again and I'll give you a repramanding!"
"I'm sorry! But please don't call me dorky either."
"Why not? Yer one of the dorkiest chicks I ever saw! HAHA!"
"Just because she isn't some kind of bimbo with fake boobs doesn't make her dorky" said
Faith who had been getting kind of pissed off with the man since the moment she met him.
"What? You got a problem with me? I think I might have to give you a firm talking too,
little lady."
"And another thing! Why do you always say stuff like that?"
"Before I flunked out of high school all the teachers talked to me like that. It was
humiliating. I want my enemys to know the humiliation of every student who ever got detention
before I send them straight to hell!"
"I'm quite a delinquent myself. You think you have what it takes to repramand me?" asked
Faith.
"Heh! Try me! I'll slap a suspension on your ass!"
They both stood looking at each other and the tension seemed to build a bit. Yomiko looked
worried and Pantywhose just ate his beef bowl like nothing was happening. Then with out warning
Faith gave Admonisher a round house to the face. He dropped and tried to swipe her feet from
under her. Admonsher whipped out two guns and Faith whipped out a sharp knife. His guns were
pressed against her head while her knife was on his throat. "Want to see which one of us
is faster?"
"Sure thing!"
"If you two don't knock it off I'll kick both your asses! Both of you are a couple of
idiots who talk big. But this dorky chick as you call her managed to do what none of us was
able to do." said Pantywhose.
"Oh? You want a repramanding too? I've been meaning to ask what's with the underwear
tied around yer waste? Some kind of a pervert thing?"
"As much as I hate to agree with this idiot, that is kind of strange. You got some kind
of underwear obsession?" asked Faith.
"I wear this as a reminder of my burden."
"The burden of underwear?" asked Admonisher who seemed to be trying very hard to keep
himself from laughing. Suddenly both of them dropped their weapons and burst out laughing.
"Oh that's it! You two are going down!" A moment later Admonisher and Faith both
crashed through the front window of the beef bowl restraunt.
Riley just came out of the bathroom when he saw a fuming Pantywhose looking out at the
crumpled Admonsher and Faith. "What happened here?"
"Those two made fun of me!"
"Damn it! Can't I leave you people alone for even one moment?"
"Apparantly not." Nabiki remarked dryly.
In China
"So you do not know the whereabouts of Master Yoda?" Kuno asked Saffron.
"I told you. I'm royalty so I hardly get to travel. So I'm about the worst person you
could ask." Saffron rubbed the bump that was sticking out several inches from his head. Was it
just his imagination or was the bump getting squarish?
They came upon a clearing full of hundreds of springs. There were bamboo poles sticking
out of all of them. Haruko looked around and said "Something doesn't seem quite right here."
"Feh! The blue thunder fears nothing! We must go on even if we must face a balrogg demon
or worse!"
"Wow! That's so cool!" remarked Johnathan.
Nearby a big blue creature with wings which bore a resemblance to a gorrila was following
a white rabbit. "You sure they came this way?" the rabbit nodded its head.
A chinese guy ran out to them before they could proceed through the area. "Stop! Not go
any further before listen! It very bad if you fall in spring! Is curse!" he said.
"A curse you say? No doubt a trap laid by Saotome. Very well, I shall procede with
caution!" But before they could go any further a big blue winged creature stood before them.
"I am Barogezigis! I am a warrior of the order of Toraka! I am indepted to you for giving
me something to do after so many millenia of boredom." He removed a huge gleaming sword
from between his wings. Kuno drew his golf club. "I do hope you put up a good fight."
"A balrogg! I never dreampt I would see a day when I would face one of your kind. I
shall not let you pass!"
"No see you have it all wrong. I'm the one who isn't letting you pass."
"Oh. Well that's different then." the creature struck with its huge sword. Kuno parried
with the golf club. His feet sunk into the earth from the force of the blow. Kuno knocked the
sword aside and used his multistrike on the creature. Hundreds of golf club sized holes
appeared on its body.
"Ha! A pitiful attack like that won't kill me!" each one of the holes filled back up
with flesh.
"Haru san! Are you going to help him?" asked Saffron.
"Naw. I'm to lazy. Maybe next time."
"Shit! This really was a trap! If I don't do something that creature might actually
kill him. I can't let that happen. If we fail Saotome will conquer the world and ressurect
Sauron." The big blue creature knocked Kuno down and began jumping up and down on top of him
driving him into the ground. Johnathan ran in the bushes.
"Hahaha! Stupid human! your tough but eventually you won't be anything but mush in my
toes!"
"Stop right there! I'm sailor moon! and in the name of the moon! I will punish you!"
"You've got to be kidding me!" Haruko said looking over at the fake Sailor moon with
scrutinizing eyes. She almost lost her composure under Harukos gaze but managed to recover
just in time.
"Ummmm....Yes! In the name of the moon and justice and good things I shall punish you!"
"Oh really! You look pretty tasty to me!" the monster began to lick his fangs and walk
towards her. She began waving her wand and chanting something. Right before the monster could
strike it vanished. It reapeared next to Haruko and Saffron except now it had turned to wood!
"That was too close!" the fake Sailor Moon wiped some sweat from her brow. The white
rabbit sat atop a cliff side observing this. He scowled,next time he wouldn't rely on others
to get the job done. Even though he was a rabbit who had no real fingers to speak of he managed
to stick out his index finger. He touched it to a rock which exploded. This made a chain
reaction sending a large boulder rolling down the cliff side. Kuno began to emerge from the
crater his body had been flattened in, then he was smashed back in by the boulder. The boulder
came barreling right towards Johnathan who dove out of the way landing in one of the springs.
It didn't stop there though. It was about to crash into Haruko but before it could she pulled
out her guitar and in one fluid motion smacked the boulder. The huge rock soared through the
air until it was nothing more then a dot in the sky.
"Amazing!" remarked Saffron. Just who was this woman? In all his immortal life he had
never met anyone quite like her.
"It's all in the wrist."
Johnathan emerged from the pool "Oh man! I'm all wet!" Johnathan decided he should find
some place to change back to his origenal form to avoid getting kissed by Kuno again.
"Oh! You very lucky miss! You fall in spring of drown young girl! Since you already
young girl nothing happen!"
"Spring of what?" she asked a bit bewildered.
"It water curse that change you into something. Only reverse with hot water. But you no
affected so no worry."
"Whatever." she walked off into the bushes.
Kuno dug himself out of the ground and said "Insidious Balrogg! You may strike me a
hundred times but I fight on!" Kuno walked over to the petrified demon and chopped it in
half. "By the gods! I had no idea balroggs were made of wood!"
"Listen. This is fun & all but I think we should get going. That Yoda person is probably
in the next village." said Haruko.
"How would you know such a thing?"
"My senses are much sharper then you people. I can sense someone very adept for a human
in the next village."
"Why didn't you say so earlier wench?"
"Didn't seem important."
"WAAAAAAAAAH! I can't change back!" a girls scream came from the bushes.
"That sounded like Sailor Moon! Never fear! The Blue Thunder shall protect you!"
Kuno bounded off into the bushes. Sailor Moon was muttering something and waving her
sceptor but nothing happened. "Oh Sailor moon! What has so distressed you!" Kuno glomped
her.
"Stop! I need to fix this!" she cast a barrier between her and Kuno. "That's right. He
said hot water." she remembered back to the pig in Nerima that was cursed by Ranma. "This was
his trap! I'll make him pay for this!" She walked off to go get some how water. The barrier
dissapated and Kuno fell on his face.
A moment later Kuno heard her scream again. "Sailor Moon!" he came upon her crying by
a hot kettle. "What is wrong?" he asked embracing her. Apparantly the mixing of the two
magics from Johnathans spell and the curse had made the change permanant.
"I....I got cursed by Ranmas trap!"
"No! This cannot be! I shall make him pay a hundred fold for doing such a thing! What is
the nature of this curse?"
She thought for a moment. If she told him exactly what it was he would know he kissed a
guy. He'd proabably be pretty mad. Better to dodge the question. "It's...It's an accursed
curse!"
"NOOOOOOOO! That's horrible! But fear not! you must live on! I alone shall
avenge your plight! I assure you he will pay in full!"
"I'll help you!" said Johnathan. Before Johnathan would have been too scared to do
anything more then give Kuno the occaisional helping hand but this time it was personal.
"You are indeed brave. But the foul sorceror has ensnared nearly every woman he has met
in the past. Were you to meet him you too may fall to his clutches."
"I won't!"
"Oh Sailor Moon! You are truly noble! If I did not already have two loves I would
gladly-"
"Hoy Taro kun! What's up? Who's your freind?" Haruko asked.
"You will addresse me as Blue Thunder or sempai! This is my ally in the fight against
evil, Sailor Moon!"
"Oh really?" Haruko walked over and started looking very closely at her head. "Hehehe.."
"W-what are you doing?"
"Nothing..." Haruko said grinning in the sort of way that suggested she was doing
something. "Say.... where ever did chibi Taro kun the hobbit go eh?" Haruko said playfully.
"Your right! When we were attacked by the balrogg he dissapeared! He has the one ring!
No doubt the villain used the balrogg as a decoy to steal it."
"Uhhhh... the ring is here. I thought it would be safer if I had it then Johnathan.
I sent him home after he gave it to me."
"Sailor moon! To take on such a burden! How noble!" tears were streaming down his face.
"A kiss as your reward!"
"Uhhh..." before Kuno could get any closer Haruko bashed them both over the head.
"No more dirty stuff. Time to go!"
"What wench? Would you suggest that my love is anything but pure and noble!?!"
"You said you had two girls already and your kissing her."
"This was not a kiss of commitment I was giving her but a kiss of reward. A dream to all
right minded women! But a wench such as you could never understand as much!" Haruko smashed
her guitar into his head sending him flying.
"That was close. I almost got kissed again."
"Don't think I saved you because I like you chibi Taro kun. I'm just feeling too
impatient for that sort of thing today."
"H-how do you know? You won't tell anyone?"
"Maybe, maybe not!"
"Hey this is serious!" the fake sailor moon whined. Haruko just giggled while Saffron
gave them both confused looks.
later
"Insolent wench!"
"Taro kun is grumpy!" Haruko said cheerfully.
They were getting closer to a the village Haruko was talking about. Johnathan hoped they
could find a way to reverse her condition there. Although Johnathan admitted there were
certain things she liked about this form she didn't want to have to sit to go to the bathroom
for the rest of her life. And also she had never had sex as a guy. She wanted to find out what
that was like before she had sex as a girl. But Johnathan had to admit there may be no way to
reverse this. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" she cried in the exact same way the real sailor moon
would. Kuno tried to comfort her but she just started to cry more.
"Cry not! I swear to the setting sun I shall find a way to vanquish your accursed curse!"
"Really?" she asked with tears in her eyes.
"Of course. A mere curse means nothing to my prowess!" Kuno moved in to try to kiss her
as she tried to back away but before that could happen even Kuno noticed about twenty eyes
watching them. They were surrounded by ten powerful looking Chinese female warriors.
"Does privacy mean nothing to you people?" Kuno said annoyed that his kiss had been
interrupted twice.
Johnathan sighed in releif. She had been saved twice now. However from the looks of things
she may have fallen out of the frying pan and into the fire. "Uhhhhh.... Who are you people."
she attempted to say in Chinese. What she really said was "Your mother ate my shoes!"
All the amazons drew theyre weapons. One of them pointed at Saffron and said something.
the others turned their attention. "Oh yeah. You know the phoenix tribe really isn't on good
terms with the amazons. If they recognize me, we'll probably be executed." said Saffron.
"Executed! I'm going to die a girl and a virgin?!"
"Feh! Fear not! For the blue thunder is excellent with the ladies. Ahem! Attention! I
am Tatewaki Kuno, no doubt you have heard of me. I am known as the blue thunder of Furinken
high. No doubt you have your greivances with the guitar swinging bunny girl and bird boy,
however we are on a mission of mercy and justice! The dark lord is rising again. If we
fail in our mission the world shall be covered in darkness. So if you would let us pass I shall
happily distribute signed autographs to you all. No doubt you will want to have a momento of
this experience to share with your children." the amazons started to close in pointing their
weapons.
"Oh man! His jedi mind tricks didn't work! We just walked into a village of female jedi!"
"Get out of my way you bimbos." Haruko said. They didn't understand her but they all
backed away. All their battle instincts were telling the Amazons they couldn't win in a fight
against Haruko and they may not be in any condition to administer the kiss of death afterwards
either. Saffron looked at the Amazons and at Haruko. They were scared of her. This was amazing.
"Stop! Do not attack them!" came an old voice. Cologne pogoed foreward. "The phoenix king!
What are you doing here? And you! Your the idiot ex son in law was always fighting. I don't
recognize you two though. Especially you." Cologne fixed her gaze on Haruko. The pink haired
girl looked back at the old woman with her piercing yellow eyes. What is she, her power feels
inhuman.
"I'm Sailor Moon and this is Haruko. It's an honor to meet you master Yoda!"
Immediatly Kuno kneeled and said "Master Yoda! I would train with you!"
"Y-Yoda?!?" When Cologne was in Japan she had seen star wars and knew who the
character was. "And why am I yoda?" she said with here eye twitching.
"The blue thunder is never mistaken! You are master yoda! I must train to defeat the
sorceror! Master Yoda! I would train with you!"
"I don't think so." Cologne twirled her staff sending Kuno flying.
"Wow! Yoda really is a master of the force!" said Johnathan. "Master Yoda. I sort of have
a little problem." she bent over and wispered in Colognes ear.
"Unfortunatly there's no cure for the spring curse. There used to be a spring of drown
man but when the springs flooded thanks to your young freind there, that particular spring
was lost." johnathan glared at Saffron.
"What? I got a little carried away when I transformed. I could happen to anyone."
"And in any case I have never heard of a foreign magic mixing with the spring curse. Even
I can't say what would happen."
"Master Yoda learned how to speak much more fluently since the movies."
"I'm not Yoda!" Cologne sent Johnathan flying as well.
An excerpt from Johnathans travelling in China diary
"Hi my name is Johnathan. Although currently it happens to be Sailor Moon. If you told
me a couple years ago I would grow up to be Sailor Moon I wouldn't have believed you but I
guess this just goes to show you that you can never tell just who you will be when you grow up.
Right now I'm staying in some kind of village full of female Jedi. I told Kuno a few days ago
that Yoda always trys to fool his students into thinking he's someone else at first like he
did with Luke in Empire strikes back. So Kuno has persistantly been asking to be trained.
Yoda has a much bigger temper then in the movies. He's been tossing Kuno all over the place
and blowing him up. But he always comes back for more. Sooner or later Yoda will cave in and
train him. All the jedi are scared of Haruko. I guess even they wouldn't want to mess with
a kryptonian. Just as persistantly as he asks for training Kuno trys to kiss me. Something
always happens to prevent him and save me but I don't know how much longer I can avoid his
face. I guess in the real world Jedi are more vulnerable to emotions then Lucas portrayed
them in the movies. It felt weird staying a girl for the first few days but I think I'm
getting used to it. The village has mostly women in it and they even have some public
bathing springs but I'm too embarrassed to go to them. This is a problem because I've been
wearing this Sailor Fuku for the past few days. First few times I wore it, it was an
interesting experience but the novelty wore off pretty quickly after the first day of my change.
Saffrons been tagging along Haruko alot lately. I think he's scared of the jedi. He used to
be an enemy of theirs. It's hard to believe such a young kid was a siff lord. He doesn't seem
all that powerful now though."
" Say, how's about we go to the hot springs together." Said Haruko reading over Johnathans
shoulder.
"B-but!" Johnathan blushed.
"It's nothing you haven't seen before. Besides your starting to stink. All these people
are scared of me so they won't bother you."
Next morning
Cologne was just starting to get up when someone pulled her out of bed and shouted into
her sleepy ear with a booming voice "Master Yoda! I would train with you!"
"All right! All right! I give up! I'll train you! But there will be a price!"
"No price is to high for the sake of justice! I shall move both heaven and earth
if need be!"
"We'll see." said Cologne. To herself she thought of ways she would make this idiot suffer
for pestering her.
Cologne lead Kuno to a hut on the outskirts of the village. A girl with pointy ears was
practising some sort of Chinese martial art in her yard. Her hair had some brownish orange
patches in it. "This is Zig. She was a child of the musk dynasty we took in when she was
abandoned as a child. She is part wolverine and is a bezerker warrior in combat. Any man
brave enough to challenge her has met his end at her claws. I want you to promise me
that if you succeed in the training you will challenge her." Cologne could never fathom
the nonsensical musk names. Why would anyone name their kid Zig? If there was one thing
she prided in her tribe it was their ability to come up with good names.
"No challenege is too great! I shall vanquish the beastwoman and save your village."
Kuno seemed to misunderstand the reason for the challenge. But Cologne wasn't about to tell
him otherwise it would just make things more interesting. Zig walked up to Kuno cheerfully
and said something in Chinese. "Hmmmm she seems very freindly for a fierce beast woman."
"Trust me it's just a trick. Leave her for now. We have much to do."
"Yes Master Yoda!" Cologne sighed in exasperation. How she would make him suffer for this.
They came to a clearing."I want you to fight me now without holding back. This way I can
accuratly tell what things I should teach you." Kuno attacked using his usual moves. Cologne
easily dodged them all and then pounded him into the ground. "You are very skilled with the
sword. As skilled as some of our better warriors in fact. Not anywhere near ex son in laws level
but it will be something to work with." she pulled his face out of the ground. "Now you'll
never master any secret techniques if you stick your head in the sand."
"Mmmmmppphh" Kuno spat the dirt out of his mouth.
"Earlier you breifly mentioned the phoenix sword technique. You said you used it once."
"Indeed."
"That would be one of the easier things I was considering teaching you. Mastering that
technique is quite easy. Tell me what were you feeling when you used it?"
"I was infuriated at the sorcerors audacity!"
"I see. Just focus on those emotions and try to use it. Every time you fail to manifest
the phoenix sword I'll do something painful to you so do try to get it right. Afterall,
to use ki attacks all you need is the right state of mind."
Kuno closed his eyes "Hmmm... I must imagine the sorceror taking the pigtailed girl. Oh
pig tailed girl how I miss you so! I wish I could..." Kuno slashed and what looked like a pink
cloud of fluff came out of his sword.
"Wrong!" Cologne tossed a huge boulder on top of him.
back in the village
Saffron was blushing. He had been meaning to ask Haruko a question for awhile now. "Haru
san. I admit that when I first met you, I hated you. But I feel kind of differnt now. You
saved me a couple times and your attractive."
"HeeHee! Is Saffy kun trying to tell me something?" Haruko giggled.
"Hey! This isn't funny!" the little winged boy yelled. "I think I like you. Not only do
I like you but I've seen for myself that your more then capable of weilding enough power to
gain my peoples approval to be my queen."
"Sorry. But there's someone else I love. Besides your just a kid."
"I'm not a kid! I've lived for thousands of years! Do you know who your talking too?
I'm a fire god! What could your lover have that I couldn't offer! After I transform I'll be
the most powerful being on the planet! And I won't look like a kid either so....so then I can
prove myself to you!" Saffrons eyes were beginging to tear up. He was too proud to let this
happen and sniffed them back.
"I think you might be surprised Saffy kun. There are things about me you don't know."
"At least tell me his name!"
"Ok. His name is Atomisk. He's the reason I came to this world. It'd never work out
between us. Your still a kid afterall, even if you think your a god." Saffron began to
run away crying but he didn't get very far. There was suddenly a splitting pain on his head.
The little bump which had been steadily growing since Haruko first bashed him suddenly
grew several times larger and didn't stop. The metallic arm band with a metal link on
Harukos wrist began to vibrate. "It's starting!"
At the same time back in Japan an arc of lightning jumped between the two towers of
Nerima and St Baccas. Anyone within the area of the two schools was so out of it from
the pacificity devices they barely took notice. "It's starting" said Warren who was sitting
next to a weird gizmo with some kind of a strange antenna connected to a cylander.
Ep 12: Master Yoda! I would train with you!
Nabiki sat at a table in a beefbowl stand with her five new companions. She looked about
uneasily. "So how's fem boy been doing?" asked Taro casually.
"Oh Ranma? Well he was framed for attempted murder by those guys your after but other
that he's fine I guess. He eloped with Akane."
"How romantic remarked Yomiko beaming."
"How do you do that thing with the paper?"
"It's magic." Yomiko took her napkin and it became stiff and rigid. She sliced her cup in
half with it.
"You know your going to have to pay for that." said the manager who walked by.
"Sorry! I was just showing her my power! By the way I'm Yomiko Readman. My code name is
the paper! I'm not sure if any of them of code names. I think he's called the astrologer."
"That's Admonisher you dorky chick! Call me that again and I'll give you a repramanding!"
"I'm sorry! But please don't call me dorky either."
"Why not? Yer one of the dorkiest chicks I ever saw! HAHA!"
"Just because she isn't some kind of bimbo with fake boobs doesn't make her dorky" said
Faith who had been getting kind of pissed off with the man since the moment she met him.
"What? You got a problem with me? I think I might have to give you a firm talking too,
little lady."
"And another thing! Why do you always say stuff like that?"
"Before I flunked out of high school all the teachers talked to me like that. It was
humiliating. I want my enemys to know the humiliation of every student who ever got detention
before I send them straight to hell!"
"I'm quite a delinquent myself. You think you have what it takes to repramand me?" asked
Faith.
"Heh! Try me! I'll slap a suspension on your ass!"
They both stood looking at each other and the tension seemed to build a bit. Yomiko looked
worried and Pantywhose just ate his beef bowl like nothing was happening. Then with out warning
Faith gave Admonisher a round house to the face. He dropped and tried to swipe her feet from
under her. Admonsher whipped out two guns and Faith whipped out a sharp knife. His guns were
pressed against her head while her knife was on his throat. "Want to see which one of us
is faster?"
"Sure thing!"
"If you two don't knock it off I'll kick both your asses! Both of you are a couple of
idiots who talk big. But this dorky chick as you call her managed to do what none of us was
able to do." said Pantywhose.
"Oh? You want a repramanding too? I've been meaning to ask what's with the underwear
tied around yer waste? Some kind of a pervert thing?"
"As much as I hate to agree with this idiot, that is kind of strange. You got some kind
of underwear obsession?" asked Faith.
"I wear this as a reminder of my burden."
"The burden of underwear?" asked Admonisher who seemed to be trying very hard to keep
himself from laughing. Suddenly both of them dropped their weapons and burst out laughing.
"Oh that's it! You two are going down!" A moment later Admonisher and Faith both
crashed through the front window of the beef bowl restraunt.
Riley just came out of the bathroom when he saw a fuming Pantywhose looking out at the
crumpled Admonsher and Faith. "What happened here?"
"Those two made fun of me!"
"Damn it! Can't I leave you people alone for even one moment?"
"Apparantly not." Nabiki remarked dryly.
In China
"So you do not know the whereabouts of Master Yoda?" Kuno asked Saffron.
"I told you. I'm royalty so I hardly get to travel. So I'm about the worst person you
could ask." Saffron rubbed the bump that was sticking out several inches from his head. Was it
just his imagination or was the bump getting squarish?
They came upon a clearing full of hundreds of springs. There were bamboo poles sticking
out of all of them. Haruko looked around and said "Something doesn't seem quite right here."
"Feh! The blue thunder fears nothing! We must go on even if we must face a balrogg demon
or worse!"
"Wow! That's so cool!" remarked Johnathan.
Nearby a big blue creature with wings which bore a resemblance to a gorrila was following
a white rabbit. "You sure they came this way?" the rabbit nodded its head.
A chinese guy ran out to them before they could proceed through the area. "Stop! Not go
any further before listen! It very bad if you fall in spring! Is curse!" he said.
"A curse you say? No doubt a trap laid by Saotome. Very well, I shall procede with
caution!" But before they could go any further a big blue winged creature stood before them.
"I am Barogezigis! I am a warrior of the order of Toraka! I am indepted to you for giving
me something to do after so many millenia of boredom." He removed a huge gleaming sword
from between his wings. Kuno drew his golf club. "I do hope you put up a good fight."
"A balrogg! I never dreampt I would see a day when I would face one of your kind. I
shall not let you pass!"
"No see you have it all wrong. I'm the one who isn't letting you pass."
"Oh. Well that's different then." the creature struck with its huge sword. Kuno parried
with the golf club. His feet sunk into the earth from the force of the blow. Kuno knocked the
sword aside and used his multistrike on the creature. Hundreds of golf club sized holes
appeared on its body.
"Ha! A pitiful attack like that won't kill me!" each one of the holes filled back up
with flesh.
"Haru san! Are you going to help him?" asked Saffron.
"Naw. I'm to lazy. Maybe next time."
"Shit! This really was a trap! If I don't do something that creature might actually
kill him. I can't let that happen. If we fail Saotome will conquer the world and ressurect
Sauron." The big blue creature knocked Kuno down and began jumping up and down on top of him
driving him into the ground. Johnathan ran in the bushes.
"Hahaha! Stupid human! your tough but eventually you won't be anything but mush in my
toes!"
"Stop right there! I'm sailor moon! and in the name of the moon! I will punish you!"
"You've got to be kidding me!" Haruko said looking over at the fake Sailor moon with
scrutinizing eyes. She almost lost her composure under Harukos gaze but managed to recover
just in time.
"Ummmm....Yes! In the name of the moon and justice and good things I shall punish you!"
"Oh really! You look pretty tasty to me!" the monster began to lick his fangs and walk
towards her. She began waving her wand and chanting something. Right before the monster could
strike it vanished. It reapeared next to Haruko and Saffron except now it had turned to wood!
"That was too close!" the fake Sailor Moon wiped some sweat from her brow. The white
rabbit sat atop a cliff side observing this. He scowled,next time he wouldn't rely on others
to get the job done. Even though he was a rabbit who had no real fingers to speak of he managed
to stick out his index finger. He touched it to a rock which exploded. This made a chain
reaction sending a large boulder rolling down the cliff side. Kuno began to emerge from the
crater his body had been flattened in, then he was smashed back in by the boulder. The boulder
came barreling right towards Johnathan who dove out of the way landing in one of the springs.
It didn't stop there though. It was about to crash into Haruko but before it could she pulled
out her guitar and in one fluid motion smacked the boulder. The huge rock soared through the
air until it was nothing more then a dot in the sky.
"Amazing!" remarked Saffron. Just who was this woman? In all his immortal life he had
never met anyone quite like her.
"It's all in the wrist."
Johnathan emerged from the pool "Oh man! I'm all wet!" Johnathan decided he should find
some place to change back to his origenal form to avoid getting kissed by Kuno again.
"Oh! You very lucky miss! You fall in spring of drown young girl! Since you already
young girl nothing happen!"
"Spring of what?" she asked a bit bewildered.
"It water curse that change you into something. Only reverse with hot water. But you no
affected so no worry."
"Whatever." she walked off into the bushes.
Kuno dug himself out of the ground and said "Insidious Balrogg! You may strike me a
hundred times but I fight on!" Kuno walked over to the petrified demon and chopped it in
half. "By the gods! I had no idea balroggs were made of wood!"
"Listen. This is fun & all but I think we should get going. That Yoda person is probably
in the next village." said Haruko.
"How would you know such a thing?"
"My senses are much sharper then you people. I can sense someone very adept for a human
in the next village."
"Why didn't you say so earlier wench?"
"Didn't seem important."
"WAAAAAAAAAH! I can't change back!" a girls scream came from the bushes.
"That sounded like Sailor Moon! Never fear! The Blue Thunder shall protect you!"
Kuno bounded off into the bushes. Sailor Moon was muttering something and waving her
sceptor but nothing happened. "Oh Sailor moon! What has so distressed you!" Kuno glomped
her.
"Stop! I need to fix this!" she cast a barrier between her and Kuno. "That's right. He
said hot water." she remembered back to the pig in Nerima that was cursed by Ranma. "This was
his trap! I'll make him pay for this!" She walked off to go get some how water. The barrier
dissapated and Kuno fell on his face.
A moment later Kuno heard her scream again. "Sailor Moon!" he came upon her crying by
a hot kettle. "What is wrong?" he asked embracing her. Apparantly the mixing of the two
magics from Johnathans spell and the curse had made the change permanant.
"I....I got cursed by Ranmas trap!"
"No! This cannot be! I shall make him pay a hundred fold for doing such a thing! What is
the nature of this curse?"
She thought for a moment. If she told him exactly what it was he would know he kissed a
guy. He'd proabably be pretty mad. Better to dodge the question. "It's...It's an accursed
curse!"
"NOOOOOOOO! That's horrible! But fear not! you must live on! I alone shall
avenge your plight! I assure you he will pay in full!"
"I'll help you!" said Johnathan. Before Johnathan would have been too scared to do
anything more then give Kuno the occaisional helping hand but this time it was personal.
"You are indeed brave. But the foul sorceror has ensnared nearly every woman he has met
in the past. Were you to meet him you too may fall to his clutches."
"I won't!"
"Oh Sailor Moon! You are truly noble! If I did not already have two loves I would
gladly-"
"Hoy Taro kun! What's up? Who's your freind?" Haruko asked.
"You will addresse me as Blue Thunder or sempai! This is my ally in the fight against
evil, Sailor Moon!"
"Oh really?" Haruko walked over and started looking very closely at her head. "Hehehe.."
"W-what are you doing?"
"Nothing..." Haruko said grinning in the sort of way that suggested she was doing
something. "Say.... where ever did chibi Taro kun the hobbit go eh?" Haruko said playfully.
"Your right! When we were attacked by the balrogg he dissapeared! He has the one ring!
No doubt the villain used the balrogg as a decoy to steal it."
"Uhhhh... the ring is here. I thought it would be safer if I had it then Johnathan.
I sent him home after he gave it to me."
"Sailor moon! To take on such a burden! How noble!" tears were streaming down his face.
"A kiss as your reward!"
"Uhhh..." before Kuno could get any closer Haruko bashed them both over the head.
"No more dirty stuff. Time to go!"
"What wench? Would you suggest that my love is anything but pure and noble!?!"
"You said you had two girls already and your kissing her."
"This was not a kiss of commitment I was giving her but a kiss of reward. A dream to all
right minded women! But a wench such as you could never understand as much!" Haruko smashed
her guitar into his head sending him flying.
"That was close. I almost got kissed again."
"Don't think I saved you because I like you chibi Taro kun. I'm just feeling too
impatient for that sort of thing today."
"H-how do you know? You won't tell anyone?"
"Maybe, maybe not!"
"Hey this is serious!" the fake sailor moon whined. Haruko just giggled while Saffron
gave them both confused looks.
later
"Insolent wench!"
"Taro kun is grumpy!" Haruko said cheerfully.
They were getting closer to a the village Haruko was talking about. Johnathan hoped they
could find a way to reverse her condition there. Although Johnathan admitted there were
certain things she liked about this form she didn't want to have to sit to go to the bathroom
for the rest of her life. And also she had never had sex as a guy. She wanted to find out what
that was like before she had sex as a girl. But Johnathan had to admit there may be no way to
reverse this. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" she cried in the exact same way the real sailor moon
would. Kuno tried to comfort her but she just started to cry more.
"Cry not! I swear to the setting sun I shall find a way to vanquish your accursed curse!"
"Really?" she asked with tears in her eyes.
"Of course. A mere curse means nothing to my prowess!" Kuno moved in to try to kiss her
as she tried to back away but before that could happen even Kuno noticed about twenty eyes
watching them. They were surrounded by ten powerful looking Chinese female warriors.
"Does privacy mean nothing to you people?" Kuno said annoyed that his kiss had been
interrupted twice.
Johnathan sighed in releif. She had been saved twice now. However from the looks of things
she may have fallen out of the frying pan and into the fire. "Uhhhhh.... Who are you people."
she attempted to say in Chinese. What she really said was "Your mother ate my shoes!"
All the amazons drew theyre weapons. One of them pointed at Saffron and said something.
the others turned their attention. "Oh yeah. You know the phoenix tribe really isn't on good
terms with the amazons. If they recognize me, we'll probably be executed." said Saffron.
"Executed! I'm going to die a girl and a virgin?!"
"Feh! Fear not! For the blue thunder is excellent with the ladies. Ahem! Attention! I
am Tatewaki Kuno, no doubt you have heard of me. I am known as the blue thunder of Furinken
high. No doubt you have your greivances with the guitar swinging bunny girl and bird boy,
however we are on a mission of mercy and justice! The dark lord is rising again. If we
fail in our mission the world shall be covered in darkness. So if you would let us pass I shall
happily distribute signed autographs to you all. No doubt you will want to have a momento of
this experience to share with your children." the amazons started to close in pointing their
weapons.
"Oh man! His jedi mind tricks didn't work! We just walked into a village of female jedi!"
"Get out of my way you bimbos." Haruko said. They didn't understand her but they all
backed away. All their battle instincts were telling the Amazons they couldn't win in a fight
against Haruko and they may not be in any condition to administer the kiss of death afterwards
either. Saffron looked at the Amazons and at Haruko. They were scared of her. This was amazing.
"Stop! Do not attack them!" came an old voice. Cologne pogoed foreward. "The phoenix king!
What are you doing here? And you! Your the idiot ex son in law was always fighting. I don't
recognize you two though. Especially you." Cologne fixed her gaze on Haruko. The pink haired
girl looked back at the old woman with her piercing yellow eyes. What is she, her power feels
inhuman.
"I'm Sailor Moon and this is Haruko. It's an honor to meet you master Yoda!"
Immediatly Kuno kneeled and said "Master Yoda! I would train with you!"
"Y-Yoda?!?" When Cologne was in Japan she had seen star wars and knew who the
character was. "And why am I yoda?" she said with here eye twitching.
"The blue thunder is never mistaken! You are master yoda! I must train to defeat the
sorceror! Master Yoda! I would train with you!"
"I don't think so." Cologne twirled her staff sending Kuno flying.
"Wow! Yoda really is a master of the force!" said Johnathan. "Master Yoda. I sort of have
a little problem." she bent over and wispered in Colognes ear.
"Unfortunatly there's no cure for the spring curse. There used to be a spring of drown
man but when the springs flooded thanks to your young freind there, that particular spring
was lost." johnathan glared at Saffron.
"What? I got a little carried away when I transformed. I could happen to anyone."
"And in any case I have never heard of a foreign magic mixing with the spring curse. Even
I can't say what would happen."
"Master Yoda learned how to speak much more fluently since the movies."
"I'm not Yoda!" Cologne sent Johnathan flying as well.
An excerpt from Johnathans travelling in China diary
"Hi my name is Johnathan. Although currently it happens to be Sailor Moon. If you told
me a couple years ago I would grow up to be Sailor Moon I wouldn't have believed you but I
guess this just goes to show you that you can never tell just who you will be when you grow up.
Right now I'm staying in some kind of village full of female Jedi. I told Kuno a few days ago
that Yoda always trys to fool his students into thinking he's someone else at first like he
did with Luke in Empire strikes back. So Kuno has persistantly been asking to be trained.
Yoda has a much bigger temper then in the movies. He's been tossing Kuno all over the place
and blowing him up. But he always comes back for more. Sooner or later Yoda will cave in and
train him. All the jedi are scared of Haruko. I guess even they wouldn't want to mess with
a kryptonian. Just as persistantly as he asks for training Kuno trys to kiss me. Something
always happens to prevent him and save me but I don't know how much longer I can avoid his
face. I guess in the real world Jedi are more vulnerable to emotions then Lucas portrayed
them in the movies. It felt weird staying a girl for the first few days but I think I'm
getting used to it. The village has mostly women in it and they even have some public
bathing springs but I'm too embarrassed to go to them. This is a problem because I've been
wearing this Sailor Fuku for the past few days. First few times I wore it, it was an
interesting experience but the novelty wore off pretty quickly after the first day of my change.
Saffrons been tagging along Haruko alot lately. I think he's scared of the jedi. He used to
be an enemy of theirs. It's hard to believe such a young kid was a siff lord. He doesn't seem
all that powerful now though."
" Say, how's about we go to the hot springs together." Said Haruko reading over Johnathans
shoulder.
"B-but!" Johnathan blushed.
"It's nothing you haven't seen before. Besides your starting to stink. All these people
are scared of me so they won't bother you."
Next morning
Cologne was just starting to get up when someone pulled her out of bed and shouted into
her sleepy ear with a booming voice "Master Yoda! I would train with you!"
"All right! All right! I give up! I'll train you! But there will be a price!"
"No price is to high for the sake of justice! I shall move both heaven and earth
if need be!"
"We'll see." said Cologne. To herself she thought of ways she would make this idiot suffer
for pestering her.
Cologne lead Kuno to a hut on the outskirts of the village. A girl with pointy ears was
practising some sort of Chinese martial art in her yard. Her hair had some brownish orange
patches in it. "This is Zig. She was a child of the musk dynasty we took in when she was
abandoned as a child. She is part wolverine and is a bezerker warrior in combat. Any man
brave enough to challenge her has met his end at her claws. I want you to promise me
that if you succeed in the training you will challenge her." Cologne could never fathom
the nonsensical musk names. Why would anyone name their kid Zig? If there was one thing
she prided in her tribe it was their ability to come up with good names.
"No challenege is too great! I shall vanquish the beastwoman and save your village."
Kuno seemed to misunderstand the reason for the challenge. But Cologne wasn't about to tell
him otherwise it would just make things more interesting. Zig walked up to Kuno cheerfully
and said something in Chinese. "Hmmmm she seems very freindly for a fierce beast woman."
"Trust me it's just a trick. Leave her for now. We have much to do."
"Yes Master Yoda!" Cologne sighed in exasperation. How she would make him suffer for this.
They came to a clearing."I want you to fight me now without holding back. This way I can
accuratly tell what things I should teach you." Kuno attacked using his usual moves. Cologne
easily dodged them all and then pounded him into the ground. "You are very skilled with the
sword. As skilled as some of our better warriors in fact. Not anywhere near ex son in laws level
but it will be something to work with." she pulled his face out of the ground. "Now you'll
never master any secret techniques if you stick your head in the sand."
"Mmmmmppphh" Kuno spat the dirt out of his mouth.
"Earlier you breifly mentioned the phoenix sword technique. You said you used it once."
"Indeed."
"That would be one of the easier things I was considering teaching you. Mastering that
technique is quite easy. Tell me what were you feeling when you used it?"
"I was infuriated at the sorcerors audacity!"
"I see. Just focus on those emotions and try to use it. Every time you fail to manifest
the phoenix sword I'll do something painful to you so do try to get it right. Afterall,
to use ki attacks all you need is the right state of mind."
Kuno closed his eyes "Hmmm... I must imagine the sorceror taking the pigtailed girl. Oh
pig tailed girl how I miss you so! I wish I could..." Kuno slashed and what looked like a pink
cloud of fluff came out of his sword.
"Wrong!" Cologne tossed a huge boulder on top of him.
back in the village
Saffron was blushing. He had been meaning to ask Haruko a question for awhile now. "Haru
san. I admit that when I first met you, I hated you. But I feel kind of differnt now. You
saved me a couple times and your attractive."
"HeeHee! Is Saffy kun trying to tell me something?" Haruko giggled.
"Hey! This isn't funny!" the little winged boy yelled. "I think I like you. Not only do
I like you but I've seen for myself that your more then capable of weilding enough power to
gain my peoples approval to be my queen."
"Sorry. But there's someone else I love. Besides your just a kid."
"I'm not a kid! I've lived for thousands of years! Do you know who your talking too?
I'm a fire god! What could your lover have that I couldn't offer! After I transform I'll be
the most powerful being on the planet! And I won't look like a kid either so....so then I can
prove myself to you!" Saffrons eyes were beginging to tear up. He was too proud to let this
happen and sniffed them back.
"I think you might be surprised Saffy kun. There are things about me you don't know."
"At least tell me his name!"
"Ok. His name is Atomisk. He's the reason I came to this world. It'd never work out
between us. Your still a kid afterall, even if you think your a god." Saffron began to
run away crying but he didn't get very far. There was suddenly a splitting pain on his head.
The little bump which had been steadily growing since Haruko first bashed him suddenly
grew several times larger and didn't stop. The metallic arm band with a metal link on
Harukos wrist began to vibrate. "It's starting!"
At the same time back in Japan an arc of lightning jumped between the two towers of
Nerima and St Baccas. Anyone within the area of the two schools was so out of it from
the pacificity devices they barely took notice. "It's starting" said Warren who was sitting
next to a weird gizmo with some kind of a strange antenna connected to a cylander.