More, more, more ;) Sorry I didn't get this up sooner. Been busy busy busy
of late!
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I ran upstairs, completely shell-shocked. Slamming the door behind me, I curled up into a foetal position on my bed, rocking fervently back and forth. I shut my eyes and clamped my hands over my ears, desperately trying to block out everything of the outside world. I wanted to stay in that black silence forever, with no family, no baby and no Frank. Riff, my mother and I had always been so close, a bond that the loss of my father had strengthened beyond measure, but it was being destroyed. It was all my fault and yet I was, at the same time, blameless. I hated Frank, despised him, but he was my master and in Transylvanian society any attempt to bring him to justice would invariably be ruled in his favour. Back then I knew nothing of abortion, so trying to resign myself to being a mother was the only option I had, and also the one thing I couldn't bring myself to do. My thoughts kept following each other, chasing around in circles that couldn't be resolved.
I must have been calling out in my frenzied state and I had alerted the attention of me brother. The gentle arms around me took me by surprise but I relaxed as soon as I realised who it was. Riff Raff held me tightly, at first not saying a word. Eventually he braved breaking the silence.
"I assume she knows." I nodded. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the yes, I was so ashamed of how I had behaved towards him that morning, yet he was treating me with more compassion than ever. "Did you tell her about us?" I shook my head. He kissed me tenderly and I wrapped my arms around him, whispering
"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, for everything, for what I said to you this morning, for all of it." He stroked my arms tenderly and smiled.
"I'll find time to be angry with you when you don't need me this much. I'm going to try and speak to mother."
"What are you going to say to her?" He hesitated on his way out of the room.
"I don't know. But she needs to be spoken with, she's shocked, that's all." With that he left me. I tried to take my mind off what may be going on downstairs, but my curiosity was too strong. I was desperate to know what was being said, I silently sat at the top of the stairs, concealed by shadows and tried to hear what was being said. I was surprised by the lack of raised voices but then again, my brother almost always found a way to dispel family tensions and calm the storm. However, after about half an hour of hushed, inaudible discussion, the shouting began again.
".I don't care, I won't tolerate that sort of behaviour under my roof."
"Then you may as well kick us out, you can't stop this, it's too strong, I love her."
"It's disgusting."
"Isn't that what they said about you and dad? He was old enough to be your father, never mind ours, but that didn't bother you. How about you just disown us like your parents did with you?"
I gripped the bars of the banister tightly. I couldn't believe what my brother had just thrown at her. She stormed wordlessly out of the house, the windows rattling as she slammed the door.
********
I ran upstairs, completely shell-shocked. Slamming the door behind me, I curled up into a foetal position on my bed, rocking fervently back and forth. I shut my eyes and clamped my hands over my ears, desperately trying to block out everything of the outside world. I wanted to stay in that black silence forever, with no family, no baby and no Frank. Riff, my mother and I had always been so close, a bond that the loss of my father had strengthened beyond measure, but it was being destroyed. It was all my fault and yet I was, at the same time, blameless. I hated Frank, despised him, but he was my master and in Transylvanian society any attempt to bring him to justice would invariably be ruled in his favour. Back then I knew nothing of abortion, so trying to resign myself to being a mother was the only option I had, and also the one thing I couldn't bring myself to do. My thoughts kept following each other, chasing around in circles that couldn't be resolved.
I must have been calling out in my frenzied state and I had alerted the attention of me brother. The gentle arms around me took me by surprise but I relaxed as soon as I realised who it was. Riff Raff held me tightly, at first not saying a word. Eventually he braved breaking the silence.
"I assume she knows." I nodded. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the yes, I was so ashamed of how I had behaved towards him that morning, yet he was treating me with more compassion than ever. "Did you tell her about us?" I shook my head. He kissed me tenderly and I wrapped my arms around him, whispering
"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, for everything, for what I said to you this morning, for all of it." He stroked my arms tenderly and smiled.
"I'll find time to be angry with you when you don't need me this much. I'm going to try and speak to mother."
"What are you going to say to her?" He hesitated on his way out of the room.
"I don't know. But she needs to be spoken with, she's shocked, that's all." With that he left me. I tried to take my mind off what may be going on downstairs, but my curiosity was too strong. I was desperate to know what was being said, I silently sat at the top of the stairs, concealed by shadows and tried to hear what was being said. I was surprised by the lack of raised voices but then again, my brother almost always found a way to dispel family tensions and calm the storm. However, after about half an hour of hushed, inaudible discussion, the shouting began again.
".I don't care, I won't tolerate that sort of behaviour under my roof."
"Then you may as well kick us out, you can't stop this, it's too strong, I love her."
"It's disgusting."
"Isn't that what they said about you and dad? He was old enough to be your father, never mind ours, but that didn't bother you. How about you just disown us like your parents did with you?"
I gripped the bars of the banister tightly. I couldn't believe what my brother had just thrown at her. She stormed wordlessly out of the house, the windows rattling as she slammed the door.