Title: Torment my Heart
Author: Messiah
Why: Well I always wonder why Seriyuu was pinned as the bad guy and I
wanted to give a reason for why he's so evil or whatever. Lots of Yaoi and
I guess this could be considered incest, but...I'm not sure. Please read
and review (never liked saying r+r). Flames will be used to toast
marshmallow. This is my very first fic so be gentle.I'm a virgin LOL! Oh
and yeah I don't own a damn thing here except the words on the page so in
short. Me no own you no sue.
Darkness utter darkness, I cannot see, I cannot hear, I can only feel the black emptiness which surrounds me. Oh the betrayal by my brethren, how could they condemn me to such a lowly fate? How could you, Suzaku, do this above all others? Your words ring in my ears as clear as sunlight and as horrid as that day which I made my damnation final.
"The water is where you were born, the water, is where you reside, and it is the water where you shall be condemned."
Those were the words you spoke for my imprisonment, for the deeds I committed in my eternity, and this day. ***********
I sank deeper then, deeper into to the precipice of madness. Yet I cared not, I had nothing to care for. I traipsed through the earth on my barbarous rampage in hopes to fill my lust, the plea for destruction.
I needed to fill that ravenous urge, to fill the voids of my black soul with screams of utter horror, to imprint the feel of warm ripples of blood on my tongue.
This is rapture for me, to feel a small mortal wriggle beneath my body. (1) To hear them whimper and beg for their pathetic lives. Such a glorious feeling to indulge and be aware of ones power and strength. I made my way through the earth, to qui the demons of my heart, to quench my thirst for blood.
Thus I come upon a small flock; the creatures panicked and scattered. Screaming at my appearance, my pleasure had begun. I swooped down from my high perch of cloud and began my assault. My huge and powerful body pushed through the trees as though they were annoying currents of wind.
A never-ending whip of thunder, which served as my tail, thrashed and destroyed anything it touched. My fangs found many frantic mortals and I was delighted once again from their screams for mercy, and warm blood that dribbled upon my lip.
Such a thing of pure beauty, this devastation. Having my body in a concert motion, a dance of death through my earth, I cannot stop now; my ballet is not complete. So ravishing, I cannot think, I cannot move, I cannot speak. I can only feel this wonderful wave of ecstasy that cripples my senses: Bathing in blood, singing to screams, ah, so wonderful.
I continued, filled with delirious glee at their suffering. I chased them, not letting a single soul escape me. Yet, even though my form was one of true power, an angel of annihilation, a fierce beast of havoc, one mortal went so far as to kneel before me, showing no signs of panic. He prayed to the gods to save him. "Lord Suzaku, god of love, take pity on your disciple. Please save me from the evil before my eyes." He cried out.
What insolence! Why did he not scream and beg for his life, why did he not flee in absolute terror? I was a god with unimaginable power and strength, living for eons on my earth doing as I pleased and he sits before me?! My temper soon shot up, this was no longer a game for me. How dare he not run, such gall for a lowly being to defy a god! Despite my growing anger, there he sat repeating his mantra of prayer. "Lord Suzaku, god of love, take pity on your disciple. Please save me from the evil before my eyes."
Suzaku. That name, that dashing creature, that phoenix of fire made flesh, Suzaku. Whose strive to be the savior of love could only pass my love for being the dark angel of ruin, whose touch was so warm, so gentle, against my cold scaled skin.
I became dazed for a moment, the pitiful fool must have thought I gave mercy to him and he came to his feet. Slowly moving back, he quietly thanked his god.
Thinking of that of Suzaku, only enraged me, to a fury I had never reached before. My head snapped to his direction as I now noticed his movements. I roared to the feeble being for even speaking such a holy name on his unworthy lips. "I AM your god!" A quick flick of my tail and his head was gone. His body shuddered and twitched as it fell to the ground, which soon became stained with his blood, such a waste.
I stood watching the vital fluid weep and spew out from him; the crimson hues billowed on the ground, like an arm reaching out. My eyes became focused; I soon became extremely fascinated with the dark scarlet waves on the ground. My mind soon took off as the patterns of blood turned to rich carmine silk in my vision. I was astonished as the ground took a pale tone, more flesh colored. I gasped for breath and an understanding as the ground and blood rose before me, making an out line.
I narrowed my eyes trying to see, to make out the form of this startling turn of events. It came out to be the form of a human being, having short fire red hair with two long bangs standing out, drooping over closed eyes. Fine robes of Chinese silk were dawned on its small but sturdy frame and streaks of dark lavender patterns wove over the shimmering ruby silk. My chest tightly clenched as I realized the form I was seeing, my head shook in disbelief. Yet the form slowly opened its eye's and there my gaze was met with a shade of purple iris's that beckoned to me.
"Seriyuu." It spoke in a ghostly whisper. I could not speak. I moved my lips yet no words came. I was so shocked, why was this here? I had no time to think anymore of it, the pale lips opened again and a terrible ear- piercing screech came from within as the form burst into flames reaching out to take me in its heated embrace. I could not take seeing this; I screamed shutting my eyes tight, panting for breath, feeling the intense heat of the flames hitting my scaled body.
I opened my eyes to maybe escape but I saw nothing before me, only a decapitated corpse. I wasn't even harmed in the slightest. I shook my head and chuckled to myself. Yet, my rejoice was halted as the earth split open and gave way as a huge form emerged.
My brother was always one for dramatic entrances. He glared at me with black hollowed eyes and approached me slowly as any turtle would. His serpent companion writhed beneath his shell as he ranted on about my wrong and evil ways, on and on, such a waste. I grew tired of my brother's ranting. "I care not for your inane chatter!" I flew past him; the fool never could keep up with me.
The ground beneath me flashed by. I should have been more alert; Genbu would never confront me alone, he didn't have the spine for it. It was then my accusations came true, and a powerful gust of wind knocked me to the ground. As I opened my eyes, I peered up to find my second brother on top of me, claws sinking in to my scaled flesh. He growled and roared as his white fur gleamed from the sunlight.
"You should have listened brother." He snarled. "We will take you piece by piece if necessary." I could no longer keep my eyes open; they grew so heavy.
*********** I awoke to find my self-laying face down; the smell was different from where I was. No longer was I on my earth, but rather home. No man could come to this sacred realm; it was where we four resided. I looked at my hands to see a pale flesh; I was in deed home. My dragon form with such splendor and endowment, such beautiful destructive power, could only be maintained on earth.
My two brothers stood around me. I always knew Byyako was jealous of my power; he glared at me viciously with his long white hair tied back behind his head. His yellow eyes narrowed at me, wishing to tear at my soul. I knelt on the floor staring right back, watching him. He made no sudden movements, just stalking me silently as tiger's do, waiting, for the right moment to strike. His dark gold silk robe and moss green sash shimmered slightly as threads were hit by sunlight spilling from clear-arced ceiling.
I never imagined Genbu to be jealous of me. He was always so kind and so gentle to his mortals; his eyes gazed at me with their pale dark brown light. His serpent slithered about his shoulders, flicking his tongue every now and again. Genbu patted its head, grazing its scales with his long black fingernails. His long ebony bangs danced in front of his eyes from a coming breeze, swaying his light forest green robe and navy sash.
They both stepped aside and my eyes widened to an impossible size. There he made his way between them and I was filled with utter horror.
Suzaku you are here to kill me too. You are the symbol of love you cannot hate me.
My heart raced, my pulse quickened and tiny beads of sweat formed on my skin and dripped down my face. I was filled with such terror at this beautiful form before me. That this man this god was the only thing I could ever fear.
It was because I loved him that I feared him so. No one could ever touch my heart like he did. It was hidden beneath the murky water in which I gained power from. My dear and divine brother, how I treasured him. I remember, that moment of eternity we had, I wonder if he has already forced it out of his mind.
***
I had always been distant from my brothers but we all had one thing in common, Suzaku. He was the peacekeeper of we four, he always knew just what to say and how to say it. We all loved him dearly, whether we admit it or not.
I was feeling so jealous; Byyako and Genbu had already had their chances at having a priestess (miko). When would I have mine? It just wasn't fair. I had the most power of all of them.
"Don't fume so much brother, you may evaporate." A soft chuckle came from beside me as a comforting hand was placed on my shoulder. Suzaku always knew how I felt somehow. He said he could read my heart, I know that can't be the truth, I have none.
"We will both have our chance to awaken our own priestesses; we just have to be patient." "Well I'm tired of waiting." And in my childish manner I folded my arms, frowning as I turned my back to him. His only reply was another bout of soft giggles as he rubbed my shoulders. "We really don't have a choice brother." I turned back to him still frowning.
"How is it your always so happy?!" I demanded of him more than I asked. He seemed to be caught off guard for a moment, but his face folded back into its natural features of his dazzling smiled "I'm always with those I love." "Those you love?" "Yes, you, Byyako, and Genbu." "You love us?" "Well of course, don't you?"
I had never really thought of that before. I thought it was more of a human characteristic, I never really needed to love, I was a god, love was just never a part of it. When did I need to love?
He reached down and pushed up the sleeve of my blue silk robe, holding my clammy aqua-scaled hand in his. It was so warm and soft, like firm feathers. He placed my hand against his cheek and smiled to me, looking so divine. "You love us don't you?" "Yes..of course I do."
"Good, I knew you did." He smiled much more brightly and turned to kiss the palm of my hand. I almost swallowed my tongue I gasped so hard, but he didn't notice. He just waved away in his always chirping mood, " I love you too Seriyuu."
*** The last time I saw him before my insanity, I was already insanely jealous. Suzaku's priestess had come and he was already making preparations to greet her in a vision. I watched him, leaning against the wall, leering at him almost as his magnificent red wings sprouted out from his back. His robe fell to the floor, with his skin to be covered in his specially crested armor. I always thought it was stupid; it didn't have a chest plate. It only covered his arms legs and waist, leaving his most vulnerable spots open.
I had offered many times to weld a plate for him but he always refused saying it was what he stood for. To have his heart open to the world or some utter nonsense like that. He finally noticed me as he turned to leave. "Already I see." I was so angry with him, I knew nothing was his fault, but I blamed everything on him.
"Yes, I have to go and see her now." He hung his head as if he should actually be ashamed. What a miserable creature I am. I was still angry, still so angry. I lashed out at him, grabbing his throat in my hand, crashing his back against the wall. A gargled gasped escaped his lips as I held him there. "Do you think your better than me now brother?! You have your priestess and I have nothing. I'm no longer important!?" "No that's not true." He grasped his hands over mine, his wings fluttered helplessly, sending ruby feathers sailing into the air, trying desperately to loosen my grip.
"Lies, you were just biding your time, until your priestess came. Then you all would plot against me!"
"No!" He choked out. I knew it wasn't true, but I was so furious. Not at the fact Suzaku had his priestess, but the fact that she would have him. With that same tender expression he always had, he looked at me, taking his hands off mine and placing them on my face. "I love you; I would never do such a thing brother."
I was so taken back, I almost couldn't breath myself. I left go of his throat and wrapped my arms around his waist, quivering. I pressed my face into his shoulder, hating myself for everything I was. How I could so easily hurt someone I said I loved so much. His chest heaved with coughs, but they soon calmed as he laid his arms about my shoulders, breathing heavily. "It's alright," He gasped. "It's alright."
We were that way for so long, holding each other. I felt so warm, it was him, I knew it had to be. I pulled back from him looking him over. He was still smiling at me of course. "Do you feel better now?"
Feel? Me? Yes, I want to feel. I want to feel your warmth brother, I want to feel. I want you, I need you. I reached my hand out to touch his bare chest. To my surprise he didn't back away or wince at my touch, he just looked rather baffled, but he didn't stop me. Not even when I placed my other hand on him. His skin was like fire, a delightful scolding fire. My slick hands floated to his shoulder were I discarded his armor."
"What are you doing?" He sounded so surprised; he held my wrists in his hands stopping me as the armor clashed to the floor. I wanted his fire; I wanted to burn within him. Nothing would stop me. I thrusted my hands back, pinning his arms against the wall. "Seriyuu!" He seemed almost frightened. I brushed my cheek along his, still so soft. "Br...brother." He chuckled nervously. "What are you doing?" He tried not to seem demanding; thinking it might anger me. Suzaku. Why are you this way? Always the one of patience, love, and forgiveness, I hate it, I love it.
I gazed into the quivering pools of light lavender as he searched my eyes for answers. I had none. But I had them all right here. Right in front of me, held within my grasp. He still struggled, I felt the tension crawl in his skin, and he burned even more. I couldn't understand all I wanted was him. He was going to be the answer to everything. Yes, dear brother, I know you're secret why you're the god of love, why no one resists your will. I don't want to resist anymore. I want my resolve to come crashing down into you. Show me what it's like to feel, to love as you do. Dear, dear brother.
My own breathing was becoming as ragged and scarce as his. I stared at him, freezing him in his place it seemed as I placed my lips against his next. Oh gods (2), I can feel it. His heart his vibrant heart beating against my lips. It increased with every nibble, every bite I placed on his opal neck. Oh the blood, the sweet flaming blood that swelled from the wounds of my eager new hunger. He tried so hard to get away, but all he could do was whimper, as my sliding serpent tongue covered the torn opening. How could you hide such a treasure, dear, dear sweet brother? I will find out all of your secrets. "Seriyuu, stop." He begged.
Grasping his shoulders I flung him back against wall. That voice he had...it was wonderful to hear him beg, help me, stop me. His head arched up as his eyes shut tight, but he dared not to cry out as he bit his lip crumbling over like wet paper. I'm infected by you now. Your blood has coursed through my body and its slowly driving me insane. Stop me, you have to stop me. I can't do it myself.
"I will find out everything there is to you Suzaku. Even if I must break you apart." "Stop Seriyuu." He pleaded so helplessly, gripping my leg, heaving, and groaning. I entwined my fingers into his locks of sweaty red hair, pulling him to his feet. He was so proud a few moments ago. Now he clings to me as he struggles for breath, how frail he is. The only one of we four who was never truly god like. He always pitied his mortals, never firm or cross with them. Always chiding them instead of the strict punishment they deserved.
Brother. You wish to be one of them don't you? You want to walk among them and tend to their every whim and plea. I held tighter to his head and a sharp cry was my response. His hands flung at my chest, he tried his best to push me away.
"You are as pitiful and feeble as the love you represent. Are you not ashamed?! Have you forgotten your true place as a god Suzaku!? Have you? Your humans will tread upon your appearance as they do the ground under their heal!"
His movements grew fierce. I have never seen him this way; but then again I have never treated him like this. I always use to treat him as I thought of him, tempered glass. His bawled fist swung hard at my cheek and struck me off guard. He seemed just as shocked as I was, the blood slowly dripping down my lip. My lips curved into a smile catching the irony fluid in my mouth.
"Seriyuu..I.." "You wish to be like your humans, don't you brother?" I grasped his panicking wrists tightly. Feeling the bones grind in my palm. "Then you'll feel what they feel as a true God passes judgment on them!" "Stop it right now!!!!" He let out his screams now; I flung his squirming body over my shoulder and headed towards his lavish chamber.
His body wiggled like an eel and I dropped him down to the floor after. I dropped to my knees crawling over him; he tried to get away again. I grabbed his wrists instantly pinning them above his head. He tried to kick at me with his legs, which where still covered with his armor, but soon stopped as his body was wracked with another bout of coughing. I rested my body on his, gasping as hard as he ways. My sash loosened in the commotion and I was stuck to his sweaty chest with mine.
I Held my face a mere inches above his own. Watching him slowly sink back into the plush carpet. His face was so blank; I've never seen it this way. He's trying to hide his fear of me. "Do you still love me?" I asked plainly "What?" "After what I have just done, do you still love me?" He looked surprised, but then, after a time, his featured changed to the face of the all knowing parent he played with all of us. "Yes, no matter what you may do. I will always love you. You are my brother Seriyuu." My whole body lost its strength and I fell against him, nestling my face under his chin. I felt the tension leave him as his hands slid down my back, pushing away my robe to touch my bare skin. How can he do that? With all my strength I posses I still succumb to him, feeling like a child being scolded.
He touches me still, soothing away my anger and my guilt. "It's alright. I understand you Seriyuu. I just wish you could control your temper, you really hurt me." I can't hold back my sob as the tears blur my eyes. I'm so, so, so sorry. I didn't mean it; I don't mean to be the insane, sick brother, hurting who he wants the most. I can feel him smile as he kisses my forehead, many times. He trails his lips to my moist eyes, brushing away the tears. He holds me so protectively and I feel belittled to him again, as if I am the weaker one, I know I am.
No! The blood. It's pooling against my lips, flowing from the bites on his next. No, I'll start again, I won't stop. I open my mouth and sweep my tongue against his skin. His body arches slightly not expecting it, neither was I. I look at him again, looming over his face. I drag my lips as he did. From his cheek, to his eyes, to his lips. Oh gods, it burns even more here. I press tightly against his lips, feeling him relax as he thinks I am being tender for once. But I can't. I slowly pry his lips open with my own, prodding my tongue inside his mouth.
His fingers press into my back, as my whole body is alive with his taste. I groan loud unknowingly into his mouth, plundering it mercilessly.
Feeling the grooves of the roof of his mouth, twining with his tongue, sucking it desperately into my mouth. I feel him move beneath me and I love every second of it. Suzaku, Suzaku. His whimpers urge me on and I can't stop. I slip my hand beneath his neck, lifting his head and tilting it back and I can taste more, more of this delicious fire. I know I want all of him. I stop, in a daze, looking down at him as he slowly opens his eyes.
His eyes are glazed over and his head tilts back further. He's reaching, not with his hands but with is face. He's reaching for me! I'm the one who tenses as he whispers I love you against my lips, kissing me. His slow shy tongue traces my lips, slowly sucking in my bottom half. I am once again weakened. He pushes me closer pressing on my back and I can't take it.
Mwahahah evil cliff hanger! Ok so how was that so far? Of course there's more sillies 1: This was a very tricky thing to write, gods and all. Whether they were holy entities or solid forms or even if could go out and hurt some people. I didn't know, I guess that's the advantage of writing fan fiction.
2: There really wasn't anything better for me to say. What is a god suppose to say in a situation like that?
Darkness utter darkness, I cannot see, I cannot hear, I can only feel the black emptiness which surrounds me. Oh the betrayal by my brethren, how could they condemn me to such a lowly fate? How could you, Suzaku, do this above all others? Your words ring in my ears as clear as sunlight and as horrid as that day which I made my damnation final.
"The water is where you were born, the water, is where you reside, and it is the water where you shall be condemned."
Those were the words you spoke for my imprisonment, for the deeds I committed in my eternity, and this day. ***********
I sank deeper then, deeper into to the precipice of madness. Yet I cared not, I had nothing to care for. I traipsed through the earth on my barbarous rampage in hopes to fill my lust, the plea for destruction.
I needed to fill that ravenous urge, to fill the voids of my black soul with screams of utter horror, to imprint the feel of warm ripples of blood on my tongue.
This is rapture for me, to feel a small mortal wriggle beneath my body. (1) To hear them whimper and beg for their pathetic lives. Such a glorious feeling to indulge and be aware of ones power and strength. I made my way through the earth, to qui the demons of my heart, to quench my thirst for blood.
Thus I come upon a small flock; the creatures panicked and scattered. Screaming at my appearance, my pleasure had begun. I swooped down from my high perch of cloud and began my assault. My huge and powerful body pushed through the trees as though they were annoying currents of wind.
A never-ending whip of thunder, which served as my tail, thrashed and destroyed anything it touched. My fangs found many frantic mortals and I was delighted once again from their screams for mercy, and warm blood that dribbled upon my lip.
Such a thing of pure beauty, this devastation. Having my body in a concert motion, a dance of death through my earth, I cannot stop now; my ballet is not complete. So ravishing, I cannot think, I cannot move, I cannot speak. I can only feel this wonderful wave of ecstasy that cripples my senses: Bathing in blood, singing to screams, ah, so wonderful.
I continued, filled with delirious glee at their suffering. I chased them, not letting a single soul escape me. Yet, even though my form was one of true power, an angel of annihilation, a fierce beast of havoc, one mortal went so far as to kneel before me, showing no signs of panic. He prayed to the gods to save him. "Lord Suzaku, god of love, take pity on your disciple. Please save me from the evil before my eyes." He cried out.
What insolence! Why did he not scream and beg for his life, why did he not flee in absolute terror? I was a god with unimaginable power and strength, living for eons on my earth doing as I pleased and he sits before me?! My temper soon shot up, this was no longer a game for me. How dare he not run, such gall for a lowly being to defy a god! Despite my growing anger, there he sat repeating his mantra of prayer. "Lord Suzaku, god of love, take pity on your disciple. Please save me from the evil before my eyes."
Suzaku. That name, that dashing creature, that phoenix of fire made flesh, Suzaku. Whose strive to be the savior of love could only pass my love for being the dark angel of ruin, whose touch was so warm, so gentle, against my cold scaled skin.
I became dazed for a moment, the pitiful fool must have thought I gave mercy to him and he came to his feet. Slowly moving back, he quietly thanked his god.
Thinking of that of Suzaku, only enraged me, to a fury I had never reached before. My head snapped to his direction as I now noticed his movements. I roared to the feeble being for even speaking such a holy name on his unworthy lips. "I AM your god!" A quick flick of my tail and his head was gone. His body shuddered and twitched as it fell to the ground, which soon became stained with his blood, such a waste.
I stood watching the vital fluid weep and spew out from him; the crimson hues billowed on the ground, like an arm reaching out. My eyes became focused; I soon became extremely fascinated with the dark scarlet waves on the ground. My mind soon took off as the patterns of blood turned to rich carmine silk in my vision. I was astonished as the ground took a pale tone, more flesh colored. I gasped for breath and an understanding as the ground and blood rose before me, making an out line.
I narrowed my eyes trying to see, to make out the form of this startling turn of events. It came out to be the form of a human being, having short fire red hair with two long bangs standing out, drooping over closed eyes. Fine robes of Chinese silk were dawned on its small but sturdy frame and streaks of dark lavender patterns wove over the shimmering ruby silk. My chest tightly clenched as I realized the form I was seeing, my head shook in disbelief. Yet the form slowly opened its eye's and there my gaze was met with a shade of purple iris's that beckoned to me.
"Seriyuu." It spoke in a ghostly whisper. I could not speak. I moved my lips yet no words came. I was so shocked, why was this here? I had no time to think anymore of it, the pale lips opened again and a terrible ear- piercing screech came from within as the form burst into flames reaching out to take me in its heated embrace. I could not take seeing this; I screamed shutting my eyes tight, panting for breath, feeling the intense heat of the flames hitting my scaled body.
I opened my eyes to maybe escape but I saw nothing before me, only a decapitated corpse. I wasn't even harmed in the slightest. I shook my head and chuckled to myself. Yet, my rejoice was halted as the earth split open and gave way as a huge form emerged.
My brother was always one for dramatic entrances. He glared at me with black hollowed eyes and approached me slowly as any turtle would. His serpent companion writhed beneath his shell as he ranted on about my wrong and evil ways, on and on, such a waste. I grew tired of my brother's ranting. "I care not for your inane chatter!" I flew past him; the fool never could keep up with me.
The ground beneath me flashed by. I should have been more alert; Genbu would never confront me alone, he didn't have the spine for it. It was then my accusations came true, and a powerful gust of wind knocked me to the ground. As I opened my eyes, I peered up to find my second brother on top of me, claws sinking in to my scaled flesh. He growled and roared as his white fur gleamed from the sunlight.
"You should have listened brother." He snarled. "We will take you piece by piece if necessary." I could no longer keep my eyes open; they grew so heavy.
*********** I awoke to find my self-laying face down; the smell was different from where I was. No longer was I on my earth, but rather home. No man could come to this sacred realm; it was where we four resided. I looked at my hands to see a pale flesh; I was in deed home. My dragon form with such splendor and endowment, such beautiful destructive power, could only be maintained on earth.
My two brothers stood around me. I always knew Byyako was jealous of my power; he glared at me viciously with his long white hair tied back behind his head. His yellow eyes narrowed at me, wishing to tear at my soul. I knelt on the floor staring right back, watching him. He made no sudden movements, just stalking me silently as tiger's do, waiting, for the right moment to strike. His dark gold silk robe and moss green sash shimmered slightly as threads were hit by sunlight spilling from clear-arced ceiling.
I never imagined Genbu to be jealous of me. He was always so kind and so gentle to his mortals; his eyes gazed at me with their pale dark brown light. His serpent slithered about his shoulders, flicking his tongue every now and again. Genbu patted its head, grazing its scales with his long black fingernails. His long ebony bangs danced in front of his eyes from a coming breeze, swaying his light forest green robe and navy sash.
They both stepped aside and my eyes widened to an impossible size. There he made his way between them and I was filled with utter horror.
Suzaku you are here to kill me too. You are the symbol of love you cannot hate me.
My heart raced, my pulse quickened and tiny beads of sweat formed on my skin and dripped down my face. I was filled with such terror at this beautiful form before me. That this man this god was the only thing I could ever fear.
It was because I loved him that I feared him so. No one could ever touch my heart like he did. It was hidden beneath the murky water in which I gained power from. My dear and divine brother, how I treasured him. I remember, that moment of eternity we had, I wonder if he has already forced it out of his mind.
***
I had always been distant from my brothers but we all had one thing in common, Suzaku. He was the peacekeeper of we four, he always knew just what to say and how to say it. We all loved him dearly, whether we admit it or not.
I was feeling so jealous; Byyako and Genbu had already had their chances at having a priestess (miko). When would I have mine? It just wasn't fair. I had the most power of all of them.
"Don't fume so much brother, you may evaporate." A soft chuckle came from beside me as a comforting hand was placed on my shoulder. Suzaku always knew how I felt somehow. He said he could read my heart, I know that can't be the truth, I have none.
"We will both have our chance to awaken our own priestesses; we just have to be patient." "Well I'm tired of waiting." And in my childish manner I folded my arms, frowning as I turned my back to him. His only reply was another bout of soft giggles as he rubbed my shoulders. "We really don't have a choice brother." I turned back to him still frowning.
"How is it your always so happy?!" I demanded of him more than I asked. He seemed to be caught off guard for a moment, but his face folded back into its natural features of his dazzling smiled "I'm always with those I love." "Those you love?" "Yes, you, Byyako, and Genbu." "You love us?" "Well of course, don't you?"
I had never really thought of that before. I thought it was more of a human characteristic, I never really needed to love, I was a god, love was just never a part of it. When did I need to love?
He reached down and pushed up the sleeve of my blue silk robe, holding my clammy aqua-scaled hand in his. It was so warm and soft, like firm feathers. He placed my hand against his cheek and smiled to me, looking so divine. "You love us don't you?" "Yes..of course I do."
"Good, I knew you did." He smiled much more brightly and turned to kiss the palm of my hand. I almost swallowed my tongue I gasped so hard, but he didn't notice. He just waved away in his always chirping mood, " I love you too Seriyuu."
*** The last time I saw him before my insanity, I was already insanely jealous. Suzaku's priestess had come and he was already making preparations to greet her in a vision. I watched him, leaning against the wall, leering at him almost as his magnificent red wings sprouted out from his back. His robe fell to the floor, with his skin to be covered in his specially crested armor. I always thought it was stupid; it didn't have a chest plate. It only covered his arms legs and waist, leaving his most vulnerable spots open.
I had offered many times to weld a plate for him but he always refused saying it was what he stood for. To have his heart open to the world or some utter nonsense like that. He finally noticed me as he turned to leave. "Already I see." I was so angry with him, I knew nothing was his fault, but I blamed everything on him.
"Yes, I have to go and see her now." He hung his head as if he should actually be ashamed. What a miserable creature I am. I was still angry, still so angry. I lashed out at him, grabbing his throat in my hand, crashing his back against the wall. A gargled gasped escaped his lips as I held him there. "Do you think your better than me now brother?! You have your priestess and I have nothing. I'm no longer important!?" "No that's not true." He grasped his hands over mine, his wings fluttered helplessly, sending ruby feathers sailing into the air, trying desperately to loosen my grip.
"Lies, you were just biding your time, until your priestess came. Then you all would plot against me!"
"No!" He choked out. I knew it wasn't true, but I was so furious. Not at the fact Suzaku had his priestess, but the fact that she would have him. With that same tender expression he always had, he looked at me, taking his hands off mine and placing them on my face. "I love you; I would never do such a thing brother."
I was so taken back, I almost couldn't breath myself. I left go of his throat and wrapped my arms around his waist, quivering. I pressed my face into his shoulder, hating myself for everything I was. How I could so easily hurt someone I said I loved so much. His chest heaved with coughs, but they soon calmed as he laid his arms about my shoulders, breathing heavily. "It's alright," He gasped. "It's alright."
We were that way for so long, holding each other. I felt so warm, it was him, I knew it had to be. I pulled back from him looking him over. He was still smiling at me of course. "Do you feel better now?"
Feel? Me? Yes, I want to feel. I want to feel your warmth brother, I want to feel. I want you, I need you. I reached my hand out to touch his bare chest. To my surprise he didn't back away or wince at my touch, he just looked rather baffled, but he didn't stop me. Not even when I placed my other hand on him. His skin was like fire, a delightful scolding fire. My slick hands floated to his shoulder were I discarded his armor."
"What are you doing?" He sounded so surprised; he held my wrists in his hands stopping me as the armor clashed to the floor. I wanted his fire; I wanted to burn within him. Nothing would stop me. I thrusted my hands back, pinning his arms against the wall. "Seriyuu!" He seemed almost frightened. I brushed my cheek along his, still so soft. "Br...brother." He chuckled nervously. "What are you doing?" He tried not to seem demanding; thinking it might anger me. Suzaku. Why are you this way? Always the one of patience, love, and forgiveness, I hate it, I love it.
I gazed into the quivering pools of light lavender as he searched my eyes for answers. I had none. But I had them all right here. Right in front of me, held within my grasp. He still struggled, I felt the tension crawl in his skin, and he burned even more. I couldn't understand all I wanted was him. He was going to be the answer to everything. Yes, dear brother, I know you're secret why you're the god of love, why no one resists your will. I don't want to resist anymore. I want my resolve to come crashing down into you. Show me what it's like to feel, to love as you do. Dear, dear brother.
My own breathing was becoming as ragged and scarce as his. I stared at him, freezing him in his place it seemed as I placed my lips against his next. Oh gods (2), I can feel it. His heart his vibrant heart beating against my lips. It increased with every nibble, every bite I placed on his opal neck. Oh the blood, the sweet flaming blood that swelled from the wounds of my eager new hunger. He tried so hard to get away, but all he could do was whimper, as my sliding serpent tongue covered the torn opening. How could you hide such a treasure, dear, dear sweet brother? I will find out all of your secrets. "Seriyuu, stop." He begged.
Grasping his shoulders I flung him back against wall. That voice he had...it was wonderful to hear him beg, help me, stop me. His head arched up as his eyes shut tight, but he dared not to cry out as he bit his lip crumbling over like wet paper. I'm infected by you now. Your blood has coursed through my body and its slowly driving me insane. Stop me, you have to stop me. I can't do it myself.
"I will find out everything there is to you Suzaku. Even if I must break you apart." "Stop Seriyuu." He pleaded so helplessly, gripping my leg, heaving, and groaning. I entwined my fingers into his locks of sweaty red hair, pulling him to his feet. He was so proud a few moments ago. Now he clings to me as he struggles for breath, how frail he is. The only one of we four who was never truly god like. He always pitied his mortals, never firm or cross with them. Always chiding them instead of the strict punishment they deserved.
Brother. You wish to be one of them don't you? You want to walk among them and tend to their every whim and plea. I held tighter to his head and a sharp cry was my response. His hands flung at my chest, he tried his best to push me away.
"You are as pitiful and feeble as the love you represent. Are you not ashamed?! Have you forgotten your true place as a god Suzaku!? Have you? Your humans will tread upon your appearance as they do the ground under their heal!"
His movements grew fierce. I have never seen him this way; but then again I have never treated him like this. I always use to treat him as I thought of him, tempered glass. His bawled fist swung hard at my cheek and struck me off guard. He seemed just as shocked as I was, the blood slowly dripping down my lip. My lips curved into a smile catching the irony fluid in my mouth.
"Seriyuu..I.." "You wish to be like your humans, don't you brother?" I grasped his panicking wrists tightly. Feeling the bones grind in my palm. "Then you'll feel what they feel as a true God passes judgment on them!" "Stop it right now!!!!" He let out his screams now; I flung his squirming body over my shoulder and headed towards his lavish chamber.
His body wiggled like an eel and I dropped him down to the floor after. I dropped to my knees crawling over him; he tried to get away again. I grabbed his wrists instantly pinning them above his head. He tried to kick at me with his legs, which where still covered with his armor, but soon stopped as his body was wracked with another bout of coughing. I rested my body on his, gasping as hard as he ways. My sash loosened in the commotion and I was stuck to his sweaty chest with mine.
I Held my face a mere inches above his own. Watching him slowly sink back into the plush carpet. His face was so blank; I've never seen it this way. He's trying to hide his fear of me. "Do you still love me?" I asked plainly "What?" "After what I have just done, do you still love me?" He looked surprised, but then, after a time, his featured changed to the face of the all knowing parent he played with all of us. "Yes, no matter what you may do. I will always love you. You are my brother Seriyuu." My whole body lost its strength and I fell against him, nestling my face under his chin. I felt the tension leave him as his hands slid down my back, pushing away my robe to touch my bare skin. How can he do that? With all my strength I posses I still succumb to him, feeling like a child being scolded.
He touches me still, soothing away my anger and my guilt. "It's alright. I understand you Seriyuu. I just wish you could control your temper, you really hurt me." I can't hold back my sob as the tears blur my eyes. I'm so, so, so sorry. I didn't mean it; I don't mean to be the insane, sick brother, hurting who he wants the most. I can feel him smile as he kisses my forehead, many times. He trails his lips to my moist eyes, brushing away the tears. He holds me so protectively and I feel belittled to him again, as if I am the weaker one, I know I am.
No! The blood. It's pooling against my lips, flowing from the bites on his next. No, I'll start again, I won't stop. I open my mouth and sweep my tongue against his skin. His body arches slightly not expecting it, neither was I. I look at him again, looming over his face. I drag my lips as he did. From his cheek, to his eyes, to his lips. Oh gods, it burns even more here. I press tightly against his lips, feeling him relax as he thinks I am being tender for once. But I can't. I slowly pry his lips open with my own, prodding my tongue inside his mouth.
His fingers press into my back, as my whole body is alive with his taste. I groan loud unknowingly into his mouth, plundering it mercilessly.
Feeling the grooves of the roof of his mouth, twining with his tongue, sucking it desperately into my mouth. I feel him move beneath me and I love every second of it. Suzaku, Suzaku. His whimpers urge me on and I can't stop. I slip my hand beneath his neck, lifting his head and tilting it back and I can taste more, more of this delicious fire. I know I want all of him. I stop, in a daze, looking down at him as he slowly opens his eyes.
His eyes are glazed over and his head tilts back further. He's reaching, not with his hands but with is face. He's reaching for me! I'm the one who tenses as he whispers I love you against my lips, kissing me. His slow shy tongue traces my lips, slowly sucking in my bottom half. I am once again weakened. He pushes me closer pressing on my back and I can't take it.
Mwahahah evil cliff hanger! Ok so how was that so far? Of course there's more sillies 1: This was a very tricky thing to write, gods and all. Whether they were holy entities or solid forms or even if could go out and hurt some people. I didn't know, I guess that's the advantage of writing fan fiction.
2: There really wasn't anything better for me to say. What is a god suppose to say in a situation like that?