Cry of Despair / Song of Joy
4. Climbing
It. . .
Is done
My decision is made
And it is faith that I have choosen
Faith in something I cannot see
Something I cannot hear
Something I can no longer even feel
Am I stupid?
Do I have a brain?
Am I just plain dumb?
Maybe. . .
Maybe yes
Maybe no
But either way
I have choosen
And there will be no looking back
Only forward
Only up
I'm still so weak
Nothing is still crushing in all around me
And inside is still so. . .
Empty
Nothing has changed
Except my mind
I am going to climb
I'm going to get out of this pit
I am going to get better
I am going to feel sunlight on my face again
And
And I will feel God again
Come on girl
Enough stalling
Turn that tough face towards the wall
And get moving
Put your money where your mouth is
Climb
Get better
Go find your God
So now I'm on my way
Out
And up
I hate falling
Nothing to hold onto
Nothing to stop me
Nothing rushing past
Closing in on me. . .
But fallin
In someways
Is easy
Let myself go
And just
Fall
But climbing
Now
Climbing is hard
Press against the wall
Straining up
Searching for a hold
Digging nails in
Hold on tight
For dear life
You know you don't want to fall again
Every step
Ever inch
Has to be fought for
Paid for
With sweat
And tears
And pain
Pay attention
Keep your mind on the task
Don't you /dare/ lose focus
It's easy to slip
Too easy to fall
Easy. . .
And climbing is so hard
It'd be easy
To just let go
And fall
Just fall
And maybe
Hitting bottom. . .
Maybe I wouldn't survive
It'd be the end
No more always anxious
No more worry worry worry
No more tears
No more pain
No more. . .
What was it like?
Before I fell?
Was it like this?
Pondering to be
Or not to be?
Anxiety and tears and pain
And at the same time
So empty?
A hole
That nothing can fill up
Whatever you do
It's always empty
I'm so empty
Pressed against the wall
Not afraid
Not scared
Not hurting
Just. . .
Empty
Like I'm numb to everything
Stop it
Look up
There is up
It's dark right now
I don't believe it gets better
In my heart, there is no God
But there will be light
I know that it will get better
And there is faith
That there is an answer
To my emptiness
God is there
Now
There is more then nothing
More then empty
There is
Hope
So now
With hope and with faith to be my companions
To lift my spirits
And light my path
I begin to climb again
I know
That the fall was long
And the way back
Will be just as long
But I am ready
There is faith
There is hope
And there is time
Then
Has it been years and years?
Or perhaps it was only months
Or just days
The first tentative ray of sunlight
Fall softly on my face