DISCLAIMER: Everything I've stated before, with the exception that the
lyrics in this chapter belong to A Perfect Circle.
A/N: Sorry if this chapter seems abstract and less readable at first. I just needed to vent. . . something. I really want to thank every single person that has taken the time to read and review what I've written. I appreciate all the feedback.
"Screaming, feed me here,
fill me up again
temporarily pacify this hungering."
A Perfect Circle
He closed his eyes and let the deluge reign. He was caught in a torrent, allowing himself to be torn in every direction., but heading toward only one. He knew not to what he aimed; he was only content to let himself be borne along. The muddle encircled him and he did not care. His submission was but a meaningless one: this world had made others surrender as well. And so. He raced along in the flaming torrent, the pounding drums striking his very heart while the guitars flared, the singer's voice clawing at his lungs yet flowing at the same time, mellifluously along in conjunction with the vital liquid his veins held.
In such an ecclesiastic state, a worship to the martyr of alternative himself, he was free. The sunlight dances upon his face, set in motion by the moving shadow in the trees whose leaves rustled. His body throbbed and he felt at once both need and fulfillment. The latter he found in the surging exhilaration experienced in the moment. Need. Words floated to his consciousness : "Run, desire, run." Run. That's exactly what he was doing. According to "The Beach", that famed but inadequate representation of a good novel, desire was desire, regardless of where you went. He could attest to this but that did not mean that he would let it devour him. His need and desire were meshed into one and even the softest roll of the ocean upon the sand, even the gentlest comforting touch did nothing to alleviate it.
He became aware of another rhythmic pounding somewhere beyond his cocoon of harmonic throbbing. The door was flung open and Luke, in all his plaid glory, stood before him.
"Downstairs, now."
He read the lips forming the words because at that moment, his ears were impervious to everything but the syncopated rhythms swimming through. His uncle stayed long enough to ascertain that Jess had indeed understood him before turning on his heel and heading into the fray below. In one fluent movement, he removed his headphones and stopped the music. He shot a look through the window and, grabbing the book e was halfway through, he followed in the footsteps of his boss.
Jamming the book under the counter that supported the cash register, he proceeded to fulfill his job requirements. He actually enjoyed serving these small town diners; the verbal sparring with Kirk was amusing, to say the least. On his break, he plunged into the world of artificial characters, his eyes riveted to the pages, his mind somewhat oblivious to his surroundings. The entrance of yet another customer registered faintly somewhere in his brain but it was only when he heard the jarring smoothness of her voice that his eyes skidded off their pages and landed on the wall before him. He listened to her for some moments, indulging himself in the pleasure of drowning in her melody. He did not care what she discussed with her mother as long as he heard her. The lull passed and satisfied. He turned his attention once again to the words in front of him.
He felt a presence there and turned to see Shane. A smile appeared on his face and, as he leaned in to kiss her, his eyes could not ignore the figure standing in the doorway. She beckoned them, she seduced them. And when he had permitted them their fill, he lost himself in the drivel of Shane.
.................................
He was gazing out into the street, watching as Luke and Lorelai, both studies in happiness, walked on the pavement towards the diner. His mind drifted back to earlier that day when those two had almost walked in on him with Shane. Shane had suddenly become as jittery as a rabbit and so, he had let her do as she wished. What struck him about that encounter was not the fact that the girl he had previously been kissing had been stashed in a closet while his uncle changed his clothes; it had been the fact that he and Lorelai had managed to have a pretty decent conversation. He observed as a crowd of seeming quintiplets stopped Luke's and Lorelai's progress and he watched with interest the ensuing debacle. Minutes later he heard Luke entering the apartment and he looked up in greeting.
LUKE: Hey.
JESS: Hey. So what's going on out there?
LUKE: Ah, just Lorelai. . .dealing with some women about something or other. So we did that thing at the school today. [Luke looks behind a chair] Yeah, it went pretty well. All the kids seemed relatively unarmed. [he looks into the closet] Yeah, I just told 'em about the diner and cooking things, and I expect kids all over town will rush out tomorrow and buy a spatula. He watched, amusedly, the strange behaviour Luke was exhibiting. It seemed strange, but then again, knowing what he did, it did not.
JESS: Checking for monsters?
LUKE: Oh, no, just. . .
JESS: Just what?
LUKE: Just didn't wanna accidentally bump into someone in there.
JESS: What are you talking about? - He was not surprised. He knew Lorelai had been suspicious. Evidently, she had guessed correctly.
LUKE: Jess, did you have a girl stashed in there before? - Jess almost doubles over with laughter but his composure did not slip; Luke thought him unperturbed. JESS: Before what?
LUKE: Lorelai said you were hiding someone here earlier, she said a girl - were you?
JESS: Yes.
LUKE: Jess, you don't shove a girl in a closet He knew that; he had not ordered her in there. In fact, he had been objected to her hopping into the confined space but heck, Shane was an individual and she was entitled to her wants.
JESS: I did not shove her in the closet. She got in voluntarily.
LUKE: Oh, sure. Luke's exasperation was hilarious, though it irked him somewhat. He had not had anything to hide; he did not deserve any reproach.
JESS: Look, Shane freaked when she heard you guys coming. Next thing I know, she's in there. I personally didn't care if you guys saw us or not, but hey - women, right? You can't live with 'em, you can't keep 'em from jumping in the closet. (A/N- I cracked up so much for this one).
LUKE: Uh, you and I have got to have a little talk.
JESS: Hey, if you're gonna get all Ward Cleaver on me, I gotta go call Eddie and Lumpy and tell 'em I'm gonna be late.
LUKE: Shut up for a second, would ya? Look, I know you're at an age where the whole girl thing is. . .you know, on your mind a lot, and it's probably not helping you to think straight with all the hormones and other things that are raging around in there. My point is that you gotta think about things a little better, you know, the way you act. I mean, if you care about a girl the way you do with this Shane - He decided to put Luke's mind at ease. Apparently he was concerned for Shane's welfare as Jess' girlfriend when, quite frankly, he would be wasting energy doing that.
JESS: I don't care about her.
LUKE: What?
JESS: I don't even know her last name.
It was true. He didn't. Considering Shane's purpose in this little drama, he was not of the opinion that her last name was truly important. It reflected other attitudes as well.that Shane was not important enough to him for him to know her last name. But this was something of which he was already aware. If he could pacify Luke with his sincere indifference, so much the better.
LUKE: You're kidding.
JESS: She mentioned it once. It didn't stick.
She had and it had not. At that point, his mind was already so cluttered with information and images that he wished to get rid of that he had not cared to add another meaningless tidbit to the knowledge in his brain.
LUKE: Well, if you don't care about her, what are you doing with her?
JESS: Just hanging with her, no biggie.
LUKE: Well, you gotta be doing something more than hanging with her. I mean, you got to at least be doing something with her to make her jump in a closet when people come into the room.
JESS: Relax, will ya? All is good.
LUKE: Jess, this isn't right. You can't treat a girl like this, like dirt!
JESS: If it's any consolation to you, she treats me like dirt, too. It's a pretty symbiotic relationship.
LUKE: And that's fine with you?
JESS: Yes, it is.
LUKE: To just go along in a relationship, you treat somebody bad and they treat you bad back.
JESS: That's right.
LUKE: Oh, that makes you happy?
JESS: I'd do backflips but I am way too cool.
LUKE: That makes absolutely no sense.
JESS: It doesn't have to make sense to you.
LUKE: There are plenty other of girls out there in the world, Jess.
And with that one statement, Luke had taken away all desire Jess had to continue this informatively entertaining little conversation. The idea of Rory spun back to the top of his thoughts, not that it had not been there with the discussion of Shane. In Shane, he tried to forget Rory. And that, he could not forget whenever he thought of Shane.
JESS: Don't you have to get back to the diner?
LUKE: I mean, you can go out and at least find one that you actually care about.
He wished Luke would stop the pursuit. He had known about Rory; to have understood Jess a little, or even as much as Luke did, one would have had to know about Rory. Luke had seen it flourish, he had warned against it. And deep within in, he had cherished this hope that it would become real. Jess knew this and he understood Luke and was grateful. The night of the accident when he had been remorseful and lined with guilt, Luke had been a comfort to him. True, Rory had been the reason for is return but Luke had been a stabilizing force. The very same day that Luke had told him that she was happy with Dean, she had grabbed him and kissed him. Then ignored him as if he were not worth the trouble. And still he wanted her. Se had made her decision, though and he was abiding by that. He was not sacrificing himself. He had seen Luke do that much too often. . .and Luke had obtained no results.
JESS: Oh, like it's that easy.
LUKE: Yeah, it's that easy if you try.
JESS: Hey, the girls that I like don't give a damn about me! And unlike some other people I know, I'm not gonna sit around hoping that they change their minds and suddenly notice me.
LUKE: What's that supposed to mean?
His statement had not been that obscure, but he would willingly clarify.
JESS: You fixed any neighbor's porches lately? Or you go on a picnic or you get rooked into giving a ridiculous speech at a high school?
He saw the understanding bloom fully Luke's eyes and saw the defences going up.
LUKE: Shut up.
JESS: At least I've got a little self-esteem.
LUKE: Shut up.
JESS: I'm not playing Golden Retriever, hoping one day she'll turn around and fall in my arms. If she doesn't wanna be with me, then fine.
LUKE: You have no idea what you're talking about.
JESS: Whatever. I gotta go, Shane's waiting.
LUKE: Oh, you mean what's-her-name?
JESS: Yeah, I'll bring you a new leash when I get back.
LUKE: Get outta here.
He closed the door on his way out, remnants of the conversation hovering about him. Funny, wasn't it, how he had arrived from New York and in the space of less than a year, had become like someone who had lived in Star's Hollow all his life.. [pic]
A/N: Sorry if this chapter seems abstract and less readable at first. I just needed to vent. . . something. I really want to thank every single person that has taken the time to read and review what I've written. I appreciate all the feedback.
"Screaming, feed me here,
fill me up again
temporarily pacify this hungering."
A Perfect Circle
He closed his eyes and let the deluge reign. He was caught in a torrent, allowing himself to be torn in every direction., but heading toward only one. He knew not to what he aimed; he was only content to let himself be borne along. The muddle encircled him and he did not care. His submission was but a meaningless one: this world had made others surrender as well. And so. He raced along in the flaming torrent, the pounding drums striking his very heart while the guitars flared, the singer's voice clawing at his lungs yet flowing at the same time, mellifluously along in conjunction with the vital liquid his veins held.
In such an ecclesiastic state, a worship to the martyr of alternative himself, he was free. The sunlight dances upon his face, set in motion by the moving shadow in the trees whose leaves rustled. His body throbbed and he felt at once both need and fulfillment. The latter he found in the surging exhilaration experienced in the moment. Need. Words floated to his consciousness : "Run, desire, run." Run. That's exactly what he was doing. According to "The Beach", that famed but inadequate representation of a good novel, desire was desire, regardless of where you went. He could attest to this but that did not mean that he would let it devour him. His need and desire were meshed into one and even the softest roll of the ocean upon the sand, even the gentlest comforting touch did nothing to alleviate it.
He became aware of another rhythmic pounding somewhere beyond his cocoon of harmonic throbbing. The door was flung open and Luke, in all his plaid glory, stood before him.
"Downstairs, now."
He read the lips forming the words because at that moment, his ears were impervious to everything but the syncopated rhythms swimming through. His uncle stayed long enough to ascertain that Jess had indeed understood him before turning on his heel and heading into the fray below. In one fluent movement, he removed his headphones and stopped the music. He shot a look through the window and, grabbing the book e was halfway through, he followed in the footsteps of his boss.
Jamming the book under the counter that supported the cash register, he proceeded to fulfill his job requirements. He actually enjoyed serving these small town diners; the verbal sparring with Kirk was amusing, to say the least. On his break, he plunged into the world of artificial characters, his eyes riveted to the pages, his mind somewhat oblivious to his surroundings. The entrance of yet another customer registered faintly somewhere in his brain but it was only when he heard the jarring smoothness of her voice that his eyes skidded off their pages and landed on the wall before him. He listened to her for some moments, indulging himself in the pleasure of drowning in her melody. He did not care what she discussed with her mother as long as he heard her. The lull passed and satisfied. He turned his attention once again to the words in front of him.
He felt a presence there and turned to see Shane. A smile appeared on his face and, as he leaned in to kiss her, his eyes could not ignore the figure standing in the doorway. She beckoned them, she seduced them. And when he had permitted them their fill, he lost himself in the drivel of Shane.
.................................
He was gazing out into the street, watching as Luke and Lorelai, both studies in happiness, walked on the pavement towards the diner. His mind drifted back to earlier that day when those two had almost walked in on him with Shane. Shane had suddenly become as jittery as a rabbit and so, he had let her do as she wished. What struck him about that encounter was not the fact that the girl he had previously been kissing had been stashed in a closet while his uncle changed his clothes; it had been the fact that he and Lorelai had managed to have a pretty decent conversation. He observed as a crowd of seeming quintiplets stopped Luke's and Lorelai's progress and he watched with interest the ensuing debacle. Minutes later he heard Luke entering the apartment and he looked up in greeting.
LUKE: Hey.
JESS: Hey. So what's going on out there?
LUKE: Ah, just Lorelai. . .dealing with some women about something or other. So we did that thing at the school today. [Luke looks behind a chair] Yeah, it went pretty well. All the kids seemed relatively unarmed. [he looks into the closet] Yeah, I just told 'em about the diner and cooking things, and I expect kids all over town will rush out tomorrow and buy a spatula. He watched, amusedly, the strange behaviour Luke was exhibiting. It seemed strange, but then again, knowing what he did, it did not.
JESS: Checking for monsters?
LUKE: Oh, no, just. . .
JESS: Just what?
LUKE: Just didn't wanna accidentally bump into someone in there.
JESS: What are you talking about? - He was not surprised. He knew Lorelai had been suspicious. Evidently, she had guessed correctly.
LUKE: Jess, did you have a girl stashed in there before? - Jess almost doubles over with laughter but his composure did not slip; Luke thought him unperturbed. JESS: Before what?
LUKE: Lorelai said you were hiding someone here earlier, she said a girl - were you?
JESS: Yes.
LUKE: Jess, you don't shove a girl in a closet He knew that; he had not ordered her in there. In fact, he had been objected to her hopping into the confined space but heck, Shane was an individual and she was entitled to her wants.
JESS: I did not shove her in the closet. She got in voluntarily.
LUKE: Oh, sure. Luke's exasperation was hilarious, though it irked him somewhat. He had not had anything to hide; he did not deserve any reproach.
JESS: Look, Shane freaked when she heard you guys coming. Next thing I know, she's in there. I personally didn't care if you guys saw us or not, but hey - women, right? You can't live with 'em, you can't keep 'em from jumping in the closet. (A/N- I cracked up so much for this one).
LUKE: Uh, you and I have got to have a little talk.
JESS: Hey, if you're gonna get all Ward Cleaver on me, I gotta go call Eddie and Lumpy and tell 'em I'm gonna be late.
LUKE: Shut up for a second, would ya? Look, I know you're at an age where the whole girl thing is. . .you know, on your mind a lot, and it's probably not helping you to think straight with all the hormones and other things that are raging around in there. My point is that you gotta think about things a little better, you know, the way you act. I mean, if you care about a girl the way you do with this Shane - He decided to put Luke's mind at ease. Apparently he was concerned for Shane's welfare as Jess' girlfriend when, quite frankly, he would be wasting energy doing that.
JESS: I don't care about her.
LUKE: What?
JESS: I don't even know her last name.
It was true. He didn't. Considering Shane's purpose in this little drama, he was not of the opinion that her last name was truly important. It reflected other attitudes as well.that Shane was not important enough to him for him to know her last name. But this was something of which he was already aware. If he could pacify Luke with his sincere indifference, so much the better.
LUKE: You're kidding.
JESS: She mentioned it once. It didn't stick.
She had and it had not. At that point, his mind was already so cluttered with information and images that he wished to get rid of that he had not cared to add another meaningless tidbit to the knowledge in his brain.
LUKE: Well, if you don't care about her, what are you doing with her?
JESS: Just hanging with her, no biggie.
LUKE: Well, you gotta be doing something more than hanging with her. I mean, you got to at least be doing something with her to make her jump in a closet when people come into the room.
JESS: Relax, will ya? All is good.
LUKE: Jess, this isn't right. You can't treat a girl like this, like dirt!
JESS: If it's any consolation to you, she treats me like dirt, too. It's a pretty symbiotic relationship.
LUKE: And that's fine with you?
JESS: Yes, it is.
LUKE: To just go along in a relationship, you treat somebody bad and they treat you bad back.
JESS: That's right.
LUKE: Oh, that makes you happy?
JESS: I'd do backflips but I am way too cool.
LUKE: That makes absolutely no sense.
JESS: It doesn't have to make sense to you.
LUKE: There are plenty other of girls out there in the world, Jess.
And with that one statement, Luke had taken away all desire Jess had to continue this informatively entertaining little conversation. The idea of Rory spun back to the top of his thoughts, not that it had not been there with the discussion of Shane. In Shane, he tried to forget Rory. And that, he could not forget whenever he thought of Shane.
JESS: Don't you have to get back to the diner?
LUKE: I mean, you can go out and at least find one that you actually care about.
He wished Luke would stop the pursuit. He had known about Rory; to have understood Jess a little, or even as much as Luke did, one would have had to know about Rory. Luke had seen it flourish, he had warned against it. And deep within in, he had cherished this hope that it would become real. Jess knew this and he understood Luke and was grateful. The night of the accident when he had been remorseful and lined with guilt, Luke had been a comfort to him. True, Rory had been the reason for is return but Luke had been a stabilizing force. The very same day that Luke had told him that she was happy with Dean, she had grabbed him and kissed him. Then ignored him as if he were not worth the trouble. And still he wanted her. Se had made her decision, though and he was abiding by that. He was not sacrificing himself. He had seen Luke do that much too often. . .and Luke had obtained no results.
JESS: Oh, like it's that easy.
LUKE: Yeah, it's that easy if you try.
JESS: Hey, the girls that I like don't give a damn about me! And unlike some other people I know, I'm not gonna sit around hoping that they change their minds and suddenly notice me.
LUKE: What's that supposed to mean?
His statement had not been that obscure, but he would willingly clarify.
JESS: You fixed any neighbor's porches lately? Or you go on a picnic or you get rooked into giving a ridiculous speech at a high school?
He saw the understanding bloom fully Luke's eyes and saw the defences going up.
LUKE: Shut up.
JESS: At least I've got a little self-esteem.
LUKE: Shut up.
JESS: I'm not playing Golden Retriever, hoping one day she'll turn around and fall in my arms. If she doesn't wanna be with me, then fine.
LUKE: You have no idea what you're talking about.
JESS: Whatever. I gotta go, Shane's waiting.
LUKE: Oh, you mean what's-her-name?
JESS: Yeah, I'll bring you a new leash when I get back.
LUKE: Get outta here.
He closed the door on his way out, remnants of the conversation hovering about him. Funny, wasn't it, how he had arrived from New York and in the space of less than a year, had become like someone who had lived in Star's Hollow all his life.. [pic]