The third mask is revealed: see first installment for disclaimers.
One short warning: this features a shonen-ai pairing. If you don't like the idea of boys in love with other boys, this is your last chance to retreat.
~ * Mask of Enthusiasm * ~
Nobody realizes how terrible a job being the group optimist is.
It's real work, always running around and trying to keep everybody's spirits up even when things look their darkest. I can't show any signs of fear or doubt – if I do, I have to make certain to turn it into a joke. 'Ha ha, you didn't really think I was scared, right?'
If I'm even the least bit impressed by something, I make a huge deal out of it, going on and on about how cool that was to everybody in the general area. If I'm not impressed, it's basically the same deal, 'cept I won't go on for quite so long.
Not only that, I can't exactly hold still for long periods of time. No, living up to my 'little ball of energy' image means bouncing around constantly, keeping my body and mouth moving. Doesn't matter what it is, so long as it involving plenty of movement and mouthing off – the louder and more attention-grabbing, the better.
It does have certain advantages, though. For one thing, always tearing around keeps me in great shape, and I don't have to worry about any more exercise. Just acting like myself – or what I want people to think of as myself – is a hell of a better workout than anything Coach Mountain could ever come up with.
Um, not that I'd ever tell him that. Contrary to what many of my friends believe, I do not have a death wish.
Then there's the fact that others get used to me spouting nonsense after a time. Once it gets to the point where they stop paying attention to everything I say, it's easier to slip in a few things I really mean without it getting noticed and overanalyzed.
That's one thing about talking: the less you actually do, the more attention gets paid to what little you say. If you blab on constantly, then it doesn't matter if you let something slip you didn't mean to, 'cause it's likely nobody will have noticed.
Some people want everyone to know their opinions on everything, even if they don't share the popular views. Not me, though. Sometimes, going against the grain can get you in really deep…
Of course, my friends don't have any clue that's how I feel about things. I've played my role very well, so well they're completely unaware the amazing little human ball of energy has any modes other than 'hyper', 'sugar rush', and 'ballistic robattler'.
Guess I'm that good an actor.
Still, part of me wonders how they'd react if they ever learned the truth: that 'Mini-Ikki' isn't a complete optimist, that he has fears, doubts, confusion, and can be just as pessimistic and depressed as any of them. Not only that, but occasionally, he has even more reason to be depressed and a total downer.
Heh, they'd probably never be able to pick their jaws up off the floor.
Oh, sure, there are plenty of things I am honestly enthusiastic about. The most important thing among these is, naturally, robattling.
I mean, I couldn't live if everything about me was a total and complete lie. If that was the case, then what would be the point? Nobody can go on living everybody's dream but their own, at least for very long. It's too easy to burn yourself out that way.
I chose Kantaroth for my partner for a very specific reason; one that I bet wouldn't completely surprise my friends. Although, if they knew the entire story, it might take them a bit off guard.
It's very simple when you think about it. Kantaroth is a KBT-type medabot, a Hercules Beetle. Just like Metabee, Ikki's partner, thus earning me my reputation as an 'Ikki clone'.
But, more importantly, just like the partner of Hikaru Agata, my long-time hero – not to mention the subject of my very first crush.
Heh, I bet that would catch their attention if they knew about it. Which they don't – not yet, anyway.
It's stupid, when you think about it. Just because somebody happens to like people the same gender, it doesn't make them all that different. I'm not some horrible mutant creature or disgusting monster – although there are factions that I bet would beg to differ.
That's why I didn't come right out and let everybody know when I first met the others about my orientation. I didn't want to be labeled straight off as the 'short, gay bundle of energy'.
That's where Karin came into the picture. She's the perfect foil when you think about it: cute little redhead with tons of guys already after her, not to mention kind, sweet, and all those other things you associate with desirable girls.
Sugar, spice and everything nice… yummy.
I have to admit, she seems too good to be true, sometimes. If I did happen to swing that way, and knew she was available instead of a hot commodity, then, maybe…
But, that's beside the point. Karin may be a cute girl and a nice friend, but she'll never be considered a real girlfriend by this boy, at least.
I know that eventually, she'll settle for one of the other guys going after her – Koji, perhaps, or Ikki. Cute nicknames aside, I'm just another boy in the herd, so what are the chances she'll decide I'm the one that she wants?
Still, I guess that if I ever manage through some miracle to get her alone, I should explain the truth to her. It'll be difficult enough when I come out without having to deal with some heartbroken redhead learning the boy she loves could never love her back the way she deserves.
Why this deception in addition to the whole optimistic hyper-ness thing? I guess it's so that when I finally grow out of that mold of being the sidekick, it won't be such a total shock.
Besides, when I come out, the others will have the advantage of knowing me enough that it won't be so easy to brush me off as just a queer. I'll tell them the truth, and hopefully they'll realize that it changes nothing about the kid they've known for so long. It'll be just another detail I neglected to let them in on before, big deal.
I mean, it's not like I'd be saying, "Hey dudes, I've decided to become a Rubberobo! Cool, huh?" As if. Rubberobos are just stupid, and besides, those outfits are so confining… heh.
I suppose the biggest problem that could happen is, once Ikki and the others learn I happen to like guys, they'd end up asking themselves if it was at all possible I… you know, liked them that way. Like I spent all of my time checking them out and thinking, 'Oh yeah, dude, I have got to get me a piece of that!'
Not that Ikki doesn't have a pretty fine ass. But I'm not going to be telling him that anytime soon.
Okay, so I've had a few minor crushes since I arrived here. Ikki is cute, and I can see why Erika's so hung up on him, and Koji sees him as such a big rival for Karin's affection.
Then there's Henry, who wears that uniform very nicely. Actually, he reminds me a lot of Hikaru Agata… That's probably the whole reason right there. That, or I have a thing for taller boys with dark hair.
No way in hell I'd feel anything for Koji, though. That boy can be a total snob sometimes. "Oh, look at me, I'm more important than you 'cause I'm rich and can afford lots of cool parts for my medabot! Fear my huge wallet and girly screams when I see – A BUG! KYAAAAH!"
But even if Ikki, Henry, or Space Medafighter X (the original…drool) were options, I doubt I'd go for it. As tempting as it might be, I know my limits, and I know I'd never be able to handle the kind of relationships those would likely end up being.
Simply put, I couldn't handle being the more submissive member. I mean, Henry's much older than me, and Ikki and Space Medafighter X are higher ranked. They're used to being better, used to being higher than others.
I get enough of that being the sidekick and so-called 'Ikki clone', thank you very much. It's not that I'm bitter or anything, but like I mentioned before, you can only give so much up.
So maybe I'd like to be the dominant one in a relationship for once. It's very tiring living in the shadows of others, even if you do see those people as your friends. Honestly, I'm all right with playing the part of 'Mini-Ikki', the human sidekick to somebody who already has a perfectly good partner in Metabee.
But all the same… It would be nice to be the one in complete charge of something. What better aspect of my life to have control of than my love life?
It's not like it would be difficult. I've seen enough of him to know he's used to being dominated. I've seen how one of his closest friends orders him around like a slave, yells at him when he's done something she doesn't agree with, even slaps and abuses him when she's pissed off. Yet he sticks with her through it all, following at her heels like an eager-to-please puppy.
Actually, he's very much like a puppy: cute, loyal even when it's not to his benefit, trusting his 'master's' judgement despite any flaws…
Even when he gets kicked away and scolded, the poor thing just picks himself up, dusts off, and goes running back to her side, so desperate for affection he's blinded to how much better life could be if he just found somebody actually willing to care for him.
I still remember clearly the first time I ran into him, back when I had first arrived and was trying to find Ikki. I'd figured that the fastest way to get his attention was to go around robattling everyone, and sooner or later I'd either find him or he'd come looking for me.
God, he looked so vulnerable, just him and his medabot out training alone, with no signs of the gang I wouldn't learn he was part of until later. And when I made myself known to him, the way he panicked and clung to his partner for dear life, staring at the 'intruder' with such pure terror…
It took all my resolve to stick to my plan and give Kantaroth the go-ahead to defeat his medabot. I don't even want to discuss how long I've been kicking myself for that ever since.
I wish I'd given into my first impulse, damn the consequences: to try and hold him and calm him down, to let him know it was all right, I wasn't really a threat. That if he'd give me the chance, I'd do my best to shield him, to learn how to protect him from any real threats he might face.
Just wait and see: one day, I will find a way to do just that. I'll free my poor abused puppy from his cruel 'boss' and give him a loving new home, one where he'll never have to worry about being struck or hurt ever again…