© 2002 Copyright Original Storyline by Gold (e-mail: goldenstarlight@hotmail.com)
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII belongs to Squaresoft.
Okay…uh, I won't be updating things as regularly as school has started for me and I'll be very, very busy.
The Dish: One Angsty Seiftis
Part 6: One Moment of Contemplation and Denial
Squall Leonhart sat silently while Selphie piloted the Ragnarok with unusual steadiness and closed lips. She said not a word to him. Behind them, Seifer had gripped his gunblade in both hands although the battle wasn't in sight yet, and his face was strained and tensed. Squall glanced curiously at him, but said nothing.
It was a long time before Seifer spoke, and his voice was soft, carrying only to Squall and Selphie. "Why did she volunteer to go?"
Squall waited a little while before answering. "She said she was the only one of us who should go."
"Why?"
Squall stared at nothing in particular. "She said Matron loved you best and it would break her heart if you went. The rest of us had someone to love them and she had nobody to love her, so her death would be—would be least felt."
Seifer turned his face away.
From the controls, Selphie's clear voice rang out. "Do you love her, Seifer?"
The silence was long and heavy.
"No."
There was another silence. There didn't seem to be anything else to say.
"But I—owe her—too much."
He owed her seven months of his life.
He owed her for teaching him twice in his lifetime.
He owed her for showing him the meaning of honour.
He owed her for turning on her during the Ultimecia wars.
He owed her for bringing him down and ending it all.
He owed her for sticking with him when she could have chosen to abandon him.
He owed her for bringing Fujin and Raijin back to Garden.
He owed her for picking the pieces up every time he deliberately lost himself.
He owed her for allowing him to walk away from her without a word of thanks.
Seifer Almasy owed Quistis Trepe, and he always paid his debts.
"And yet you don't love her?" questioned Selphie from the controls.
"No," he answered, believing it himself. What he felt for her was nothing like the way he felt for Rinoa.
Squall frowned. Whatever Selphie was driving at, it wasn't helping matters. "How soon until we land, Selphie?"
"Half an hour more, Commander," replied Selphie in flat, formal tones.
Squall did not wince. He had trained himself too well for that. But—Selphie's anger hurt him, even though she had every right to be angry. After all, he had sent Quistis on a suicide mission. Rinoa had screamed all manner of obscenities at him after learning the truth, and then refused to speak to him, particularly after he had not chosen her for the SeeD teams being sent out. Zell had been so angry that he had roared with rage and then punched him, and Irvine's look of disappointment said more than words could. A chill ran through Squall as he remembered what Rinoa had said. If Quistis died—then he had sent her to her death.
Seifer, quietly looking at the floor, was thinking of Quistis. He did not say anything, nor did his face reveal anything, but his heart was twisting in fear. He was strangely afraid. What if they could not reach her in time? What if it was already too late by the time they arrived? What if he couldn't save her, despite everything? He would never see her walk down Garden's hallowed corridors again. He would no longer see her face, hear her voice…he would never see her again. The last thought shook him with the force of an avalanche and he gritted his teeth, his hands tightening on his gunblade. They would not fail—he would not fail. Come hell or high water, he would find her and bring her back alive or die in the process.
He could not lose her.