Disclaimer: I do not own the characters you recognize from the Harry Potter
books. They belong to J.K. Rowling. The things and persons you recognize
from the Discworld series are not mine either. They belong to the great
Terry Pratchett.
A/N: This is a little Harry Potter/ Discworld crossover. I thought about what would happen if the world´s most stupid (or unlucky) wizard would start to teach DADA. This is the result. In this chapter Rincewind gets to know the great Potions Master himself. Ehm, see yourself.
Warning: This story is the effect of no sleep, too much coffee and a lot of boredom. I appologize for all the errors and faults you´ll find, for English is not my maternal language. Still, I hope you enjoy (and review) it!
Lesson two: We get to know that it is wiser not to upset a luggage-owner
It was later tis afternoon when Harry, Ron and Hermione entered the great hall for dinner.
"This man is mad. If he will teach us for the rest of term, we will not even be able to protect ourselfs from a slug."
"Really? Wasn´t it you, Hermione, who told us to give him achance? Maybe he just had a turbulent life, remember?"
Said Ron sarcasricaly as he sat down at the table.
"All right, I know these were my words, but I give in, I was wrong! This man is a catastrophe!"
"Good that you see your faults!"
"Ron, Hermione, please stop. I never thought I would ever say that, but Dumbledore was wrong when he hired him. But now, we need a plan to get rid of him. I don´t know how about you, but personally I want to be prepared for the challange against Voldemort, and this man is not able to teach us the things we need to know. We have only one real chance to survive in the future, and that is to kick Rincewind out of his job."
The other two looked at Harry.
"Don´t you think you theatralize a bit?" "Sure not Mione, I just want to be alive this time next year."
"Well, let´s wait a bit, I mean, one lesson is not much, maybe he isn´t that dumb."
Ron tried to smile. Suddenly loud steps were to be heared and a very angry Snape entered the hall.
"I ask you, and I will only ask once, who of you was in my laboratory and stole the Imasis powder?"
The potions master´s voice was as loud as thunder.
"Answer me now and I will give you a less cruel punishment."
But noone dared to say a word.
"You leave me no other choice. If I have to use Vertiserum, I will, and believe me, the person who did it will be expelled as soon as I know his or her name."
He turned to leave the hall again only to bump into the newly chosen teacher for the Defence against the Dark Arts. Rincewind.
"Sorry."
The wizard gave the potions master a shy smile then looked at the mug he was holding in his hand. "Oh damn! Thank you! Thank you, really! Now I have to make some new coffee."
He exclaimed as his eyes wandert to the floor, where a small puddle of brown liquid was visible.
Snape gave him a stunned look. Nobody ever talked to him like that.
"And it was still hot!"
Rincewind got on lamenting.
"How do you dare to behave this respectless in front of me, Severus Snape, this school´s Potions teacher?"
But the thin wizard seemed not to listen to him.
"Do you even know how difficult it is to get some Klatchian coffee in this regions? I had to search for a bloody long time! Damn! Damn! DAMN!"
At this moment Snape´s eyes widened and with a fast move he got the mug out of Rincewind´s hand.
"You stole it!"
He yelled at the DADA teacher in anger.
"You stole my Imasis powder!"
"Excuse me, what?" answered Rincewind suddenly interrupted in his monologue.
"You little thief!"
"Hey, I do not belong to the Thief´s guild, and therefore am not one. I would be crazy to break the law, because it really is not funny to be put into a prison filled with scorpios! Pickpocketing without official permission, licence and ID, this is ridiculous!"
"What the hell are you talking about? Don´t you try to change the subject! You took my ingredients."
Suddenly Rincewind seemed to remember something.
"One moment, do you mean all the things standing in this much too dark, much to wet, and much to sticky room belonged to you?"
"Yes indeed."
Answered Snape in a cold voice.
"Oh, I thought it was well, rubbish, waiting to be thrown away."
"You thought what?"
The whole hall was now watching the little fight the two teachers had.
"It was standing neatly on a shelve, in a locked room!"
"Yes, that´s ecactly why I thought it was rubbish. That´s how we used to get rid of the things we didn´t need at the Unseen Universtity. Sooner or later they dissapeared because of the magic that is all around the place. A very effective way to save the money you pay to recycle it. By the way, where did you get this Klatchian coffee from?"
"It is no coffee, but Imasis powder! And what on earth is Klatch?! No, wait, I don´t want to know it."
"Really? You know Klatch is very interesting. And the curries they make. Delicious! You should make a stop at the Curry Garden once you are In Ankh- Morpork. Really. It is worth trying. And their language. Very complex, but quite dirty, damn bloody hell, by the way, excuse my Klatchian."
Snape was now looking at the wizard in confusion. Was this man insane or why did he talk that much? Why did he tell so much nonsense, and why on earth was he not afraid of him?
"Shut up!"
With a swift move Snape got his wand out of his pocket.
"What about a duell to make this clear?"
Suddenly Rincewind got silent.
"Take your wand and fight, you looser!"
"Ehm..."
Rincewind gave the man he was standing face to face with a puzzeled look.
"Excuse me, but I don´t have a wand."
He said very slowly.
"Then I would be very sorry if I was you."
Rincewind swallowed.
"Ehm. it was really nice to meet you, but, oh, I forgot a very importan appointment. Sorry, Gotta go!"
He said, and began to run out of the hall, but Snape was faster and closed the door with a spell.
"Please do me no harm! Don´t kill me!"
The DADA teacher cried in shock when suddely something huge broke the doors of the grat hall.
"What the hell is..."
But Snape could not finish, for a big, wodden luggage was now standing on him. The box seemed to smile at Rincewind, although it did not have a face. Instead of that it had hundreds of little feet, that were now kicking Snape in the face.
"Thanks. You really saved me."
Rincewind said, his face white, his hands shaking.
"Ehm, sorry for that chaos."
He smiled at the crowd.
"Come on luggage, what about a little walk to Hogsmead. Maybe we´ll finde something like the ´Drum."
And with that word he left the hall followed by the luggage. Harry looked at Ron and Hermione.
"I changed my minde. This man just became my personal hero."
"Yes, "
Said Hermione,
"But he will be an even bigger hero if he survives until tomorrow when Snape is conscious again."
A/N: This is a little Harry Potter/ Discworld crossover. I thought about what would happen if the world´s most stupid (or unlucky) wizard would start to teach DADA. This is the result. In this chapter Rincewind gets to know the great Potions Master himself. Ehm, see yourself.
Warning: This story is the effect of no sleep, too much coffee and a lot of boredom. I appologize for all the errors and faults you´ll find, for English is not my maternal language. Still, I hope you enjoy (and review) it!
Lesson two: We get to know that it is wiser not to upset a luggage-owner
It was later tis afternoon when Harry, Ron and Hermione entered the great hall for dinner.
"This man is mad. If he will teach us for the rest of term, we will not even be able to protect ourselfs from a slug."
"Really? Wasn´t it you, Hermione, who told us to give him achance? Maybe he just had a turbulent life, remember?"
Said Ron sarcasricaly as he sat down at the table.
"All right, I know these were my words, but I give in, I was wrong! This man is a catastrophe!"
"Good that you see your faults!"
"Ron, Hermione, please stop. I never thought I would ever say that, but Dumbledore was wrong when he hired him. But now, we need a plan to get rid of him. I don´t know how about you, but personally I want to be prepared for the challange against Voldemort, and this man is not able to teach us the things we need to know. We have only one real chance to survive in the future, and that is to kick Rincewind out of his job."
The other two looked at Harry.
"Don´t you think you theatralize a bit?" "Sure not Mione, I just want to be alive this time next year."
"Well, let´s wait a bit, I mean, one lesson is not much, maybe he isn´t that dumb."
Ron tried to smile. Suddenly loud steps were to be heared and a very angry Snape entered the hall.
"I ask you, and I will only ask once, who of you was in my laboratory and stole the Imasis powder?"
The potions master´s voice was as loud as thunder.
"Answer me now and I will give you a less cruel punishment."
But noone dared to say a word.
"You leave me no other choice. If I have to use Vertiserum, I will, and believe me, the person who did it will be expelled as soon as I know his or her name."
He turned to leave the hall again only to bump into the newly chosen teacher for the Defence against the Dark Arts. Rincewind.
"Sorry."
The wizard gave the potions master a shy smile then looked at the mug he was holding in his hand. "Oh damn! Thank you! Thank you, really! Now I have to make some new coffee."
He exclaimed as his eyes wandert to the floor, where a small puddle of brown liquid was visible.
Snape gave him a stunned look. Nobody ever talked to him like that.
"And it was still hot!"
Rincewind got on lamenting.
"How do you dare to behave this respectless in front of me, Severus Snape, this school´s Potions teacher?"
But the thin wizard seemed not to listen to him.
"Do you even know how difficult it is to get some Klatchian coffee in this regions? I had to search for a bloody long time! Damn! Damn! DAMN!"
At this moment Snape´s eyes widened and with a fast move he got the mug out of Rincewind´s hand.
"You stole it!"
He yelled at the DADA teacher in anger.
"You stole my Imasis powder!"
"Excuse me, what?" answered Rincewind suddenly interrupted in his monologue.
"You little thief!"
"Hey, I do not belong to the Thief´s guild, and therefore am not one. I would be crazy to break the law, because it really is not funny to be put into a prison filled with scorpios! Pickpocketing without official permission, licence and ID, this is ridiculous!"
"What the hell are you talking about? Don´t you try to change the subject! You took my ingredients."
Suddenly Rincewind seemed to remember something.
"One moment, do you mean all the things standing in this much too dark, much to wet, and much to sticky room belonged to you?"
"Yes indeed."
Answered Snape in a cold voice.
"Oh, I thought it was well, rubbish, waiting to be thrown away."
"You thought what?"
The whole hall was now watching the little fight the two teachers had.
"It was standing neatly on a shelve, in a locked room!"
"Yes, that´s ecactly why I thought it was rubbish. That´s how we used to get rid of the things we didn´t need at the Unseen Universtity. Sooner or later they dissapeared because of the magic that is all around the place. A very effective way to save the money you pay to recycle it. By the way, where did you get this Klatchian coffee from?"
"It is no coffee, but Imasis powder! And what on earth is Klatch?! No, wait, I don´t want to know it."
"Really? You know Klatch is very interesting. And the curries they make. Delicious! You should make a stop at the Curry Garden once you are In Ankh- Morpork. Really. It is worth trying. And their language. Very complex, but quite dirty, damn bloody hell, by the way, excuse my Klatchian."
Snape was now looking at the wizard in confusion. Was this man insane or why did he talk that much? Why did he tell so much nonsense, and why on earth was he not afraid of him?
"Shut up!"
With a swift move Snape got his wand out of his pocket.
"What about a duell to make this clear?"
Suddenly Rincewind got silent.
"Take your wand and fight, you looser!"
"Ehm..."
Rincewind gave the man he was standing face to face with a puzzeled look.
"Excuse me, but I don´t have a wand."
He said very slowly.
"Then I would be very sorry if I was you."
Rincewind swallowed.
"Ehm. it was really nice to meet you, but, oh, I forgot a very importan appointment. Sorry, Gotta go!"
He said, and began to run out of the hall, but Snape was faster and closed the door with a spell.
"Please do me no harm! Don´t kill me!"
The DADA teacher cried in shock when suddely something huge broke the doors of the grat hall.
"What the hell is..."
But Snape could not finish, for a big, wodden luggage was now standing on him. The box seemed to smile at Rincewind, although it did not have a face. Instead of that it had hundreds of little feet, that were now kicking Snape in the face.
"Thanks. You really saved me."
Rincewind said, his face white, his hands shaking.
"Ehm, sorry for that chaos."
He smiled at the crowd.
"Come on luggage, what about a little walk to Hogsmead. Maybe we´ll finde something like the ´Drum."
And with that word he left the hall followed by the luggage. Harry looked at Ron and Hermione.
"I changed my minde. This man just became my personal hero."
"Yes, "
Said Hermione,
"But he will be an even bigger hero if he survives until tomorrow when Snape is conscious again."