Disclaimer: I do not own the characters you recognize from the Harry Potter
books. They belong to J.K. Rowling. The things and persons you recognize
from the Discworld series are not mine either. They belong to the great
(bows in respect for her God) Terry Pratchett
A/N: This is a little Harry Potter/ Discworld crossover. I thought about what would happen if the world´s most stupid (or unlucky) wizard would start to teach DADA. This is the result. Warning: This story is the effect of no sleep, too much coffee and a lot of boredom. I appologize for all the errors and faults you´ll find, for English is not my maternal language. Still, I hope you enjoy (and review) it!
Lesson four: We get to know that Death can bring you luck
The class was looking at the hooded figure, not speaking.
"Class, that´s Death."
The black figure turned towards Rincewind. It´s face showed no real emotions exept of a huge grin, but if you are a skeleton there is nothing you can do about that.
"RINCEWIND."
There was a voice, everybody could hear it, but somehow it did not take the way to you brain by going through the ears. It simply appeared in your head, not loosing time by travelling through the air.
"I HOPED NOT SEE YOU UNTIL I HAVE TO."
Death said simply.
"To be honest I had the same hope."
Answered Rincewind.
"But I thought that these children need some education."
"I SEE."
"And then I had the great idea. The ritual of Askh Ente. It would show them the real dark side."
"COULD YOU HURRY UP? I HAVE SOME VISITS TO MAKE TODAY."
"Sorry... Oh, wait, this is the great ritaul of."
"OF ASKH ENTE. I KNOW."
"As long as you are in the circle, you are imprisoned."
He pointed at the lines on the floor.
"And, you can do me no harm."
He added eventually with a very wide smile.
"IF YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO BLACKMAIL ME..."
"No, really, never."
"THEN ASK YOUR QUESTIONS. I HAVE ALSO OTHER APPOINTEMENTS TODAY:"
"Well then... To be honest, I know everything I want to know."
"THEN WHY DO YOU BOTHER ME?"
""Because my questions are unimportant. Come on class. Ask Death whatever you desire."
The pupils that watched the scene in silence looked at Death in fear.
"Come on, he will not kill you. Ehm, not now."
"I DON´T KILL PEOPLE. I ONLY PART BODY AND SOUL AFTER THEY ARE DEAD ALREADY. THAT`S A DIFFERENCE."
"Yeah, whatever."
Rincewind let his eyes wander from one pupil to another, hoping for them to say something. And then it happend, a hand raised into the air.
"Miss Granger?"
He gave her a smile.
"If you are Death, how can you be here with us? People are dieing all the time. You can´t simply be here and everywhere else."
"I CAN."
"But this is physicaly impossible."
"I AM NOT BOUND TO ANY RULES OF PHYSICS."
There was another moment of silence, before Ron raised his hand.
"Do you ride a burning horse like it is showen in all those books?"
"NO. I HAVE BINKEY. I HAD A BURNING HORSE ONCE, BUT IT CAUSED A FIRE IN THE STALLS."
"Who is Binkey?"
"BINKEY IS MY HORSE."
"Is it alive?"
"YES."
Suddenly the door opened and somebody entered the room.
"Rincewind! I want an apology for that, that... THING in the great hall! And I want revange! Did you really think you could behave like that, talking with me like that?"
Rincewind gave the potion´s teacher a shy smile.
"Hello Severus. Do you want to join us, were are asking Death some questions."
Snape gave him a cold look.
"Death? Now you are going totaly crazy..."
But his voice faded when his eyes met the huge hooded skeleton that was standing near the window, a scythe in it´s hand.
"SEVERUS SNAPE."
"Oh my God. He is here to get me!"
The teacher exclaimed.
"What did I do to desereve this? And so soon?"
"I ASSURE YOU..."
"No! Stay away from me! I don´t want to die!"
"BUT..."
"I have such a wonderfull life! Don´t kill me!"
"I DON´T..."
"Be silent!"
Shouted Rincewind, aware that he had the potion´s master in his hands.
"Go away, creature of the dark! Leave this place! I, Rincewind the Great command you to!"
At that moment Death dissapeared.
"You just saved my life Rincewind."
Snape said shakily.
"Yeah, I know."
"How can I thank you?"
"Ehm, what about if we forget that little incident in the great hall?"
Severus only nodded.
"And... You will give me as much Klatchian coffee as I want."
"It´s still Imasis Powder, but o.k."
Rincewind grinned. That was definetely the high point of his day. Suddenly his attention was captured by a little rat. No it was not really a rat. It was the skeleton of a rat. And it wore a black robe, and a minature scythe.
"Oh God, I begin to haluzinate again."
He whispered.
"Severus? Could you give me some Klatichan coffee right now? I don´t feel that well after defeating Death."
"Sure. Everything you want."
With these words Snape left the room.
Rincewind sank back onto his seat at the table.
"I really should stop drinking."
He muttered.
"All those halluzinations. I begin to see rats in cloakes. Damn it!"
"I always knew that this damn ritaul had side effects."
"SQUEAK!"
The rat was now looking at Rincewind in amusement.
"I need coffee. I need a bed. I need some sleep and I need to find a way back to Ankh-Morpork... I really feel sick.... Morpork roads, take me home, to the place I belong. wets Ephebene, Klatchian mama, take me home, Morpork roads...."
"Ehm, professor?"
Rincewind looked up at Hermione and smiled weirdly.
"You are not halluzinating. There is a rat in a robe. A black robe. And it has a scythe."
"And it seems to be dead."
Added Ron, but noone cared. The class was now starring at their singing teacher.
"Somebody get Mme Pomfrey! Quick!"
Shouted Hermione while Rincewind began to gaze into nowhere.
The hangover and Death together were simply too much for him. No, not Death himself, but this little, bloody rat. It was grinning at him and waving
"Oh my God."
Moned Rincewind before everything went blank.
When Rincewind woke up, he was lying in the hospital wing.
"Yous should really stop drinking!"
Were the first words he heared, and somehow, even if the voice that was now echoing through the whole room was sounding harsh, Rincewind smiled. There was a steaming cup of coffee on his bedside table and a very good looking brekfast. Life was not that bad at all. Especially if you had Death on your side.
Well at least if other poeple were thinking you had.
Oh, and not to forget a hangover potion.
A/N: Thanx to my reviewers. You keep me going on. THANK YOU! I hope this chapter was a little better than the last one. But I´ll try to get better... I should really start ro read "The last Continent". More Rincewind ;) Hehe, and other Discworld characters will appear soon (If you know the Disc, please tell me who you want to see)... So beware...
A/N: This is a little Harry Potter/ Discworld crossover. I thought about what would happen if the world´s most stupid (or unlucky) wizard would start to teach DADA. This is the result. Warning: This story is the effect of no sleep, too much coffee and a lot of boredom. I appologize for all the errors and faults you´ll find, for English is not my maternal language. Still, I hope you enjoy (and review) it!
Lesson four: We get to know that Death can bring you luck
The class was looking at the hooded figure, not speaking.
"Class, that´s Death."
The black figure turned towards Rincewind. It´s face showed no real emotions exept of a huge grin, but if you are a skeleton there is nothing you can do about that.
"RINCEWIND."
There was a voice, everybody could hear it, but somehow it did not take the way to you brain by going through the ears. It simply appeared in your head, not loosing time by travelling through the air.
"I HOPED NOT SEE YOU UNTIL I HAVE TO."
Death said simply.
"To be honest I had the same hope."
Answered Rincewind.
"But I thought that these children need some education."
"I SEE."
"And then I had the great idea. The ritual of Askh Ente. It would show them the real dark side."
"COULD YOU HURRY UP? I HAVE SOME VISITS TO MAKE TODAY."
"Sorry... Oh, wait, this is the great ritaul of."
"OF ASKH ENTE. I KNOW."
"As long as you are in the circle, you are imprisoned."
He pointed at the lines on the floor.
"And, you can do me no harm."
He added eventually with a very wide smile.
"IF YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO BLACKMAIL ME..."
"No, really, never."
"THEN ASK YOUR QUESTIONS. I HAVE ALSO OTHER APPOINTEMENTS TODAY:"
"Well then... To be honest, I know everything I want to know."
"THEN WHY DO YOU BOTHER ME?"
""Because my questions are unimportant. Come on class. Ask Death whatever you desire."
The pupils that watched the scene in silence looked at Death in fear.
"Come on, he will not kill you. Ehm, not now."
"I DON´T KILL PEOPLE. I ONLY PART BODY AND SOUL AFTER THEY ARE DEAD ALREADY. THAT`S A DIFFERENCE."
"Yeah, whatever."
Rincewind let his eyes wander from one pupil to another, hoping for them to say something. And then it happend, a hand raised into the air.
"Miss Granger?"
He gave her a smile.
"If you are Death, how can you be here with us? People are dieing all the time. You can´t simply be here and everywhere else."
"I CAN."
"But this is physicaly impossible."
"I AM NOT BOUND TO ANY RULES OF PHYSICS."
There was another moment of silence, before Ron raised his hand.
"Do you ride a burning horse like it is showen in all those books?"
"NO. I HAVE BINKEY. I HAD A BURNING HORSE ONCE, BUT IT CAUSED A FIRE IN THE STALLS."
"Who is Binkey?"
"BINKEY IS MY HORSE."
"Is it alive?"
"YES."
Suddenly the door opened and somebody entered the room.
"Rincewind! I want an apology for that, that... THING in the great hall! And I want revange! Did you really think you could behave like that, talking with me like that?"
Rincewind gave the potion´s teacher a shy smile.
"Hello Severus. Do you want to join us, were are asking Death some questions."
Snape gave him a cold look.
"Death? Now you are going totaly crazy..."
But his voice faded when his eyes met the huge hooded skeleton that was standing near the window, a scythe in it´s hand.
"SEVERUS SNAPE."
"Oh my God. He is here to get me!"
The teacher exclaimed.
"What did I do to desereve this? And so soon?"
"I ASSURE YOU..."
"No! Stay away from me! I don´t want to die!"
"BUT..."
"I have such a wonderfull life! Don´t kill me!"
"I DON´T..."
"Be silent!"
Shouted Rincewind, aware that he had the potion´s master in his hands.
"Go away, creature of the dark! Leave this place! I, Rincewind the Great command you to!"
At that moment Death dissapeared.
"You just saved my life Rincewind."
Snape said shakily.
"Yeah, I know."
"How can I thank you?"
"Ehm, what about if we forget that little incident in the great hall?"
Severus only nodded.
"And... You will give me as much Klatchian coffee as I want."
"It´s still Imasis Powder, but o.k."
Rincewind grinned. That was definetely the high point of his day. Suddenly his attention was captured by a little rat. No it was not really a rat. It was the skeleton of a rat. And it wore a black robe, and a minature scythe.
"Oh God, I begin to haluzinate again."
He whispered.
"Severus? Could you give me some Klatichan coffee right now? I don´t feel that well after defeating Death."
"Sure. Everything you want."
With these words Snape left the room.
Rincewind sank back onto his seat at the table.
"I really should stop drinking."
He muttered.
"All those halluzinations. I begin to see rats in cloakes. Damn it!"
"I always knew that this damn ritaul had side effects."
"SQUEAK!"
The rat was now looking at Rincewind in amusement.
"I need coffee. I need a bed. I need some sleep and I need to find a way back to Ankh-Morpork... I really feel sick.... Morpork roads, take me home, to the place I belong. wets Ephebene, Klatchian mama, take me home, Morpork roads...."
"Ehm, professor?"
Rincewind looked up at Hermione and smiled weirdly.
"You are not halluzinating. There is a rat in a robe. A black robe. And it has a scythe."
"And it seems to be dead."
Added Ron, but noone cared. The class was now starring at their singing teacher.
"Somebody get Mme Pomfrey! Quick!"
Shouted Hermione while Rincewind began to gaze into nowhere.
The hangover and Death together were simply too much for him. No, not Death himself, but this little, bloody rat. It was grinning at him and waving
"Oh my God."
Moned Rincewind before everything went blank.
When Rincewind woke up, he was lying in the hospital wing.
"Yous should really stop drinking!"
Were the first words he heared, and somehow, even if the voice that was now echoing through the whole room was sounding harsh, Rincewind smiled. There was a steaming cup of coffee on his bedside table and a very good looking brekfast. Life was not that bad at all. Especially if you had Death on your side.
Well at least if other poeple were thinking you had.
Oh, and not to forget a hangover potion.
A/N: Thanx to my reviewers. You keep me going on. THANK YOU! I hope this chapter was a little better than the last one. But I´ll try to get better... I should really start ro read "The last Continent". More Rincewind ;) Hehe, and other Discworld characters will appear soon (If you know the Disc, please tell me who you want to see)... So beware...