A/N: You'll start to notice that this story not only deals with grief but presents memory heavy situations. So if you're wondering why the characters seem to be thinking of the past so much because that's the point of this story. I absolutely love the Dib character and by writing a story dealing with his death is actually showing my appreciation. He's the first Nick character in a long time to actually have real identifiable problems. Ginger has nothing on him. My two cents again, heh. ;) Oh yeah, Gaz is older in this chapter. This turns into a ZAGR but it's more of a relationship where they're only hurting themselves by having it. You'll see what I mean. Oh yeah, no more songs. Got tired of typing the lyrics.

WARNING: I don't know how old my readers are but the end of the chapter leaves no doubt in the reader's mind what's going on.

***

A Couple of Years Later . . .

BOOM!

Gaz winced as the house shook. Thunderstorms always unnerved her, especially the kind that showed up without warning in the middle of a hot day. Those kinds made the trees lash the screens press into eye-shapes against the windows and the rain trickle noisily through the rain gutters on the house. They also made the electricity go off, like in this instance, and she was stuck with nothing but her GameSlave 2 for entertainment. Eventually she tired with playing, as intelligent beings always did after realizing after dying about forty-seven times, they were not likely to beat the level any time soon.

Wandering through the darkened empty house (her father was away at his lab again), Gaz searched for something to do. She wished fervently she could hide under a blanket with someone, hold a flashlight up to her face and tell scary stories. Until the green kid showed up, she had been able to enjoy doing that on a daily basis.

That was so much fun. I wish we hadn't stopped doing that.

She opened the linen closest in the hall and smiled to herself when she saw what she was looking for right in front of her face. Candles.

Pretending she was living back in the days before Edison discovered the tungsten wire; Gaz strategically placed a stick of wax in a candleholder around the most immediate places around the house. Remembering what her father told her about fire hazards, Gaz only stuck one on the kitchen table and another on the coffee table in the living room. Anywhere else in the house, she carried around a portable candle.

After lighting the last candle (there were three all together) Gaz indulged in a bit of silliness. "Hehe, now's I need is a cauldron and eye of newt! Hehe!" She quit the act. "Right." The chore of finding light finished, Gaz sat in the middle of the floor with a deck of cards. Humming under her breath, she played Solitaire until she felt hungry and went into the kitchen for something to eat.

I'll have a sandwich, she decided.

She went in search of bologna and bread, easy enough to find. After getting the Miracle Whip from the fridge, Gaz opened the knife drawer. Her hand gripped the handle unusually tightly as she slowly drew it out. There they were, arranged neatly by size in the knife holder. The weak light from the kitchen window reflected off them, giving them an eerie shine.

Gaz lifted her hand to pick up the medium sized one. When she saw her hand was shaking she made a fist and held her hand away. What was wrong with her? Why was it so hard for her to pick up a knife?

Shutting her eyes, she reached for it again. Stopped. Tried again and the same thing happened. Gaz made a little sound of frustration and forced herself to pick up the knife regardless of the shaking in her hand. She held it up. See? Just a knife.

There was a flash of lightening just then. It lit up the whole room. The knife suddenly glowed as if with a light of its own. In that moment, the girl saw her own secret desire and it horrified her.

Gaz shrieked and dropped the knife. Breathing hard she climbed down from the chair, grabbed it, tossed it back in the drawer and slammed it shut. Quickly she pushed the chair back to the table, digging her fingers hard into the seat. All feelings of hunger had evaporated.

I'm being silly, she told herself sternly. I'm being silly and stupid. I'm acting like an empty-headed little girl.

I have to call someone. I have to call someone or else something bad will happen.

Can't use the kitchen phone. Power's out, remember?

My cell phone. The one Dad gave me for Christmas. It's in the living room right next to the remote.

Gaz went and got it. She stared at it in her hand. Who do I call? She sighed and hit speed dial. There was only one number she could call. There was only one person she could talk to.

"Hello?"

Gaz felt her heart lift just a bit. Another person's voice. Suddenly her island of isolation gained another member. "Hi, it's, uh, me."

"Me? Who's 'me'? I don't know anyone named Me."

Gaz found a rare smile stretch across her face. Too bad he couldn't see it. "You are such an idiot, Zim. It's Gaz."

"I knew that," he replied defensively.

"Uh-huh." She didn't believe him. "Um, so what's up?"

"My elevator at the moment. It got stuck when the power went out. With me in it."

"Hehe," Gaz snickered picking up her candle and walking around the kitchen. "Is it working yet?"

"Yes. I cannot believe the weather on this planet. One moment I'm heading down to my lab, the sun is out and the next second this loud noise is shaking my house and that horrible stuff is drumming on my roof!" Zim sounded completely mortified. "I think your planet is out to get me."

Gaz chuckled. "It's just a thunderstorm, Zim. Isn't there weather where you come from?"

"No. Irk doesn't even have seasons."

"How boring."

"Boring?" Zim replied in astonishment. "I should think this would be cause for envy for your people. Imagine not having to worry about your skin being burned off on any given day!"

"I don't have to worry about my skin being burned off, Zim. You do."

"Well, you have your sun don't you?" he argued. "I've seen humans turn red after long exposure to the sun. They call it sunburn, don't they?"

"Yeah." Gaz wanted to talk about something more interesting. "Um, so how are things? I haven't seen you for some time."

Zim heard the hidden melancholy in her voice. "The same. I've been conducting a lot of experiments. I think I'm coming close to a break-through regarding your ozone layer. Although I can't seem to figure out a way to make all the cars on your planet to stop running."

Gaz raised an eyebrow. "Environmental science, Zim? Are you trying to save the world?"

"Um, sort of." He sounded embarrassed. "I mean, what else can I do with it if I'm not going to destroy it? Did you know Earth is beautiful?"

"Yes." Gaz tried not to sound like it was old news to her. A sly tone came out as she said, "Zim, are you going to give me a save the world speech?"

"Um, no. I kind of take it from how you sound it's probably not a good idea."

"Oh?" The girl blinked, watching the leaves toss around violently outside. The rain had stopped but now it was just really windy.

"You'll laugh."

"No, I won't." Gaz paused, chewing on her bottom lip. "Um, listen, I'm all alone here and."

"Again?" the alien interrupted.

"Yes. My dad he, uh, he had to stay at the lab. He's a scientist you know and, um, his work his very important." Gaz was aware how lame this sounded. Who else was going to defend him though? "How much help can I be, I mean, I don't know anything and all his equipment is there and."

"Gaz."

"What?"

There was a long pause. "He shouldn't be leaving you like this."

"Oh no," Gaz faked cheer. "It's fine. I can take care of myself."

"A human of your age shouldn't be left alone."

Tell me about it. Still Gaz fought the logic screaming at her. "It's okay, really. I'm old enough. Sixteen, Zim. Trust me. It's okay."

"No, it's not, Gaz." Zim sounded dead serious. "I don't think it's okay at all."

Gaz made a gesture of exasperation. "What do you think I should do then? Talk to him? It's not like I haven't tried, believe me! I might as well not BE there for all he notices!"

There was a long thoughtful silence on the other end of the phone. "I have an idea. Next time you're left alone, come to my house. Better yet come over right now."

"I can't," Gaz insisted. "It's too windy and. . . and. . ." She didn't want to voice the other reason why she couldn't go over. It meant passing by THERE, going across THERE. Essentially it meant facing something she knew deep in her heart she couldn't do.

"And what?"

Gaz shut her eyes and curled up on a big overstuffed armchair. "Zim," she whispered into the phone. "I can't."

"You'll have to some day," he tried to comfort her and somehow he felt he wasn't getting it right. "It's not easy for me either."

"But you've seen stuff like this before," she said still in a quiet voice. The years old hurt came back to haunt her. "Y-You've watched people die. You . . . you've made people die. You told me you were a soldier, didn't you?" Silence. She kept going. "You're older than any human alive, you must have seen worse than. . . this."

"Yes. I have. But Gaz, it still doesn't make it any better. It's only now I've just realized. . ."

"Zim, come over. Please."

"All right but I have to fix. . ."

Again the scene from the kitchen flashed through her mind and Gaz's next demand came out trembling. "NOW. Please. . . I'm scared."

A sigh came over the line. "I'll be right over." Click.

Gaz shut off the phone and hugged herself. She stayed that way until the doorbell rang. Without moving, she yelled, "DOOR'S UNLOCKED!"

A few minutes later, Zim was standing in the living room. He saw her lying in the chair and came over. When he drew close enough, Gaz rose from the chair and put her arms around him hard.

Zim staggered back a bit from the ferocity of the embrace. The meaning of this human gesture always eluded him. It was done ever so rarely between humans and when it was done, it was supposed to be very important. It had something to do with these affectionate feelings the human race possessed.

"Thank you," Gaz murmured letting him go. "For coming over. I-I didn't mean to sound like such a wuss but . . ."

Zim waved it off. "Don't." He glanced around. "So what have you been doing?" He spied the candles and the abandoned game of Solitaire.

"Not much." Gaz sat on the floor beside her card game. "Want to play War before I put these away?"

"War?!" Zim exclaimed. "War is NOT a game nor should the word play be used to describe it!"

The human just cleaned up the cards and put them back in the deck. "It's what the game is called, it's not actually war." She sat on the other side of the coffee table with the burning candle. Zim sat on the opposite. For a few minutes, both watched the flame's shadow dance along the walls and ceiling.

"I used to like it when the power went out," Gaz began quietly. "It was a lot of fun because it would get so dark and then we'd have to get flashlights and sometimes candles. If I wanted to take a bath, I had to lie a flashlight across the tub and then I would have to be careful that it didn't fall in and electrocute me!" She thrilled a little when the alien laughed. "Then sometimes we'd lock ourselves in the attic and tell scary stories until we had to go to bed. It's the only time I ever got scared."

"If they're just stories," Zim started, a bit baffled, "why did they scare you?"

"Because of the way they were told. When I was younger, I actually used to start crying. Of course then the story would stop and I'd get a hug and an apology." Gaz folded her hands on top of the table. Her eyes were downcast. "He was really good about that. Even changed the ending just to make me happy."

Zim instinctively knew whom she was referring to. "Wow." He shook his head.

"Wow what?"

A look of fascination came over his face. "The way some of you humans do things just to make each other happy. Just to make someone smile. Even if it makes you feel bad you somehow feel good in another way because even though YOU'RE not happy, the other person is." He shook his head again. "That is amazing to me."

"Sounds like you put a lot of thought into it."

He nodded. "I did. It never occurred to me to want to make anyone else happy."

"Why not?" Gaz gestured for him to explain.

Zim folded his hands together in front of him. "My people we. . . we don't have feelings like compassion or happiness. It was bred out many centuries ago when we stopped producing offspring naturally. Irk is sort of Spartan, to use a human word. Totalitarian. The society I come from works like a machine." He paused, thinking about how Dib would have loved to be sitting here and hearing all this. "Except for the Tallest, none of us really matters. The concept of individuality doesn't exist."

"Ugh. That must suck."

Zim smiled slightly and shrugged. "I guess from an individualist race's point of view, it does. Your people are the most individualistic of all the races I've encountered. I hadn't seen anything of the like before - no Irken has - so I simply assumed you were all just very stupid because it didn't follow the 'superior' structure of Irken society."

Interested, Gaz rested her chin on her hand. "Now what do you think?"

"Now I think," Zim went on thoughtfully. "It's not stupid at all." He smiled then. "Just different. It seems to work for you."

Gaz almost laughed. "We try. Living in a Capitalist culture isn't everything it's cracked up to be but really, if it wasn't that, it'd be fascist, communistic or Irken." A very intrigued look came over her face. "Actually you taking over wouldn't have been a bad idea."

"Oh yes it would have." Zim stressed this seriously. "We'd have made you give up everything." He looked down. "Now that I think of it, you all would have died. Your people just wouldn't have been able to take that kind of ruthlessness. During your World War II, when captured by enemies, sometimes a human could talk himself out of a horrible fate by appealing to the enemy's emotions. That's what it came down to in the end. But with my people, you would have had nothing to appeal to. No." Zim shook his head. "Taking over your world would not be a good idea. Besides it'll never happen even if I hadn't changed my mind."

Gaz's face furrowed a bit. "Why?"

Zim smiled tiredly. "You know what you told me about living in a lie a few years ago?"

She nodded.

"Here's a shocker." Zim spread his arms as if showing himself off. "I'm a bona fide outcast. I'm a contradiction. I'm a disaster. I'm a mistake." He quit with the false bravado. "My Tallest sent me here to die, Gaz. I've been kicked out of my own species. For centuries I've been operating under a delusion of virtuosity reinforced by them and others. Purely for their amusement because they couldn't believe how stupid I was. The only one who came clean with me was Tak and I ignored her." Zim removed his wig and fake eyes. Why bother wearing them anymore? "It's only recently I've come to realize she was in the same boat as me." He gave a little snort at the human maxim he just used. "Instead of pretending to belong, she asserted her individuality and adjusted it so she COULD belong. She had fun with her uniqueness while I just pretended I wasn't when I really was. I think that's part of the reason why she acted so frustrated around me. I'm surprised she didn't kill me when she had to chance."

"Maybe it's because she saw herself in you," Gaz said quietly. "Did you ever think about that?"

He nodded. Yes, it had occurred to him. "I wish I could tell her. I often look for her, you know. Send transmissions. Asking her to listen. Sometimes begging her to listen. I don't know. I mean, we were enemies." Zim gazed into the firelight. "Maybe I just want to make up for making so many of them."

"You want to make amends," Gaz said in the tiniest bit of awe. "Is that one of the reasons why you won't leave me alone?" She smiled to show him she was kidding.

"Yes. You're my only real friend. . . and you don't seem to care that I'm just this short green alien with a big mouth." Zim felt his mouth turning up when he said that. He wasn't as short as he used to be, thanks to a sudden growth spurt. He was still shorter than most humans of his apparent 'age group' but it made him fit in better.

Gaz's face brightened. "Ah, I got myself so used to thinking Dib was an alien that an actual alien doesn't bother me. Actually," she reached across and tweaked one of his antenna, "I think you're kind of cute."

"Cute?" Saying that conjured up visions of the hamster Ultra-Peepi. "Are you going to start calling me disgusting diminutives and start addressing me in a little baby voice?"

"Ew no!" Gaz reacted with disgust immediately. "I meant cute in a different way. I mean you got these big eyes and when they go round like they are now, well, it's cute. You remind me of Bambi."

"Bambi?"

"He's a deer."

"Oh. I take it then I remind you of a furry woodland creature."

Gaz laughed, which left him feeling very confused. "No! Not at all. Never mind, it's too complicated for me to explain." She reached over and touched his hand. "I'm really glad you're here." Her voice was very soft now and had a different feeling in it.

"Me too. I guess." Zim was trying to figure out why she was looking at him in that way. Probably easier if I asked. "Um, how come you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Touch my hand. You do that sometimes when you say something nice to me."

Gaz snatched her hand away fast. She hadn't even realized she'd been doing that! A red hot flush came to her cheeks the warm firelight covered up. "I-I'm sorry. I'll stop doing it if you want me to."

You have to open yourself to it. You can't watch this one, you have to live it and feel it.

"No. It doesn't bother me. I just want to know why you do it."

Gaz changed the way she was sitting. Defensively she held her arms close around her body, feeling like if she didn't do that, the rest of her would fly all over the place. "I, um, I don't know."

Zim tilted his head to the side, peering at her. "Don't know or don't want to tell?"

She shrugged. Then she laid her head on the table so her chin was atop her folded fingers.

Humans were so complicated. They didn't even understand why they did some things. Frustrated, Zim imitated her. Gaz suddenly grinned, inclined her neck forward and made their noses touch - well, touch where his would have been if he had one. She puffed her cheeks. "Boo."

Startled, he reeled back.

Gaz did too. She seemed more astonished by what she had done than he did! "Sorry."

"What was THAT for?!"

"I was playing."

"Playing?" Zim stretched out the word a bit. "I know not of this 'playing'."

"Yes, you do. You used to go out at recess didn't you?" Gaz crossed her arms.

"I did." He scratched his head. "There are more ways to play than that?"

She nodded.

A thought occurred to him. "Is tickling considered play?"

Gaz turned her head and eyed him. What was he getting at? "Yeah," she replied warily as that scheming expression played across his features. Suddenly she gasped. "No! Cut it out!" But she was laughing too hard to really get what she was saying across. When he finally stopped, she rolled over on her side and clutched her aching stomach. "Where did you learn how to do that?"

"Gir." He looked really proud of himself.

She pushed with one arm to sit up. Her hair was messed up and she felt weak from laughing so much. "He's teaching you a lot isn't he?" As she spoke, she patted and smoothed her frizzed up hair back down.

"The basics mostly. It's kind of hard to get around all that gibberish." Zim panicked when she dove at him. "Oh don't!"

"Sorry, Zim. Newton's law."

"Newton's law?" he managed to gasp out, trying to fend her off. "Who's THAT? Oh stop!"

Gaz pinned him down, a devilish smirk on her often sour face. She was really enjoying this, both of them realized it at the same time. "Newton's third law of physics states that for one action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Whatsa matter Zim, didn't they teach you that at military skool?"

Did all the Membranes talk in that taunting manner or were all humans like this? He managed to grab her shirt and pull her down to the floor with him. Gaz let out a yelp as she fell. To make sure she didn't try any more, he hugged her arms to her sides.

"When I get free I'm going to destroy you."

He put on his best evil smirk to rival hers. "Then I guess I won't let you free."

"You'll have to some time." Her fast, ragged breathing heated his face and he blinked rapidly a few times. An idea hit her. "Like now!"

Then she kissed him.

Zim let out a startled yelp, let go and rolled away. Gaz was laughing hysterically, tears squeezing out the corners of her eyes. Why it always worked, she never knew.

The alien got up and just stared at her incredulously. "You horrible stink-beast!"

Gaz just kept on laughing all the way to her feet, pointing at him.

Zim growled and advanced on her. Gaz quit laughing and started to back away. "Oh Zim, c'mon! It was just a joke!" Fear leaped into her eyes when he didn't stop. "Zim, no, please. I'm sorry. If I'd known it would offend you I wouldn't have done it." When he still failed to stop, she screamed once and ran into the kitchen. While she tried to figure out whether to run out into the dark and wind or make a stand fighting with whatever rudimentary weaponry she could find, Zim caught up with her and pinned her arms to her sides.

Oh no. She let her weight sag as she squirmed. Her heart was pounding wildly and sparks of fear danced all throughout her body. Should have known better than to let her guard down around Zim even for as long as they'd known each other. Didn't she listen at all when Dib had talked about him? Didn't she see all the times her brother "suited up" to fight him? Thousands of times she'd been told about how manipulative and sneaky he was.

I'm going to pay for my ignorance with my life.

Gaz wrenched free and climbed on top of the table. The candle got knocked over. Thankfully it had already gone out so when it fell to the floor, there was no danger of fire.

Unfortunately Zim was right on her heels and grabbed both of her legs. She fell on her back and stared up in horror as Zim pinned her arms down and loomed over her.

She shut her eyes. This was it.

It came. But it wasn't what she expected.

His antenna brushed her forehead as he leaned down and gently kissed her where she had kissed him, on the mouth. It was chaste and quick. When he drew back, her eyes were open and she was staring at him with a strange sort of shock.

"Newton's law," he said simply.

"You call THAT a kiss?" Gaz grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close. When her lips met his, she just wrapped both arms around his neck. It took him a few seconds to catch up with her. He braced the table with one hand and sat up while she hung on to him.

She parted briefly to ask breathlessly. "How long have you been waiting to do that?"

"Shut up." He hooked her round the waist and answered her question.

"How long I've been waiting?" he panted after they'd parted. "How long have you been waiting?"

"Hey, buddy, sexual tension goes both ways!" Gaz objected. "Besides I've only started liking you like that only a few minutes ago!"

"A few minutes?" Zim said, sort of insulted. "Oh come on, you expect me to believe that?"

"No," Gaz snapped. "I figured you were too dense to figure THAT part out anyway."

"Dense?!" Zim eyes got hot. "For your information, everything I'm feeling right now is new to me!"

"New? How?" Gaz challenged. She really didn't know why they were fighting. "You said so yourself Irkens can't feel."

"Maybe others in my race do but not me!" Zim decided she needed to have something clarified. "I told you I was a mistake, Gaz. They tried to educate it out of me and I buried it but it doesn't mean it's not there! Why did you think I was insane all the time?!"

"What do you mean was?" It felt really good to say that for some weird reason.

"You really like pissing me off don't you?" Zim didn't bother letting her answer, he pulled her close again.

Gaz hooked her fingers around his waistline and gave him a piercing, intense stare. "You better be careful, Zim," she warned. "You'll be getting more than you bargained for if you go with me."

"I think I already know." He started. "What are you doing?. . . Oh my GOD." He sucked in his breath as she kissed him again. Long buried urges repressed for centuries started flaring up in him. When he reached up for purchase, she caught his hand and put it where she wanted it.

Eventually they made their way to the living room where things got out of control. It was the beginning of the end and only one of them would realize this when it was too late.