Title: Silence

By: Crime Scene Investigator

Feedback: PLEASE csi51792@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I don't own them, someone with a lot more talent, money and power does. But hey, I can dream can't I?

***Dear Readers, Thank you yet again for the comments. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

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It was no use; Sara couldn't focus on her files any more. Her mind was racing with too many other thoughts. Grissom hadn't returned from answering his page yet and she was starting to wonder if something was wrong. After a few moments of debate with herself, she decided to go track him down. Maybe in the process she'd gather up enough courage to share her secrets with him. She was just afraid he wouldn't be very pleased with her once she did. Oh well that was a chance she'd have to be willing to take. Gil was too important to her to have secrets this big between them.

"Catherine, I'm going stir crazy sitting here like this. I'm gonna take a quick walk around to clear my head for a few ok?"

"Sure no problem, do an extra lap for me while you're at it ok?" Catherine said smiling at her young colleague.

"Okay, back on a few." Sara said as she left the room in search of her supervisor.

She decided the best place to start looking for Grissom would be his office. It was the most logical place he would go to return a page. As she walked down the hall towards his office, she could see light shinning into the hall from the slightly open door. Not wanting to barge in on Grissom, she knocked lightly on the door and waited for an invitation to enter. When she didn't hear one she knocked again as she stuck her head in through the opening.

"Hey Grissom sorry to barge in, do you have a minute?" She asked looking towards his desk. He wasn't there. A quick scan of the room confirmed that he wasn't in the office at all. "OK boss man. now were did you go?" Sara thought aloud.

She decided her next option would be to head to the front desk. There were pay phones in a small lobby behind the desk, if it was a personal call Grissom may have decided to take it there instead of using his office phone and allowing the taxpayers of Las Vegas County pay for it. She turned to leave the office and nearly fell over backwards when she saw Grissom standing in the doorway behind her.

"Christ! Griss you scared me half to death! Sneaking up on a woman like that is one hell of a way to get a broken nose you know." Sara yelled as she jumped back a step instinctively.

"Sorry about that, and thanks for not breaking my nose. Something you need Sara?" Grissom asked stepping past her to his desk.

"Yeah actually, I need to talk to you for a few minutes." She replied settling into a chair in front of his desk.

"You're getting comfortable, this is serious." Gil noted as he settled into his own set.

"Yeah you could say it is. Listen I know how you feel about sharing personal lives at work."

"Personal lives don't belong in this line of work. The job can't become personal and personal lives can't become part of the job." Grissom interrupted.

"I know which is why I don't want you to take this as an employee and supervisor thing. I want you to take this as friend-to-friend. We are friends aren't we?"

"Of course we are Sara. Is there something wrong? You and Hank.?"

"Hank? No, no nothing like that." Sara quickly replied feeling slightly embarrassed. She wasn't sure why she just never imagined Grissom asking her if she was having problems in her personal relationships. "This is actually about you."

"Me?" Grissom asked raising his eyebrows slightly, as he always does when something surprises him.

"Yeah," Sara replied looking him square in the eyes. Then to Grissom's amazement she raised her hands before her and, in near perfect form, signed 'I KNOW YOUR SECRET'

"You're learning sign." Grissom said visibly surprised.

'AND YOU ARE AVOIDING THE SUBJECT' Sara replied, once again using sign.

'YOU ARE RIGHT, I AM. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?' Grissom signed back.

'I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG FOR A WHILE NOW BUT I DID NOT KNOW WHAT IT WAS UNTIL I WAS LEAVING CLASS AND SAW YOU GOING INTO LIPREADING CLASSES AT THE UNIVERSITY A FEW WEEKS AGO'

'OH-I-SEE, HAVE YOU TOLD ANYONE?'

"No, it's not my place; but I think you should." Sara said dispensing with the sign for a moment. She was getting good at her newfound language but she still felt more comfortable using speech for the time being.

"I know. When did you start learning sign?" He asked.

"You're avoiding the subject again."

"Okay, I'll make a deal with you. You've obviously known about my secret for some time now, but I've just learned about yours. Let's make this fair, I ask you a question, then you get to ask me one until we get the information we're looking for. Both our curiosities are satisfied that way. How does that sound?"

"Sure. Go ahead, ask away." Sara replied settling back into her chair.

"Okay, when did you start learning sign?"

"About two weeks after that case last year when that deaf kid was killed during the hit and run. When did you find out you were losing your hearing?"

"Two months ago I started noticing I was missing bits of conversations and walking down the street I would suddenly stop hearing cars go past. Why did you start taking the classes?"

"I saw you signing. I saw how invaluable your ability to communicate with the people close to the victim was. We've had a case involving that community once, who says it won't happen again. I don't want to insult anyone like we did before. People learn Spanish to improve communication in the work place, why not learn the language of someone living right here in my own back yard?"

"Very good reasons, it's a shame more hearing people don't think of it in the same way."

"Why haven't you told anyone about your hearing yet?" Sara asked getting back to the questions and answers before Grissom had a change to distract her from it.

"I have, I told my mother. To be honest at first I wasn't sure how to tell anyone except her. I knew someone was going to notice and I'd have to tell I just didn't know who it would be."

"We've all noticed, even Gregg. You haven't been yelling at him for his music lately." Sara explained when Grissom furrowed his forehead in confusion.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner that you knew?" Grissom asked.

"Same reason I haven't told anyone else, it's not my place. I had hoped that you would decide to tell me yourself though."

"Sara I didn't know how to tell anyone. I'm just starting to really deal with it myself."

"What's causing it?" Sara asked.

"Otosclerosis, it's a hereditary disease. It produces an abnormal growth of bone of the inner ear. The bone prevents structures within the ear form working properly and causes hearing loss. In my case the hearing loss is becoming quite profound and severe, and it's affecting both ears."

"Oh-my-God, Gris, can anything be done? Surgery, hearing aids?" Sara asked her concern for her boss and friend showing through.

"Surgery and hearing aids are typically an option but not in my case. The disease is severely advanced and involves the internal ear and nerves. Surgery would most likely bring no improvement to my hearing."

"Isn't it worth the chance? What's the worst that can happen? You could be lucky and it work."

"I could, but why get my hopes up? I don't want to be deaf, but it has always been a possibility in my life."

"You said it was genetic, your mother?" Sara asked. She had learned over a year ago about Grissom's ability to sign but he had not shared how he had learned or why and no one was going to venture and ask him.

"Yes, my mother lost her hearing several years ago. I was still very young, so I attended sign classes with her. I never expected to lose my hearing but I wanted to be able to communicate with her. That's how I know sign language."

"We wondered about that. I think that was the first time we realized how little we all know about you."

"I've never been one on divulging personal information, and I consider anything about my mother very personal."

"So what happens now?"

"Well, I guess I tell everyone else. You're all great investigators, everyone will find out eventually and I guess it will be better if I tell them myself first."

"Are you worried about how they'll take it?" Sara asked, not really believing any of her colleagues would be anything but sympathetic and willing to help.

"Not really, I just don't look forward to leaving CSI so soon." Gil responded, sadness present in his voice for the first time during their conversation.

"Leave? Why would you leave?" Sara asked, concerned at the thought of Grissom not being around. He was more then just a boss to her he was a friend, maybe more.

"Think about it Sara. I didn't hear my pager going off in the lab earlier. Catherine was talking to me and I didn't even know she was there. And even when I did I couldn't hear what she was saying."

"Yeah but you're taking Lip-reading classes for that right?"

"You're taking sign classes you know Lip-reading isn't enough and that it's not completely reliable. Some people's lips are very hard to read when they're speaking. Besides what about when I'm at a crime scene? What happen when I can't hear what's going on there?" Grissom was pleased to see the concern on Sara's face and hear it in her voice. He had always thought of her as a friend; even when she was still just a student, and over the past few years, working together his feelings had grow for her.

"You can still gather the evidence. How much of what we do involves hearing?"

"What happens when there is something at the scene that does require my hearing? We don't have partners here Sara, we double up on cases that require it but I can't hinder an investigation by missing things."

"Any investigation taken on by this office would be hindered by your not being involved Gil." Sara said; she appeared to be holding back tears.

"I just don't know if I can take the chance of missing something, I don't even know if they would give me the option if I wanted to."

"You think they'd get ride of you because of this?" Sara asked; shock now showing on her face.

"I think they've wanted to get rid of me for a long time. I'm unpopular with the political side of this job and no matter how good I am at the forensics I'm still a wild card in their eyes. Yes I think they would use this as a reason to finally get rid of me."

"Well they can't. I mean it's not legal is it? Deafness is a recognized handicap and is covered by the Disabilities Act right? They can't fire you on the basis of your hearing."

"Sara, relax, I appreciate your concern but no decisions have been made yet. As of now, the only people aware of the situation are the doctor, my mother and you. I'm not concerned about anything happening in the near future, but I have to think about what I'm going to do."

"I just don't think you should let this stop you from working here." Sara said no longer even trying to hide the sadness that was covered by her concern. Grissom was important to her, even if she couldn't' gather the courage to tell him he had to know he was more then just a boss to her. How could he just leave?

"Sara what is it? I didn't think this would be so upsetting to you." Grissom asked worried over how much pain this seemed to be causing her.

"I just. I think you should know something before you make any decision." Sara said, not believing what she was about to say.

"Okay, tell me what it is." Was all Grissom could say.

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'Where the heck did Sara go for her walk, the Strip?' Catherine thought to herself when she looked at the clock and saw that Sara had been gone for over a half and hour. It's not that she minded her taking such a long break form her work. She was just concerned since Sara had said she would only be gone a few minutes. She hadn't said much when they were discussing Grissom, Catherine had recently noticed a change in the way the two CSI's interacted with each other lately. Not like there was, something going on between them, more like both of them would be considerably happier if something did.

Catherine decided she would take a walk of her own and see where Sara had gone. While she was at it, she figured it would be the perfect time to approach Grissom about his recent behavior. She set the file she was working on back on top of the pile and headed out the door.

"You know if we were in a restaurant right now I would be thinking our dates were trying to cut out on paying the check." Warrick said to Nick as Catherine exited the room without a word to either of them. "What do you think they're up to?"

"Nothing man, Catherine probably just decided it was time to go talk to Gris. So do you really think Gris is going deaf?" Nick asked; glad to have something to focus his attention on other then his case files.

"I don't know man, but look at tonight, he didn't hear Cath talking to him or that page going off. I don't care what anyone says." Warrick answered his friend and turned his attention back to his file.

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As Catherine walked down the hall towards Grissom's open door, she could hear voices carrying into the corridor. Grissom and Sara were talking, and by the sound of their voices, they were both a bit upset over the topic at hand. Not angry upset, more like concerned.

As she reached the door, she could hear Sara telling Grissom that there was something he needed to know. 'Oh no way did I just walk in on this.' Catherine thought as she stood with her hand on the open door.

"Okay, tell me what it is." She heard Grissom tell Sara.

Just then, as she tried to step back from the door way, the door her hand was resting on moved slightly and let out an audible *squeak*. "Damn-it." She cursed herself as she saw both Sara and Grissom looked towards the door and saw here standing there. "Sorry I heard you guys talking and tried to leave before interrupting, like I have obviously already done. Sorry, I'll just."

"No, Catherine, come in please. I have something to tell you." Grissom said standing to move another chair from his worktable to the desk.

"You can tell me later Gil, you're busy." Catherine said weakly feeling horrible for ruining the moment she saw Sara had finally chosen to tell Grissom how she felt about him.

"Uh, no Catherine, come on in, this is important." Sara said, seeing the concern Catherine felt at walking in on them.

"If you're sure, because this can wait." She said as she moved towards the chair.

"No it can't, it's waited long enough, too long actually." Grissom said as he moved back around to his side of the desk.

"Okay," Catherine said as she settled into her chair. "What's up?"

"I know that everyone has been noticing some changes in me lately."

"That's putting it mildly Gil." Catherine said; glad to hear he was finally going to fill her in on the big secret.

"I'm going deaf Catherine."

"Otosclerosis? " Catherine asked, though it came out as more of a statement then a question.

"You knew?" Grissom asked leaning forward in his seat.

"The thought crossed my mind a few times but I never really thought that's what it was until tonight when you stared at me while I was talking to you. It was like the first time I met your mother, she stared at my mouth. trying to read my lips."

"I forgot you met my mother Catherine." Grissom said sitting back fully in his chair.

"It was about eight years ago but yeah, that's when she told me about the Otosclerosis remember? I was curious about her hearing loss and she explained it all to me and your chances of developing it someday."

"I had forgotten all about that."

"So you knew?" Sara asked, turning towards Catherine, a look of utter confusion on her face. "You asked all of us what we thought and you knew all along?"

"No I didn't know, I suspected that was it but I wasn't sure. I wanted to know what everyone else thought before I approached Gil about it." Catherine explained. "I wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one noticing it. I wanted to be sure before I just walked in here and confronted you with it Gris." She continued to explain, giving Sara her 'Mother' look that she often used on Lindsey when she did something she didn't approve of.

"Sara already knew Catherine." Grissom said noticing the look.

"What? You said you didn't."

"I've known for a few weeks Cath, Gris didn't tell me I found out on my own, accidentally. I thought it was better for him to tell us. But since I knew you were going to confront him about it tonight I thought it would be best to give him the chance to do it first."

"I wasn't going to confront him; I was going to ask him." Catherine snapped coming off a bit angrier then she really wanted to. Sara wasn't the person she was mad at, she wasn't even mad at Grissom, she was just hurt that after all the years of knowing each other Grissom didn't feel comfortable enough coming to her with this news on his own.

"Sara could you please excuse Catherine and I for just a few minutes?" Grissom asked, realizing why Catherine was so upset. "Go back down to the lab and tell Nick and Warrick that I want to speak to everyone in the break room in half an hour, that includes Gregg."

"But." Sara began.

"Please Sara; we'll finish our conversation later okay?" Grissom said in his 'I'm being the boss right now' tone of voice.

"Fine." Sara said as she stood from her chair and exited the office to deliver the message to the others.

"Catherine, I'm sorry. I should have told you." Grissom began.

"You're damn right you should have Gil! We've known each other how many years? We've been through how much together? God Gil! You were there through my whole divorce form Eddie! You're like family to Lindsey and I, I know you're not one to share things Gil but this?"

"Catherine, I didn't know how to tell anyone. My mother was the first one I went to and do you know what she asked me? When are you going to tell Catherine? I didn't even remember at the time you had met, I thought she only knew of you because of things I had told her about you and Lindsey. It scared me; I guess I just never thought of my having to go to anyone for anything. When she asked me that I just couldn't begin to think how to tell you I was going deaf, or anyone for that matter."

"I'm sorry Gris; I'm not trying to be the injured one here. It's just a low blow when you find out your best friend didn't know you were close enough to share life altering events." Catherine replied, all the anger gone form her voice.

"No Catherine, I'm sorry, I'm too wrapped up in being a loner to see that haven't been one in a very long time." Gil explained. He felt terrible knowing he had hurt his friend so much. For as good as he was at details, he could be so oblivious to the obvious at times. Catherine considered him her best friend, and he hadn't even realized that she was his also.

For the first time Grissom realized that though this disease was taking away his hearing, it was also, for the first time, opening his eyes to everything else he had in his life. Including Sara, he wasn't sure how he was going to do it but he was certain he had to tell her about his feelings for her.

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***Hi Readers! Ok am I being totally cruel with the suspenseful endings? Good ( Hey I've gotta get you to come back for more somehow don't I. Hope you're still enjoying it! Keep the reviews coming please, and I'm open to suggestions anyone may have or anything you may want to see happen. Enjoy!!***