What I Really Meant to Say

 It took me by surprise
When I saw you standing there

Hermione looked around the great hall. It was the last two weeks of school and the 7th years were having a dance in honor of graduation. She sat alone in a corner all dressed up and nobody to share the evening with. She and Draco had broken up a week before when they got into an argument and that had been it. She told him she couldn't stand him anymore and he broke it off. Scanning the room again her eyes landed on a certain blond haired man. He was wearing pitch black robes, his hair was slicked back. He appeared calm and collected. But inside he was an ocean of emotions. Raging with the storm inside him. She stood quickly. Walking to the nearest group she didn't want to look as if there breakup affected her.

Close enough to touch
Breathing the same air

She sighed every now and then she would sneak a glance at Draco, whom was standing in the corner talking to a group of Slytherins. She smiled at his closeness. The group she was with seemed to be drifting closer still. This was as close as she had been in days. Okay, so they passed in the halls but she never got to stare at him and admire his perfect image like she was now. Everything about him tonight made her wish he was still hers. And she wished with all her heart that when she saw him flirting she could just go over there and stand between the girl and him. But as she painfully reminded her self every time she got this feeling. He was no longer hers. She smiled and looked down not even listening to the people around her, whom she secretly wished would all disappear and leave only her and him.

You asked me how I'd been
 I guess that's when I smiled and said Just Fine
Oh, but baby I was lying

Draco stood walking up to Hermione. Smiling he asked "So how you been doing lately?"

Hermione looked into his beautiful gray eyes, which were the color of storm clouds that would stay for weeks and never leak a drop of rain. His eyes, his most wonderful feature. She smiled and said "I've been doing great. You?'' Oops wrong answer. I'm falling apart inside

What I really meant to say
Is that I'm dying here inside

How could I tell him that? Why couldn't I tell him the truth? But still I smiled. While inside I wished I could take it all back. I figure I would die of grief and sorrow before I die of disease and old age. I waited for his reply with hope. Hope that he'll say he's sorry. He never meant for it to turn out like this. It was spark of the moment rage. Oh, but that reply never came.

He smiled and nodded "Me too''

I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven't cried

Her hope all fell away. Washed away by the rain that resembled her tears. She missed him so much. His eyes staring into hers. His whispered promises and I love you's. That means nothing now. Except painful reminders of what she lost. She missed his silky, touchable hair. God, she even missed his arrogant, cocky attitude. She lost it all with one sentence. He was no longer hers to claim. There wasn't a night since the breakup where she didn't cry herself to sleep. Where her pillow ended up soaked and her hair plastered to her face. And the stinging bellow her eyes that let you know there as red and puffy and irritated as their going to get.

And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
That's what I really meant to say

I still love you. She wanted to tell him. Whisper it in his ears while running her hands through his hair. To caress his baby soft cheek while feeling his lips on hers. She wondered what he felt inside. Did he regret his actions? Did he want to take it back? Was he dying to let her know that he really loved her and all he wanted at that moment was to fell her arms around him? It was a comforting thought. But as she looked up into Draco's eyes she noticed that's exactly what it was, just a thought. Because he was making no movement to hug her and no sorrys were coming out of his perfect, kissable mouth. She realized that she would give anything for one more hug and kiss before she left. Because then she would never see him again.

And as you walked away
The echo of my words
cut just like a knife
Cut so deep it hurt

Draco smiled "Just came to see how you were doing. Glad your doing good" He turned around and started walking away.

'I've been doing great. You?' It all seemed so surreal. Did those words really leave my mouth? I wanted to change them. Then and there. I wanted to confess undying love. She laughed. He would probably stare at her and blow her off. Saying he already found a new girlfriend. And then question her. Do you think a Malfoy could stay single for a week? No, I suppose not. I smiled ruefully at where my thoughts were going. It hurt. Oh, yes it hurt.

I held back the tears
Held on to my pride and watched you go
I wonder if you'll ever know


Hermione bit her bottom lip, trying to keep the tears that where welling up in her eyes back. And to keep from yelling that she loved him so much it hurt. Pride was a horrible thing and she had so much it was boiling over. She was going to miss him horribly and any woman who becomes his wife is going to be the luckiest woman ever. Oh, come off it Hermione. You'll find love again. She kept telling herself but then the other side of her brain would kick in. Not like him. He is unique. None other like him. She frowned. I wonder if you'll ever know about the love I still feel for you.

What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
I miss you more each day

Hermione stared out the window of Hogwarts express. This is the last time I will be on this train. The last time staring at this landscape. The last time smelling this particular smell that seems to fill this train. My last time sitting across from Harry and Ron. The two best friends anybody could ask for. And I'm going to miss them. But I really wish for the last time on this train Draco would have sat by me. So I could stare into his eyes for the last time. I sighed. But I couldn't get that wish. Because I screwed up. I told him I was doing fine. I lied. My heart was breaking and piece by piece it hit the floor in quiet remembrance. I wish I told you what I felt inside.

There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby here's the truth

I remember sitting up till midnight crying. Finally to tired to sob. The words I love you Draco wondering through my mind. If you would of asked me on my first year who I would end up with by the end of school. Your name would not even have come to mind. Oh, but now I wouldn't have it any other way. It's happened and it's over. We're over. Though I still love you.

I'm still in love with you
That's what I really meant to say

I climb off the train. Walking down the steps for the last time. I look around in hope of spotting you. Why because I love you, because I'm going to miss you dreadfully. But no such luck. Your blond hair is no where to be seen. I smile all the same. Putting on the fake image for friends. While inside I'm being tore up. My friends congratulate me, parents hug me, and you are nowhere. I frown. 'You never lose by loving, you always lose by holding back' One of my moms favorite quotes. Does she realize how true it is or was dad her first sweetheart. I don't know. What I do know is that somewhere deep in my heart I'll always have a special place for him.

What I really meant to say
Is that I'm not that strong
No matter how hard I try

I smile, fake, false, pseudo. It's all wrong. Will I live a life thats nothing but a lie. I'm not that strong. I would give up. Quite living. Nothing is worth the pain. Not even life. Or is it? Am I just drowning in the after breakup sorrow. My head went under a long time ago. I guess I should suck it up and move on with my life. Fate has written me a different course not the one I would prefer. Or do they all lead to you. Will I eventually end up in your embrace? Hopefully. But no matter how hard I try to convince myself I wonder still the same. Do I have another path I have to walk? One that doesn't have you at the end.

I'm still holding on
And here's the honest truth

I'm still in love with you

Five years after graduation, still no sign of Draco. I smile I'm over the heart break but deep inside I know I'm still in love with him. I will never be over that. To be quite honest I'm still hoping he will show up on my front door. I know what you're thinking yes I've been married. Have a child and been through a divorce. Marriage didn't go right.
I picked up my two year old, placing him in the car seat. Aubrey has black hair like his dad and brown eyes. I get in the front seat, driving to London. We're going to Diagion Alley today.

Sooner or later, we're there. I take Aubrey out of the back. And we go into The Leaky Cauldron. Tapping on the bricks I wait for them to open.

As soon as we get in Aubrey begs to go to the pet store. So we do and the sight at the counter makes my breath catch in my throat. There is Draco. Holding hands with a...Two year old girl. I smile.

Walking up to him he turns around. Moment of nothing. Then he smiles. Honest to God, I'm still in love with you.

That's what I really meant to say