~~ Chapter Four: Losing Grip ~~

Nick stared blankly at the minister, as he told stories about the higher points of Jenna's life. People were smiling, even laughing, at things that she'd done and said. They'd just lost probably the most beautiful person to have ever come into their lives, and they were smiling and laughing? Nick was completely aghast. He looked to his left, and saw that even Gil was laughing a little. Sure, this was a remembrance ceremony, but laughing? Nick listened closely to every word the minister was saying, trying in his head to pick out what was so funny. He didn't see it. Even the minister's jokes sucked. If they weren't completely lame, they were depressing. Tears filled Nick's eyes, but he sucked them back, so he didn't look weak. He couldn't look weak in front of all these people. Sure, they all shared a common love for Jenna, but no love on this Earth was as deep as his was, aside from maybe Gil's. But, even he was laughing. Maybe Nick should take that as a signal to loosen up? No, this was Jenna's death he was talking about here. Loosening up would mean he was actually cool with her being gone, and he was very far from that. He just sat back, and listened to the Reverend talk.

"You can't talk about Jenna Grissom, without talking about her father, Gil..." Reverend James stated. "Jenna was Gil's mirror image, only, female and a couple decades younger..." he chuckled, followed by everyone else in the church, with the exception of Nick. "Gil was her nurturer, advice giver, and her boss at work, to boot...nepotism rears it's head again..." he joked, again causing everyone but Nick to laugh. "Her work life was incredible. She was remarkably good at what she did, and well loved by everyone at the crime lab, and considered them all her best friends. With the exception of one man, the love of her life, as she often called him, Nick Stokes."

Nick's head raised, as the Reverend Stevens said his name. Hearing that previous statement was a shot through his heart.

"Jenna was always talking about how someday, she wanted to marry Nick, and have a family with him. She even asked me if, when that day came, I'd join them. Of course, never in my life seeing two people so blissful as them, I agreed, because I would have done anything to make such a wonderful girl happy," every word Reverend Stevens said stabbed more and more into Nick's heart. "She loved him so much-"

Nick had heard enough. He stood up, and walked out of the funeral home in a blind rage. He couldn't handle thinking of how much Jenna loved him, because she had died thinking he didn't love her back, when he did, just as much. He'd had plans to marry her, and have a family with her, too, after seeking Gil's permission, but then everything went wrong. He'd picked the most beautiful diamond ring, and had everything so perfectly orchestrated in his head. He sat in his car and sobbed. He'd never felt so alone in his whole life. And now, the one woman who usually understood, and caressed him, was gone. He had no one. He stared blankly into space, and was suddenly joined by Gil.

"Nick..." Gil touched his shoulder. "Are you going to be ok?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Nick lied, nodding his head yes. "Go back in there, I just couldn't handle all the 'Jenna loved Nick so much,' stuff..." he swallowed back the lump that had lodged itself in his throat. "It's too much..."

Gil understood completely. He had seen Nick and Jenna together, so many times, and having everything end on such a harsh note must have brought Nick right down with Jenna. Nick's life was going to be as upside down as his own was for awhile, then, hopefully, he'd overcome his grief, and come back a ten times stronger man. He flashed Nick a friendly look, said, "Just be careful, Nicky," and headed back into the ceremony.

Nick laughed apathetically, and drove away from the church. "I wish you'd told me that the night I fucking broke your daughter's heart!" he mumbled to himself. He wanted to go home, but couldn't, because everything there reminded him of Jenna. The next logical place was the park, but there were far too many people there. He sighed, pulled over onto the side of the road, and just cried. This was completely his fault. He had no Jenna, and he had no ability to bring her fact this time. The woman he loved was dead, and when she died, she didn't even know he loved her. He'd lost it all in one harsh swoop, or...one harsh bang, rather. Ingenious of Nigel Crane, really. Brutal, but ingenious. He had permanently scarred Nick, and did it all in Nick's own home, without knowing how deep the scar really was.

Jenna was the best thing to have ever happened to him, and he let her slip away. Like everything else that had ever been good in his life, Jenna was gone, and he'd never see her again. This thought horrified him. He needed to get his head back on straight, but had no idea how. He sighed, leaned his head against the headrest, and closed his eyes, not expecting to fall asleep like he did.

~~

Rylea Patterson shook her head. She was being asked to replace someone who just died? Was this what she was expected to do? Obviously, the people at the Las Vegas Crime Lab were going to hate her at first. Did she expect that? Yes. Did she want that? No. But, it was inevitable. She looked in the newspaper, for the obituary of the poor girl she was replacing. Jenna Grissom...looking at this picture was like staring at her own reflection, really, and it was really quite scary. She put down the picture, and fixed her hair. This was going to be as close to hell as you could get. "Two days until doomsday..." she complained to herself, and went out for a drive.

~~

Why should I care?
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone.
You, you need to listen.
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip, and I'm in this thing alone.
~~ 'Losing Grip' – Avril Lavigne ~~