If you thought we wouldn't do it, of course we would. You silly goose, how can you keep us away from writing more fanfictions? Numair and I walked into my room when suddenly Numair said, "The Pyro of Notre Dame", looking at my movie shelf. Given our imagination, cynical and twisted as it is, you get to see the final product, lucky you.

Disclaimer: We do not own Escaflowne or the "Hunchback of Notre Dame." Escaflowne was created by Hajime Yadate and Shoji Kawamori, with of course Sunrise. The original story "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" was written by Sir Victor Hugo, and the movie is all Disney baby.

~Characters~

Quasimodo = Dilandau Albatou

Victor = Migel

Hugo = Chesta

Laverne = a rock with a happy face on it

Claude Frollo = Van Fanel

Esmeralda = Hitomi Kanzaki

Jolly the Goat = Merle

Phoebus = Allen

Clopin = Folken Fanel

Puppet = Chid zar Fried

Quasimodos' Parents = Jajuka (Father) and Zongi (Mother)

The Pyro of Notre Dame

High above the clouds a helicopter zooms rapidly towards the famous cathedral Notre Dame and is immediately arrested for flying in the "NO FLY ZONE". The attention is then taken down to the city where poor peasants roll around in the dirt, having nothing else to entertain themselves in their meaningless existence.

A sudden deep voice is heard wafting through the streets, singing…

Morning in Asturia, the city awakes

To the cackle of Notre Dame

The mall rats all shop,

The drunkard drinks more

To the cackle of Notre Dame!

"Come here my children, Uncle Folken will tell you a tell. Do you hear the beautiful cackle of the bells? As you know they don't ring by themselves," Folken said smiling down upon his helpless prey.

"They don't!?" Chid asked popping up out of no-where.

"No you silly boy!"

SLAP.

"Up there hidden away from all the stupid massed huddle of people there lives a demon boy. Who is this demon?"

"Who?"

"What kind of demon is he?"

"What?"

"How did he…" Folken started then looked down at Chid.

"How!?"

"SHUT UP!"

BAM.

"Uncle Folken will tell you!" cackled Folken extending his mechanical arm and pointing a clawed finger towards the children to lure them closer.

(sing) During the middle of the day was then the story starts

In the sewers somewhat close to Notre Dame……

Through the sewer a small boat slowly slips through the water at record speed, thanks to the power of motors. A couple sits huddled together, trying to protect their child from the bitter wind.

"What wind? It's the sewer."

Shut up. Zongi, the official drag queen throughout all the parody fics, tries desperately to quiet the child. Moleman demands more money for safe passage into Asturia, or else they can navigate the sewers on their own.

"Okay," Jajuka said helping his beloved (cough cough) and child out of the boat.

However, a trap had been laid for their arrival! Men bearing swords that glistened from the blood of their last kill ten minutes ago quickly surrounded them.

"Darling, I think those dead bodies back there were a hint," whispered Zongi clutching the child ever closer.

Lighting flashes as a black shadow stretched across the screen. Zongi wets itself and clutched the child ever closer, perhaps causing serious brain damage, and Jajuka barks.

The darkness suddenly lifts and they stand in the snow in the streets of the city!

"How'd that happen?" the dog man wondered.

Creative license. And from the shadows of the dark ally, a frightening (yet devilishly handsome) figure on a kick-ass black stallion sauntered into the light. Dressed in a pure evil black robe and cloak, the dark-haired young man stared down upon his captives! It was the horrible, winged, dread Judge Van de Fanel!!!!! (Dun dun dun!!!!).

Zongi in mortal fear for its offspring ran in hopes that Van would not capture it, conveniently forgetting Van can FLY, and its husband.

"Hey wait Zongi, don't run away, it's CERTAIN DEATH!!" screamed Jajuka in anguish as the guards arrested him and shoved him into a box for later fanfiction use.

Skirts whipping wildly in the wind, catching on fences that Zongi bolted over, it ran towards Notre Dame to claim "Sanctuary" from the evil, yet wonderfully handsome, Judge Van de Fanel. Running up the flight of stairs, Zongi pounded upon the door asking for someone to please save it. As mentioned before, Van has WINGS and quickly caught up to our distressed doppelganger.

"What do you have in there, doppelganger? Likely MAKE UP PRODUCTS! Not on my hour, uh…. Doppy!" Van concluded flying over and grabbing the bundle.

"No! I will never give it up!" the dramatically overacting Zongi cried not letting go of the bundle, and thus ever so brilliantly slipping on a patch of ice, cracking its head open.

"Oops," said Van then shrugged checking out his latest steal, "Cover Girl? GASP A MONSTER!"

How convenient, we've got a dog man, a doppelganger, a moleman, and a ryuu-jin, and Dilandau's the monster! Is life fair?

NO! Van, after throwing up profusely, moonwalked over to the well to deposit the demon.

"STOP!"

Van turned around more than slightly annoyed to find Dryden, in priest garb, waving his arms dramatically. He looked down upon Zongi, shook his head, and walked past.

"Look at what you've done! Clean it up!" snapped Dryden as he produced a mop out of thin air.

"I did not! It slipped."

"What have you got there, make-up?" Dryden inquired smiling, totally forgetting the dead doppelganger on the steps.

"Unfortunately, no. An unholy demon from HELL!!" screamed Van pointing his index finger towards the sky.

"Wouldn't dropping it in the well contaminate the water?"

Shh.

"You can't do that, it is just an innocent baby! (Has not had the chance to turn into an unholy demon from hell yet)," commented the heavenly Dryden, his eyes sparkling from an unknown light source.

"Then why give it the chance!!!" cried Van, waving his arms, forgetting he was still holding a baby, who probably just lost a few more brain cells.

"Because the Eyes of Notre Dame are watching YOU!"

With that, Van turn to find the stone dragons heads glaring down upon him, the blood of the vanished doppelganger dripping from their fangs. For the first time in his life, Van was a more than perturbed, I mean, WHERE had those dragonheads come from?

"Argh. What now?" Van asked edging ever closer to the well.

"Care for the child, raise it as your own," smiled Dryden peacefully.

"No, you raise, it slipped on YOUR steps!" grumbled Van throwing the child at Dryden.

"Where? There is no room?"

"The bathroom for all I care!!"

"That is currently occupied by your last victims child," sighed Dryden wondering how many more victims Van would get living in his church.

"Damn it. Ummm… how about the bell tower?"

Dryden pondered for a few minutes. Thus far the bathroom, the confession booths, the cloisters, half the aisles were full of victims children, half not expected to make it past the opening credits. Could he really allow Van to get away with this?

"So I'll leave the rest to you," Van said walking back out into the snow where his horse suddenly had appeared.

"HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!!!"

"Thus Van gave the child a cruel name….. DILANDAU," Folken concluded coldly noticing half the children were too petrified to move.

"What does it mean?" Chid cried popping up once more.

"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!?"

SMACK.

The camera then slowly backs away from the scary situation and gazes up to the tower. A pillar of flames is suddenly seen bursting from the highest point in the tower, forming the letters:

THE PYRO OF NOTRE DAME

Well, what did you think? We re-watched the movie and have all the ideas thought out, so the next chapter will come out shortly. Please R&R!