Well, we are back, yet again…! Numair went out of town for the weekend, sadness. However, in our pitiful non-togetherness state (a horrible two days) we came up with ideas. We had entirely TOO much fun writing this, I mean, we drank a glass of chocolate milk and a bag of M&M's. -_-; PG-13 for language and other evil things.

Disclaimer: Blah.

~Characters (in case you are stupid, or in our case, short memory)~

Quasimodo = Dilandau Albatou

Victor = Migel

Hugo = Chesta

Laverne = a rock with a happy face on it

Claude Frollo = Van Fanel

Esmeralda = Hitomi Kanzaki

Jolly the Goat = Merle

Phoebus = Allen

Clopin = Folken Fanel

Puppet = Chid zar Fried

Meanwhile, our dumb girly looking hero…

"KNOCK IT OFF!"

Shut up Allen. The Knight of Asturia entered the sexy Judge Van de Fanel's abode in a feeling of danger creeping into his bones. As he walked through the halls he heard the sound of whipping and a plea of forgiveness echoing off the walls.

He entered the random dungeon to find Van admonishing a scantily dressed dominatrix Millerna, her black leather spandex, clinging to her body like Allen on women. Overall, she looked like she had just stepped out a Shadow Lady manga. Her whip, bloodied with her victims lifeblood, shining in the torchlight.

"Ease up," Van stated, "Wait between lashes, there's no need to be so kinky."

"Aww, but Vaaaaaaan…" she began with disappointment.

"Fine, we'll let them be the judge. Hey," he called over to the shackled prisoners, "do you want her to continue?"

"Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah…!" they cried in ecstasy.

Van shrugged. "Okay, have fun."

Millerna snapped her whip and swung a few chains over her shoulder as a dark, twisted grin spread across her face. She marched back to the prisoners, blocking the camera's view.

"Ah, Captain Assho—I mean Allen, home from his exile. Heard 'bout what you did to Duke Fried's wife, heh heh." Van taunted happily.

"Oh, I heard about that!" exclaimed an old man who had probably been locked up for the past forty years.

Allen rolled his eyes. "Allen Schezar reporting for duty sir."

"'Sir', damn straight!" Van said, leading the way out of the dungeon. "I hope you are better than our last captain of the guard, he was a bit of a disappointment to me."

CRACK

"YEEEHAW!!!!!!!!"

"You like that, bitch!!?" Millerna's voice echoed as they stepped into daylight.

"Look at the city, what do you see, in the non-perverted sense," Van questioned as they suddenly appeared at the top of the building.

"A bunch of peasants rolling around in the dirt in their meaningless existence?" replied Allen looking down at the streets.

"SIR!" corrected Van.

"Uh… Sir."

"No, past that, third alley to the left," sighed Van, thinking that Allen was as hopeless as he looked.

"A gang beating and raping some helpless woman?"

"Who cares about that? To your left, not right! Honestly, I'm surprised you know how to breathe," grumbled the Judge flicking his hair out of his eyes.

"Some girl telling fortunes."

"Exactly! The horror of it all, in this city! Psychics are bad!" exclaimed Van pointing his heavenly finger towards the sky.

"Sir?"

"People always worrying about the future, never concerned with what is happening to them now. That dirt they are rolling in, no thought what so ever. For the past twenty years I have devoted myself to combing out the psychics of this city."

"Sir, you are only fifteen."

Van stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Allen as though he was another life form. His eyes began to glow a fiery red as his background turned into one of fire. "How DARE you! Are you trying to provoke me?!" he yelled, his voice breaking.

Allen stared, completely perturbed. "Umm, no Sir…."

"Good," Van smiled, perfectly 'calm' once more, "Like I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted," he said shooting Allen a nasty look, "One by one I destroy them, however they thrive. I believe that they have a place where they gather, a safe haven. They call it the 'Court of Psychics', feh, how creative."

"So, what do you plan on us doing about it?"

"Us? And where is that 'Sir'?"

"What am I going to do about it, Sir?"

A demonic smile crossed Van's features as he ripped out a stone from the wall and began smashing everything in sight. After demolishing the entire balcony, he stopped and caught his breath. "Clear?"

"Crystal, Sir."

"No, not one of your whores, is it clear!?"

"Yes, Sir." Allen sighed, thinking Van had spent waaaaay too much time with Dilandau lately. Allen didn't want to take his chances.

"Duty calls, the stupid festival is today."

"Sir?"

"Have you ever been to one of these festivals? It is crawling with psychos, especially, gag, psychics. I am forced to attend," Van sighed, leading the way to the stairs, "Thus, I am forcing you to as well."

"Lucky me."

"SIR!"

"… Sir."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Meanwhile, in another part of the dirt hole, also known as the city, people quickly made their way towards the festival. The people found entertainment in this wonderful festival, founded by some guy named 'Isaac Newton'… or something close to that.

"Aaaahfuck…that hurt!" grumbled our demonic hero as he peeled himself of the street. He wouldn't have found it so annoying had the whole country hadn't decided to wear high heels and walk all over him. Looking up, he found himself in the middle of the square, people surrounding him and bursting into song. Dilandau screamed in bloody horror, but was drowned out by the music that came from nowhere.

A large procession was slowly making its way towards him, singing solemnly,

Hey, y'all, get over 'ere!

Leave your hopes and filthy dreams

Coop the fleas and pen the whores

Hey, y'all, get over 'ere!

Close the churches and the schools,

It's the day for eating stool!

Come over to the festival oooof…..

"UNMEI KAIHEN!!!!!" cried Folken, leaping from behind the procession and throwing back his cape to reveal a brightly colored motley uniform, covered with bells and shiny objects. Chid jumped out from nowhere beside him, dressed in similar fashion.

Dingle dingle.

"Isn't that your brother, sir?" Allen questioned Van, secretly smiling to himself.

"Gods no! I'm an only child!" Van mumbled, hiding his face in his hands.

Folken began to leap about in an energetic fashion, twirling around poles and glomping various people while singing.

Once a year we alter fate here in town!

Once a year we turn reality upsidown!

Every man's a woman an every woman man!

Once again, It's Unmei Kaihen Dayyy!!!!

Dilandau sat there, mouth agape. "Strategos…?" he whimpered, suddenly VERY perturbed. Folken playfully winked at him and continued his prance fest, Chid desperately trying to keep up. Dilandau wisely scurried off before he was pulled into this nightmare of fluff.

Hey y'all, get here! Hayaku, hayaku, isoide! See the myst'ry and romance!

Folken then preceded to nudged Van in the ribs, who screamed in rage and knocked the very OOC Folken away from him.

See the Mystic girl from the Mystic Moon

Make a bloody prediction to horrify!

Predict la Hitomi….

PREDICT!

Folken threw down a smoke bomb and vanished, (much to relief of Van) leaving in his place, Hitomi Kanzaki with her tarot cards.

"Hmm…let's see…I foresee much…BLOOD, DEATH, DESTRUCTION for this city," she paused, turning another card, "and FIRE!"

An albino teenager's fist shot up from the crowd. "YEAH!!!!"

Hitomi, looking up and seeing Van, sprinted over and threw her arms around him, slipping the ace of serpents card in his jeans. They then proceeded to make out, much to the disturbance of Allen, Dilandau, and just about everybody else. Except for Merle who was too stoned notice anything out of sorts.

PUFF PUFF

Folken , appearing once again, Chid clinging to his mechanical arm, cleared his throat and continued.

Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for,

Here it is, you know exactly what's in store!

Now's the time we crown The Bishounen!

"You all remember last years Bishounen!" Folken called gesturing over to a seated Lantis, mercilessly surrounded by screaming otaku.

So make a face that's beautiful and swoonworthy

Strike a pose as gruesome as Chesta's hair!

"Hey!" they heard a voice scream from the tower. Dilandau pointed and laughed.

For the face most beauteous will be The Bishounen!!!!

Why??

Dilandau screamed and burst from the crowd as they shouted back with Folken, "Unmei Kaihen!"

Pretty-boys, forget your gayness!

Unmei Kaihen!

You'll soon be put on display-ness!

Put your sexy features on display,

Bishounen of Unmei Kaihen Day!

Dilandau paused by the stage to catch his breath. His arm was suddenly grabbed and he was hefted onto the stage by Hitomi, who had ended her kissing fest with Van (making up for lack there of in the series!!!)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed our little demon boy, his face contorting into anger as he was stood at the end of a line of other young men.

Hitomi ran to the first contestant and pulled away his paper bag to reveal Orphen! The crowd swooned. However, it wasn't good enough so Merle kicked him off the stage. Hitomi moved to the next and yanked away his smiling mask to reveal Chichiri! The crowd swooned; still not enough, so Merle booted him off as well.

"Daaaaaa!!!" screamed the indigenous monk.

Hitomi ran to the third as he reverted from his generator form back to Gawl! Still not enough. BOOT! Our psychic ran to the next contestant, who was Zongi.

"EEEW! UGLY!" cried Hitomi, upper-cutting him off the stage. They flew through the next contestants, Kamui, Chiaki, Tooya, and pushed them off the stage. The poor souls were dragged away by screaming otaku.

Hitomi finally reached Dilandau as he began to make a run for it, and pulled on his hair.

"AAAAH! BITCH!!!" screamed Dilandau smacking Hitomi across the face.

"It's no mask, it's his face!" screamed a random otaku.

"He's GORGEOUS!!!" squealed another.

"Damn straight." Stated Dilandau.

The joyous ground ran to the stage picking up Dilandau, cheering that they had obviously found the Bishounen of the Year. Dilandau looked down and smiled, perfect. He then proceeded to hack off people's head, making the otaku's only scream more while he laughed manically.

Van sat at the other side of the square glowering, Hitomi never asked HIM to be the Bishounen! Dilandau passed and stuck out his tongue at Van, hacking off more people's heads. The crowd was oblivious to the flying blood.

Suddenly, the fangirls rushed forward unable to contain themselves and proceeded to glomp Dilandau. He was quickly pulled down to the ground as the girls all tried to get a piece of him. Dilandau screamed as a fangirl with sharp nails scratched his face, deeply, permanently scarring it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed the distressed hero. That was the last straw. "MY FACE!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!" At that, he pulled out his flamethrower and proceeded to burn the crowd. "MOECHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Pretty much everyone (minus the main characters who were magically transported to another part of town) within a mile radius was burned to a crisp.

"AHHHHHHHAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!" laughed Dilandau, jumping up and down on people's bones while setting houses on fire.

Eventually, another cities fire squad appeared to tame the flames, much to the annoyance of our little pyro.

"Damn, they always ruin all the fun,," grumbled Dilandau who let out another burst of fire, killing half the squad, before running back into his cathedral.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Heeheeheee. Poor Folken, that was fun. :D Unmei Kaihen, if you didn't know, means "Alter Fate", or at least Anne thinks with her Japanese slowly vanishing… -_- Anyway, please review, we'll give you a cookie (or just write the next chapter…).

REAL Disclaimer: We do not own Escaflowne or the "Hunchback of Notre Dame." Hajime Yadate and Shoji Kawamori created Escaflowne, with of course Sunrise. The original story "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" was written by Sir Victor Hugo, and the movie, in all its wonderful entirety, is all Disney baby. (yeah, look at how crazy we are, like we could make anything that good…)