Notes: "The air is full of spices…." ~falls over giggling~ hehehe, Alan Rickman! Sean Connery, such cool voices (we can't do impressions of them). We were in a giggly mood when we did this, so warning to those in the audience…. PG-13 for language, slight sexual references, etc.

Disclaimer: Think about this, if we owned any of these would we be here? Wouldn't we be in our grand houses sleeping on piles of money? We think you get the point (if you are dense, "Escaflowne" and "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" = not ours). Good puppy ~~puppy bites hand off~~ Owies.

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Van strode to the window, his hands folded in his robes, seriously peeved about the whole flirting incident. Outward, he looked at peace with himself and his surroundings, inward, he was killing Allen. Looking across the city, he broke into song, but since his voice is Tomokazu Seki, it's okay!

Hey Hitomi

You know I am a righteous boy

For God's sake I am a fucking king!

The voices of our all-too-familiar monks echoed through the halls

(Escaflowne)

Hey Hitomi

You know I'm sooooo much cooler than

The girly, stupid, ugly, weak Allen!

(Escaflowne!)

Van turned to find a blazing fire burning in a fireplace that wasn't there a minute before. Clearing his throat nervously, he continued.

Then tell me, Hitomi

Why the fuck are you flirting

With a pimp as pansy as Allen?

(Escaflowne!)

Van's eyebrow twitched as he continued

I punch him, I kick him

The blood caught in his golden hair

Making me want to punch once again

(Escaflowne)

With the music score going higher at the climax of the song, Van commenced to prance about the fire, waving his arms to emphasize his point.

Like fire

Hellfire

This fire in my blood

This burning

Desire

To kick your pansy ass

Reaching his arms out and pouncing upon his invisible enemy and strangling it, Van roared:

Just let me at him!

(Escaflowne!)

Van whirled around, eyes redder than usual.

Will you guys stop it!!

(Escaflowne!)

It's not the show

There is no need for that bloody chant

(Escaflowne!)

Will you SHUT UP!

(Escaflowne!)

His shoulders sagging, Van hung his head down and commenced.

I give up

(Escaflowne!)

The point is to kill Allen

Fault for touching

(Escaflo~~~~~~wne~~~~~!)

Van fall down to his knees, clutching himself about the shoulders shaking.

Protect me, Haha-ue

Don't let this pansy catch my girl

Don't let this pimp soil her pure soul

Destroy Schezar

And let him taste the fires of hell

Or else die by my hands and mine alone

Gaddes, in guard gear, suddenly popped his head around the corner, concern etched across his features, "Minister Fanel, aren't you contradiction yourself?"

"What?!" snapped Van, staggering to his feet, glaring at Gaddes.

"I mean, either he goes to hell or you kill him. Does he have a choice here?" Gaddes inquired crossing his arms across his chest.

"Hell no, get our you idiot!" Van said dismissingly, then whirled upon the fire, an evil glint appearing in his eyes, "I'll kill him. I'll kill him even if I have to burn down all of Paris!"

"This is Austuria, sir," corrected Gaddes.

"SHUT UP!"

Hell fire

Dark fire

Now pansy, it's your turn

Choose death or

The fire

She's mine so you will DIE

(Escaflowne!)

Van once more dropped down to his knees, head in his hands, drooling slightly.

They're doing it again…..

(Escaflowne!)

C'mon, have mercy on me!

(Escaflowne!)

He rose to his feet for the final verse, fire bursting forth and surrounding him in all his glory.

I give up but

Allen will DIE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!

After the exercise of the song, Van passed out on the stone floor, beer cans were reported to be found in the morning.

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The next morning, Allen, in his dorky poofy sleeves, stood outside Van's abode, being warned on his life not to enter. Gaddes had reported to him that Van had been singing about him the night before, and it wasn't good. But Allen easily forgot that.

Van stumbled out the door, looking as though he was suffering from a maximus hangover, and not the least bit pleased. He gazed at Allen with one bloodshot eye, fangs suddenly appearing in his mouth.

"Good morning sir, did you sleep well?" Allen questioned cheerfully, beaming in the morning light.

Several guards had to restrain Van.

"So, what are your orders?"

"SIR!"

"Erm, sir."

"Aside from killing you, we must find Hitomi! She didn't come home last night." Again, the bloodshot eye focused accusingly on Allen.

"Wasn't me! I was at the brothel!"

"SIR!"

"Sir…"

"Find Hitomi!" Van declared loudly, pointing a sexy, but rather tired, finger to the sky.

"How will we find her sir? Asturia is pretty large you know. But not as large as--!" Allen started knowingly.

Van bitch-slapped him.

"Oh, don't worry," Van smiled, amused, "I have a perfect weapon…" He gazed up at the tower, his smile turning into a devilishly sexy grin.

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"Oh Dilandauuuuuuuu….!" cat-called Van, poking his head around the corner of the one of tower walls.

"Uh oh…" Dilandau's head snapped up from his dog-bowl full of snails.

DUN DUN DUN!!!!

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hahaa, not much happened in this chapter, ah well. It was funny. We'll get the next chapter out soon, before Numair goes to camp.. O_o;