Wow, it's been awhile since we actually updated this story.. miss us? (silence) Today we went to the library and rented the "Hunchback" CD, fear us. Hope you enjoy, lots of funky stuff is going to happen now that we have reached the something point in the movie. Only a few more chapters (both run away crying).

PG-13 for language and certain situations, no offense is intended towards anyone.

Disclaimer: Escaflowne and The Hunchback of Notre Dame = not ours (sad, huh).

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Our heros, not stupid Allen, hurried through the city in a mad search of our beautiful (but strangely 'out-there') Hitomi. Van thus hounded all the psychics he could find, demanding information on his emerald-eyed beloved, soulmate, together forever, yet never FRIGGIN' KISSING!!!!!

Van stood in satisfaction as his troops proceeded to tip a Honeybucket randomly placed in the suburbs, discovering at least twenty hiding psychics!

"A piece of yarn for the psychic Hitomi!" Van declared to them, pointing a hell-bound finger to the sky while producing a gold-spray painted piece of yarn with the other. The psychics turned away, insulted.

"Fine then. I'll add a piece of lint!!" Van cried, reaching into his pocket and tugging, pulling free a lint ball from his stylish khakis.

The psychics' eyes widened in sudden longing. They strained against the pull of temptation.

"Take them away!"

Continuing his search, Van then had his guards force a Volkswagon off the road, holding at least thirty-five point two psychics!!!

"All right everyone, TWO pieces of yarn and a ball of lint!" Van shouted, producing his 'treasures' out of thin air.

"I give! I want them! I'll tell!" screamed a random Ispano in the crowd.

Van smiled and slid the goods into the traitor's hands as the Ispano leaned forward.

"She's in the Court of Psychics!"

"Feh! How creative!" Van chuckled, rolling his eyes.

"I know!"

"We must find this Court at all costs!" Van spun around to face the non-existent crowd that you, the viewers, can't see.

"But how? We don't know where it is!" Allen inquired, as a dunce hat appeared on his head.

"For Kami-sama's sake will you guy's knock it off!"

Fuck off, it's our fic. So Van smiled ever so dashingly, a glint of evil in his warm chocolate eyes…

"Sir, why do you have chocolate in your eyes?" Gaddes grinned smugly.

"Why are you here! Go back to the palace!!"

Gaddes whimpered and trudged off, his arms dragging on the ground as a little rain cloud appeared above his head.

"As for getting back to the original story," Van snapped, glaring at the authors.

What?

"I have the perfect, cue music, secret weapon!"

(Esca-flow-ne!)

"For finding the Court of Psychics (feh. How creative)."

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The scene changes to the outskirts of Austuria, a millers house sat in decrepit conditions, one might say 'kindling.' The camera zooms into the current situation.

"Where are the psychics? I found tarot cards in your yard!" snapped Judge Van, glaring at the family. The Duke and Marlene looked horror stricken as they clung to their kids.

"We only let people with money in, trust us! Do you think psychics have that!?" barked the Duke, obviously annoyed with Judge Van for badgering his family.

Meanwhile, an 'old begger man' hunkered in from the crowd that had gathered, because the people had sick pleasure in watching others burn to crispies.

"Sure, like I believe you. I am going to proceed to put you under house arrest," started Van reaching into his pocket. The Duke smiled at the thought of being locked up with his wife. Van read from the paper, "'If you are innocent you have nothing to fear.' Ha!"

Van laughed as he tossed a match onto the gasoline the guards poured on as the other guards pushed the Duke back into the house, locking them inside.

"Um.. Sir, this is outside the bounds of chivalry!" exclaimed Allen watching as the house leapt into flames.

"'Outside chivalry, meimeimieimie, my name's precious, I'm a friggin' moose,'" mocked Van in falsetto.

"Well, despite your orders, I'm going to be heroic and go stupidly in to save them." Allen declared, removing his poofy-sleeved jacket.

Van's eye's turned blood-red. "You're not the only one who can be stupid you know!" he shouted, then leapt into the house.

"Hey!" Allen cried, denied his heroic scene.

Van came crashing out of the house he had set aflame, carrying the Duke and Marlene on his back. "Are you okay?" Van asked, concern etched across his tan features.

"Thanks to you!" gushed Marlene, kissing him on the cheek, conviently forgetting the whole house-aflame thing. The Duke just glared, coughing slightly.

"Wait a minute!" Allen shouted, pushing the couple aside. "You're supposed to be evil! I'm the hero!"

"Shut up Schezar, I never needed you, I could do all this with my pinky! You're only in this fic because the authors felt sorry for you!"

Allen's lower lip trembled as he began to pout, turning to the authors. "Is that true, guys!?"

Um……course not……Anyway! Van suddenly whirled upon our sobbing 'hero', his eyes now aflame.

"You disobeyed me!"

"What!?" Allen squeaked, hiccupping slightly.

"Well, you were about to. The penalty for insubordination is DEATH!" Van cried, pushing Allen onto the ground. A random guard raised his Balgus-styled sword high, ready to decapitate our brave moron.

"Guys!" Shrieked Allen to the authors…

Oh. Sorry Al, duty calls. Suddenly a flaming arrow came sizzling through the air, striking down the guard in the chest. Van could have sworn he thought he heard Dilandau's voice in the distance.

"Damn! Missed!"

"Phew!" Allen gasped. Leaping back into character, he jumped to his feet and grabbed hold of Van's horse and rode off.

"Stop him! He'll molest my horse!" Van shouted. Arrows soared through the air, puncturing Allen like a pincushion. With a final, girly scream, he fell from the horse and plummeted off the bridge into the sewage water.

"Is my horse okay!?"

The old begger man, who was really Hitomi, tossed her enchanted rose to the ground and cautiously made her way down to the water. She looked through the grime, hoping to see Allen.

"Eeew…" she said as she watched a dead rat's body float by. Finding a reaching pole, she fished Allen's body out of the water.

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The camera attempts to film the burning city, however, the camera crew had to make a run for it as the camera caught on fire.

Judge Dread Van de Fanel stepped out of his carriage to survey his domain. Flames as far as the eye could see, in a ring around the cathedral. Prostitutes were running, babies were crying, men were following the prostitutes, and little girls played hopscotch on the bones of their mothers!

'I shouldn't have left Dilandau unsupervised for so long,' Van thought flatly, 'where the heck is Father Dryden?'

We see a flaming fireball Dryden run behind Van, screaming. Van is unaware, and focuses his mind on important matters.

"I had guards posted at that one door, there was no way Hitomi could've figured out the back door…" Van muttered, reverting to thinking-out-loud mode, "Unless…!" he gasped, looking up in time to see a flaming arrow shot from the tower above.

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"Good shot Dilandau-sama! You got that orphan right in the head!" laughed Miguel surveying the burning town. Dilandau simply grinned and shot another flaming arrow into a cripple.

"Oh Dilandau-sama…" said Chesta dreamily resting his head in his hands, off in his own world. Miguel moved three steps away.

"What about that girl Dilandau-sama? You're worried about her, aren't you?" asked Miguel, looking at his master.

"Huh?" snapped Dilandau, taking his attention away from killing a little lost kitten.

"Nooo!!!" wailed Chesta, obviously jealous burying his face in his arms and weeping.

The two stared at him blankly, Dilandau in confusion, Miguel with a weak stomach.

"Austuria the place of great trade rates…" started Miguel, breaking slowly into the song you all knew was coming.

Is currently burning this evening

True, its because of a CERTAIN PYRO….

"But he looks great doing it!" chimed Chesta clapping his hands together. The two looked at him blankly once more.

A guy like you!

She's never known, pyro

A guy like you

A girl fortunately doesn't meet that often

You've got a look

Of a psycho albino

Could there be two?

"Oh gods, let's hope!" squealed Chesta draping himself over the rail.

"Shut up!" …snapped……rocky?

Those real guys

That she could wrangle

All look the same

With every passing of a day!

You're a Terror

With every gender

Unmei Kaihen

A hermaphrodite like you!

They then appear in the next room where Miguel in a suite is sitting at a black grand piano. Chesta lies upon the top in a dark blue sequin dress and pinky feathery boa, shifting about seductively as Miguel played rather nervously.

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but Dilandau, I feel it!" he cried, reaching back and grabbing Dilandau by the shirt.

It finally hit what was wrong with his dragonslayer.

SMACK!

Miguel continued shakily. "She wants you so any moment, she'll walk through that dooooooooooooor!!"

All four turned and gazed at the door expectantly.

Two hours later…

BangBangBang! The door flew open and Hitomi appeared.

"You lied!" Dilandau shrieked, slapping Miguel upside the head.

"Dilandau, I need your help!" cried Hitomi.

TO BE CONTINUED BUT THAT'S OBVIOUS SINCE WE ARE FOLLOWING THE MOVIE.