Narcosis: Chapter 13

By Piper

See Chapter 1 for disclaimer and other story details.

~*~

Two days later Dr. Phlox was finally ready to release his patients to return to their own quarters. Neither of them had shown any more violent or suicidal symptoms. They seemed to be back to normal, with the exception of their memories. Neither had begun to remember the events that had taken place while they were infected.

Phlox still insisted that it would come back to them, that it was just a matter of time. In the meantime, Eric and Malcolm felt as if they'd gone off on some vacation and missed a life-altering event that no one would tell them about.

Eli spent most of his off-duty time with his brother. But even though he was present and acting as if everything was fine, Eric could sense that something was off. There were moments when he could tell that Eli was uncomfortable and almost wary of him. They would pass and Eli would refuse to tell him anything, insisting that everything was fine. It was definitely frustrating for the big brother.

Malcolm wasn't having that specific problem with anyone. On the contrary, everyone was being overly kind. Hoshi and Travis had been to see him twice together and once each individually. The Captain kept dropping by to check on him. Even T'Pol had put in an appearance yesterday. And Trip, well, Trip had become a good friend over the past few months. But suddenly he was the brother Malcolm had never had—a hovering, overprotective brother. And yet he still wouldn't tell him what had happened to his head.

Dr. Phlox observed all of this with interest. He was still convinced that the memories would come back, but at this point both of his patients were strong enough to hear some of the details. A few clues might help with the process of remembering. But no one seemed in any hurry for the two of them to remember.

Humans could be odd with their relationships. It seemed to be a protective instinct on the parts of the ones who'd had to watch them go through the effects of the chemical. They didn't want to cause them more pain with the memories of what they'd done. Eli West had stared at him as if he was speaking an alien language when he suggested it. Trip had balked at the idea of spelling everything out for Malcolm, and even the Captain had suggested they give them a few more days. Phlox understood that it would be hard for Malcolm and Eric to hear, but he was beginning to think it was harder for them not to know. They could both sense that something bad had happened and that it was effecting their relationships. It had to be frustrating.

Phlox shook himself from his musings and headed over to perform one last medical check while his patients waited for Trip and Eli, who had elected to escort them back to their quarters.

~*~

"This is really killin' you, isn't it?"

Captain Archer looked up and met his friend's gaze. "It's…difficult," he admitted. "I feel like we should do something. Who knows how much of that stuff they already have on the planet? They're probably about to have an all-out war."

Trip looked at him sympathetically, understanding where he was coming from. They'd seen firsthand—with people they cared about—what this chemical could do. It was easy to imagine the desolation it would cause on a grand scale on that planet. But still…"I know. But I gotta agree with T'Pol on this one. We can't go in and play God with these people. We don't even know what's goin' on for sure, all we have is a second hand account by a member of one race who hadn't even been livin' on the planet for years. You made the right choice."

The 'right choice' had found the Enterprise travelling at warp away from the station shortly after Phlox had pronounced the two officers cured. They'd had a debate about it, the main point being that they might be able to stop or at least stem a devastating war. But in the end, T'Pol's logic had won out this time. There were too many unknown factors and too much risk to the crew. Thus they finally found themselves back on the path they had been on before they'd ever heard from this station.

But Trip knew that any time they had to leave people in danger, it ate at their Captain. He could see that this time was no different.

Jonathan heaved a sigh, then shook his head. "I'll be fine, Trip. I just hope we don't come back to visit this planet sometime down the road and find that we made the wrong choice."

"Maybe someday we will find some horrible situation on that planet. But it won't be our fault. And even if that happens, you'll be able to look back at the information and the situation we had and know that you made the right choice for us. Believe that, Cap'n. I don't know how much comfort it is, but it's true."

Archer studied him for a second, then actually gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Trip."

"Hey, what's a chief engineer for if not counseling the Captain."

Jonathan snorted. Trip looked appropriately indignant, then changed the subject to a happier one. "I've gotta go. Phlox is releasing Malcolm and Eric today. I told him I'd come and walk Mal back to his quarters."

"They still haven't remembered anything, huh?"

"Nope. And I don't think it's a good idea for either to be alone when they start to remember. But they're both itchin' to get out of sickbay."

Archer nodded sympathetically, then added, "Why don't you bring Malcolm to dinner tonight? I'll ask Cook to fix something special for us."

Trip graced him with a smile. "Sure thing, Cap'n. I think he'll be thrilled to be eatin' real food at an actual table." He stood, giving his friend a pat on the back as he walked towards the door. "We'll see you in a few hours."

~*~

"I realize that I've been in sickbay for a few days, but unless you managed to move the mess hall in that time, we're going the wrong way."

Trip turned slightly to shoot Malcolm a smile. "Don't worry. The mess hall's in the same place it's always been. I've just gotta stop at my quarters first for some schematics the Cap'n wants to take a look at."

Malcolm nodded and followed his friend docilely. He was happy to finally be out of sickbay, even if Trip was sticking to him like glue. He waited as Trip opened the door and went in, then started to follow.

Then he stopped abruptly. He glanced around the room and felt his heart rate speed up. His mind raced as it was suddenly assaulted with images. He tried to make sense of them, Trip's voice fading into the background as the engineer continued to talk about the schematics. He leaned against the doorframe for support as he saw flashes—flashes of Trip seated on the bed looking at his bloody hand, a crewman with a phase pistol pointed at him, the Captain talking to him with something akin to fear in his eyes…

"Malcolm?"

He snapped back to the present. Trip had noticed his lack of attention and had come back to stand in front of him, concern written on his face. But Malcolm couldn't answer him. His mouth was suddenly dry as he looked into his friend's eyes and remembered for the first time exactly what had happened to Trip's head.

Apparently Trip didn't need him to respond. Understanding crossed his features as he stared at Malcolm and he said softly, "You remember, don't you?"

"I hit you, didn't I? It's all jumbled in my head…"

He was vaguely aware of Trip saying "Come on, let's sit," and helping him into the room to a seat on the bed. Trip disappeared from his line of vision for a moment, then reappeared on his eye level as he pulled the desk chair up to sit facing him. "What do you remember?"

Malcolm was still looking around the room, letting the sights provoke memories. "Something happened in here," he said softly.

Trip sighed. "Yeah. I think we should start at the beginning and give you a reason for all these memories before you get to far into them. You know you were effected by the chemicals on the station."

"Yes. That's all I know; that's all the doctor would tell us." Malcolm allowed his frustration with that to come through.

"We thought it was best…" Trip paused and shook his head. "Never mind. I think you'll understand when you've heard everything. The chemicals were some sort of biological agent created for warfare. Once you were exposed it worked in stages. At first, after you regained consciousness on the station, there weren't any symptoms. Phlox couldn't find anything wrong with any of you. But a little bit later you all started showing…how should I put this? Violent tendencies."

"Violent…" Malcolm barely spoke the word as his mind continued to race.

Trip was watching him closely as he continued, "Eric started in on Eli, but stopped himself before things went too far. Then he got himself a weapon, went down to Engineering, and took a crewman hostage."

Malcolm stopped trying to force his own memories long enough to process that. "How did that end with him in a coma?"

"He forced the security officers to stun him. Then he went into cardiac arrest." There was more to that story—something that was obviously making it a difficult memory for Trip. But Malcolm had a bad feeling that he had caused some worse ones.

"What about Ensign Thomas?" he asked.

"From what we can tell she put her fist through her mirror. But Malcolm," he paused and had to take a deep breath before going on. "I told you there were stages. Well, the last one was suicidal impulses."

Malcolm stared at him for a moment. "She's dead." He would undoubtedly dwell on that later. But right then, the information was providing him with a clearer memory. "The Captain told me that…I had a pistol in my hand…"

Trip swallowed hard but said nothing, allowing Malcolm to work it out on his own.

"Bridge to Commander Tucker," sounded suddenly from the intercom. "The Captain's wondering where you are, sir."

Trip patted Malcolm's knee and stood to cross the room and answer the call. "Travis, this is Trip. We had a little delay. Tell the Cap'n we need a few minutes, okay?"

"Uh…okay, Commander," came a response. Travis sounded a little funny. Trip seemed to notice as well, but he shrugged it off and returned to Malcolm.

By this point, Malcolm had a fairly coherent picture of what had happened in this room. He remembered slamming the pistol into Trip's head and dragging him in here. He remembered sitting in the corner and later pacing around, waving the pistol. He remembered the Captain's entrance and hauling Trip in front of himself as a human shield. And he remembered shoving the Commander away and what had followed. He found himself fighting sudden tears as Trip settled back into the chair. "I'm sorry," he choked out.

Trip's winced in empathy and reached to grip Malcolm's shoulder. "Don't apologize. It was the chemicals, not you. I know that, and you do too."

Trip said nothing more for a few minutes as they sat in silence. Malcolm was lost in the process of sorting all of this out. He was vaguely aware of Trip's fingers kneading his shoulder, reminding him that his friend was there.

The door suddenly burst open. They both looked up, startled, as the Captain came barreling in, stopping short a couple of feet into the room. He glanced back and forth between them, saw that neither of them seemed to be in danger, and said rather lamely, "Uh…hi guys."

Malcolm stared at him in confusion. "Sir?" Beside him, Trip snickered as the somber mood was interrupted.

Archer shot his best friend a dirty look. It only served to make Trip giggle harder. "Travis told me you were both down here and that you were going to be a while. He was a little concerned. We were all a little concerned." He turned back to address the three crewmen who were armed and exchanging confused looks behind him. "False alarm, gentlemen. You can go back to your duties."

They continued to look confused, but they went anyhow. Malcolm looked from the slightly embarrassed Captain to his very amused friend and wondered if he shouldn't be worrying about their sanity instead of his own.

"I'm sorry, Cap'n," Trip said, having finally overcome his laughter, though his voice was still clearly amused at their Captain's less than dignified entrance. "I though Travis sounded a little off. But it didn't occur to me that he would think you had another hostage situation on your hands." Jonathan looked surprised and glanced at Malcolm when Trip mentioned the hostage episode. The engineer was quick to assure him, "It's okay, Cap'n. We were just takin' a walk down memory lane."

Realization dawned on Archer's face. "You remember, Malcolm?" he asked gently.

Malcolm sighed as the humor drained from the room. "Unfortunately sir. Now I see why no one wanted to tell me anything."

"It's not your fault," Jonathan said promptly. "None of it is."

Trip cut in quickly, "We're starting to remember, sir."

Malcolm glanced between them again, as Trip was clearly insinuating that there were things they hadn't covered yet. He shuddered to think what more there could be…

The Captain nodded in understanding. "Okay. Well, why don't we save our big dinner for tomorrow night? I'll give you two some time to talk."

"That'd be great, sir. Thanks."

Archer left, though not as quickly as he'd come in. As the door closed behind him Malcolm looked Trip in the eye and just jumped in. "What haven't you told me yet?"

Trip hesitated, then said slowly, "Do you remember anything that happened on the bridge or in sickbay?"

"I was in sickbay more than once? After the initial examination?"

"Yeah…after the little incident on the bridge we sent you to get checked out again. Doc still thought you were fine."

Malcolm racked his brain for some memory of the bridge. Slowly he asked, "Was there a small alien ship?"

"Yes." Trip seemed very reluctant to reveal anything that he wasn't remembering on his own.

Malcolm closed his eyes and tried to just let the memory flow. "They threatened us, didn't they? And I…" he popped his eyes back open. "I wanted to blow them out of the sky."

Trip winced. "Yeah. Keep going."

Malcolm wasn't sure he wanted to, but he shut his eyes obediently and mentally went back to the bridge. "The Captain said no and ordered me to stand down, then I…I hit him?" he opened his eyes again to stare at Trip in horror. "I hit the Captain?"

Trip grimaced and reluctantly responded, "That may be putting it a little mildly."

Malcolm's eyes went a little wider in shock. "Someone had to pull me off of him."

"That was me. Since that wasn't exactly typical behavior for you, we knew somethin' was wrong. The Cap'n ordered you taken to sickbay."

"Then something happened in sickbay? Please tell me I didn't try to kill someone else."

"Well, I don't think you were tryin' to kill her."

"Her…Hoshi." Malcolm closed his eyes again. Ironic how he'd wanted so badly to know what had happened and now he'd really prefer to go back and be ignorant about the whole thing. He wondered if his sudden tide of memories held any more unpleasant surprises to haunt him.

"Malcolm," Trip waited until he had his friend's attention, then continued sincerely, "I know all of this is hard for you to hear. But it was absolutely not your fault. And I'm sure that doesn't make you feel a whole lot better at the moment, but you're going to be hearing it from all of us until you firmly believe it."

Malcolm said nothing, but apparently continued to look distressed. Trip reached to take his face gently in his hands, effectively forcing him to look him in the eye. "Hey, it's gonna take time. But everything's gonna be okay. I promise."

Malcolm felt the tears welling in his eyes threatening to spill. But he held Trip's gaze. And he actually managed a small nod. Trip smiled and pulled him into a hug. Malcolm allowed himself to be held and leaned into his friend, accepting the comfort. He dreaded the nightmares he was sure were coming. This would be very hard for him. But some part of him desperately wanted to believe that Trip was speaking the truth, and he held onto that.

~*~

To Be Continued

(One more time—I've got an epilogue coming to tie up some loose ends. But look, no real cliffhanger this time!)