Disclaimer: Character Do Not Belong To Me. I'm Poor Don't Sue Me! =(
Unravel
I wandered again. Thinking about what I had done. Funny, one would have thought that I'd wallow in my own despair and never let go of what I had done. But, I didn't. Honestly, I mourned for their deaths especially Yahiko´s but I could not help but feel somewhat satisfied with the men's deaths. They used me and tortured us. That dark satisfaction made it worse. Was I a monster because of it? What was I becoming?
I didn't even know anymore. I was no longer that little tanuki that couldn't cook and hit when she was angry or annoyed. Now I was a lifeless shell that wandered from place to place looking for something that I would probably never find.
It had been two years since I left Megumi. A year since I met Misao on the trail to Hokkaido.
I wondered what they were all doing.
I hoped they were happy. Somewhere in my heart I know they were and that consoled me a little.
The roads always had bandits, people whom leeched off of the innocent. I learned how to hone my skills with the heavy sakabatou to fend them off. I never knew how He managed with such a silly thing but I bore the weight of it everyday. I never left without it, like Him.
It's funny how I vowed to forget him after he left but I never did. Before Sanosuke and I parted ways he asked me why I had it, the sakabatou. I merely smiled, the one that never seems to reach my eyes, and told him that he comforted me in my solace. He had gone through the same thing and knew how it felt.
I would never forget the look on his face. I think he was almost disgusted but at the same time understanding and left it at that.
She was a beautiful woman, Aya I mean. Long dark brown hair arranged in a simple bun. I remember her eyes were a deep brown and she looked like she had so much happiness in her life. I could see why men like the Battousai could easily fall in love. She was refined but not to a point where she was perfection. She had a strong sense of determination and that was set on gaining Him back. Despite what she had taken away from me I understood her. She loved Him and could not live without him. Who was I to stand in the way of that love if it was returned?
He was sad but there was a strange light in his eyes that sparked when we spoke. He said he'd never forget me and would be grateful for the rest of his days. He took my heart with him and he would never know.
My love was useless and I watched as they walked away hand in hand, out of our lives.
Yahiko was furious with Him and with me. I just let the boy be for awhile and he later came to his sense while I refused to let the depression get a hold of me. I vowed to forget him and continue my life just as I did before He interrupted me. I had lived alone and at least this time I wasn't totally, I had Yahiko. Although he didn't know it, I depended on him. I knew he was there for me and he knew that I would always be there for him. There was a mutual respect there and I loved him all the more for it.
And I miss him. My little brat. I would give anything for those venomous words to spew out from that big mouth of his as I yelled at him to practice. Busu. Anything.
I needed to stop going back to those days. They were gone and I was living in the present. Nothing would make them come back no matter how much I wished it. It was hard to come to that decision. Living in a delusional world seemed appealing at the time but I would be give no such thing. I had to repent.
I was alone. My journey continued and I wandered just like He did.
Nineteen years old and there I was roaming around Japan in no particular direction.