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Unravel

"Oi Busu! Get your lazy butt up!"

I could have killed the little brat for disturbing my peaceful sleep but he was right it was late and there was work to be done. I sighed and got up, fixing my things to take a bath. "I'm up, I'm up. You ungrateful brat!"

I heard him snort and throw some more insults. He seemed more agitated than usual, but then again we all were.

I couldn't really think about it then. The wound was too fresh, too tender. The bath was relaxing but I had to get out of there before my musings got the better of me. It would do me no good to wallow in my own despair. I needed to be strong, there were others that depended on me. And it's not like it was the end of the world, I was young and still had my life ahead of me, no matter who walked in and out of it.

We practiced vigorously until I wore him out and then I allowed him to rest. I had too much aggression to channel so I stayed and continued to strengthen myself. It probably wasn't the healthiest thing, working out until I could no longer move my limbs. But it kept the tears from spilling over and that was good enough for me.

I could see Yahiko light the lamps from the corner of my eye but I continued. I knew he was worried but he was too afraid to say anything. I didn't blame him. I could imagine how I looked to him, like some crazy person fighting off imaginary demons clawing at her. But that was the only why I could deal with it. I knew it would get better in time but at that moment I was a wreck.

He yelled at me but I didn't listen until it was too late. I was such an idiot. Why was I so deep in thought? Why didn't his voice reach me?

Rough hands grabbed my arms and pushed me to the floor. That's what got my attention.

"Run! Kaoru Run!!" He never called me Kaoru unless ...

I couldn't see him all I could see was the masked man on top of me, his voice was muffled but I could clearly understand him.

"Looks like battousai's gone, leaving his woman and this kid."

I shook my head, my arms were sore from wielding the shinnai all day. "Get off of me," I growled.

He only laughed and signaled for him friends to join him. There were more? This time, I knew that He would not come, He would not save us. He was gone.

One by one they came and I stayed numb. I screamed and cursed, kicked and clawed it was all useless. It only managed to anger them and become more violent.

I could see his brown eyes stare at me, filled with tears. He saw ... He saw ... He cried for me because I could not. I saw the knife come at me and I tried to move away. It stung and I could feel blood seep out of the thin wound. I screamed when they grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. I was silenced when the steel slid across my neck and Yahiko's cry rang in my ears.

I could hear him cry. I listened as he sobbed my name, His name, then at least his mother's. Then there was silence.

They thought I was dead. They thought me used and useless but that was their mistake. I took their lives in cold blood. A sick satisfaction at seeing them die for what they had done. Then quickly came the guilt, their faces as I pierced their hearts. At least Yahiko didn't live to see my mistake.

We buried them, the unknown attackers and my dear student. Saitou was strangely sympathetic and the murders were claimed to be in self-defense. It was a battered woman's word against five dead men's.

How could it be self-defense when their backs were turned? When they were walking away leaving me to die? I thought I should have burned for it, defying my father's sword and what I had stubbornly believed in all my life. But the strings of restraint break too easily.

I left out that they were after him and the rape. I didn't mean to wander into his part of the world. It was an accident.

He remained silent, his head bowed. If I could have I would have reached out to hold him but I couldn't. I had learned to deal with the demons and now he had to face new ones.

"I should have been there."

I shook my head. "No, it wasn't your fault. It was me, I was too weak."

He took my hands and brought them to his face. "I'm so sorry, Kaoru-dono. I'm so—" I could feel the warm liquid spill onto my hands as he continued to whisper his apologies.

I smiled gently and lifted his gaze to meet mine. "It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known. You had your own life to live, you didn't belong with us."

I felt like such a hypocrite. I hadn't grown up. I was still that silly selfish girl that dragged around her rurouni and hit him with her bokken.

"I should have been there."

I shook my head. "Maybe." His eyes closed at the simple word, he thought I had meant it. "But you weren't and it doesn't matter now. It happened and that's the end of it. It's my problem now, not yours."

He shook his head, the grip on my hands tightening. "They were after me weren't they?"

I stayed silent. I didn't want him to know the truth but my silence gave it away.

"It was my fault." I think his eyes were gold for a moment. "Did they—?"

I ripped my hands from his grasp. "It doesn't matter now, I told you that. You shouldn't be here."

He looked like a ragged doll, his hair covering his face and his body slumped in defeat. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

I sat back and watched him, weary of his definitive reaction. "I know you didn't, Kenshin. It's not your fault. You should go back, to your wife." I had to bite my tongue at the end of the sentence to keep my voice from cracking.

"She's not—"

I shook my head. "Please go, Kenshin."

He just stared at me. I didn't think he was going to leave.