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Unravel
"Please go," I said with a broken voice.
He stared at me for a moment before kneeling down in front of me. "Kaoru-dono, you know—"
"Kenshin," my voice was firm despite the hurt in my throat from the raw sobbing. "I've had to go through a lot these past few years. What I had done is unforgivable. I took those men's lives without a single thought. I let them violate me and kill Yahiko because I was too weak to help it."
His eyes had a faint amber glow in them as I spoke. I had forgotten that I never told him the story in detail.
I stopped him before he spoke. "In my mind I regret taking their lives but in the back of my head I find a sick sense of satisfaction because they had kill him. They killed Yahiko, my little Yahiko. They made him watch, tortured him and beat him to death. And because of that ... And because I can never fully feel remorse for the lives I've taken I can never rest. I'm afraid of what will happen if I can never feel the guilt. I'm sorry.
"So I tried to do something. I tried to lessen the guilt by protecting others, trying to make up for not protecting my only student, the gaki," I sniffled. "I did it the only way I knew how. By the time I was healthy enough to start over again the dojo was gone but it didn't matter. I was no longer capable of teaching what I had believed in because I had broken it. I was tainted and Kamiya Kasshin Ryu died with Yahiko and those men."
I knew he wanted to stay with me. Why did he have to be so nice? He didn't have to be with someone like me. I was nothing, someone who could never be happy.
The soft caress of his hand in my hair made me look up at him. His violet eyes held compassion and guilt but I think I saw something else in them but I was too afraid to find out what it was.
"Now I have to continue until I feel like I can stop," I smiled at him, a smile that could rival his own rurouni one.
He said as he leaned back to study my face. "I understand, Kaoru-dono. Please forgive this unworthy one. He has brought you so much trouble. When sessha left he thought it was in the best interest for you. But now I see that I was wrong. I'm sorry and I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me."
The baka, but he was right. I didn't forgive him and that was why we had to part ways until I could. But before that I had to forgive myself.
I closed my eyes and nodded as he leaned forward to place a kiss on my head. "Be safe, Kaoru. We will meet again. Seesha promises."
And I didn't doubt it as I watched him walk off into the night. It was later that I understood that we had never really parted ways. In fact it was the next day when I realized it.