The sky above
Part 7: Surrender
Author's notes: Wow, this chappy took me way too long, and I'm really sorry for it. (I had a *major* crisis…)
I hope I will be able to post the next parts sooner... reviews will help me though ^_^
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~Love may be light, but this is fire~
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After she had left Seifer standing there, Quistis headed to her dorm. The enthusiasm she had felt only half an hour ago had vanished, and she felt miserably. The little incident with Seifer a few minutes ago had cruelly reminded her of what she had tried so hard to forget. Squall hadn't come to talk to her yet, she hadn't seen Rinoa either and the feeling of guilt was haunting her.
She tiredly opened the door to her dorm and entered. The room seemed painfully empty, and the only furniture was a bed, a shelf full of books and a table in the middle of the room. It was a dorm like any other in Balamb Garden, with the exception that it was tidy, of course. She sighed and sat down on her bed. 'Tidy, as if no-one lived here', Quistis thought, her eyes scanning the bare walls. She was usually glad about not having to share the room with other SeeDs, but there were times she desperately wished for someone to talk to. Times like these.
She was alone, there was no-one left. Her friends, if they'd ever been her friends, were too busy with their own problems. And her family… she had never had one. Of course, there was a woman who had born her, who sometimes haunted her dreams, and a man who had fathered her, whose face she couldn't remember. Both were gone, and though she missed a father and a mother, she had never missed her own.
Quistis laid down and buried her head in her pillow. She didn't cry. Not because she didn't wanted to, but because the tears refused to flow. She hadn't cried for such a long time, she wondered if it was possible to forget how to cry. So she simply closed her eyes and let herself drift into a sweet sleep, hoping that it could ease the pain she felt.
Just then, someone knocked sharply on the door.
Her eyes closed, she groaned angrily. 'Whoever it is', she thought. 'I'm not going to open.'
The knock was replaced with a loud bang and now it was her sudden anger that urged her to get up. She growled, and stumbled, still tired, to the door.
She threw the door open, and she stopped dead by whom she saw.
"Seifer?", she asked, too surprised to be angry.
"Care to let me in, Instructor?", he asked, leaning against the wall, grinning slightly.
Quistis stared at him open mouthed, not noticing that he had begun to study her carefully. Her blonde hair was down and while she would have called it a mess, Seifer seemed to enjoy the view.
"What are you doing here?", she snapped, her sleepy mind remembering their little conversation blurrily.
"Looking for you", he answered coolly. "I'm here to tell you I'm sorry… What I said was true, but not very nice", he mocked.
"You…", she couldn't think of the right word for him, and when one came to her mind, the instructor forbid herself to say it loud.
He smiled broadly. "C'mon Instructor, don't get mad and let me in."
When she refused to step out of the doorframe, he laid his hands on her shoulders and leaned down to her. Faces almost touching, he whispered: "I'm here to ask you something. I'll go afterwards if you still want me to."
"Seifer!", she growled, her eyes piercing. "Leave!"
He shrugged and smiled, his hands on her shoulders forcing her to step back.
"Seifer!"
"Relax, Instructor. We're going to have a talk, remember?" He shut the door closed with one of his feet and let go of her.
"Why are you here?", she hissed angrily. "I thought that everything was already said."
His eyes rested on her, studying every feature of her face, making her feel very uncomfortable.
"Did I ever tell you, how beautiful you are?"
He didn't even make an attempt to sound charming and his voice stayed toneless and objective, almost cold.
She opened her mouth to speak, but his statement had taken away her voice. What was Seifer thinking? Rushing into her dorm, complimenting her. She couldn't help but stare at him.
"Don't look at me like that", he told her, suddenly very amused. "I still despise you. I'm only telling you that you're beautiful."
Still, she had no idea what to say. The whole situation seemed so unreal, she instantly wondered if she was dreaming. When she didn't answer, he spoke on.
"Squall doesn't see beauty, you know?" Then, more serious: "I do."
"What… what are you trying to say?", she stuttered, eyes wide.
"We both know you're still in love with him."
Silence embraced them, as she watched him sigh. When he looked up, his expression had softened, and his defence, his cocky manner, was down.
She had forgotten about her anger, confusion was the only thing she felt.
Why had Seifer come? To tell her what?
"You're lonely."
This time, his statement wasn't supposed to mock her. His eyes filled with quiet pain told her more than a thousand words. And suddenly, she felt terribly sorry for him.
"I am lonely too", he added.
His green eyes had darkened when he spoke. "When Rinoa left me, I told myself that she was just another chick… another name on a list. But… things turned out to be different and I… I missed her so much that it hurt. And I still miss her."
"Seifer…" Quistis had no idea what to say. She only felt like hearing his name, reminding herself of whom she talked to. The cocky ex-knight.
"Rinoa doesn't love me. Squall doesn't love you. That's the way it is and no 'I'm sorry' will ever change that. You could wait for Puberty boy until the end of time, while I choose a new girlfriend every week. Or we could... we could..."
Suddenly, everything changed. Suddenly, everything was turned upside down. Her little dream of a world, perfect in every way possible, broke into pieces as Seifer took a few steps towards her, leaned down and let his lips brush hers. Her world broke, not because he kissed her, but because she enjoyed it.
Sparks didn't fly, fireworks didn't explode, but the sweet touch of his lips set her free.
And she didn't refuse, she didn't try to stop him. For once, she could see this little flame in her perfect darkness.
And the kiss they shared lost it's innocence and grew passionate.
And when she had already and fully given into his seduction, Seifer's lips suddenly left hers, leaving a very confused Quistis starring at him.
"Rinoa saved Squall", he whispered. "She saved him and let me fall. And Squall led you down for her." He closed his eyes for a moment, when he opened them again, a sad smile had formed on his face. "The only thing we can do is... fall together."
Quistis found her voice, and while her thoughts had left her during their kiss, it seemed that they now crashed down on her. "Why... why me?", she asked, her voice filled with a cruel mixture of confusion, sadness and anger. "Why are you offering this to me?" Their kiss had felt so sweet and free only a few seconds ago, now it felt like she was going to pay terribly for it.
It felt like… a sin. A terrible sin.
He looked down on her, his eyes, his face, his scent, everything seemed to seduce her.
"Now that I've lost Rinoa... I don't know if I want to love again. I need someone, but I can't promise eternal love to anyone. I came to you, because I know you wouldn't want to hear that lie. I don't want to hurt anyone and I know I wouldn't hurt you. You're lonely – So am I."
She looked up, he took a deep breath. "I can't offer to catch you. The only thing I'm offering to you is to fall with you."
Falling together. Quistis had wanted Squall to fall with her. But had she? Wasn't she secretly dreaming of him rescuing her?
Looking into Seifer's green eyes, she mentally painted them blue. Looking at the scar on his forehead, she mentally turned it around.
She sighed. "It would be a lie."
He shook his head. "No, it wouldn't. No lies anymore. Just you and me, no feelings, no regrets, no pain. I'm Seifer, you're Quistis. Let's forget about the ones we'll never have."
It sounded so sweet, almost as sweet as the kiss he had given her. But was she ready to throw away her moral only to soothe her loneliness?
She covered her face with her hands, letting out a painful sigh. She didn't know what to do. She simply didn't know.
"I'll go if you want me to", he quietly offered, and she felt his eyes on her.
"No."
'Maybe it'll break me', she thought. 'But my hopes are already in pieces. There's not much I can lose.'
"Stay", she whispered. "Stay tonight. I don't want to be lonely anymore."
"You won't", he promised.
Part 7: Surrender
Author's notes: Wow, this chappy took me way too long, and I'm really sorry for it. (I had a *major* crisis…)
I hope I will be able to post the next parts sooner... reviews will help me though ^_^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
~Love may be light, but this is fire~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
After she had left Seifer standing there, Quistis headed to her dorm. The enthusiasm she had felt only half an hour ago had vanished, and she felt miserably. The little incident with Seifer a few minutes ago had cruelly reminded her of what she had tried so hard to forget. Squall hadn't come to talk to her yet, she hadn't seen Rinoa either and the feeling of guilt was haunting her.
She tiredly opened the door to her dorm and entered. The room seemed painfully empty, and the only furniture was a bed, a shelf full of books and a table in the middle of the room. It was a dorm like any other in Balamb Garden, with the exception that it was tidy, of course. She sighed and sat down on her bed. 'Tidy, as if no-one lived here', Quistis thought, her eyes scanning the bare walls. She was usually glad about not having to share the room with other SeeDs, but there were times she desperately wished for someone to talk to. Times like these.
She was alone, there was no-one left. Her friends, if they'd ever been her friends, were too busy with their own problems. And her family… she had never had one. Of course, there was a woman who had born her, who sometimes haunted her dreams, and a man who had fathered her, whose face she couldn't remember. Both were gone, and though she missed a father and a mother, she had never missed her own.
Quistis laid down and buried her head in her pillow. She didn't cry. Not because she didn't wanted to, but because the tears refused to flow. She hadn't cried for such a long time, she wondered if it was possible to forget how to cry. So she simply closed her eyes and let herself drift into a sweet sleep, hoping that it could ease the pain she felt.
Just then, someone knocked sharply on the door.
Her eyes closed, she groaned angrily. 'Whoever it is', she thought. 'I'm not going to open.'
The knock was replaced with a loud bang and now it was her sudden anger that urged her to get up. She growled, and stumbled, still tired, to the door.
She threw the door open, and she stopped dead by whom she saw.
"Seifer?", she asked, too surprised to be angry.
"Care to let me in, Instructor?", he asked, leaning against the wall, grinning slightly.
Quistis stared at him open mouthed, not noticing that he had begun to study her carefully. Her blonde hair was down and while she would have called it a mess, Seifer seemed to enjoy the view.
"What are you doing here?", she snapped, her sleepy mind remembering their little conversation blurrily.
"Looking for you", he answered coolly. "I'm here to tell you I'm sorry… What I said was true, but not very nice", he mocked.
"You…", she couldn't think of the right word for him, and when one came to her mind, the instructor forbid herself to say it loud.
He smiled broadly. "C'mon Instructor, don't get mad and let me in."
When she refused to step out of the doorframe, he laid his hands on her shoulders and leaned down to her. Faces almost touching, he whispered: "I'm here to ask you something. I'll go afterwards if you still want me to."
"Seifer!", she growled, her eyes piercing. "Leave!"
He shrugged and smiled, his hands on her shoulders forcing her to step back.
"Seifer!"
"Relax, Instructor. We're going to have a talk, remember?" He shut the door closed with one of his feet and let go of her.
"Why are you here?", she hissed angrily. "I thought that everything was already said."
His eyes rested on her, studying every feature of her face, making her feel very uncomfortable.
"Did I ever tell you, how beautiful you are?"
He didn't even make an attempt to sound charming and his voice stayed toneless and objective, almost cold.
She opened her mouth to speak, but his statement had taken away her voice. What was Seifer thinking? Rushing into her dorm, complimenting her. She couldn't help but stare at him.
"Don't look at me like that", he told her, suddenly very amused. "I still despise you. I'm only telling you that you're beautiful."
Still, she had no idea what to say. The whole situation seemed so unreal, she instantly wondered if she was dreaming. When she didn't answer, he spoke on.
"Squall doesn't see beauty, you know?" Then, more serious: "I do."
"What… what are you trying to say?", she stuttered, eyes wide.
"We both know you're still in love with him."
Silence embraced them, as she watched him sigh. When he looked up, his expression had softened, and his defence, his cocky manner, was down.
She had forgotten about her anger, confusion was the only thing she felt.
Why had Seifer come? To tell her what?
"You're lonely."
This time, his statement wasn't supposed to mock her. His eyes filled with quiet pain told her more than a thousand words. And suddenly, she felt terribly sorry for him.
"I am lonely too", he added.
His green eyes had darkened when he spoke. "When Rinoa left me, I told myself that she was just another chick… another name on a list. But… things turned out to be different and I… I missed her so much that it hurt. And I still miss her."
"Seifer…" Quistis had no idea what to say. She only felt like hearing his name, reminding herself of whom she talked to. The cocky ex-knight.
"Rinoa doesn't love me. Squall doesn't love you. That's the way it is and no 'I'm sorry' will ever change that. You could wait for Puberty boy until the end of time, while I choose a new girlfriend every week. Or we could... we could..."
Suddenly, everything changed. Suddenly, everything was turned upside down. Her little dream of a world, perfect in every way possible, broke into pieces as Seifer took a few steps towards her, leaned down and let his lips brush hers. Her world broke, not because he kissed her, but because she enjoyed it.
Sparks didn't fly, fireworks didn't explode, but the sweet touch of his lips set her free.
And she didn't refuse, she didn't try to stop him. For once, she could see this little flame in her perfect darkness.
And the kiss they shared lost it's innocence and grew passionate.
And when she had already and fully given into his seduction, Seifer's lips suddenly left hers, leaving a very confused Quistis starring at him.
"Rinoa saved Squall", he whispered. "She saved him and let me fall. And Squall led you down for her." He closed his eyes for a moment, when he opened them again, a sad smile had formed on his face. "The only thing we can do is... fall together."
Quistis found her voice, and while her thoughts had left her during their kiss, it seemed that they now crashed down on her. "Why... why me?", she asked, her voice filled with a cruel mixture of confusion, sadness and anger. "Why are you offering this to me?" Their kiss had felt so sweet and free only a few seconds ago, now it felt like she was going to pay terribly for it.
It felt like… a sin. A terrible sin.
He looked down on her, his eyes, his face, his scent, everything seemed to seduce her.
"Now that I've lost Rinoa... I don't know if I want to love again. I need someone, but I can't promise eternal love to anyone. I came to you, because I know you wouldn't want to hear that lie. I don't want to hurt anyone and I know I wouldn't hurt you. You're lonely – So am I."
She looked up, he took a deep breath. "I can't offer to catch you. The only thing I'm offering to you is to fall with you."
Falling together. Quistis had wanted Squall to fall with her. But had she? Wasn't she secretly dreaming of him rescuing her?
Looking into Seifer's green eyes, she mentally painted them blue. Looking at the scar on his forehead, she mentally turned it around.
She sighed. "It would be a lie."
He shook his head. "No, it wouldn't. No lies anymore. Just you and me, no feelings, no regrets, no pain. I'm Seifer, you're Quistis. Let's forget about the ones we'll never have."
It sounded so sweet, almost as sweet as the kiss he had given her. But was she ready to throw away her moral only to soothe her loneliness?
She covered her face with her hands, letting out a painful sigh. She didn't know what to do. She simply didn't know.
"I'll go if you want me to", he quietly offered, and she felt his eyes on her.
"No."
'Maybe it'll break me', she thought. 'But my hopes are already in pieces. There's not much I can lose.'
"Stay", she whispered. "Stay tonight. I don't want to be lonely anymore."
"You won't", he promised.