The sky above
Part 8: Cold heart
Author's notes:
Hey. I'm baaaaaa~~~~~aaaack. (ok, that's for those of you who missed Selphie).
Huh, I was so busy lately, I was simply unable to post this chapter. I hope you're still enjoying the story, even though I'm sooooo slow. I will finish it. I'm sure I will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But isn't today's quote lovely? (It's a general one. I'm proud of it. ^.^) If you think about it, it's just the way Quistis feels. No love, no pain!!! Yeah, you go girl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Love and pain are like shadows and light. The strongest light always casts the darkest shadows.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
When Quistis awoke this morning, she awoke next to Seifer. His arms were protectively wrapped around her, her head rested comfortably on his chest. As she opened her eyes to see the first rays of light streaming through the window, last night's memories found their way back to her mind.
She sighed deeply, removing herself from his touch, very carefully, afraid she might wake him up.
Her long golden hair was down and as she stood up, it began to shine like spun gold in the sunlight. And she remembered Seifer's words: 'Squall doesn't see beauty… I do.'
Beauty…
Quistis starred to her bare feet. 'Beauty', she thought, 'beauty is all that's left…. I'm a pretty façade, a broken vessel that used to be filled with dreams. Now I feel… empty.'
She lifted her head and watched the sleeping figure in her bed. She felt nothing for him, but instantly wondered… was this nothingness within her heart really that terrible?
'If it's just about sex, no feelings will be involved and if there are no feelings involved, no hearts will be broken. …especially not mine.'
And even though her moral, her dreams and her innocence were a high price to pay, she had already made the choice last night. There was no turning back. Now, that she finally received what she had wanted.
Relief from the pain Squall had caused.
And if this total absence of feeling was necessary to ease this pain, she was willing to take it all.
"Quis?"
She turned her head to watch a sleepy Seifer sit up in the bed, looking at her. "Leaving?", he asked.
Quistis shook her head, fully aware of his gaze on her naked body. For a short moment she wondered why she didn't care. "I'm showering", she informed him.
"What about your Friday meeting with Cid about Rin and me? Aren't you already late?", Seifer asked, his tone for once not mocking.
She shrugged. "I guess I'm going to tell him that I'm not interested in becoming an instructor anymore."
He frowned, but kept silent.
Shrugging, she answered the unasked question. "I slept with my student. My moral may be gone, but my conscience is still around."
She instantly wondered where her conscience had been last night. Last night, when she gave into Seifer's seduction, betraying everything she believed in. But truth be told, she didn't really care anymore. She couldn't change what she had done. Even if she wanted to.
"Sounds like one night with me turned you upside down", he commented, faking a grin.
'He's right', she thought. 'I'm not the person I used to be."
She wasn't sad about it, wasn't happy either. She didn't feel like crying, nor like laughing. Seifer had taken away the pain Squall had caused. But he couldn't fill her heart with love and it was left empty.
The cold expression remained on her pretty face, and eventually, his smile died and he became serious. "Don't throw away your career. We can end it here. No-one will ever hear about this."
She shook her head. "I don't care what you say, Seifer. I won't teach you or Rinoa or any other student in the Garden anymore. Things will never be the way they were last night. And I'm not unhappy about it."
He watched her in silence, obviously not knowing what to say.
"If I came here tonight, would you let me in again?", he asked, his emerald- eyes carefully studying her face.
She kept silent, heading into the bathroom. She turned the shower on, and through the noise of splashing water she heard her toneless voice say "Yes.".
When Quistis finished showering, Seifer was gone. He had left the room empty and tidy, just the way he had entered it yesterday. But she knew that things simply weren't the way they had been.
She put on her clothes, ready to leave her dorm. Standing in the middle of the room, she stopped in her moves and closed her eyes. She breathed in his scent, wondering… wondering why she couldn't love Seifer, why things had to be so unbearable complicated…
Her thoughts were interrupted by a quiet knock on her door. Quistis led out a sigh. Could it be anyone but Seifer? She turned to see what exactly her former student had left in her room, prepared to find a gunblade lying next to her bed. When she couldn't see any of his belonging, she shrugged and opened the door.
It wasn't Seifer standing in front of her. It was a pale figure, wearing a huge smile on her pretty face. A bandage still covered the wound on her forehead, and much to Quistis relief, it wasn't soaked with blood anymore.
"Good morning!", Rinoa greeted enthusiastically. "Ready for training?"
Quistis opened her mouth to answer, to tell her friend that she wasn't going to teach her or Seifer any longer. But Rinoa's carefree expression shut her up.
What was she going to tell her?
How was she going to explain this to her?
"So?", the girl asked, and Quistis forced a smile on her face.
"I don't know. I'm not feeling well", she lied, and saw Rinoa's happiness fade from her face, a worried expression forming. "What's wrong?"
Quistis shrugged. "Headache."
Rinoa nodded understandingly. "Hell, I had a headache after that T-Rex- fight… But I'll tell Seifer you're not feeling well." The girl shrugged and smiled "Guess we'll have to train without you… bye Quistis!"
Rinoa smiled warmly, then turned and walked away. Quistis stood in her door and watched her for a moment, when Rinoa turned and added: "By the way, Squall's going to visit you today. He's terribly regretting what he has done to you. Hope you're okay with seeing him."
And Quistis felt her heart aching again.
Part 8: Cold heart
Author's notes:
Hey. I'm baaaaaa~~~~~aaaack. (ok, that's for those of you who missed Selphie).
Huh, I was so busy lately, I was simply unable to post this chapter. I hope you're still enjoying the story, even though I'm sooooo slow. I will finish it. I'm sure I will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But isn't today's quote lovely? (It's a general one. I'm proud of it. ^.^) If you think about it, it's just the way Quistis feels. No love, no pain!!! Yeah, you go girl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Love and pain are like shadows and light. The strongest light always casts the darkest shadows.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
When Quistis awoke this morning, she awoke next to Seifer. His arms were protectively wrapped around her, her head rested comfortably on his chest. As she opened her eyes to see the first rays of light streaming through the window, last night's memories found their way back to her mind.
She sighed deeply, removing herself from his touch, very carefully, afraid she might wake him up.
Her long golden hair was down and as she stood up, it began to shine like spun gold in the sunlight. And she remembered Seifer's words: 'Squall doesn't see beauty… I do.'
Beauty…
Quistis starred to her bare feet. 'Beauty', she thought, 'beauty is all that's left…. I'm a pretty façade, a broken vessel that used to be filled with dreams. Now I feel… empty.'
She lifted her head and watched the sleeping figure in her bed. She felt nothing for him, but instantly wondered… was this nothingness within her heart really that terrible?
'If it's just about sex, no feelings will be involved and if there are no feelings involved, no hearts will be broken. …especially not mine.'
And even though her moral, her dreams and her innocence were a high price to pay, she had already made the choice last night. There was no turning back. Now, that she finally received what she had wanted.
Relief from the pain Squall had caused.
And if this total absence of feeling was necessary to ease this pain, she was willing to take it all.
"Quis?"
She turned her head to watch a sleepy Seifer sit up in the bed, looking at her. "Leaving?", he asked.
Quistis shook her head, fully aware of his gaze on her naked body. For a short moment she wondered why she didn't care. "I'm showering", she informed him.
"What about your Friday meeting with Cid about Rin and me? Aren't you already late?", Seifer asked, his tone for once not mocking.
She shrugged. "I guess I'm going to tell him that I'm not interested in becoming an instructor anymore."
He frowned, but kept silent.
Shrugging, she answered the unasked question. "I slept with my student. My moral may be gone, but my conscience is still around."
She instantly wondered where her conscience had been last night. Last night, when she gave into Seifer's seduction, betraying everything she believed in. But truth be told, she didn't really care anymore. She couldn't change what she had done. Even if she wanted to.
"Sounds like one night with me turned you upside down", he commented, faking a grin.
'He's right', she thought. 'I'm not the person I used to be."
She wasn't sad about it, wasn't happy either. She didn't feel like crying, nor like laughing. Seifer had taken away the pain Squall had caused. But he couldn't fill her heart with love and it was left empty.
The cold expression remained on her pretty face, and eventually, his smile died and he became serious. "Don't throw away your career. We can end it here. No-one will ever hear about this."
She shook her head. "I don't care what you say, Seifer. I won't teach you or Rinoa or any other student in the Garden anymore. Things will never be the way they were last night. And I'm not unhappy about it."
He watched her in silence, obviously not knowing what to say.
"If I came here tonight, would you let me in again?", he asked, his emerald- eyes carefully studying her face.
She kept silent, heading into the bathroom. She turned the shower on, and through the noise of splashing water she heard her toneless voice say "Yes.".
When Quistis finished showering, Seifer was gone. He had left the room empty and tidy, just the way he had entered it yesterday. But she knew that things simply weren't the way they had been.
She put on her clothes, ready to leave her dorm. Standing in the middle of the room, she stopped in her moves and closed her eyes. She breathed in his scent, wondering… wondering why she couldn't love Seifer, why things had to be so unbearable complicated…
Her thoughts were interrupted by a quiet knock on her door. Quistis led out a sigh. Could it be anyone but Seifer? She turned to see what exactly her former student had left in her room, prepared to find a gunblade lying next to her bed. When she couldn't see any of his belonging, she shrugged and opened the door.
It wasn't Seifer standing in front of her. It was a pale figure, wearing a huge smile on her pretty face. A bandage still covered the wound on her forehead, and much to Quistis relief, it wasn't soaked with blood anymore.
"Good morning!", Rinoa greeted enthusiastically. "Ready for training?"
Quistis opened her mouth to answer, to tell her friend that she wasn't going to teach her or Seifer any longer. But Rinoa's carefree expression shut her up.
What was she going to tell her?
How was she going to explain this to her?
"So?", the girl asked, and Quistis forced a smile on her face.
"I don't know. I'm not feeling well", she lied, and saw Rinoa's happiness fade from her face, a worried expression forming. "What's wrong?"
Quistis shrugged. "Headache."
Rinoa nodded understandingly. "Hell, I had a headache after that T-Rex- fight… But I'll tell Seifer you're not feeling well." The girl shrugged and smiled "Guess we'll have to train without you… bye Quistis!"
Rinoa smiled warmly, then turned and walked away. Quistis stood in her door and watched her for a moment, when Rinoa turned and added: "By the way, Squall's going to visit you today. He's terribly regretting what he has done to you. Hope you're okay with seeing him."
And Quistis felt her heart aching again.