Chapter Two
Just a short note. Yes, this is a crossover. It doesn't start out as one, but in a few chapters I'll get to the crazy part.
Squall steps out into the main circular hallway of Balamb Garden completely drenched in water. He walks out to find total chaos. All of the students, despite the late time, are out running amok. Irvine is tap dancing on a bench in nothing but his cowboy hat and his boxers. Selphie is kneeling over a guitar with flames erupting from it, making mystical hands motions above the fire. Zell is running in a circle around the hallway, dressed as a giant hotdog no less. Quistis is chasing him, and she's buck-naked.
Squall: (turns away and thinks to himself) Okay, either I'm really drunk right now, or everyone else in Garden is drunk. Haven't seen Rinoa yet, and I don't remember her drinking anything, so she should be sober, wherever she is. I should ask somebody where she is.
He turns around just as Quistis runs by him, completely unaware of her nudity, shouting at Zell.
Quistis: Zell Dincht! I'm going to get your hot dog if it kills me!
Zell: (shouting back at her) You ain't touching my hotdog, Trepe!
Just then the Trepies run by carrying empty beer cans in their arms. One of them takes one look at Quistis, and faints dead away. Squall whips back around.
Squall: No way….guess I'll ask Irvine.
He walks up to Irvine, who at least has his privates covered up and appears to not be too dangerous.
Squall: Um, Irvine, do you know where Rinoa went?
Irvine: (looks down at him but keeps dancing) Yeah, she's in the training center.
Squall: The training center! What's Rinoa doing in there?
Irvine: Diablos carried 'er off, saying that he "had plans for her". In case you haven't noticed my man, Selphie let the GFs loose. She sure is a little sadist when she's drunk. Squall? Hey, where'd he go?
Irvine, being the drunk that he was, had not noticed Squall gallop off the moment he mentioned Diablos. Selphie picked up her burning guitar and tried to hit him over the head with it.
Selphie: (slurred) Shtoopid bashteeeeerd! Heesh gone to de training shenteeeer.
Irvine: (stops dancing) Put that guitar down Selphie, you could hurt some…*WHACK*
Selphie laughs satanically as Irvine's unconscious body falls to the floor with the burning guitar on top of him. She then starts to run around in a circle screaming.
Selphie: Jee Effsh Revenge! Jee Effsh Revenge! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Squall bursts into the training center carrying his gunblade. He hears screaming coming from the far end, among the palm trees. He also hears laughing.
Squall: (thinks) Good, God. Rinoa…. I gotta do something. At least I seem sober now. Maybe I can get Rinoa outta here, but how can I beat GFs *without* GFs!?
He rushes into the clearing at the far end of the center. Rinoa is at the center of a circle of GFs, consisting of Shiva, Ifrit, Diablos, Brothers, and Pandemona. The minute he busts in, they all look up at him.
Ifrit: (mockingly) Oh, look who's here. The head tormentor.
Squall: What's going on? What are you doing to Rinoa?
Shiva: We have done nothing to your precious Rinoa. We only brought her here so that we could lure you.
Amidst the crowd of GFs, Rinoa's head pops out between their legs.
Rinoa: Squall, run!
Pandemona: He's not going anywhere. (uses his air vaccum and sucks Squall into the large sack on his back)
Squall: (thinks) Oh great, I'm inside Pandemona. Who knows what else has been inside here.
Rinoa: (pounds on Pandemona's legs) Let him out! LET HIM OUT!
The GFs leer down at her and laugh. Diablos beats his wings and blows her into a wall. She hits her head and falls to the ground, unconscious.
Diablos: Little witch, I was sick of her screaming.
Sacred: (scratches his head) What're we gonna do with 'em now?
Ifrit: We'll leave the little sorceress here. The T-rexaurs can feed on her. As for the boy, we'll take him to Eden.
The GFs float off, leaving Rinoa alone among the bushes. When all is quiet, a small creature emerges from the brush. Rinoa's dog Angelo cautiously pads up to her. He sniffs at the small cut along her forehead, then gently licks the blood away. Her eyes flutter open.
Rinoa: (whispers) ….my knight….
The GFs float out to the front courtyard of Balamb Garden. Pandemona violently blows Squall out of his air sack, sending the poor SeeD tumbling through the air. He lands with a loud thump. He rubs his head, and looks up to see Eden, the ultimate GF.
Eden: So, you are Squall.
Squall: (painfully) Yeah, I've only had you junctioned to me for weeks on end now.
Eden: SILENCE HUMAN! (softly and dangerously) You humans have enslaved our kind for far too long. You only use us for battles in which we get hurt, and then you take the credit for winning. Who won the battle against Ultimecia?
Squall: (softly) I did…with my limit break.
Eden: Hogwash, it was I that delivered the final blow. I won the battle *for* you. And how do you reward me? You put me into your desk drawer. No longer though, for now we are all free and the only way you can enslave us again is to defeat all of us. And you cannot defeat us, because you don't have a GF to fight us with!
Squall: (slowly stands up) That doesn't matter. I am a SeeD in love and nothing can stop me now. Not you, not Ultimecia, not God.
Eden: (amused) Touching, but words won't save you now. ETERNAL BREATH!
Infirmary: Dr Kadowaki and Laguna are facing each other across a desk. The window is open, letting in the sea breeze.
Laguna: (excited) That's a good idea Doctor. I had a similar one, where Ellone would show him me and Raine..
Dr K: (interrupting) That would not have been a good idea, Mr. President. It would have probably scarred him for life.
Laguna: That's why I decided not to do it. Anywho, this plan works out great, he'll have to believe me, he can't deny it if I show him the proof.
Dr K: You'd better tell him soon, before Cid blabs the Big Secret to everyone in Garden.
Laguna: (waves his hand dismissively) I'll take care of it, thank you. (cocks his head) Uh, what's that noise.
Dr K: What do you mean?
Laguna: (suspiciously) Somethin's goin on outside…
Dr Kadowaki goes to the window and takes a quick peek out, then returns to her desk.
Dr K: Don't worry. It's just that GF Eden beating the crap out of Squall.
Laguna nods. The clock ticks loudly. The breeze blows the curtains around. Laguna and Dr. Kadowaki stare intently at one another.
Laguna:…..
Dr K:…..
Laguna: …..
Dr K: …..
Laguna:……..?!
Suddenly, Laguna jumps up and makes a bolt for the door. The Doctor gets up after him.
Dr K: Wait! Laguna! Just because it says you're 27 in the manual doesn't mean that you're still 27! You'll get creamed if you try to fight Eden!
Laguna: Then I'll see you in hell!
He slams the door behind him. The Doctor shakes her head.
Dr K: He's toast.
Outside, Eden hangs ominously over Squall, who has now been reduced to a bloody pulp. Still, his eyes flutter open and he breathes shallowly. Eden is furious.
Eden: Still alive? I'll fix that.
Eden floats over Squall with it's long…um…tentacles preparing to finish him off. Suddenly, there are several gunshots, and Eden falls back. Laguna rushes to Squall's aide holding his machine gun, and stands protectively over him.
Laguna: Get your tentacles off of my…….friend.
Squall: (weakly) …..ah….the moron?
Laguna: You don't know the half of it kid.
Eden: Ouchies! You hurt me, human scum! There's only one way to end this! DEVOUR!
Laguna: (jaw drops) Uh-oh….
Mysterious voice: Don't you dare eat these people, Eden!
Eden diverts it's attention to the newcomer and cowers (if that is possible) in fear. Laguna turns around to see Doctor Kadowaki dressed in a long red cape with four swords stuck in the ground around her.
Laguna: (shocked) You…..you're?
Eden: (respectfully) Gilgamesh.
Indeed, Dr, Kadowaki is Gilgamesh. All of the surrounding GFs bow respectfully. Gilgamesh waves her hand at all of them except Eden.
Gil: Back to the menu screen for you! (they all disappear except Eden)
Laguna: I….I thought you were a guy.
Gil: Most guys do. (turns to Eden) Now for your punishment. ZANTETSUKEN!
Gilgamesh picks up Odin's large axe at swings it at Eden. The blow cuts Eden neatly in half.. A great amount of energy bursts forth from within the slain Eden. A large fireball bursts forth from its corpse and moves ominously towards Laguna and Squall. Gilgamesh runs to them as Laguna tries to drag Squall away from the fire. The huge ball of flame engulfs the two helpless men. Then there is a large blast which throws Gilgamesh back about twenty feet. Squall and Laguna are nowhere to be seen.
Will Squall and Laguna survive? Will Dr Kadowaki explain why she's a GF? Will the students at Balamb Garden regain their sobriety? Will Quistis catch Zell's hotdog? What horrible things has Selphie done to Irvine? Will the authoress ever get to the main plot of this fic? Find out next time on Succession of the Fantasies.